December 10, 2021
1. Is there anything more satisfying than bringing your dog fresh blankets out of the dryer?
2. Saturdays feel like days where I get to choose everything I want to do in whatever order I want, in whatever increment I want.
Sundays feel like days where I have to do what I have to do.
I would like more days like Saturday.
Which is not to say I don’t appreciate the value of Sundays. Even if I wanted to be doing something else, the things I am doing are things I wanted to get done so there’s satisfaction there: cooking a meal, teaching JB a little about food, letting the kids be together and playing and feeding each other so they build their bond absent parental involvement, cleaning and vacuuming. Making arrangements for people’s birthdays.
Challenges this week: Another nasty cold landed and got the whole clan done to Super Sneezy Sera. Bad times y’all.
I was asked privately to help organize for a PF friend in need but it’s hard for them to ask for help, so they wanted to stay anon for this. This is someone from our own community who has been going through some rough times.
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December 3, 2021
1. Korean food has been a real revelation to me in adulthood. Ban chan, not to be confused with Bon Chon (the Korean fried chicken which is also great), soondobu / tofu soup, jap chae, bulgogi, bibimbap, it’s all so good.
2. I’ve been annoyed with my mouse for AGES and I finally replaced it. A mouse that responds at the speed I want it to! AMAZING!
Challenges this week: Work has been extra overwhelming and it’s taken extra efforts to take steps back to recalibrate, and not to work until midnight each night.
Grieving our losses from this year has been creeping in at odd times, striking me when I don’t expect it, and sometimes it’s crippling. It passes but it’s going to take some time to really absorb all the losses.
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November 26, 2021
1. With some trustworthy help with the kids, I feel the hardened shell of my soul softening some and swelling with a trickle of much missed patience for JB. I hate that I’ve been so closed off but under this much constant duress it’s been impossible to unclench my emotional grip.
It’s not going to last, this is a very temporary help, but I’m observing and taking some heart that maybe the frozen feeling of despair we’d been existing in can and will pass when we have more balance in our lives, when we aren’t holding on for dear life or fighting back to back just to survive.
Challenges this week: suffering from the lesser plague. Not happy about this.
Direct aid needs:
1) The GoFundMe has been set up for a friend of friend escaping a DV situation.
2) I had intended to be done with all our Lakota Giving for this year two weeks ago but we had a huge outpouring of donations and I’d been steadily working through fulfilling needs for families. Last night I took a last look at the list and ran across an individual whose situation really wrung me out. This young man, at the age of 30, is a paraplegic with limited use of his hands. He lives alone and it sounds like he lacks any mobility aids as he lives mostly in the dark, being unable to reach the wall switch. I’m inquiring into what he has and what he needs. I strongly empathized because my chronic pain threatened to leave me alone and immobile at a very young age but even if you didn’t have that experience, I’d think that would sound like a miserable way to live. JB sure thought so. I very much hope we can help set him up with sufficient aids to function reasonably well. Ideally I would love to be able to outfit him with a wheelchair if he could use one. If you’re able to pitch in, a gift (since donations and payments are charged fees) to admin@agaishanlife.com through PayPal would be going to a really good cause.
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November 19, 2021
1. I was able to send PiC out to do outdoor stuff with his friends for a second weekend in a row and that felt really good. I was happy for him and happy that I physically was capable of managing both kids alone while he was gone. My fatigue before now had been too overwhelming, even if it was across one of Smol’s naps.
Challenges this week: A friend asked me to help them as they help a friend and her two babies escape their abuser. It’s been a huge challenge to find any resources that will help her. I think she’s going to need some direct aid. She can be helped through Venmo: mikansuki (last 4 digits of phone: 7803), or Zelle: mikanorangesuki@gmail.com. I don’t think there’s a better use for money than helping babies get to safety, is there?
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November 12, 2021
1. What I can do in under 2 hours while Smol naps (weekend edition): make breakfast for JB and me, eat, clear up dishes and mix up 18 ounces of formula and separate into bottles for Smol, direct and QC JB’s chores, do a handful of the W2 work, update my spending spreadsheet, update the Lakota Giving spreadsheet, sew more practice seams and remember that what I was doing wrong was a deliberate choice from a while back.
2. The other weekend version of what I can during during an almost 2 hour Smol nap: collapse on the bed and stay curled up for 2 hours, reading. I might doze if the tired is too much though I try not to because I don’t want to make my insomnia worse.
Challenges this week: I keep forgetting words. Words I’ve known for ages and still can’t surface in my brain. What’s this soft fabric that looks like mesh? What’s the well known weird puzzley art with all the twists and turns?
Scheduling feels like pushing a boulder uphill. There’s always some consequence to setting an appointment for such and such a day or more appointments than I can handle in a week. I don’t ever want more than one appointment per week because of the disruption to my work hours but as the end of the year approaches, it gets harder to fit everything in.
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November 5, 2021
1. I pulled out and donated a pile of perfectly good linens we haven’t used in years, freeing up a storage bin for my nearly acquired fabrics and space in the closet for toilet paper. Win win win!
2. I made an anxiebees tote to go with my anxiebees shirts (standard, women’s v-neck). My bees are cute!
Challenges this week: Tough week at work, tough week at home. They happen to be in the same place physically and I can’t tell if that’s better or worse.
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October 29, 2021
1. Sewing machine adventures: Last weekend I wound two bobbins and was very pleased with myself but I think I need to wind about 20 more to be sure I remember how to do it each time without having to relearn every time. I spent this interim period buying too much fabric on clearance at $3/yard. I got carried away, I can admit mistakes were made. However. One part of the order was a huge length of very cute anti pill fleece. I washed it, did a bit of Googling to confirm, and whacked away at it with my scissors for a while to produce a no sew blanket for JB to tie up. By the end of the day, they’d made a blanket for Smol!
2. I definitely overdid it physically on chores that have been piling up for ages: ran a load of laundry, washed our counter, cleared away all the mailers and papers that could be recycled from the kitchen, dining room, entry, and office. We took a very long walk together, I prepped a project for JB, and put up another stack of clean laundry in the donation box. Parca is coming by next week for a pick up and I’m trying to clear out as much reusable stuff as I can before they do. It’s not the same as rest that refreshes (something I haven’t gotten in over a decade) but a long session with the Hypervolt got me on the right path.
3. I defrosted and marinated another round of beef stew meat for a second batch of beef stew to put up and share with friends. I wanted to make a double batch but we didn’t have time or energy to go buy more ingredients so I’m doing what I can with what I have.
Direct aid: Tami’s chronicle of her money challenge reminds me of so many years I spent working my butt off to make ends meet. I’d posted her ABLE account before but I heard that it wasn’t a viable option for some so I’m sharing her Venmo and PayPal.
Challenges this week: I’ve been frustrated by my neverending fatigue. This isn’t just about being a new mom again with a small baby, it’s the same fatigue I felt even before my first pregnancy. Many years ago, a friend described their pregnancy fatigue as the most tired they’d ever been in their life and beyond anything they could have imagined. That’s the level of tired I feel every day and have felt for more than ten years. I always push through but I’m so tired of being tired.
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