By: Revanche

Living in the time of pandemic: COVID-19 (290)

December 22, 2025

Year 4 of COVID in the Bay Area

Year 6, Day 238: A day. This has been one. Two meetings that weren’t terrible but stacked on top of an hour with a friend dropping by to pick up hand me down and another hour and a half ferrying JB to the doctor and then to pick up a promised treat as a reward for controlling their breathing to manage their anxiety. This day has felt like a LOT.

I came into this morning carrying a whole load of aches from last night’s workout. Last week was my best workout week all year, and every bit of it was hard won. I worked out every single night trying to complete the week, no nights off, and finally checked off the last exercise on Saturday. Starting right back up on Sunday I very boldly started with two sets of 16 push ups at the end of which my nose nearly suffered the consequences of my poor choices. Long story short, today’s arms are very angry at yesterday’s arms, and the rest of me was griping over the other poor choices.

Year 6, Day 239: Half my day was bogged down in brain fog with depression. When that finally passed, I was bathed in anxiety. Then it looped back to brain fog with anxiety. Super!

I got my work done but it always feels worse getting it done when carrying the brickloads of emotional stuff.

We’re scraping out the barrels to manage the year end workload but I can’t even relax with the end of the year because I’ve been looking into next year’s requirements and they’re bad. I’m prepping as much support as I can while also working my ass off to get this year squared away but it still feels like ten tons about to fall on our heads. Trying to think of any other ways I can prep us.

A quick chat with a senior person at another company in a similar role revealed that I’m not the only one who feels this way. Their company is considered the premiere income generator in their corporate portfolio and their GM constantly feels like she’s behind the ball too. It’s both mildly comforting that I’m not alone and horrifying that there’s no winning. We’ll be punished for under-performing and for meeting expectations. Just in different ways. UGH.

Year 6, Day 240: I used to browse Extra Petite for professional wardrobe ideas and links. We’re currently shopping for cold weather clothing for everyone because PiC’s cooking up a cold adventure trek for January. I’m still in the Petite / Short range for height but I’ve catapulted from size 00 to 6/8/Medium. It’s very weird. It’s also weird (to me) that Jean still fits 00P. Do other people’s bodies just go back to their old normal after having children? How? Not even my feet are normal! Ugh. I had to replace my boots, couldn’t go back to my really nice Patagonia winter coat so I’m still wearing my maternity winter coat, and my tees don’t fit right. The tees might be more because I’ve been working hard to build strength for more than a year, because my arms went from stick thin to very much not. I’m not muscular but I would not object to being! As I was telling my weightlifting bestie, I don’t care what the number on the scale is if I am feeling strong and actually AM strong. I will confess to asking my trainer to add exercises to help me define my arm muscles more, that would be nice, too.

At some point I need to get these trousers tailored to fit my lumpy potatoes body. I bought two very nice pairs of pants back in the spring and they’re too long. Maaaybe I could venture to hem it myself but I’m not sure that’s a great idea. I don’t want to ruin these very nice, very expensive pants.

Year 6, Day 241: Whenever it’s time to face down planks, only managing one a day these days, I call JB over to do them with me. We’re on 46-second planks. They also have good pushups form because we have been working with both kids to learn how to do a good pushup. SmolAc can do almost three real pushups!

Lucky them, this means they are prepared to do planks for their sport warmups. Of course youth will carry them through that stuff just as well as training does at this age. But it gives me a brief flash of satisfaction that their work at home is good grounding.

I’ve been including them in (age and size appropriate) weight training. They’re allowed to use my little one pound weights and to do half the reps that I do. Then SmolAc goes rogue rigging up weird weights+bands set ups which I have to make them undo so they don’t permanently stretch out my bands.

Year 6, Day 242: Having a prolonged moment of being dissatisfied with my face. Mostly it’s the rosacea redness that makes me feel some kind of way about taking pictures with old friends when we reunite briefly. I’m asking another friend to remind me of the product she uses to cover it up but I don’t just want to cover it up. I really want it gone. Alas, that’s unlikely to happen. Even if I spring for laser treatment, that may not remove it completely, and it can recur after treatment.

This sucks.

I don’t like hating to see my own face in the mirror and in pictures.