Year 4, Day 237: This is the one week a year that I get help from someone I love dearly and it’s precious precious time. Last month I had planned to take time off this week to spend with them but then my boss crash-landed with urgent deadlines and projects and and and. I am MIFFED. I’m also working really hard at not letting it consume this week, regardless of the urgency. I’ll do my best (at work) but my best no longer means “at the expense of my loved ones”. This is the one week where someone else can tend to a million kid questions, provide a lap for kids to play a game together, can bond with them and be the fun one while I am up and about doing the million things that I have to do. They are also a splendid cook so this is the one week I get to go with someone else’s meal flow without having to plan. I absolutely appreciate the hell out of it. I’m still a frazzled mess, a week of help is just enough of a taste for me to desperately want more.
On the other hand, I’m skeptical that we could find someone else who could (eventually) provide this third adult help so seamlessly. I don’t get along all that well with many people. (And I cherish my alone time.)
Year 4, Day 238: Well I’ll be! Amazon / UPS keeps sending me failed delivery notices for the 30+ grocery orders shipped from Amazon to the second Lakota family. I spent an hour tracking down every single tracking number (UPS) and then finding the related USPS tracking number since they handed off to USPS and then confirming that USPS hadn’t actually lost the groceries.
Despite the alarming number of notices, so far it doesn’t look like anything has been lost yet and half of them were successfully delivered to the post office. Fingers very crossed that the rest arrives safely and soon.
Year 4, Day 239: I did not budget half an hour this morning to discovering that something exploded in the robot vacuum’s guts to form a crusty layer of yuck on all the surfaces and had to be dug out bit by painful bit. I also did not budget another hour for dealing with people management problems. But there those hours went, anyway. Insert my pained sigh. As I told a friend, on the outside, I am patient and gracious and helpful. On the inside I am yelling and kicking rocks. She assured me that was having self restraint and being professional, not being two-faced.
Yesterday was a rough parenting day. I was very upset with JB and JB was really upset with over an incident at their class and I felt like garbage afterward when a dear friend and mentor gave me their more clear-eyed observations that I did not disagree with. I’m so tired of feeling like all I do are make mistakes. Then Smol Acrobat got extremely belligerent with me over my not allowing them to carry two pieces of Pyrex that were too large for their little hands. They screamed in my face “I CAN DO IT!!!” and swung at me. Typical toddler emotional dysregulation. I carried them to a corner for a quiet time out and sat with them until they calmed down, but it was exhausting, especially when overlapped with the fight that JB and PiC had. JB decided they had better things to do than finish setting the table – a job they’ve been responsible for every night since they were 5. These conflicts feel more fraught.
Year 4, Day 240: Thanks to good planning and pacing, we had time for all sorts of things we usually can’t fit into a day.
Downtime: I laid down to rest with my computer to shop for jeans that š¤ I hope will fit and picked up cold weather gear for our Lakota sponsee.
We took the kids and dogs for a long walk in unexpectedly beautiful weather. Sera was also unexpectedly peppy! for that walk.
And we put together the dinner feast for dinner. I ate so much I was nearly rolled to bed.
Year 4, Day 241: Do you ever have dreams or nightmares that are so vivid or emotionally intense that you aren’t sure the events of the dream didn’t really happen? Then you’d be upset at the person who was the subject of that dream or nightmare? This used to happen every night, it used to always be fights with my biodad or brother. It’s a lot less frequent now but when it does happen again, like last night, I wake up really confused about reality and memories.
Probably related to that: it’s been two (three? I can’t remember) weeks of working late nights and I’m tuckered. I gave myself the day off to spend with the family. We managed an errand, time for the kids to play at a playground, and a little venture out to a tourist trap ice cream shop for an indulgent treat and the Christmas lights. We stayed up too late but it was nice to make a memory.
Alas, Smol Acrobat’s nose started dripping again and they’ve gone and contracted another virus. Please cross your fingers that this one blows by and doesn’t turn into anything much worse.
It also just sank in that we’re nearly at the very end of November. How did that happen?? I work all year to be ahead of the curve on holiday things and by November I’m always flabbergasted at how we got here.
Year 4, Day 232: I submit a motion for Mondays to be abolished. JB vomited twice before 9 am so no school for them. Smol Acrobat woke up late and dragged their feet every step of the way. Their fever is finally broken, and they’re still coughing a bit, buuuut they just want to play at home. No no. No no no. No. You need to go play with people your own size and age at daycare! I need you to be with people your size and age. I’m also in a mystery back and forth with Kaiser, I don’t know why. They called me but won’t tell me why they called. I called back and asked – no answer. š¤·š»āāļø PiC injured his back a couple days back and we’re not sure yet how serious it is. I’m topped up on Sudafed, Tylenol/Motrin, and an antiviral that’s trying to fend off Smol’s germs at least partly successfully or unsuccessfully depending on how you look at it. I’m coughing, sneezing, congested and tired but it’s not as bad as it normally would be. Indescribably grateful the antiviral helps me get through enough of the day.
I wish I could rest more during the day but alas. Unexpectedly pressing and unavoidable deadlines sprang into our lives last month and I have to deal with them. We are slowly crossing out stuff on our to-do list, though, and that is satisfying. Never mind that the to-do list might be a hydra. We’re not thinking about that today.
Year 4, Day 233: Because our total contributions to date for the November Lakota fundraising this weekend was $1700, I waffled over the plans for spending it. Try to shop in bulk for the Allen community? Focus on helping families directly? Hit the Holiday Okini? They all have their challenges. Then I spotted a posting from a 72-year old grandmother, in need of dialysis, with a broken washing machine, needing a bed for herself, and a bunk bed for the grandkids she’s raising. The four teens she raised needs clothes, and the household needs cleaning and hygiene supplies. That decided it for me. We’d outfit a couple families as completely as possible. I wasn’t sure we had enough money to tackle more than the washing machine and furniture but I went for it anyway. Thankfully, while I was pricing out bunk beds (4 stores, 3 dozen beds) to find one that we could afford AND that would ship to the Reservation, another group clubbed together for the washing machine and then a few large donations came in.
That left me with a lot of shopping to do on a larger than usual budget. What a good problem to have. I’m so grateful to generous friends and readers who make this possible.
I also picked up a second family that is out of food and filled a giant Subscribe and Save order for them. Amazon is unfortunately the only place that consistently ships food to the Reservation. Every other store I’ve tried is an exercise in futility.
Of course since I spent my morning happily shopping for families, I ended up working deep into the night to catch up on work. Worth it!
Year 4, Day 234: Uh, I have bitten off more than I can chew. Belatedly realizing that’s an ironic turn of phrase because the REASON I put myself in this position is that Family 2 for November is a household of 12 children and adults who are out of food. I couldn’t put off ordering another day, I can’t bear the thought of people going hungry on my watch. Sadly, you need a vast amount of food to feed a family of 12. I consulted with a friend who has experience with providing food to large families and she confirmed that the 26 items I bought in bulk wouldn’t last more than a week. A case of chili makes one meal. If only Costco would let me ship to PO Boxes, that would make such a difference.
Quick recap: I’ve a huge deadline looming at work, and ALSO am neck deep in over 100 items in various stages of processing to keep track of and pay the bills for. Also, we have to finalize the fundraising for our daycare teacher by tomorrow. EEPS. Deep breaths.
Unrelated I love this Cyndi Lauper song, Fearless. I’ve always been a fan of True Colors but this one grabs me.
Year 4, Day 235: We’ve wrapped up the daycare teacher fundraiser, write her a nice note, and PiC is set to pick up some pastries for the teachers tomorrow. That’s one thing down.
About 3/4s of the two Lakota orders have shipped, sometimes one item per shipment, making me really wish that we had the option to ask for these giant orders to be shipped all together. But that would probably be impossible, my guess is that products are in different warehouses and they simply couldn’t. But one can dream.
It’s time to put together our Thanksgiving meal menu. Can’t scrape together the brain cells for it just yet but definitely stuffing, maybe turkey, maybe prime rib instead?, mashed potatoes yes, and …. What vegetable? JB used to vote for Brussels sprouts. We haven’t done them in a while.
Year 4, Day 236: Friday food review! We leaned hard on takeout again this week, just trying to get through. We grabbed a family pack at Jollibee, fried chicken AND mushroom beef patties, which got us through two nights. I did do a very easy honey butter salmon bake one night and that’s relatively reliable. Otherwise Smol was the greatest of pains during dinners.
Rain set in this week, bringing some impressive thunder and lightning. I worried my plants would drown but when I checked on them, the older batch of onions’s green tops shot up another two inches. Just from two days of rain! I was trying not to overwater them, now I’m not sure if they’ve been stunted from underwatering.
The cough is definitely still lingering for me, with some random bouts of horrible congestion. JB’s cough still sounds awful, it’s a deep rattling thing, but their energy is just fine. Smol Acrobat seems to have turned the corner finally. They’re still extra moody, and sobbed for 3/4 of the drive home today because I was driving and couldn’t hug them. PiC’s back is pretty bad, it’s being diagnosed as a herniated disc at the moment just based on physical exam. I hate that they’re not willing to scan it yet, and I hate that a herniated disc sounds so awful.
Year 4, Day 225: Remember that rest I was really hoping to get this weekend, but knew I wouldn’t? I was not wrong! The three hour party turned into a five hour rendezvous because the kids REALLY didn’t want to leave when the party was over and our friends clearly needed help cleaning up after the … 100? guests left. That is a wild guess, it just felt like 100 people. Far too many people. Smol Acrobat and I were overwhelmed before we even got into the house so we hung outside for a while. I didn’t mind but my body most definitely minded. Then Smol’s body took a swan dive into a fever during a terrible night of “sleep” wherein I had to get up to hug them six times, once an hour or so. Naturally, they woke up at 7 am refreshed and chirpy while my joints were rusty and creaky like the Tin Man’s. I couldn’t raise my left arm half the day and my knees were shot.
On the plus side, I did manage to plow through enough work to call it a day, order toothpaste for Sera, and pick out a holiday card for a friend’s kids.
Year 4, Day 226: Smol Acrobat and I are miserable today. Very little sleep and they’re feverish and alternating between chills and sweats. I’m not very symptomatic, thanks to my antiviral, but I have an echoing chamber of nothingness in place of my brain and the body aches are this side of overwhelming. PiC took the day off to take care of Smol so I could work. It should be my turn to take the day off tomorrow, since Smol won’t be able to go back to daycare until they’re fever free for 24 hours. They tested negative on our home test. PiC insisted he’d take the day again and take care of them. We should probably split the day.
I am going to try to catch some rest tonight since sleep deprivation is eating me alive. The irony is that when Smol is sick, my subconscious goes to hypervigilent mode and wakes up 4-6x a night listening for them even if PiC is taking the night shift. So even when they aren’t waking me, I’m waking me. Very counterproductive, body.
As extra fun, JB’s jaw expander just fell out of their mouth. How is that even possible? It was glued in!
Year 4, Day 227: Smol’s fever is down, thankfully, but they’re still dripping like a faucet with a hacking cough. We’re juggling a bit of work and staying home with them today. About half their class is out sick too.
You’d think it was obvious to me at least that we’re doing this without much help but my therapist observing that out loud was a funny perspective. She recently observed: “you don’t have any grandparents, or aunts and uncles, or friends that are helping out. You’re doing a lot on your own.” And … yes.. Day to day, I forget that the reason other people around us can do so much is they have family to rely on. Hell, I’ve been jealous that other people have family to rely on and I still forget that that’s why I feel overwhelmed at times. If it’s not done by me, then it’s done by PiC. And if he’s not doing it, then I’m doing it. We expect JB to help out but there’s only so much that they can do while also attending to their schoolwork and activities, AND still being a kid – they still get hours a week of just being a kid doing whatever they want (within reason). It’s a lot more obvious to me on days like this that it’s just us when the chips are down. I get one week a year when my favorite relative comes to stay where I can relax but that’s it. Just the two of us.
I’ve been putting things to my list to buy when the Black Friday sales come up but some prices are good enough to buy now. I surprised the family with a refrigerator whiteboard and everyone was quite pleased with it. š Little wins!
I’d better add a hairbrush. All the little protective tips on mine have fallen off, I think I’ve had this one since 2002, and hairbrushing hurts. I also want a new desk chair and a whiteboard for my office. My desk chair is still good but not good for me. My body needs something with a lot more give. PiC can have this one since he’s just been making do with a dining chair.
Lots of small things to keep on my radar. Returning PiC’s crappy bike light for a refund. Sending thank you cards and personal winter holiday cards. Figuring out how to handle the holiday card for the wider masses and how many I need to send – we haven’t sent one since 2019. I hate that Costco stopped doing photo prints. They were a good low cost alternative. Making sure everyone has medication supplies through January, no one wants to be fighting pharmacy crowds in December. Buy some real Sudafed, speaking of the pharmacy! Finish organizing the hand me downs to share with small cousins. Repair my skirt’s torn pocket.
Year 4, Day 228: When PiC asked me on Sunday how my work week looked, I mumbled some not words in reply because I couldn’t yet wrap my head around the future yet. Sadly, I wasn’t prepared as to how this whole week would be wrecked by the mutant virus circulating through Smol’s daycare. It’s been a week of coughing, sniffling, and worryingly high fevers. The doctor just confirmed that their lungs sound bad all over. But since their breathing is still fine so we’re to keep an eye on them and report back in two days if the fevers continue. The doc expects this will need another week or two to clear up, at best. I don’t even want to think about “at worst”.
I was overly optimistic about my antiviral ‘s ability to safeguard me from Smol’s germs, too. I’m congested and my throat is giving off all the warning signs.
Naturally this is when a new major deadline that can’t be pushed off springs up at work.
And since nothing is going our way right now, I ran the wash and found after the fact that a diaper had somehow gotten mixed up with the clothes. It left white bits on EVERYTHING including my favorite (black) t-shirt.
I would like to quit everything now, please.
Year 4, Day 229: Friday food review! Fancy baked potato night: baked taters topped with butter, sour cream, cheesy broccoli, bacon crumbles, shredded cheese and our homegrown chives! Everyone not named Smol Acrobat loved it. Smol Acrobat’s excused, they are so sick this week. The bacon crumbles are amazing by the way. A bag from Costco has made eating so much tastier. I add them to eggs some mornings, I topped my Mac n cheese with them and that was heavenly.
Year 4, Day 218: There is going to be so much disruption this week. Two tomorrow for Halloween: the kids’ school parade and then trick or treating. Two appointments on Wednesday for the kids, and PiC has a procedure that requires anesthesia Thursday so I’ll have to handle the drop off and pick up of everyone that day. Taking several deep breaths as we plunge headlong into the fray.
Underlying all this has been a gratitude for the flexibility that I have had to DO all this stuff in the first place. Unfortunately this gratitude was shattered today with news that I can’t share yet. If things go in one direction, the job as I know it, with all the stuff that makes this job good for our lives, would probably go away. It’s always been work, of course, but it has also been a set-up that let me do my best work at the least cost. Losing that would be devastating.
If my job changes substantially next year… whoof. The urges to (obsessively) go through our money to figure out what our options are and to wander the neighborhood muttering imprecations under my breath are strong. This timing is crappy. We’ve lived with slightly bated breath for more than a decade as this grew from a start-up and it was always possible for it to disappear at any time but it’s still crappy timing. We’re projected to pay back the emergency fund next August at best so that’s a small stresser. My health is improved but not enough to add a commute to our lives and work in an office again, even if I was willing to. That’s the much bigger stresser. The cost of commuting and in person work is too high. For now I don’t know anything concrete will happen so I just have to hope like hell that the economy swings things in my favor.
I’m also on my 12th sore throat for the year. I would really like my body to stop overreacting to viral infections by causing sores in my throat which is nearly as bad as getting sick.
Year 4, Day 219: We had a break with Halloween tradition this year, inviting new friends out since our usual Halloween friends were booked, and the kids had a LOT of fun. The new friends haven’t ever done it this way before and their mom predicts they’ll want to do it this way again next year. The kids were like Energizer bunnies, still bouncing to go go go after we adults were throwing in the towel. We even stayed out an hour too late and they STILL wanted to stay out later. My body wanted to have some words. Of course now I’m also going to have angst over whether our usual friends will be free and want to go out next year. I don’t mix friend groups as a rule, it gets too chaotic and it’s harder to enjoy each set of friends so we’d have to pick.
It’s spreadsheet day but after working until almost 11 pm, after walking miles for trick or treat, I simply have to push that to another day. I love spreadsheeting.
Year 4, Day 220: The world’s worst dental appointment was had today by Smol Acrobat who screamed all the way through their cleaning. I have no clue why. They’ve been eagerly anticipating this appointment for weeks and excited about all the goodies. They specifically freaked out about having to lay down for the exam and cleaning, so now we have to practice doing brushing and flossing laying down.
I plowed through my work in four hours and rewarded JB for their hours of chores and mostly staying occupied without bothering me too much with a trip to the library.
We still haven’t celebrated our wedding anniversary, so we need to decide if there’s something we actually feel up to doing. One more hectic day to survive this week, first.
Year 4, Day 221: Today was the MARATHON day of this marathon week. Drop off JB. Drop off PiC. Drop off Smol Acrobat. Go home, scarf three bites of breakfast, and turn back around. Pick up PiC. Work for a while. Pick up JB. Take them to self defense. Pick up Smol Acrobat. Pick up take out for dinner. Yell at my phone’s touchscreen for refusing to work. Make it home slightly late for the PTA meeting.
Brain: fried. Body: Extra crispy.
Year 4, Day 222: Friday food! I took another run at seafood pasta because PiC needed a low fiber diet this week and tried this recipe with shrimp, scallops, and calamari. My first try was only with the calamari using another recipe and while it was ok, it was pretty bland. Adding a lot of butter and broth turned things around nicely. I also accidentally harvested a plate of tiny potatoes while I was fertilizing the garden so that turned into a small batch of Japanese curry. Enough to feed four and have some left over. We relied on freezer food Wednesday, the Trader Joe’s Indian and Costco lasagna, which are all delicious but absolute torture on my sore throat. We’re on week two of that particular beauty. I need non-spicy foods for this throat. We tried a new Thai restaurant yesterday. It was pretty good and they had DUCK. The pad kee mao duck could have used a lot more duck but it was tasty nonetheless.
I also knocked out a few outstanding to do things: Putting out the final Lakota Families call for the year, sent the call out 2 emails, sent cards to my doctors to thank them for being supportive and attentive healthcare professionals. I pulled some special stickers to mail to a friend.
Year 4, Day 213: 89% humidity. YUCK. Not only is it terribly uncomfortable, it’s making our green onion’s soil moldy. Double yuck.
I almost skipped ordering a couple of Bonne Maman advent calendars this year. A few years back, they were $35 each so I didn’t mind paying shipping on top of that. Also, the pandemic was new. $45 after tax and shipping for a bit of joy wasn’t too steep. This year it’s $45 PLUS another $15 for ground shipping PLUS tax. Over $100 for two? Couldn’t do it. Happily, this morning I spotted a free shipping offer for orders over $65 and so jumped on it.
Also I feel very stupid. I’d just completed a course of the antiviral meds about a week and a half ago. Then another sore throat comes up again on Friday! Out of frustration and concern that taking it too often will make it ineffective, I stubbornly refused to take the next course of antiviral meds for a few days. Kept hoping it would go away so of course it’s just gotten worse by today. Sigh. I have an earache and a whole lot of regret for not taking it immediately like I should have. It was right here.
Year 4, Day 214: It officially smells like fall-cold. There’s a crispness and a cold layer to the air that signals the start of real cold weather. I would normally enjoy this but for the sharp stabbing pains in my throat when I inhale deeply. Continued regrets. Sorrows, sorrows, prayers.
I just discovered a whole stash of comments from the last six months that WordPress randomly hidden from me. ARGH. Rude! Will be making my way through those.
Year 4, Day 215: My therapist would like me to believe that I deserved a childhood, and to be a kid when I was a kid. I firmly believe this for my kids and for all kids, and want to do everything I can to help all of THEM. But believing that *I* deserved one and didn’t get it? I’m having a real mental block (or emotional) with that. Heck, I don’t even think I “deserve” (am worth) to use the furnace during the day to be warm in the house. I feel guilty using the space heater to get warm (only at intervals when I’m too cold). This is an oddly thorny issue to get through.
Those jackals at Lifetouch have ramped up their grifty ways. The Digital package with a class picture and 2 digital images is now $42. The Basic package (with 5×7, 3×5 and 2x3s) is $27 but they’ve taken away the class picture and it costs $18 to add a class picture. I don’t want the basic package and am annoyed at how they’ve engineered it so you have to pay $40+ if your kid cares about a class picture (they do) no matter what you get. That extra $15-20 could go to help someone pay a bill. I don’t want to waste it on Lifetouch. And we can’t get JUST the class picture, you have to get a package. *grumble* And WHO wants 8×10 school pictures? I’m sure someone does but I sure don’t want them every year. Never did when I was going to school, don’t now. Also they’ve doubled the prices. It used to be $15 and then $17 for a Basic package with a class picture, some wallets, and a few 5x7s. That’s why I never had this level of irritation over it – about $20 was an acceptable price. Now it’s more than $40 for less than what we got before.
Year 4, Day 216: I’m plotting the calendar for next year at work and at home. For home, I’m trying my absolute darnedest to schedule appointments for next year in the first 8-9 months of the year. If we can avoid regular appointments in the last three months, then the holiday crush might feel less bad. Right?
For work, I’m working on coverage for everyone’s hoped for vacation times and that preparation starts yesterday. That may still be too late! There are so many logistics to juggle: recruiting! Hiring! Training! Bah!
This is my deliriously tired attempt to assert some measure of control over what feels like endless chaos against the bigger backdrop of the world in chaos. There is so much terrible that’s out of my control. I’ve got to start focusing more on the things I can affect to avoid giving in to fatigue and despair.
Year 4, Day 217: One of many rushed days (still in my future), I had to wrap up work after picking up JB to take them to a family event hosted by PiC’s employer.
What a time to find out that I’m not cut out for the spinning teacups anymore. Thankfully it was low key regret, nothing major, and the kids loved the buffet. There was an abundance of hot dogs but we’re apparently entirely spoiled by Costco hot dogs, no one else’s hot dogs seem worth eating. Dinner for Smol Acrobat was: popcorn, watermelon, crackers, a single slice of a turkey wrap, a cookie and some hot dog. JB’s dinner was many popcorns, cotton candy, a quarter hot dog, many many swedish meatballs, some pasta salad and penne pasta with meat sauce.
It went longer than I expected so it was quite painful having to finish working but finish I did! Because I’m responsible. Tired but responsible.
Even nature is getting into the Halloween spirit! Our spiders have blanketed our hedges with spiderwebs. It’s not as obvious as the store bought decor but I think it’s beautiful and not at all creepy as long as I don’t have to touch the hedges for any reason. There must be 1000 spiders in there to have spun this many webs. (Very little exaggeration, the hedges are huge and the webs are legion.)
For next week, I’ve ordered the Halloween themed snacks for JB’s class. I’ll put aside a set of plates and napkins to contribute to their class party next year so that doesn’t feel so last minute and annoying when it comes up. I’ve scribbled my list of wants and needs to shop for during the Black Friday sales (a tiny kingdom for two sets of travel sized bottles that won’t spring a leak after a couple years!). I’ve worked up a gift checklist so I can keep track of whose gifts are already taken care of and methodically wrap and store them instead of haphazardly sticking them in the gift box and trying to remember who gets what. PiC will be having some screening tests at the hospital so we’ll have to manage his diet more carefully next week. He feels like it’ll be simple so I’m going to do my best not to worry too much. But I do plan to make him a simple seafood pasta since he liked that. Last time it was too simple though, with sliced calamari in sauteed garlic and olive oil. It needs more flavor. I’ll add shrimp but it needs something else.
Year 4, Day 206: I wrote to all our CongressCritters today to reject KOSA and genocide, and to ask them to support trans people and codifying access to abortion. The world is horrible and we’ve got to do what we can. A friend recommended the Jewish Voice for Peace site and 5 calls was also helpful.
I used to expect the holidays (and stresses) to begin in November but it’s sinking in that it really all starts in October. Harvest, Fall and/or Halloween events, pumpkin carving parties hosted by friends, pumpkin carving or decorating contests. Our weekends are triple stacked this month. Then it’s birthdays and Thanksgiving (which of course I have complicated by fundraising for the Pine Ridge reservation and I’m worried that we won’t be able to do much this year but I’d like to try). Before you know it, you’ve got to be ready for the end of the year.
This reminds me that I haven’t wrapped the gifts we’ve already purchased. Wrapping them would make me feel a little better.
Good thing: Smol Acrobat slept through the night last night! First time in 6? weeks? Have we ever strung together more than two full nights in a row? Not for a very long time.
Bad thing: They got stuck in Terrible 2s mode several times so we had to take two timeouts before dinner. That seemed excessive but ultimately helped. They had time/space to work through the explosive feelings. When they started acting out at dinner, asking if they needed another timeout got them out of the broken record cycle. They weren’t punitive timeouts, I sat nearby until the feelings petered out, it just removed the audience for the tantrum and the temptation for JB to third-parent which sets off the cycle all over again.
Year 4, Day 207: Yesterday I started the day at about a 1 out of 10 in energy. Today’s almost as bad but not quite. Let’s call this a 3. The morning walks weren’t as taxing today. Sometimes I forget, on the really bad days, that it can get a little better so this is my reminder that it can.
Reminding myself that, much like Sera š¶ needed 2.5 days to recover from Saturday’s dinner and playdate, my own body needs at least a week to recover from last week’s jam-packed schedule. I wouldn’t let myself off the hook for JB’s class this afternoon, despite my overwhelming urge to crawl into a blanket nest and shut the world out. It might be silly to think that skipping one class will lead to a rash of skipped classes but that’s where the whole “If you give a mouse a cookie” syndrome kicks in. Let me skip one, I’ll try to skip them all.
Also *whispering* two! Two nights Smol has slept through the night! TWO.
Year 4, Day 208: Huh, JB took the warnings about consequences if they keep making us drag them out of bed on school mornings to heart. They were up and dressed and making continental breakfast by the time I dragged myself out of bed. (With a literal pain in the neck, several vertebrae are deeply painful today.) Can this last? WE SHALL SEE.
The weather shifted abruptly from grey and foggy to Far Too Warm today, can’t tell if this correlates to the ache or not.
In any case, the sweet potato slips experiment is coming along nicely! Yesterday we spotted tiny rootlets on all three of the sprouts. They’re tiny (both the sprouts and the rootlets), so I had worried they’d be non-viable. Hopefully we’ll be ready to plant them this or next weekend. Our weather is all over the place, so maybe it’s best to give the roots more time to grow before challenging them to the Great Outdoors.
I do wonder why it seems like the green onions grow much more slowly in soil than in water. They shot up an inch or two every day submerged in water. Now, in the soil, they’re creeping much more slower.
Year 4, Day 209: This day is using up all my can, possibly even all my rolling with the punches. PiC’s morning meeting ran long so I had to mind Smol Acrobat during my early work hour. We spent it outside dumping potting soil in the containers. They enjoyed mushing up the dirt clods. Then they decided to dig for potatoes in the fresh soil. Applying the transitive property, their logic was something like: If that bag has dirt and potatoes in it, then this bag that now has dirt must also have potatoes in it! The green onions have a white fuzz on the top of the potting soil. Oops, overwatered. Scraped away the mold and set them out in the sun to bake up a bit since we’re having a heat spike today.
After just 20 minutes of frantically working to clear the work decks, I get a call. PiC’s bike blew a flat tire and they were walking the rest of the way to daycare. *deep sigh* That’s another hour lost.
“There’s stuff I don’t wanna miss, and I’m afraid I’m gonna because I already promised too much of myself to too many people.”
That’s a hell of a line to hear when I’m feeling the latter part pretty keenly in my own way.
Year 4, Day 210:Crawling into this Friday. My neck has been sore most of the week, always vastly more tiring than I remember between bouts. Luckily I managed to score an appointment with the massage therapist because she had a cancellation this week. I was a bundle of stress about the work I wasn’t getting done in that time beforehand but so glad that I didn’t talk myself out of it. My list of things to do for work and for home feels endless: get Home Depot to refund my money for the item they still haven’t delivered from a month ago, update the Chewy order for Sera’s š¶ meds and treats, pay our twice-yearly tax bill, make a list of things we need (to shop the Black Friday sales), set aside cash and checks for the school fundraiser fair, schedule next year’s eye appointments for earlier in the year so I don’t spend my fall ferrying people to and from the eye doc.
Year 4, Day 199: A brief vaccine timeline starting Friday night.
* BOOSTED! Tiny poke, felt like nothing.
* 4 hours post-vax. Arm very mildly sore. Top half of body feeling mildly seedy but well within my normal range of “feelin’ terrible on a Friday night”.
* 15 hours post-vax. The bones in my entire right arm were pretty sore, my right hand hurt the worst. Tylenol helped ease most of that aching but I definitely felt like Kipo with her giant arm.
* 18 hours post-vax. Oh no I feel terrible. Generically terrible. Achy, tired, maybe nausea but can’t tell for sure, no longer happy to be upright, put myself back to bed for a bit.
* 24 hours post-vax. It’s distinctly weird to feel so sick but knowing you’re not sick. JB and Smol Acrobat have been told that we’re basically sick so y’all need to listen and help out. Smol is, of course, no help at all. JB is insisting on minding Smol so we can rest (with one ear listening).
* 32-38 hours post-vax. I woke up every hour drenched in sweat and then shivering minutes after removing blankets. Body couldn’t decide between hot and cold. Gross and annoying.
* More than 48 hours after the latest COVID vax and we’re pretty much good now. I think all the stuff going on today (aches etc) are entirely down to my usual health nonsense. It sucked but being out of sorts for about two days is so much better than coming down w/actual COVID for days and weeks.
A lot less of this arm thing going on today, for which I’m very grateful:
In exciting news, our blackberry bush arrived today! We freed it from the box, JB welcomed it with a watering, and I’ve been reminded that our normal weather is wind, wind, and more wind. I’d better get to repotting these two babies sooner than later, the blueberries have been knocked over three times already and the wind only just came back yesterday.
Year 4, Day 200: What a hard day. Work is inundated right now and I’m scrambling to cover as many bases as we can with what resources are available but they’re all stretched thin.
I’m stretched too thin at home, too. School dropoff, school pickup, and after school class are all routine and squash my day. I was already tired. Then we had to swing by the ortho visit and get JB’s thing installed so that put us further behind. Their discomfort and distress was manageable until we got home when they were especially clingy and needy. That would have been fine but Smol Acrobat decided to see that as a competition/ challenge and started demanding separate and equal attention. The kid who demanded group hugs this morning was offended by the ask to share my hugs this evening. Of course. Their bickering continued through dinner. Brushing teeth turned into a half hour ordeal as I had to help pick out all the food stuck in the appliance. I can handle all manner of ear gunk and dog yuck but this grossed me out. I’ll have to tighten the appliance nightly for two weeks as well. It’s part of our parent deal. I handle dental care because PiC can’t handle it and he handles all vomit and swim stuff.
Both kids are sniffly, sneezing, a cough here and there. I’m eyeing my antivirals thinking, do I take them now? Am I feeling sick or am I just extra fatigued?
*****
The tragic killings in Gaza and Israel are horrific. Anything I would say is deeply inadequate, my heart simply hurts for the families caught in this terrible conflict.
Year 4, Day 201: It’s time to start reading up on Open Enrollment again. I have a couple weeks to make some decisions. We’ll keep our HMO plan, no cost changes this year, and max out the FSA / Dependent Daycare allocations as usual. I have to decide when we need to change our vision and dental plans. We missed the window for orthodontic coverage for JB this year. We’re expecting a second treatment all the adult teeth are in so we’ll have to be alert to when that rolls around and upgrade to the premium plan ahead of time.
*****
So much household stuff today in addition to the usual school drop-off and pickup. Laundry, cleaning up, loading the dishwasher, swapping out gross old pillows that can’t be revived anymore with the new ones I got on sale. It feels like a bad week to be doing ANYTHING extra because I already overloaded the week with two big items: JB’s ortho care and their eye appointment. I’m tapped out already and we still have days to go.
Year 4, Day 202: Smol’s fever hit in the middle of the night. PiC fielded the first two rounds, a wake up and a night terror two hours later. The second night terror hit at 430 and I took that one, sending him off to bed. I remember JB having nightmares and being sick but they were more rocklike. They’d need me to hold them until they fell asleep, then I was usually free. Smol Acrobat requires a whole lot more getting up in the middle of the night. Multiple times. I felt that telltale tickle in my throat by morning as well, and started my antivirals in hopes of holding it off.
Just like with money, margin makes all the difference in time and health. Having more margin means being able to handle one more thing in the mental load, or stretch to one more sleepless night. This week has zero margin. Last week, I worked on improving my sunscreen habit, putting it on sunscreen every time I go out, to keep my rosacea in check. This week, that mental load shifted to JB’s dental care – I haven’t remembered to sunscreen all week. This week I can’t work late to catch up because Smol will need me at some point. I can’t afford to work late AND get up too early and depress my system enough that I get sick. It’s simply not in the budget.
Year 4, Day 203: Friday food review! Chicken fajita night: I only like chicken fajitas if someone else made them. Salmon: I’ve been baking salmon wrapped in foil about once a week lately, I think it’s becoming a regular item. Smol usually eats it like gangbusters (don’t jinx myself don’t jinx myself). I started pondering switching to parchment paper, but I set tortillas on fire in the toaster oven so I was done for the night. On Thursday I diced chicken into the tiniest of pieces to make chicken porridge for JB. PiC also brought them home a large pot of chicken noodle from Costco. We are awash in soft foods.
Water bottle goodwill: I got to repay the universe’s random assistance fund. PiC has unknowingly lost Smol Acrobat’s water bottle on their bike commute and had kind strangers notice, rescue it and flag them down. Today I saw a little kid’s water bottle fall out and roll into the street, right as I was saying goodbye to JB. The kid knew not to run into the street, they were yelling to their grandma that their water bottle was rolling down the street, and I was able to hop out, grab it before it’d gone a full car length and give it back.
Three weeks ago, genius that I am, decided that 4 pm Friday was a grand time to have JB’s eyes checked. Three weeks ago Me was cruel and/or foolish. We were there for two hours all told after a long day, at the end of a very long week. It is as if the Hope-Crushing Horde stampeded my SOUL.
Year 4 of COVID in the Bay Area.