One of my primary directives is to keep my kids safe. JB had an incident at camp a little while ago where an aide wasn’t respecting their “stop” (playing some game) and while the camp did everything they should have, it brought up some feelings I can’t reconcile and I’ve been sitting with that. I know we can’t protect them forever so part of keeping them safe is teaching them how to handle conflict and difficult situations as far as they are able, and to ask for help when they can’t handle it.
I’m really bad at the latter myself. I hate asking for help, I feel vulnerable and useless and weak if I do. But I also know, in my head at least, that that is ingrained from childhood and not the objective truth. Having not had the experience of knowing when I could ask for help as a child, it’s hard for me to direct JB in a constructive way at times.
Aside from that mundane practical truth that we need to be preparing them to fend for themselves in the future, though, is the stark reality that there are few to no places we can promise are safe. We cannot even protect them adequately as children from disease and mass shootings. This makes me so angry at the world, in so many ways.
*****
Speaking of safety, we keep seeing a parent drop their second grader (JB confirmed their identity) off on a corner of a busy street and gesturing at them to cross alone. At first, I thought it was just a bit dicey but the adults were were still watching so it didn’t seem too bad. Then they got a lot more reckless: the parent was ONLY watching their kid and not the other kids crossing in the crosswalks. They also encouraged their kid to run out in the middle of the street to grab a mask from the driver’s side instead of pulling over. I don’t know what their deal is but it’s not great how often their kid has nearly been run over or hit by a car.
I don’t know when JB will be allowed to cross streets alone but I think we’ll be easing our way into having them practice with closer supervision. There are some terrible drivers by the school. (more…)
I didn’t show (feel?) any empathy for my mom when I was growing up. I remember her getting mad at me for not sympathizing about her moments of (physical) pain. I can’t remember FEELING any concern for her when she had minor moments of OUCH. I don’t have any memory of that feeling so assumed that I didn’t though of course memory is imperfect. It’s like how we don’t have an equivalent of “bless you” / “gesundheit” / “salud” for sneezing that I know of in our native language. I just didn’t register an “ouch” as a thing to respond to. I have the same sort of numb non-empathy / impatient reaction to when JB is being super dramatic about relatively small (to me obviously) things like dripping juice on their art and declaring it ruined.
I worry about illness, serious injury, and deep emotional distress, but I don’t over the small things.
I shared this with my therapist in a recent session. I had always assumed it was because I was a uncaring kid and that’s carried over into adulthood. Her theory is a little different. She thinks that I never had a model for being “weak” (having emotions, being vulnerable, needing empathy), so I didn’t know how to respond to it in others. I still don’t, apparently, because I struggle deeply with parenting JB through their moments of small crisis. I get angry first, or I get annoyed. Especially because JB is given to random dramatic declarations to get attention when my reaction isn’t what they want: “You don’t love me” and “Fine, I’ll do (whatever happened to them) to your stuff!”
I hate dramatics, so I get more mad or non-responsive.
Eventually I might find myself remembering that they’re a kid and of course the small things matter deeply to them and that I’m supposed to be showing them empathy but that’s usually a long haul from Point A to Point B.
In that recent juice incident, I had to talk them through the fact that we all make mistakes. We all have the choice to learn from them or not, to ask for help or not, and of course it’s going to be sad, disappointing and frustrating but if our choice is then to tantrum and go on the attack and destroy things, people are much less inclined to offer help. As an example, I shared that I made a mistake on every single one of my sewing projects this year. If I had blamed my sewing sisters like JB blamed me for their drips, they would never have had the opportunity to point out a possible fix that made the projects better than the original plan. I don’t know how much that sank in but I made a suggestion for them to fix their project and they started to sing “I wonder, what if, let’s try” so thanks to Sesame Street for that assist.
Life with Smol Acrobat
That clean up song is like mind control. I was amazed how well it worked on JB in daycare but I assumed the environment, being surrounded by other little kids doing the cleaning too, had more to do with it than the song itself. They’ve only experienced it at home obviously and it still works! Not as well, they need a lot of direction, but it works.
*****
They’ve finally come around on scrambled eggs! A staple in our household they’ve always refused but they have come around!
Fun new thing: if they’re in the mood and you kneel down, and say hug? Smol will run to you fast as they can and throw themselves into your arms.
Their other new thing: playing trust falls with me even if I am nowhere near them. They think the scramble to catch them is HIGH-larious. They think it’s even funnier when they crash and fall to the ground.
*****
They’re a pretty self contained little soul right now but these songs make them boogie a little (which is a lot for them):
Pupdate
Poor Sera experienced an overdose of Smol affection this month and she did not like it. They’ve been wanting to hug, kiss, and nibble on her the way they do to me. I don’t like the nibbles either! I also don’t know why they think it’s so funny, but both my children enjoy/enjoyed biting on me and it’s weird.
Sera is a big target for Smol’s affection because they really like animals and especially their own doggy so we’ve had to be extra vigilant in intervening when they get TOO “loving”.
Sera’s benefiting from Smol’s picky eating, in the meantime. We don’t share people food but fruit doesn’t count and when Smol pulls that really annoying “chew it up and spit it out” thing with their (dog safe) fruit, Sera gets the chunks. She’s very pleased with that.
Precious Moments
JB: If you do rock paper scissors with three people and one does rock and one does paper and one does scissors, does that mean it’s a tie?
…. That’s a good question.
PIC: where’s JB?
Smol points at JB.
Where’s Daddy?
Smol points at PiC.
Where’s Mommy?
Smol pats PiC’s arm.
Where’s JB?
JB walking past a test kit I’d used: can I take a COVID test?
Thank goodness for four layer masks including an N95 filter layer. JB only missed a few days of school this year when they felt a little sick, just as a precaution, but they were tested regularly all year both at home and at school. They’ve been top notch about masking everywhere and so, even though we’ve had a veritable flood of COVID notifications from the school post Spring Break, they have stayed healthy and not gotten the rest of us sick. Their immune system is very robust but we are absolutely unwilling to risk any one of our family getting it from lack of precautions. I know it’s going to be hard to dodge this forever but the longer we can put it off, the fewer instances we have, the better for all of us. PiC and I are a great team but we are frayed beyond all imagining. So I’m ever so grateful that JB has been a star at staying masked indoors and out.
*****
JB makes friends with other kids, even just for a single hour to play, like breathing air. I’ve been bemused by this forever. This school year they decided they were besties with one kid, whose parents were social and willing to set up playdates, so we’ve struck up a little friendship with them which has been really helpful for us to fill in the blanks on stuff going on at school when the school failed to communicate well.
*****
JB is so resistant to learning how to learn. They’ll come to me with a concept that they were taught in school already, unable to remember it partially or completely, and then ask me what it is. Instead of telling them the answer, I direct them to the resources that they can use to refresh their memory. I’ve explained that this is because giving them an answer isn’t helping. I need to help them learn to learn. Inevitably this leads to a total meltdown. Flopping on the ground, “I can’t do it!”, whining, and grouching like it’s the end of the world because they “can’t”. I try to harness my patience but generally fail miserably because it’s “won’t”, not “can’t”. This reminds me of my older brother who refused, absolutely refused, every single academic challenge like he was allergic. He would work five times harder to avoid the work than the work itself required. I don’t know how to gently steer JB away from that.
Related to this, they are ALWAYS whining about their chores. They don’t have nearly the number of chores that they once did early in the pandemic and it’s still like pulling teeth some days to get them to go do them much less without the whining. We’ve had countless conversations about having an attitude about things they know they have to do and it’s so frustrating to keep having those conversations. They just aren’t working.
Their first solution to reduce the whining: fewer chores. Well, that is not an option. So.
Sigh.
I’m working on positive reinforcement but this plus their habit of talking back reflexively anytime we point out things that need attention is making me banana pants.
They immediately contradict us when the evidence is right there in front of them. There is no faith required here! All we ask is that they listen and process the information we gave them. Then if they see a need to contradict us, go ahead. We’ll always allow them to be right if we’re wrong but for the love of peas and carrots, establish that that is true first! They do this for every little thing!
Your shirt’s inside out.
No it’s not!
Look down.
Oh.
You tracked dirt in the house.
No I didn’t!
Look down.
Oh. I didn’t know!!
Well yeah that’s why I told you.
It goes on and on. We aren’t fans of this habit at all.
Life with Smol Acrobat
Smol is (inconsistently) dramatically empathetic to other people’s pain. It always catches us by surprise.
Smol has mastered the Weeping Angel defense. Unlike JB who would always turn their back to the (play) predator to run, Smol absolutely will not turn away from an approaching attack no matter how close they get.
They are mastering climbing on everything: chairs, stools, boxes, stairs….
Smol thinks it’s super duper hilarious to:
stick a finger in my ear,
sneakily undo one diaper tab after I’ve just sealed them up,
yank one leg out of their pants when I’ve just got one leg into them,
stick their finger in my mouth
sneak up behind us and bear hug us so we can’t turn around and see them.
Their current daily obsessions:
Vacuuming.
Rummaging through JB’s many pencil boxes. They’ve been getting a cheap one from their school programs for the past three years so they have too many with latches that are dead easy for a toddler to break open like a plastic Easter egg. So they do.
Pupdate
Sera’s patience and bond with Smol Acrobat is a constant source of amusement (for me).
They obtained a new toothbrush so the first person they wanted to share it with? Sera.
They “brushed” their teeth, offered to brush her teeth, “brushed” their teeth again, offered to brush her fur with it. Noooo thank you. I’m accustomed to kids doing gross things but there are limits!
In turn, she sticks around for 85% of Smol’s attempts at bonding. There are limits for her too of course and when she hits them, she just gets up and walks away. We monitor them closely to make sure she never feels trapped and always has an exit.
Precious Moments
Me: no, puppy, I can’t do that right now. I need to rest my muscles, they’re very tired and ouchy.
JB: Smol, mommy’s muscles hurt because she’s had some hard times.
Smol: ???
Me: š *it’s true but I feel mildly offended anyway*
*****
Me: Ok, pick one book. It’s late and time to go to sleep.
Smol: *picks a book, flops on my lap and relaxes. Halfway through, they reach up, close the book and pick another book.*
Me: Technically, we only got halfway through so I guess that’s still …
Smol: *hands me a new book, hands PiC a new book, and sits down with another book in their own lap and opens it up*
Me: That’s three books. One each… Which ok. I guess…
Smol: *signs “read please”*
*****
A: I’m going to pick up pizza but leave you there to wash dishes to pay for it, ok?
JB: No way!! You stay there!
A: but I need to take the pizza home.
JB: then I will drive it home!
A: but you can’t drive.
JB: but mom and dad’s rule is that I cannot be left alone with strangers ever so there! Right, mom??
Me: hm, that’s true. How would you solve this problem?
JB: do you have your wallet?
Me: why do I need my wallet?
JB: hmm do you have paper?
Me: I don’t know ….
JB: I need light green paper.
Me: why??
JB: so we can draw pictures on it and make fake money. Then we can give that to them and go home!
Me: ok I guess that might solve one problem, but it creates a WHOLE OTHER problem of going to jail for passing counterfeit money.
JB: ok then we use someone else’s name.
Me: Identity theft. Oh boy. That’s…. Also a thing you get in trouble for.
JB: then we go hide! They’ll never find us!!
Me: um. Is all that worth it for a pizza though? Is there no other way you can think of to solve this problem?
JB: It is if you don’t have your credit card!
Serious question: Is anyone else concerned how quickly we turned to a life of crime? Over a pizza???
*****
JB: Mom. It’s EGGSHELLENT that Auntie came.
Me: yes, it is EGGSHELLENT.
JB: get it? Egg for Easter egg, shell for crab?
Me: well I DID get it before but now I don’t.
*****
JB: Look at it turning yellow!
Me: I see it.
JB: How can you see it from there??
Me: My eyes work fine! I can see it quite clearly.
JB: Well, your body doesn’t work right, what if you can’t see clearly!?
Me: The rest of my body doesn’t work right. My eyes are excellent!
JB: *radiates skepticism*
*****
JB spelled presents “prestents”: “I thought the T was silent!”
*****
Questions that make you hold your breath for a few seconds: “You know how you told me never to put my hand in the toilet?”
*****
I was trying to figure out why Smol started lunging at me when they’d been buckled into their pocket seat for meals. Finally figured it out when they started patting my knees. They were trying to sign “ready” but couldn’t reach their OWN knees once the tray was set up!
*****
I hugged JB and thanked them for that morning’s independent getting ready, and also for all their helpfulness during a particularly good week. They responded: It’s because of you!
I asked what they meant by that and they said: You’ve taught me MY WHOLE LIFE!
JB’s been enjoying Kiki’s Delivery Service and they’ve learned the word “dirigible”.
It’s knocked Encanto and Turning Red off the roster temporarily for which I am deeply grateful because I couldn’t take hearing about them again and again and again. And again.
*****
I’d been meaning to adapt Nicole and Maggie’s weekly allowance policy ($0.xx per year of age) for JB because we want them to practice thinking about saving and spending real money in real terms. We’ve been remarkably behind on this practical application but I wanted to talk to them a lot about our spending choices and our money philosophies and teach them to think more critically about money than just “I want”. They turned the tables on me several weeks ago when I was looking at earrings that I wanted. When I couldn’t choose between two pairs, they said: buy them both! When I said I could only have one pair because I have lots of earrings already, they said: so you don’t need them, this is just a want!
I’m under no illusions that this process will stick when it’s their turn the first several times but I’m hoping the foundation is set well enough for a start.
When the book fair came around, we had a chat about gifting them a set amount since they hadn’t had time to save up yet. They had to think about whether the desire is to own books they’ve read before and know they like, want to reread a lot, AND wants to have on their shelf enough to move out other books that are less well loved, OR if they want to explore new books. They pondered and said they’d like to put some money aside for an Encanto notebook later. So they’re already starting to think along the lines of figuring out priorities, at least ahead of time. We’ll see if it holds up in the face of the actual book fair.
Two months ago, when PiC started the research into swim programs, I appreciated the legwork, but also had negative desire to add anything to our schedules and decisionmaking and budget.
BUT I took my deep breaths and did my best to focus on staring into the middle distance where I didn’t obstruct, if I couldn’t embrace a future with swim lessons in it. They started up this month, once he found a weekly lesson at a time that isn’t too terribly disruptive, at astronomical prices. We used to pay $20-30 a lesson, it’s $60 a lesson with this program *faint*. But we simply cannot get back into the YMCA’s program. They’re overbooked for months out. JB is over the moon about this one. They love being back in the water, they have three swimsuits to wear, they’re all around ecstatic. I’m glad about that part. It helps a bit with my sadness over their not having had swim for two+ years. Thank goodness for PiC doing all the heavy lifting on that and on Spring Break activities and taking that week off to mind the kids.
*****
Kids as humans
I was struggling with JB’s transition from Little Kid to not so Little but still not Big Kid last year. Because of pandemic haze, it felt like I missed so much. Now that they are definitely Kid, even if not yet Big Kid(? I don’t know what that transition point is) I have this perhaps unreasonable fear rearing up that as much as we foster their individuality, along with civility and humanity, what if I don’t much like the person they are as an adult? I don’t like most people as it is, and we are so dissimilar. I won’t try to mold them into my image but their personality is so far from restful, and that’s great if that makes them happy and fulfilled, but am I the only parent who wonders if they’ll get along with their kids as adults? Or whether their kid will like them as a person?
I hope we’ll always love each other and enjoy each other’s company. I hope this is just a phase since everyone must have less favorite age ranges.
Life with Smol Acrobat
I’m wondering, and maybe worrying a little, how behind Smol is at this point.
They’re growing physically and are engaged with us but we don’t do directed developmental stuff with them like they’d do in daycare. I hadn’t been taking the time at mealtimes to work on their utensils use. They still don’t respond as programmed to the clean up song, they’re still in the emptying buckets and putting them on their head stage.
We do music and reading and counting and the alphabet and lots of outside time but … I’m getting a bit more concerned about what we should be fostering and how to make it happen.
I can’t quite remember what JB was capable of at this age, though I think they did have cleaning up down pat by now. I do remember that they met their now BFF around this age-ish. Definitely by 18-19 months. At that age, that kid was astoundingly articulate already. I remember that JB wasn’t but they weren’t for a long while, speaking articulately was a struggle for a long while. The two kids were at opposite ends of the verbal spectrum so that gives me no real idea of where Smol should be.
I’m wondering if all the other kids at this age are competently feeding themselves. Since first wondering this, I’ve leaned hard into making myself not feed them directly, assisting them with the spoon instead and encouraging their independent feeding more but sometimes all they do is fork around and won’t eat anything at all unless I put the food in their mouth. I can’t help but worry that I’ve/we’ve held them back because we simply haven’t had time or energy to patiently let them feed themselves (or more realistically paint themselves in food).
*****
Maybe my favorite thing right now is once every night during dinner, they grab my hand and lay their cheek on it. Just a little headrest. It’s perplexing but cute and they get a whole lot of giggles out of it.
They also like hugging my feet. I don’t understand that either but whatever. It’s cute.
*****
We learned to sign “read” and to high five this month. Not well but they’re trying and it’s fun to see a new skill stick after a few tries. We also, after I mulled it over above, worked on spoon skills and they’re slowly getting better at scooping food into a spoon and then into their mouth. Toddler coordination and instinct to fling things aside, they lack the motivation to feed themselves so I have to push. They’re used to me helping and it’s a tough thing to wean them off the expectation that I’ll help when I’m right there.
But the more we do it, the more they build up enthusiasm for self feeding. It’s incremental but it’s still progress.
Pupdate
Sera is starting to visibly show age these past couple of months. Her muzzle is getting a bit of that salt flecked look and she’s slowing down a little bit. She’s still strong as a little ox and has her zoomies but she’s lost interest in playing fetch and just wants to sunbathe. It’s weird, we adopted Seamus when he was this age and he was in his prime. I worked on him for months to combat his allergies, bring his weight up and put gloss back into his coat. At 10 and 11 years, he was strong as a bull and still enthusiastic as heck. At 14 he was doing backflips to catch a ball. I spotted some dryness in her coat and I’m going to start her on his sardines regimen to help put the shine back in.
She’s Smol Acrobat’s dog and I hope they have at least six years with her. They love trying to cuddle her even if she simply tolerates it.
They’re good for each other the same way she was good for Seamus even if he only tolerated her cuddles.
Precious Moments
Smol’s obsession with Sera’s food bowl has reached a new level. They brought their Pikachu friend to the bowl and stuck his head in – feeding time for friends! Next day, they picked up the bowl themselves and walked around pretending to eat from it. Sera had absolutely no opinion on the matter.
The moment Smol cries, JB drops whatever they’re doing and swoops in to the rescue. “I’m here I’m here I love you you’re ok!”
*****
JB making up an origin story for the shark plushie: “Did you know why sharkie had to come live with us? His mom and dad were trying to eat him. And his brothers and sisters were too! Because sharks eat sharks. And the other fish wouldn’t help him because they thought he was trying to trick them.”
*****
So this was absolutely amazing. I didn’t think anything would come of it but for a few weeks, before putting them down, I’d ask Smol if they were all done and we’d head in for their bedtime routine when they signed all done.
On Sunday, it was getting close to the end of Smol’s period of awake time. They tend to do better with 3 hours of awake time between naps now. We’d played with some toys, and then I was reading to them. We were still ten minutes out from naptime, I thought. Partway through a second book, they reached out, closed it, and signed “all done”. I said oh, ok, you’re ready for sleep? They climbed up on me and put their head on my shoulder like an emphatic yes. We went through the routine of brushing teeth, changing into pajamas and reading one more book and then they were out like a light a few minutes after being put down. It was perfect! I am still marveling that they accurately judged their own need and communicated.
That ended after a week. But it was lovely while it lasted!
:: The age difference between the two is both helpful and jarring at the same time. Growing up, everyone was always two years apart from their siblings so this is a bit out of my lived experience.
JB has been struggling with math reasoning. They’ve memorized enough answers that they have been spending the past semester refusing to use their strategies and literally coming up with their answers and writing out the strategies afterward to match their answer. No wonder they don’t know what the hell they’re doing when faced with a word problem.
This wakes up all my personal math related anxiety and deep fear that they’re going through what I did with math. I never did understand the concepts that my brain elided over in geometry and algebra. It literally would not stick no matter what the teacher or tutor explained and I felt dumb as a rock. I don’t want that for my kid!
We’re tackling this from multiple angles. PiC and I are both doing daily reinforcement in the form of conversational pop quizzes and sharing our personal strategies for solving arithmetic mentally. Most of that is PiC, I am terrible at this. And thank goodness we have support for the rest of this school year from their tutor but they’re not going to have that in second grade. I hate this and I hate that their teacher didn’t bother to tell us when this first started.
Life with Smol Acrobat
Smol’s been working on drinking from open cups, a messy proposition at the best of times, and these are not the best of times. After dozens of tries, and fights because they wanted to hold the cup of water independently and throw it over their head but I wouldn’t let go entirely and therefore am just the worst person ever, something clicked and they more frequently tried to drink than to shake the cup. They still shake it and still get a face full of water.
****
When we realized we had six more months without childcare, I looked through Lakeshore’s catalog for some educational things to help us get through. Everything was so expensive that I held off and thankfully they have hit a stage where anything “new” is entertaining.
JB used to rummage through the recycling bag regularly. Now all our recycling gets handed to Smol for a day before it goes out.
Smol has the standard sets of blocks handed down from JB. Other perfectly acceptable toys and games: a jar without the lid and a spoon to walk around stirring. Bonus games: wielding the spoon but lost the jar. Also wearing the jar on their fist but lost the spoon. Oh found the spoon while holding the jar! Throw yourself at mom in excitement. My take home kit from the dentist is excellent to chew on. A newspaper torn into strips, we hand the sheaf back and forth, one by one.
****
Smol is very into animals. They ask for each of their little plastic animals to be held up for them to kiss. They love tiny fingerpuppet animals, those all get a kiss. Sera comes in for lots and lots of pets and attempted cuddles which are still very confusing to her at all times.
*****
Those little eyes are hilarious.
They’ve been practicing a wicked burn sideeye, the intensity of which can scorch a trail across its path, but for the pleased mischievous grin that bursts out after a particularly successful glare.
When PiC and I stand side by side facing them, Smol’s eyes flick back and forth between the two of us faster and faster until you could set a metronome to the flicking. They are mightily amused by this too. As am I.
***
Pupdate
Sera isn’t super pleased about this development but I’ve woken up to one of my dog caring responsibilities that I’ve been leaving by the wayside from overwhelm: dental care. I feel terribly that I’ve not been attentive to her teeth but I know it’s because I literally could not handle one more caring thing. Now I can, so I do. I brushed her teeth gently 5 times a week but will likely need to budget for a dental cleaning for her this year. Sigh. It was likely necessary this year anyway, I think she’s ten this year if you can believe that.
She is not a great paw at hide and seek. I had tucked myself into a corner of the bedroom for a quiet moment. At the sound of paws in the hallway, I called her over for a pet.
No response.
I called her again.
No response.
I poked my head out and saw her staring fixedly at the wall, confused. I called again. She jumped and then came over wagging her tail.
She had no idea where I was. š¤¦š»āāļø Her nose is apparently not that good.
Precious Moments
JB explaining cotton candy: they basically take clouds and turn them into sugar?
JB: what’s the letter at the end of the rainbow?
We look at each other.
PiC: w.
JB: Ugh! Don’t tell her!
Me: I know how to spell rainbow!!
Smol Acrobat holding a twin pack of toothbrushes runs past: yahhh yah yahhhh!!!
JB’s normally an equal opportunity attention hound with a STRONG preference for PiC. Lately, they’ve been coming to me for more attention, hugging me more, calling me Mommy, and asking me to read to them for bedtime. Up until a couple months ago, they actively did not want me to read to them to the point that when PiC would come to say goodnight if I was reading, they’d remove the book from my hand and say ok! Daddy can read now!! (Implied: byyyyeeeee-eeeee)
It’s rather bemusing. They’ve always been his and the two of them always enjoyed a very close relationship. Usually I’m just orbiting their cozy companionship. I can’t even say I’m out of practice being wanted, I was never wanted long enough to GET in practice. I always assumed I’d have my turn when the time was right but I didn’t expect it to feel so weird when it did come around.
With Smol, I’m wanted about as often as PiC is and that’s also a funny feeling. I like being wanted sometimes but it’s an unusual feeling. Of course we both play second fiddle to JB, the apple of Smol’s eye.
Life with Smol Acrobat
We’re entering my favorite baby stage where Smol has a tiny modicum of understanding of the world and is soaking it all up and banging on everything to see what that does.
I’m restraining myself from assisting the way I would a few months ago and displayed no awareness of space or gravity. They dropped a book off a step and instead of pitching facefirst off the step as usual going after it, they carefully sat down, braced their body, and reached down only after they were properly stable. I was so proud!
I also love their penchant for cuddles. They love to come lay their head on my face or head, sometimes at speed which results in a BONK, sometimes gently where it feels like getting a kitty face rub. (more…)