May 20, 2019
I’ve always pushed myself professionally to be the superstar, to deliver beyond expectations, to perform at my highest possible point to justify the raises and promotions I’d then advocate for.
It was important and right for the growing my career stage of life but I deliberately slowed that pace down a bit in the last few years as I focus on my family. That tendency to operate at a fever pitch has stuck with me, though, and the decision to pursue our path to financial independence turned it back on to an unhealthy degree.
There’s a strong correlation between my job hitting the level of Unbearable Stress, my impatience with work, and desire for FIRE growing into an unmanageable monster. After half a year of every possible thing going wrong at my job, and all sorts of nonsense at PiC’s work for the past year, my brain latched onto FIRE as The Way Out. I had always been on this path subconsciously because of my health, why not crunch the numbers and make it a reality?
I planned and planned and fretted. That fretting even helped me understand an anxiety that’s been bubbling under the surface, and that was good.
What was not good? Crunching the numbers revealed how much time we still have left before we can take off into the sunset (a lot considering my nerves around the idea of age 50-55) and that was its own problem. I didn’t like discovering that we need to plan for at least 15 or more years of income-producing work, not a bit. I didn’t like the idea of having to figure out how to either hold on to my current job for a “really long time” or finding a better way to produce the same or more income. I didn’t like that this was the best case scenario because I plan for worst case scenarios, I never formulate plans that bank on everything breaking our way. That is not how life works.
All of these pointed to two big problems.
First, I was trying to resolve a short term (I hope!) problem with a long term solution. It’s no wonder that produced more worrying than it solved. While it was a distraction, and in some ways a good one because I focused deeply on streamlining our financial efficiencies, it became counterproductive. (more…)
April 29, 2019
An acquaintance told me that she had a rule for her kids and their birthdays: up til age 3, they had a party. After that, the kids had the choice of a party or taking a trip together. The end result is they’ve been on a LOT of trips, and dodged the hosting a party bullet many times. I envy them a little, as my bones ache in the aftermath of this party.
We have celebrated with JB very quietly the past three years. We had a casual lunch with all our friends the first year, a home cooked dinner with family the second, and the third last was a park date with zir best friend followed up with a happy hour lunch. Each one was low key and most importantly, easy.
Since then, ze has been invited to over a dozen birthday parties which firmly planted the seed that zir birthday could mean, no, MUST mean, A PARTY. As a result, everything for the past 12 months has been about what ze wants for zir party. We don’t typically cater to our child’s whims but several stars aligned in zir favor: PiC wanted to do one, ze has been with these classmates for a really long time, and my favorite relative wanted to lend a hand. We decided it could be a one time thing and we worked on economizing! There was nothing saying we couldn’t do this on the cheap. Was there? (Foreshadowing voice: FOOLS.)
We did off the cuff research as we discussed whether or not this was really happening – at birthday parties for other kids, we evaluated the service, the cleanliness and fun level of each place, the prices. JB was evaluating too. Every party we left, ze piped up: I want to have my party here, please! Discernment, ze has none.
Venues range from $165-$600. ($600!?!?)
We prefer doing park birthdays which seem way more relaxed BUT they’re actually a ton of work. You have to bring everything: food, drinks, place settings, chafing dishes if you have warm food, coolers and ice if you need cold stuff, tableclothes, decorations. This time of the year, you run a real risk of getting rained out. One forward thinking set of parents brought tents and canopies for their kid’s party in case the rainstorm of the week stuck around for their day. Luckily the skies were clear for their event but helping them pack their two cars was a 5.5 person job. Also, why do people not listen when you say gifts are not necessary? They clearly stated “no gifts” and had to pack 20 gifts into their brimming over cars. We gave them the gift of no physical gift and helped them set up and clean up. (I vote that our gift was the most valuable!)
We wanted to have less work and less crap to haul so we picked the cheapest possible indoor venue. The cost should have been as low as we could get it except we expected 20% of the invitees to decline and only 8% did. Even the kid who never goes to any of the birthdays ever said yes. What the heck?? Um, “luckily” a few kids cancelled at the last minute so we had exactly our limit of attendees. Honestly if they hadn’t cancelled, I don’t think we would have had room for them. The party room was MUCH smaller than I expected.
The hour-long activity was really well organized. The two instructors kept things moving right along and the kids were all engaged and relaxed. PiC got to watch and photograph more of it than I did, I was somehow dubbed the “get people to sign their waivers” person so I had to watch the door for stragglers and get them set up.
Total: $235+ $40 tip
Food is typically pizza plus cake.
I was sick and tired of pizza at kid parties. I was going to be different – we were going to have good food! Then I saw how much it would cost to feed 21 kids and 25 adults. Quotes were coming in around $300. Holy crap, nope, immediate backpedaling!
Since I can’t cook in large enough quantities to feed that many people cheaply and well, we ended up with pizza and a platter of catered sandwiches after all. Oops.
We did make our own dessert using a delicious easy recipe. Totally unhealthy but delicious – tiny lemon cupcakes. They’re glazed and in tiny portions so two or three of our cupcakes is still less sugar than your standard store bought cupcake with four inches of frosting. (That’s disappointing to the frosting eaters among the children, namely, JB.) PiC insisted on having a small cake for zir candles and decorated it beautifully.
Naturally the kids all rejected the delectable dainties because it wasn’t the “real” cake. I overheard one parent valiantly trying to convince her kid that these “really are cakes, and they’re DELICIOUS.” We should have seen that coming!
We had sandwiches left over to feed all of us for 4 days, too so that was a nice bonus. They were really good.
Cupcakes for 42 people, plus cake: $24
Pizza: $30
Sandwiches for adults: $50
Juice boxes for the kids: $7
Water bottles, left over from friend’s party: free
Sodas for adults: $10
Dessert platters, which we’ll use again when we host dinners: $25
Cake server because we’re adults now: $4
Foil pans with lids just in case we needed them: $5 (returned these, we didn’t need them)
Paper plates, plastic forks, napkins, leftover from previous events: free
Total: $150
Decorations can ran the gamut, depending on how fancy you get.
Most people have themed balloons, banners, and goodie bags. I used to think that was extravagant. Then we went to a party that was so over the top, we cringed all the way home over the waste. There was SO MUCH paper and plastic, and extravangantly expensive fondant cake that didn’t even taste good, that was thrown away. They had themed everything: goodie cups filled with toys, snack boxes to take home, stickers, custom made frosted cookies scattered all over the tables for the grabbing, and a costume for the birthday kid just for the party. Enough latex balloons for everyone but everyone scattered to the winds with their armloads of swag, leaving only the birthday family to take them home. So much was just left behind, and trashed, it made my heart hurt. Of course the kids were over the moon about it at the time, but they also promptly forgot about it.
We ran in the other direction. We planned to have, at most, a small bundle of balloons, a gold banner that we can use for many birthdays to come, and the venue’s standard tablecloths. We pulled out a set of disposable tablecloths we thriftily saved from PiC’s birthday a few years back just in case. (Disposable, hah!) We couldn’t get the balloons and didn’t need the banner since the venue had one left up already, so that was $21 saved. No one noticed our lack of decorations – the food and drinks and the birthday kid were all they needed.
Total: $0
Goodie bags, oh boy
I was thinking we’d do a stack of books but one of JB’s aunties wanted to contribute this to the party. I THOUGHT she was going to be restrained but… no. I think the kids loved it, it wasn’t a bunch of cheap plastic to throw out, but it was a lot more than we would have done on our own! JB wanted to hand them out personally, ze was so happy to have that thing to do.
Cost to us: $0.
Final out of pocket total: $425.
We’ve very clearly told JB that we’re not doing this again and of course it bounces off like ze is Teflon. Every other week, ze is doing research for zir next birthday and writing up new guest lists! Kids.
:: What is your favorite birthday tradition, for kids or adults?
April 22, 2019
I covered our paycheck deduction increases in January’s snapshot:
Medical: increased $480/year.
Dental: increased $35/year.
PiC’s Life insurance: decreased $438/year.
LTD: increased $18/year.
Supp life insurance: increased $480/year.
Now, our other semi-regular bills are rolling in and it’s not pretty either.
Water: increased $24/year
Earthquake insurance premium: increased $36/year
Homeowners insurance premium: increased $45/year.
Heating: increased $600/year.
* We bought a new furnace and ductwork and for my pains, we got higher bills. We’re using the furnace now that it works, and it actually warms the house. FANCY THAT. It’s expensive but for the same price as when we first moved in and didn’t get any heat in half the house at all, we have a warm house for an hour or two in the morning and when guests come to stay.
** Museum membership: once JB is over the age of free (3), and because we’ve been enjoying the Cal Academy as a family regularly this year, we will need to upgrade from our Individual Plus membership ($149) to the next grade up: Family for $249. Increase: $100/year. We are going to check for any employer discounts though.
Total increase: $1380.
With the exception of the furnace, we’ll be paying $1380 more this year for exactly the same services that we were getting last year. Awesome.
Though we did get cost of living increases in salary this year, after taxes, it’s not much so I still feel pressure to earn more and cut costs elsewhere to ensure we keep pace with our savings and giving goals.
A minor regret: I should have taken up that Sprint free year offer that was kicking around for a long time. I was being cautious and didn’t because I wasn’t sure about Sprint service quality so I missed the boat on that. Darn. I have a Mint Mobile offer on my desk but I’m hesitant to go to a relatively unknown experience. I know friends with GoogleFi, Republic Wireless and Ting but none of their plans would save us a real chunk of money given my data needs.
:: What do your cost of living expense increases look like this year? Where are you saving a good amount?
April 8, 2019
When we brought Sera home last year, I ran the numbers on what having two pets was costing us. It didn’t seem excessive but it’s also not cheap! A friend asked me for help with budgeting for a pet so I thought it’d be good to dust off my records and figure out what we’re paying now.
SEAMUS – April 2018
Daily costs:
$1.71, dog food. ($72 for 6 weeks of food)
$0.50, carrots,
$0.70 of sardines,
$3.30, bully stick,
$0.24, routine prescription meds,
$0.24, vitamins,
$0.40, glucosamine
$0.06, Benadryl
$7.15 a day, or $2609.75 annually.
$12/bath, 6 times a year, $72 annually.
Budgeted $1200 annually for veterinary care.
Total expected costs: $3881.75
SERA – April 2018
$1.71, dog food.
$0.70 of sardines,
$3.30, bully stick,
$0.24, vitamins
$5.95 a day, or $2171.75 annually.
$12/bath, 6 times a year, $72 annually.
Also budgeted: $800/year for veterinary care.
Total expected costs: $3043.75
Both dogs: $6925.50 (more…)
April 3, 2019
We’re developing a steady rhythm of moving things out of the house even as we add things that we need and use. I’m looking at a steady state that should trend lower over time.
This almost cleansing ritual is at odds with my borderline hoarder nature that wants, nay craves, the security of having everything I might need ready to hand. I hate having to buy things when they’re not on sale. But the purging is necessary.
Without this outflow, I’d feel stifled and overwhelmed by STUFF. I hate that feeling. I want to have stuff, I don’t want it to have me. I want to have our own purely practical Warehouse 13, but not live in it. I’m not sure that compromise is possible but nevertheless, I persevere.
Less stuff, more stuff, just the right amount of stuff: a lesson in mindfulness
Some things have to be pruned daily or they multiply LIKE TRIBBLES:
- Junk mail
- ALL of JB’s art which is sometimes represented by scribbles on 39284829 sheets of paper, a wad of paper taped up 17 different ways, or a stack of papers stapled together. If the latter, I secretly unstaple them and stash them in a bin of art supplies so ze can reuse the other side.
- Anything that’s been in the trunk of the car for five years but hasn’t been used (except the emergency gear).
We bid farewell to:
- A broken coffeemaker that’s been taking up room in the garage – with grateful thanks to our local disposal company
- 6 of 12 pairs of trouser socks. Haven’t worn them in 6 years, probably safe to assume I won’t in the next 6.
- We rarely get takeout for a lot of reasons but I especially like to see how long we can go without adding to our plastic takeout containers stash – we are down to an all time low of only 4 sets! They were used mercilessly, then sent home with potluck dinner guests filled with delicious leftovers.
- We use our clothes the same way we duel: to the death! Often, the things we’re ready to give up aren’t in any shape to be sold or donated. Any clothes still in good condition go into my Sale Bin in hopes of finding them a good home. About 15 lbs of clothes have languished in there for a year, it was time for them to move on.
Areas of concern
- We definitely have enough tote bags but I struggle heartily with not adding more to our collection. I can resist a great tote bag about as well as I resist street tacos. (Hardly ever and with bad grace.) I love the feel of sturdy canvas, the clever art, the easy breezy “shovel all the gear into the tote and go”-ness of a great oversized tote. The non-preciousness wherein you can sling it any old where, because it’s sturdy canvas, so no worries about scuffing. I resonate with a great tote bag.
With all this going on, it seems counter-intuitive to be adding things to the home, doesn’t it? But we have and it’s eased our day to day lives too. We’ve added:
- A good quality garden shovel.
- A pair of tough gardening gloves that actually fit my hands. Begone, ye thorns!
- An extra set of sheets – I don’t have to strip the beds, do all the wash, and remake the beds all in one marathon day! I can rotate our extra set in and take my time. It’s amazing.
- Three bowls and platters for dinner service. We’ve squished many a dinner into 2 solitary 1-quart casserole dishes for quite a lot of guests. It’s ok to make serving up meals a little easier. This is also a sideways investment in social capital. We are starting new traditions in the area with local friends, trying to build community, and one of them is having select groups of people over for dinner. By “tradition” I mean, we’ve done this once before and by golly we will try again. We might even host as many as TWO dinners this year! But even if we don’t, we have house guests every month so these items won’t be mothballed during the year.
- That new Pyrex set – I’m over the moon about it! It makes me feel warm and fuzzy and like an adult. We’ve had a longstanding need for more containers with lids that can serve many purposes, and these are just the ticket: oven safe, freezer safe, microwave safe, dishwasher safe. Now that my hands are less painful, I can actually use the heavy duty Pyrex instead of relying on flimsy plastic containers that aren’t oven safe and having to dirty an extra dish. I actually picked up two sets and I serve our dinners in them so that after meal cleanup is as simple as popping a lid on. It’s fabulous.
PiC continues to be our Craigslist selling whiz as well as the secondhand gear guy. I buy new but search every nook and cranny for bargains, sales, and savings. We try to be extra conscious of not resorting to the reflex to buy something to fill a need until we’ve considered all possible alternatives first.
:: What have you been buying, selling, keeping, or getting rid of? Are you happy with the amount of stuff in your home?
March 25, 2019
New cards since March 2018
Quick notes:
- I had my sights set on some kind of an international trip next year, possibly Japan, but that will only happen if a very close friend can dogsit because Seamus is showing his age this year and it’s tugging our heartstrings. Otherwise we’d like to stay close to home with him.
- For the purposes of figuring out whether we’ve wasted money on a card or not, I’m estimating the total value of our miles or points for each card to make sure that we are earning at least our minimum profit per churned card but we won’t know the true value until we actually redeem them.
- We haven’t been respecting the “no annual fee” rule for the past several cards as long as the miles or points bonuses were at least worth twice as much as the annual fee, preferably 3-4x as much.
- We ALWAYS pay the card balances in full. No exceptions.
- We time our churning activity with necessary spending. We never manufacture unnecessary spending for a card bonus. I keep a spreadsheet to track expected large expenses for this and generally plot out a bevy of expenses with pen and paper before I commit to a new card.
Current totals
AlaskaAir (miles valued at 1.3 cents): 204,001.
Chase Ultimate rewards: 308,930
Starpoints: 161,620
Citi Premier Thank You, his
Cost: $0
Bonus: 50,000 points (value $500)
Profit: $500
Status: Active, cancel before June 1 2019
Worth it? Yes, this was pure profit.
Chase Sapphire Reserve, hers
I took care of the travel credit in December, ahead of schedule I thought, BUT they didn’t credit it properly so it was just a “$300 purchase.” I followed up on that once early in January and was told that I had to call back after my statement closed. Then I called at the end of January, and the request had to be escalated to marketing, which should have been done the first time I called. What a pain. My annual fee was due to hit on February 1st but this solidified my intent to cancel once I get that fixed. What kind of lazy customer service makes you call twice when they could have submitted the request in the first call?
Alaska Air, his second of 2018
Cost: $75
Bonus: 30,000 miles (value $390) + 1406 miles (value $18)
Free Companion + taxes fare offer good 2019: $479
Profit: $812
Status: Active, cancel before January 1, 2019
Worth it? Yes.
Alaska Air, his first of 2019
Cost: $75
Bonus: 30,000 miles (value $390) + $100 statement credit after first $1000 spend in 90 days
Free Companion + taxes fare offer good until 2020
Free checked bags: $?
Profit: TBD, $415 so far
Status: Active, cancel before January 1, 2019
Worth it? The extra statement credit made this a no cost to us churn, we’ll have to see what the total profit is.
***
Keepers
We’re keeping our Chase Sapphire Reserve for one more year because I blew the timing of the cancellation.
We still have our Starwood AMEX (RIP) because I absolutely love the American Express customer service but I have no love for what the Bonvoy program brings. I need to make a decision on this.
We still have our Costco Citi card which pays for itself in the Executive Rewards but sometimes only just.
Cards to be cancelled
We will bid farewell to at least one of the Alaska Air cards before the year is up and gets charged another annual fee.
The Citi Premier we’ll keep for a few more months in case it comes in useful but it’s not at the top of my use-list.
:: What cards are you using and/or keeping at this time?
March 11, 2019
I’ve been impatient and grouchy.
Reading Work Optional brought me back down to earth a bit. I should be grateful for being where we are today, after so many years of work and saving and fighting.
Truly, I am! I’m ever so grateful for the opportunities we’ve had, for the fruit our hard work has borne, for our little family, for our wide network of loved ones. For the useful things we have, like running water and plumbing, for a sound roof over our head, for a furnace. For the pain relief that my diet has brought me so that I can actually move day in and day out without more than a trace of a limp or a cacophony of crackling when I actually bend my joints. We even tackled the garden as a family over the weekend and may I say, we ripped out an impressive amount of weeds and weed roots. There’s enough blessing and joy to fill a week of gratitude journals. So … whence the crabapple attitude?
It finally struck me on a drive home. It’s the number. The number that’s lingered in the back of my psyche for these past several years like a whisper you can’t quite hear. (I didn’t try to hear it, naturally, I’m really good at blocking out subtle noises to concentrate.)
Mom got sick when she was in her 40s. She had several chronic problems, including dementia which is incredibly hard to handle on every level. We struggled to get diagnoses and/or treatment but nothing was terminal. (Feels familiar.) Then at 55, she died of sudden cardiac arrest.
(more…)