March 28, 2009
There are a billion and one articles in the pf blogosphere on saving (or not) money when planning a wedding. That’s not what this is about. I’ve linked to a few of the more recent conversations, some controversial, some not, about weddings below if you want the juicier stuff.
I’ve put weddings out of my mind for the foreseeable future, but my family has a few cultural traditions that amuse me. I’m opting out of most, but they’re still fun to editorialize on.
1. Invitations: Seeing invitations on the kitchen table is what prompted this post. In all the ways money is saved or spent in wedding planning, the bride and groom can count on the clumping of families to save on mailing costs. They pick one person who can be relied on in each branch of the family, and send all the invitations in bulk to that one person. Cost of sending ten invitations to my family for distribution: $1.85. I’m betting there aren’t even RSVPs in there because they depend on the family grapevine to deliver that news since people are terrible about RSVPing. (This would drive the plannerly side of me insane.)
2. Wedding gifts: We’re Asian. We give cold hard cash, enough to “cover” the plate just means about $50/person, now. My family does not impose this expectation on guests from other cultures, so you can invite your bosses, coworkers or other ethnically inclined friends without having to shun them afterward for improper gift giving. (There’s never a registry though, so that doesn’t make it easier on the non-family guests.) Anyway, as my parents explained it, there are two parts to the traditional wedding, and the money involved.
3. The morning ceremony: This is the “religious” part of the wedding, generally only family and very close friends are invited to this session. Most of my family is Buddhist or just observe Confucianism, so it involves the groom’s family bringing the representative symbols of the bride’s dowry in the form of a roast pig, fresh fruit, and bottles of wine or liquor. Also, jewelry for the bride. I know it’s awful, but it’s one way to see how much the groom’s family likes the bride. If they break out awesome sparkles, they love you lots. If the necklace and earrings are lackluster, watch out, your in-laws are not cool with the marriage (or you). Good time to find out, eh?
At the tea ceremony, the red envelopes stuffed with cash are presented to the bride and groom as the new couple share a cup of tea with the guest. A rule of thumb: the older the guest, the closer the relationship, the more money you’re expected to fork out. My parents had to give her siblings upwards of $500-$700 each, back in the day, in addition to paying for parts of the wedding. Then again, we don’t keep track of who gave what (I don’t think we do). It’s all put into a bag or basket anyway, so if the guest wants to remain anonymous, that’s fine.
Traditionally, the bride’s family hosts this part of the day, and serves lunch to all the guests. The bride’s parents get to keep all that money from the morning ceremony. It’s “repayment” for all the weddings they attended in the community. I always wondered what the groom’s parents got their share. If everyone followed these rules, they seem to get gypped.
4. The evening portion is the reception. Guest lists can easily surpass 400-500 people if you’re so inclined, and with an extended family like mine, we could fill that many seats on my side alone. Again, the gift expectation is cash, but the bride and groom get to keep that money. It usually goes towards covering the cost of the wedding, reception, etc. Some people, in Eastern European countries or Asian countries, actually plan to make money off their wedding. It’s part of their accepted cultural practice, and it’s all very interesting to see that kind of planning. One girlfriend used to call me and tell me in hushed tones what her brother in law was doing this time to minimize expenses and maximize profits from his upcoming wedding. I can’t count the number of times I’ve heard my uncle dismiss my wish for a small wedding to reduce costs, “Pf, why make it small? To save money? Don’t worry! Invite everyone you want, the gifts will help pay for the wedding.”
Well, no. *shrug* I hate being the center of attention, and my guests are not cash cows so the whole thing is not my bag, but I know they think I’m being silly. Shhh, they don’t know that if I’m getting married, I’m doing it my way!
5. Thank yous: If you’re going totally traditional, you don’t send thank you cards. Most weddings will have photographers taking your photo with the couple at the reception’s receiving line, and some will print those out for you to take home. Just like Medieval Times.
Makes sense, if everyone gave you cash. What would you say? “Dear Auntie, thank you for the lovely $200, we’ll display it on the mantle”? “It’ll be a great part of our down payment”? I’m kidding, of course you could write a lovely thank you note for their attendance. Really, the potential anonymity of the gift-giving plays into this part of the tradition, as well as the usually outsized guest lists that can frequently include more than 100 guests you’ve never met or haven’t seen since you were three. It happens.
Oh, and the photos have a “thank you for attending” printed on them. Sooo … free pass! 🙂
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Obviously, all of these little traditions and accepted practices are specific to our family. The reason they “work” is because most weddings are still considered formal affairs that include negotiations, love match or not. Weird? Yeah. Definitely. But it does makes sense to discuss all the expectations when there’s obviously so much emotion, time and money invested. From my parents’ generation, I’ve even witnessed the debates over acceptable negotiators! My dad was frequently requested as a go-between for the bride or groom, to speak on their behalf to the other side’s parents and work out the details of how the wedding would be handled, so I heard more about the nuances than most kids.
Still, I’d like to make my own path because after being involved in so many traditions, it feels like a bit of an ordeal. I want to be able to sit and talk with my family and friends, and know that the people attending actually cared. Bratly it may be, I’ve paid my family dues so I’d like to have a bit of fun for my wedding.
Wedding talk
Paranoid Asteroid: 10 frugal things I’m not doing for my wedding
When people ask how you can spend $30K on a wedding…
March 13, 2009
And here’s what’s been rattling around upstairs:
1) Want to save more. How can I save more? (Assuredly, this period of binge-saving will be followed by a period of purge-spending. Just came off that spell a couple days ago.)
Thanks to the recent spate of car activity, monthly expenses have come down by $500. That‘s why the expense fund seems so robust. That can be directed to savings right away. What else can I cut out?
2) If the period of unemployment lasts through, say, the end of the year, I’ll have missed out a lot on retirement contributions. The goal is to have a lot of cash in the cushion, but what if some of that cash were stashed? Not too much of it, but an uptick in contributions seems like a good idea. It’s the opposite of DCA – investing in large lumpy sums for the next three months in anticipation of none at all from July through December, but I think it’s better than nothing at all.
3) Speaking of stashing, what about diversification? Ought I revisit the trad/Roth IRAs? There’s still time for 08 and 09 contributions.
During this period of uncertainty, cash certainly reigns (and yes, I still want my 50K of savings for lack of a more secure position) but there’s always an itch to earn more than sub-2% interest rates.
Grocery store scores:
Last night’s trot ’round to the Fresh ‘n’ Easy turned up a 4-pack of “snacking apples,” 4 for $0.75 marked down from $2.89. They were a bit over a pound, so that’s not a bad per pound price.
Also, the red russets were 3 lbs for $2.88. On the pricier side until checkout revealed a $1.88 price tag.
Certainly not a comprehensive shop, but it was a quickie run, primarily for a fruit for lunch tomorrow. Meant to grab a couple of the monster-sized burritos at $2 per, they looked to be at least 1.5 pounds but I couldn’t be sure they would last the weekend for next week’s meals and I’m not sure that I wanted them for the weekend. All told, never came near to using the $2 off coupon. (Minimum purchase, $10).
March 3, 2009
While still employed
~ Complete as many Professional Development classes as possible. I might, if I stay employed through April and get off the wait list for one set of classes, manage to get enough classes in before the layoff to complete my Certificate in Management. *cross your fingers for me!*
~ If there’s space, or I get de-waitlisted, I’d like to take Excel and Illustrator classes. We’ll see about approval.
~ A friend’s fiance is a freelance web designer who is willing to teach me web design and programming skills. Whoo! I’m calling it an “apprenticeship” for now, I’ll do work for him, he’ll teach me how, and maybe when I get good, he’ll hire me on! We’ll see. For now, I want to learn some basics since I’m pretty clueless. It’ll come in handy here and professionally.
~ In other good news, when they changed our retirement plan last July, we were automatically vested. So whenever the axe falls, I get to roll whatever little money accrued from my first two years into my existing retirement plan. Since I didn’t contribute anything, it should be qualified for a relatively hassle free rollover. It’s good for a few hundred, I figure. I just hope that it can also be sent into my 403(b) as well. (Hope hope hope).
~ Do the math. Well-Heeled reminded me that if I do that math, unemployment will cover a good amount of my household expenses, even with 3.5 people. So I can breathe a little easier knowing that my e-fund will last longer than previously anticipated. (Now I have to do the math to see how much longer that means.)
~ Need to settle the final details and applications for: renter’s insurance, long term care insurance, life insurance, safety deposit box, my will. Whatever I can get employer rates on (LTC, for one) and is portable is a priority.
March 1, 2009
Not only is WAMU still charging the stupid $25 annual fee for 2009, they’re also charging a $75 distribution fee, costing my already depleted IRA fund a total of $100 in fees. Unbelievable. At this rate, I’ll be lucky to retain half the value of my original contributions. Then again, I only had several months to contribute at that employer after I turned 21, and before I quit, so it wasn’t a huge amount of money to begin with.
I would have balked, and did mentally, but sting though it might, this is the smarter long-term choice. Paying a hundred dollars now to roll the remaining money into my current employer’s plan under Vanguard is the equivalent of 4 years’ worth of annual fees. That money better be sitting in the retirement account for much longer than 4 more years! That’s my breakeven point.
This should have been done as soon as I established my retirement plan with the current employer, but I didn’t realize that it could be incorporated into my 403(b) without tax implications. In retrospect, it’s already cost me more than a hundred dollars in fees (a $40 distribution fee was charged when I first rolled it over). This is for keeps because I’m signed up for Vanguard’s emailing service which eliminates annual fees on my accounts and I have enough money in Vanguard to just keep it there once I leave this employer.
Just another stupid tax from back when I didn’t know to look out for fees charged for moving my money around. Come to think of it, I was shocked by the $40 distribution fee back in 2004, and could have sworn that I asked about it, but cannot for the life of me remember what the answer was. The cost of naivete and inexperience.
February 28, 2009
| Retirement Savings |
Rollover IRA: $948
Roth IRA: $4,079
401(a): $4,629
403(b): $10,759
Total: $ 20,415 (22,027)
|
| Emergency Savings |
Catastrophe: $ 23,816
Problem Cushion: $ 1,000
Total: $24,816 (22,291)
|
| Short Term Goals |
Car Maintenance: $517
Car Insurance: $1,474
Travel/Con: $400
Taxes: $3,522
Moving: $1,465
Total: $ 7,278 (7,229)
|
| Long Term Goals |
House Down Payment: $101
|
| Investment Loans |
Prosper-ish: $12,630
Personal Loan: $4,000
Savings Bond: $362 (current accrued value)
Total: $ 16,992 (17,998)
|
| Total Assets |
Illiquid: $ 20,415
Semi-Liquid: $16,992
Liquid: $24,816
Expense Acct: $9,039
Goals Savings: $7,278
Total: $ 78,640 (74,072)
|
| Debt and Liabilities |
AX: $183
Citi 2: $122
Chase: $142
Rent: $1,360
Total: $ 1807 (2,525)
|
| Net Worth |
$ 76,833 (71,547)
|
This month’s net worth brought to you by A Series of (Un)fortunate Events:
1 truck sale, rather nice, actually.
1 car crash and totaled car, rather unfortunate.
1 set of nervous willies wherein I call in the loan in $1000 increments. This doesn’t affect the net worth as it’s just moving the money from one asset class to another. Slowly relieving stress here.
The most significant factor was the truck sale. It simultaneously removed the rest of the loan (liability) and supplemented my raided expense account.
Salting away money into the emergency fund helps, but there may be a bit of a drop when I pay my taxes. I have to review the paperwork one more time, because I kind of think (hope!) the accountant did something wrong for me to owe as much as he says I do. Either way, I should start emotionally letting go of that money saved for taxes. Probably shouldn’t have included it in the net worth to begin with, since it now feels like it’s “mine.” Well, it is, but you know what I mean.