June 13, 2008
Hat tip to Wanda for the link to this article about the SUPER Long Distance Relationship: intercontinental relationships! I can’t really get my mind around that.
I have it relatively easy in that we’re on the same coast, and within an hour’s flight of each other. But it’s still a major pain in the patoot to have to schedule every single possible meeting, days and weeks ahead of time. With gas prices being what they are, and a promise BD extracted from me two+ years ago never to drive up alone, there’s simply zero spontaneity in the daily part of our relationship. It’s not exactly heartbreaking, since I’m the consummate, OCD, organize everything to a fare-thee-well personality, but still. Definitely no surprise bowls of soup when we’re sick, no surprise flowers when we’re having a good day. Heck, sometimes we’re so busy or tired, we don’t even know the other person is sick or happy.
[….. That makes our relationship sound terrible. It’s not. It’s just the reality of the LDR that certain things people take for granted do fall by the wayside. And it’s not like we don’t eventually figure it out, it’s just that it’s not obvious the way it is when you’re face to face.]
But getting back to my point: the SLDR? How long can people tolerate and function in that sort of distance? And does becoming accustomed to it create a dynamic in which you have to relearn how to get along in closer quarters?
When you’re starting out in an LDR of any sort, you’re thinking of the practicality: the career moves, the growth, the freedom to build a life apart from the relationship so you’re not one of those attached-at-the-hip-elbow-jaw couples. They, frankly, annoy me. After some time, though, it gets hard. Exponentially harder. I’d guess that’s when people start breaking down and either splitting up or making plans to be in the same city at the same time, forever.
I wonder if the breakdown happens at a more accelerated pace for the SLDR?
June 11, 2008
LB interviewed a high schooler for an internship today. But his dad not only brought him here, he’s sitting in on the interview.
Huh?
I remember a handful of interviews from high school, and a parent may have driven me to each one, but they certainly never accompanied me to the door, walked me in, or interviewed with me. Then again, I was a latchkey kid, and pretty independent early on.
Is it just me, or is that weird?
June 7, 2008
As I compose letters, actual, handwritten letters to friends with whom I’ve fallen out of touch, it’s become apparent that I’m hyper-aware of how easy it is to run the negativity reel on a perma-loop. Do you ever get into the habit of complaining? About work, or something at home, or being broke or whatever’s bothering you?
I know I do, and with the exception of running my mouth on this blog on most topics, my braking mechanism is to just shut the heck up. No one wants to hear the whining all the time! A colleague has this tendency to say just about anything on her mind as soon as it occurs to her, and I don’t want to be equally whingy and depressing so I keep my mouth shut.
There’s a balance to be struck, somewhere between the two, where the division between the bright and dark sides are similar to a saw: a little back and forth, but not too much. I know it’s not always going to be equal servings of good and bad, but there’s definitely something to be said for approaching life with a willingness to see both sides of any situation. It’s important not to lose your sense of perspective by being unequivocally utterly cheerful or incurably Eeyore; that’s not healthy or wise.
Most recently, I’ve been bouncing between the two poles of feeling guilty: What the heck happened to my finances? I’ve been working so hard, I should be much further ahead/more comfortable by now! My coworkers who haven’t struggled the past two years are talking about buying homes now? Why aren’t I there, again?
And then feeling angry when I remember: Remember your brother? Remember the loan? Remember the truck? Ohhhh yea.
Both tracks of thought are, unfortunately, negative or intensely negative. It’s then just too easy to dig a big ole hole of frustrated and pull the hole in after me. To combat that, I’ve been trying to do my best to create some progress, no matter how minimal. And remind myself every single day: You’re not going to make that mistake again. Or that one. Or that one. Or any other one involving being a soft touch and your brother. Trust me, you won’t.
Eventually, this mantra will convince me to trust myself and what I’ve learned over the years. Eventually, I’ll master a sense of balance that’s conducive to proactivity, not reactivity. Things have to get better and I’m all about making it happen sooner!
June 3, 2008
In this article from the Wall Street Journal by Douglas Sease, he suggests yet another pen and paper method of tracking your expenses to help increase spending awareness and save more effectively: the 3×5 method.
He and his wife came to the realization that they needed to figure out where their money was going when
“we were shocked and surprised that the profits from a house sale had simply disappeared a year later. I had counted on those profits to form the core of a savings program that would allow us, over the years, to buy a boat and save enough to retire early and go sailing.
We both resolved — that’s important because this plan won’t work if everyone isn’t playing the game — to figure out where in the world the money was going. The weekly 3×5 cards were the vehicle to do it. Much was revealed in the first month alone. Restaurants were a primary villain. We had moved to New York from Detroit and were reveling in the variety and quality of dining opportunities suddenly available. And going broke as a result. The bad part was that most of the meals hadn’t been worth what they cost. Good, yes. Memorable, no. We resolved to indulge our own penchant for cooking more often.”
He notes that the “secrets” to their success were:
1. Having a real-time account of their expenses. It was crucial to know where their money was going.
2. Developing buyer’s remorse in advance of buying.
Of the entire article, I’d say that this is one of the most important principles of finance: learning to ask yourself, “Do I really need this?”
I’ve been concentrated on Mypoints for so long that I’ve been ignoring my e-Rewards emails. What can I say? I really wanted my $50 Target gift card. Since becoming a member several months ago, I’ve probably completed one actual survey, and about three Quick Response surveys worth thirty cents a piece in rewards currency.
Chalk my apathy up to the ignorance of their rewards offerings. I spent some time exploring their rewards structure, and honestly, they’re not that great, but there are two rewards that are worth actually participating in the program for, and their limitations are rather stringent:
1. A 26-week subscription to Wall Street Journal!! Remember that this would excite me. [cost: 45 Rewards dollars, worth: $59 cash]
This 26-week subscription will be delivered 6 days a week.
Offer is available for new subscribers and in the contiguous U.S. only. [So, even though there are “no limitations on redemptions,” I can only get a single subscription with no renewals?]
Subscriptions available for individual use only.
2. $15 Borders Bucks [cost: 15 Rewards dollars, worth $15 cash]
Redemption of this Reward is limited. You may claim one reward per calendar year per Borders Rewards account and/or e-Rewards account.
Borders Bucks that are not redeemed by the end of the month after the month they were issued will be forfeited. [ie: one month to redeem.]
Borders Bucks are redeemable at participating Borders stores for in-store merchandise only and cannot be combined with appreciation discount events.
They do have a small variety of travel rewards but they’re all increments of 500 and 1000 bonus miles or points which don’t go very far. Hilton Hotel Honors points are the only thing I might bother to redeem for. Someday I’ll use those hotel points for a nice stay somewhere!
I’ve got $25.95 in Rewards Currency now. It appears that it’ll be worth exerting myself to earn $60 worth of Currency this year and maybe stock up $15 for next year if it looks like the program’s still going to be around. A bit lackluster, but worth a little more effort than I’ve put into it.
May 25, 2008
Am in the Bay Area this weekend, and waiting for BD to finish some weekend work. Apparently there was a last minute meeting scheduled for which his work/input was requested, so instead of having breakfast together and walking around in the mucky weather, I’m blogging and he’s working.
I don’t mind entertaining myself, it’s nice to get a little me time in as well, and it’s really gross and cold outside anyway. We usually take at least one good long walk, but I’m sort of unmotivated. 🙂
I’m hoping that he’ll help me take some pictures of the outfit I fixed up so I can post them later this week.
In financial news, I’m calling up my cable company and find out when my contract expires, so I can cancel it. Since I’ve reverted to some drastic measures to improve cash flow, I’m not averse to cutting expenses too.
May 6, 2008
Did you know ….
1. That Treasury Direct’s help line is open until midnight EST?
2. That if you use AutoPay with T-Mobile, they wait 17 or more days to charge your credit card? They actually wait until two days before my NEXT bill is due before the charge hits my credit card. This contrasts sharply with AT&T who charges for the month in advance. I hate that. I probably hate it more because I was deprived of my sweet T-mobile. O T-mobile!
On the more personal side ….
BroDucky Debacles, Part One Million: he’s sent another message via PaDucky asking to talk to me about another variation of “if I make a car payment, can I use the car?” It’s almost funny now. Faster than the speed of completing the sentence, I said no, no, and no, don’t even talk to me about it, no. Seriously, some day he might actually learn what that word means.
My courtesy credit, including tax, has already been applied to my cell phone account. Considering my anticipation of an angry and unsatisfactory call with AT&T, it was really a better outcome than I’d hoped.