November 18, 2013
If you felt a huge gust of wind, it was my WHOOSH of a relieved sigh. After MONTHS of playing phone tag with the landlord and his assistant/representative, and writing a formal letter (which we never used to need because they were totally on top of things), we finally got someone out to address the repairs that have become rather critical in the past few years.
Repairs and maintenance have been a big problem this year; it’s what happens when you can’t stay on top of the more minor repairs and they snowball into bigger ones. It’s also what happens when a house ages and needs more major, regular, maintenance.
At a minimum…
All the plumbing needs work: hot water’s stopped running in one sink, one sink won’t stop dripping, yet another doesn’t drain.
We’ve found mold hiding under the paint and that has to be stripped out, cleaned and repainted.
It’s been over a decade since the last paint job, so all the walls need a new coat.
The doorbell is broken. It’s been broken so long I’d forgotten about it.
There’s more, I just can’t think of it all right now.
Part of this is because Mom and I managed much of the routine household stuff; we did all the liasing with the landlord for any arrangements or requests, and we shared the other housework out enough so that no one was overloaded. Now that I’m not at the house regularly, the few hours I do have on each stopover are spent scrubbing, vacuuming and cleaning which doesn’t make a dent. Dad’s got his hands full with his work, generally, and keeping up anything that’s not an essential, or even those, isn’t a priority. He doesn’t cope with grief and loss by cleaning like I do, or Mom did, he copes by immersing himself in other things.
This makes me a bit crazy that he’s living in such rundown surroundings, that he’s just been making do because he can’t get around to it, but it’s hard to be upset with him; I’m not sure I’d rouse myself to do repairs if I were alone after 30 years of marriage, either.
Thus, the utter relief to finally have cornered the landlord’s contact to get things started: they’ve come by and made a list of things to address. We are lucky, by the way, that while some of these fall under keeping the place habitable, not all of them are and it looks like they’ll go ahead and take care of everything anyway.
We’ll set up a repair schedule in the next couple of days. And I can finally stop feeling so damn guilty that I can’t be in three places at once and hold two jobs to pay for everyone and everything.
November 4, 2013
We’ve survived the week of harrowing (which just kept getting worse as we got into it: the LAX shooting was local to us and affected things, there was an attempted suicide situation, there was another death in the family). There’s nothing we can do about any of the big stuff really, we helped where we could and have to keep moving.
We were so busy we basically skipped Halloween and I didn’t even get to post my fun Halloween sign! So I’m sharing it now. Humor me, please.
How was everyone’s Halloween, btw? I didn’t see much in the way of plans or costumes this year so do share! 
On the bright side, we got a lot done. From that original list, we had to skip seeing friend with new baby and meeting with the photographer; I had two other errands (donations and returns) that we decided to defer as well. Of 12 major things, “only” getting 8 done is not terrible, and I knocked off several other things too: picked up a crafts store GC at a 27% discount; crafted a TON of to do lists and got a good start on filling in most of them; found a lot of photographs to bring back with us; have the next trip back half-planned out.
In case you’re wondering, yes, I’m exhausted.
Spending, spending, spending
~ Wedding costs, extraneous or frivolous ones in my opinion, are starting to add up and I’m retrenching to see where we can save. Friends have offered to help DIY flowers, so we won’t pay for anything more than we use (and not much, at that) and we discovered that friends who are helping with vendor work saves us an additional 60% off their meal cost as vendors are charged at a much lower rate. That’s an unexpected bonus where we were just hoping to include friends and family in a family and friend celebration.
~ PiC’s suit cost about 4 times more than I had anticipated, but it was 50% off so … uh, only 2 times more? And Dad’s suit was right at my mentally budgeted amount so the two of them are very nearly squared away.
~ I’m debating whether to get a discounted GC for Macy’s and buy Dad the really expensive but SUPER nice dress shoes that PiC got for our elopement and has been floating on ever since; Dad insists that he can buy his own shoes but I suspect they’ll be some cheap affair. I don’t want any Sam Vimes Shoe Economy here. Instead he can wear the fancy ones til he drops and they’ll probably still be in good shape.
~ We’ve also failed miserably at continuing our Wine & Money Wednesdays after the first sitdown so we’re going to have to restart that. In the meantime, though, our foray into joint banking is getting better and smoother.
Fun and Frivolity
~ I’m really happy that Grimm is back and the ridiculous The Captain + Juliet storyline is over. Also I’m glad that Juliet isn’t being written as the obtuse idiot they had her play earlier.
~ The funnest thing I did in October was the hardest thing: handmaking the beginnings of a costume for Doggle. It’s not done and I have no clue how to make the rest of it but it was weird and entertaining.
~ We’re hosting Thanksgiving for a couple family members this year and I’m extra excited about it. Not just about the 30 lb turkey I want to cook for 4 people, but also about hosting a Thanksgiving in our home for the first time since we’ve lived here. Nervousness about cooking for not just PiC will set in, probably in 2 weeks. Obviously I’m going for making the best cooked and most frugal meal.
Communication and Relationships
~ PiC and I have been enjoying an unusually good period of communication on money, family, wedding planning, Doggle. We don’t normally fight all the time, of course, but we also have had to relearn how to navigate touchy territory since getting married and that makes me more grateful than ever that we’re communicating more effectively these days. Part of it has simply been articulation: We had been trading planning duties when one of us was super stressed over work stuff; part of it has been being more flexible about things when the other isn’t cooperating. One of the best pieces of advice a colleague gave me on how her business partnership works well: articulate your problem. Ask for help, don’t just assume you need to do it all yourself unless you actually want to!
~ I’m back in contact with childhood cousin companion, thanks to the wedding stuff actually, and age has mellowed us both out. We’re actually chatting like no time has passed at all, but in fact, so much has that we get along better than ever. This is an unexpected nice thing that wouldn’t have happened any time soon had we not planned a celebration.
October 29, 2013
I’m not normally much of a Halloween person but this year I had high hopes of dressing up my victim … Doggle, and taking him either trick or treating or to a good friend’s house to play. Instead, we’re sadly in Southern California to lend a dear friend moral support and planning support. Her elderly mother, weighed down by a series of illnesses and then a serious fall breaking her hip, simply couldn’t bounce back and I’m grieved to say we lost her. I don’t care how old you are, losing a beloved parent is never easy.
***
This month has been busy as all get out and I’m rather glad it’s coming to an end, or I would be if that wasn’t rapidly pushing us toward a conclusion I’m not ready for (the end of the year). Which means that we have to make the most of this trip down south for wedding stuff as well as life stuff.
We need to (deep breath):
Visit friend with a new baby,
Visit friend who lost her mother,
Meet the photographer,
See the venue for the first time & figure out if anything else needs doing,
Deliver any wedding stuff that we don’t need here so we’re not transporting a moving van’s worth of frippery the weekend of,
Buy suits for PiC and my dad,
Buy or rent a traditional dress for me,
Attend a wedding,
Attend a family dinner,
Oh and WORK.
Talk about your last minute trips!
We decided this would happen only 2 days before and it was a flurry getting ready! (I thought it was wise to start preparing by doing seven loads of laundry…..)
I booked three hotels because it’s a long stinking drive down to SoCal, and if we want to be convenient to certain people without spending 2 hours in traffic either way, it’s a hotel or bust.
Booked 1 hotel for 50% off. Yay for catching billing errors from our last visit and their profuse apologies = savings: ~$100 or less. Includes breakfast or lunch.
Booked 1 hotel with SPG points: 7,000 points + $50 pet fee instead of spending $200.
Booked 1 hotel for cash: $120 + $100 pet fee. Occasionally this fee is waived so we’re hoping for the best.
We’re also renting a car for the week. We’d normally take the Dog Chariot but we need more room for transport of several cases of things and we need to keep the mileage on our personal vehicles low since we get a major discount on the insurance. I booked a week-long rental on Carrentals.com using ebates (3% back): $273.
The funny thing is, if I rented the same car from Tuesday through Sunday, it would have been billed at a MUCH higher per day rate and the total estimate was nearly $600. !!!
In total, this near-week long trip will cost about $800 in travel;
probably another few hundred on wedding clothes that are meant to be rewearable for years after this;
and miscellaneous costs for food.
[insert aggrieved face here] Staying home is so much cheaper.
***
On the bright side, we’ve decided to put about $20K toward principle on the mortgage. We’d squirreled away cash for a re-finance but thanks to some legal mumbo-jumbo with the HOA we can’t at the moment. Might as well put it to work reducing the mortgage, then!
Also, made a dinner at home for friends this weekend. Not counting the cost of garlic or butter, I think we managed to feed four for about $20: Roast chicken, mashed potatoes w/onions & garlic, braised bok choy, and roasted beets. Unfortunately for a cooking-for-guests night, I wasn’t terribly impressed with what I turned out. PiC loved it but I’m convinced he’s far too kind when I cook.
October 26, 2013
There’s perhaps nothing as exhilarating as being DONE with a major professional thing. You’d think that after being in management for a good while, after dealing with as many bad and difficult people-problems as I have, after running things and being a decision maker, talking in front of people wouldn’t be so nerve-wracking but I hate it. Hate hate hate hate it.
I’ll get better at it with practice but I hate that too. I hate the practice, I hate knowing that I have to practice and I hate being bad at it until I’m better at it.
Pretty sure I stopped being an overachiever a while back but I didn’t stop hating being bad at things.
It shouldn’t be any wonder that after I discharged my responsibilities, the entire world seemed a shinier, brighter, happier, wonderfuller place.
Traveling Solo
I discovered:
A) Flying was a lot harder on me than I expected this past week. My back had already been hurting for days and I was tired from preparing for my gig, so despite getting to fly a “nice” airline (still coach class) both departing and returning flights were a torment. I’m praying that this doesn’t mark the beginning of the end of my ability to travel alone. (Every time something gets significantly worse, I worry about this: is it permanent? Can I get better? Will I come back from this? A lot of the time, the answer is no.)
B) Eating almost every meal alone for a few days, in public, is kinda fun. Lots of thinking and reading. And talking to folks on Twitter.
C) I can be remarkably dense. (At least I know it?) For example: walking to a strange destination? Guaranteed that I will take at least 3 wrong turns. Absolutely guaranteed. I stared at the Hubway map up there for at least 4 minutes before it occurred to me that it wasn’t a map for the subway, it was for the bike rentals. *eyeroll*
D) Logan Airport has its drawbacks but all are forgiven because they have ROCKING CHAIRS.
E) I tried Uber for the first time, thanks to ExtraPetite’s referral, and while it took slow-brain about 2 days to figure out the app (also it kept quitting on me), I loved it. They texted me as soon as I booked my ride w/a driver ETA, my driver called me immediately to double check directions, and the app shows you the driver’s photo and the car’s license plate. It was not creepy, as I might have thought riding w/a stranger would be, though the cabs in that area were uniformly alright. Not weird, a bit chatty, but cool.
F) NO street harassment. I walked near an hour through strange streets and construction zones etc., and I wasn’t harassed even once. You may not realize how amazing that is but it really is. I always feel like I’m going through a war zone, on full alert, ready to fight off harassers or call the police if someone tries to pulls something, as they usually do.
Catching up-ness
Catching up on work was a bit of a slog but not terrible so I’m nearly there. With the rare exception of one project that was so bad it took more than 6 times the usual number of hours to fix. *shakes fist at incompetence*
I missed FinCon and I hear a lot of people had a great time. Stephanie and Deena and I had MiniFinCon though, and learned that “Medford, MA” is pronounced “Meh-for” in rough approximation of Bostonian.
Then I got to meet up with eemusings!
I also missed GeekGirlCon and that sounded like loads of fun. Perhaps next year …
PiC replaced our guest room bed set-up, and gave away our lumpy old mattress and box set: $300 for a new mattress, bed frame and really plush mattress topper. Craigslist score! Just in time for visitors, too. 🙂
File Under: Things I Want
(always leaving aside the obvious: a return to old fit and healthy self)
A very cushy rocking chair recliner w/foot rest.
A cushy bean bagA Fabulous TARDIS bookshelf (or a set of…)
Other interesting stuff I caught up on
Nicole and Maggie on missing (or not) high school
A HufflePup is NOSY. And Vicki is going to bring home another corgi pup! PiC just discovered how absolutely adorable Corgi pups are and was nearly ready to bend on his No Small Dogs rule.
Luke crowdsourced his question on what you do if you get a duplicate shipment of an online order.
A lovely Marian call video with a favorite song:
October 16, 2013
Everyday life has been mortally exhausting of late.
See Maryville which makes me sick;
See the debates that sprang up around the unprofessionalism directed at @DNLee5;
See the outing of a respected science blogger as yet another person who has harassed and the resulting discussion about that:
See the unending BART union talks/possible strikes:
See all the ripple effects from the government shutdown.
For a start.
In reaction, I’ve been casting about for inspiration and positivity to offset it. Not to pretend that the horrors and horribleness of the world doesn’t exist, I can hardly hear myself think for the din, but to balance out the sinking feeling in my gut every time I hear the news, or see an update or new hashtag of some thing going wrong.
There are still good things and worthwhile people and I just need a solid reminder of it.
Tim O’Reilly on his experience in management. Hat tip to Wandering Scientist.
Also, Wandering Scientist has a neat new site called Tungsten Hippo. I love stories and things that promote growth and stories.
I believe in investing in myself but $2000+ for a conference purely to satisfy my curiosity is a bit steep. It’s still intriguing though: Women 2.0.
Men have to be part of the drive for diversity & equality in leadership said Vivek Wadhwas.
Identity by books, Nicole & Maggie. I love books.
Leigh doesn’t NEED her job to pay the bills on a paycheck to paycheck basis. I Really Like This.
Clare breaks down the cost of Bringing Up Boris. Our neighbor just brought home an adorable new pup and from the slightly dazed look on the faces of the family, I suspect that this would be helpful to them. Think it’d be weird if I printed this up & taped it to their door?
I love dogs and elephants. They’re awesome, and even more so when they’re together. I love other animals too, of course.
Open Forum: What’s been awesome to or for you lately?
October 14, 2013
I was previously concerned about the cost of our venue: location, food and alcohol are big ticket items when you’re looking at set prices and a big guest list. After quite a search, we finally found a place that’s pretty flexible about the packages they offer, so with a lot of fat trimming and decisions to DIY where it’s manageable, we’ll be much closer to an acceptable budget.
The last “final” choice, a really pretty outdoor venue, surprised us at the end of the selection process with a quote that had an additional fee for the ceremony, and required that we hire a licensed DJ. We didn’t want no stinkin’ DJ! We weren’t planning on having a big music-oriented thing, and I don’t particularly want to have a stranger presiding over the music and talking up a storm. Yes yes, trust issues, sue me. But more than that, I didn’t want to have to shell out another thousand or so dollars before we pinned down a photographer taking our total to a blasphemous near-$30K. We didn’t just back away from that venue, we RAN.
Our final-final choice has been much better: flexible services and responsive vendor contacts. They call when they say they will, they don’t drop out of contact then make excuses about being busy during the wedding season, they’re upfront about scheduling around their ongoing commitments and accommodating my schedule.
We’re choosing to pay a premium for a hosted bar throughout the entire event as neither PiC or I are comfortable with the notion of a cash bar. Not only is that unheard of in my culture’s traditions, neither he or I are ok with asking my guests to pull their wallets out when we’ve invited them to an event that we’re hosting. If this was a DIY potluck, maybe. But it’s not, it’s a celebration that we’re inviting them to. So, hosted bar. End of.
In trade, we’re opting out of:
1. A fancy wedding cake. Their custom wedding cakes, while potentially gorgeous, will cost something like $300-400. Far too much. We wanted to choose our own cake and budgeted about $200-250 to have plenty. Unfortunately… we underestimated how many servings sizes we could get out of our original plan, so I contacted the shops to ask for high volume discounts. We wanted delicious cakes and our savings too, but instead of savings, we’ll take having multiple options for the cake instead.
2. Fancy centerpieces. We could have a florist managing the centerpieces for $600 or we could do it ourselves for about $150. That’s my budget for it anyway.
3. Invitations. They would have cost $200 from the package. I did them myself for under $100, even with my cardstock goof. The postage costs are about the same as they would have been w/the venue, of course.
4. Champagne toast, house wine, cider. I’m not a wine snob but what’s the point of also paying for house champagne and wine (read: average tasting) for the tables and toast (that I don’t really feel the need for)? Save $550, against the premium cost we’re paying for the hosted bar.
5. Discounts for the asking, off season. Scheduling this in the winter months gave us the opportunity to ask for some discounts. We got the ceremony site and the day of organizer gratis, and were offered free decorations as well, but I asked to have their value to be applied against the alcohol fee as well. Can’t have it if you don’t ask!
6. Discounts we didn’t ask for. Booking within a week of our initial query snagged us a fat discount as well.
In total, we’re taking $4141 off the bill for the venue which offsets the added premium bar, and the money we’ll lay out for the DIY stuff. After the offsets, we’re actually saving $841. This makes a difference when it comes to tax and service fees as well.
Another chunk of discount will come out of the total once we figure how many of these heads are children. Kids under the age of 11 are discounted, kids 3 and under are free; I’m guessing we’ll have a fair lot of tykes but won’t count on anything until we get closer to the time.
*-*-*
As I listen to the PF community comment on and chat about the topic of wedding planning and budgeting, I have new thoughts. I never wanted to spend a boatload of money on a single day; it was never that important.
In the past 2 years, I’ve come around. It’s not all about me and what I want or don’t want. It was important to my parents, to my husband and to my friends to celebrate this, and with us. And while peer pressure plays little role in my daily life, neither do I live in a void. And in that context, and in memory of my mother who really wanted to be there for this day, I can justify spending what would otherwise be categorized as an obscene amount of money for a single day. We’ll do it our way, catering only to my health, a respect for some cultural traditions, and the comfort of our guests.
That’s not to say that there won’t be moments of plannerly insanity, there already have been, but I suspect it’ll be minimal compared to what it could be.
October 9, 2013
Katie started me on one of my favorite topics ever: saving and earning more. It’s not her fault, we were talking about the government shutdown and she triggered one of my Happy Dreams buttons saying that she didn’t feel the need to save obsessively. This, of course, catapulted me into the nearly ranty but really excited tirade on why I love saving.
It used to simply be a matter of pride and survival. If I didn’t keep increasing my earnings, I’d never get on top of my parents’ debt, and stay on top of the monthly bills, never stop hunching over the checkbook under a dim desk lamp trying to make the numbers work out, never put a penny of my very own away safe and sound against a rainy day. It was hellish, as anyone who’s squarely faced a mountain of debt can tell you. Powered by the energy of youth and gritted teeth, it only took several years of broke-style living and working 100 hour weeks to pay down near $100K in my parents’ CC debt accumulated over many years of self employment and car loans.
That hasn’t been my life for the past few years though. We’ve been comfortable. We can afford our needs and some wants.
So why keep at it?
It’s not just that I’m coasting on the momentum of the past that I want to continue to earn at high levels and save as much as I can. After all, these days “as much as I can” doesn’t mean what it used to. Once, I couldn’t spend more than $75 a month outside of regular bills: Rent, car loan, insurance, utilities. My friends teased me, calling me the Coupon Queen. Food was nearly optional: I couldn’t afford to eat out so if I didn’t grab some food at home before work or school, I’d eat 1 meal a day, around 6 pm. If I did eat at school during the day, that was it for the day. There certainly wasn’t any money for hobbies or buying books.
Now? I have a $100/month allowance which is purely discretionary, our budget already includes all the essentials AND categories for gifts and travel. That’s just luxurious. (Though when I’m running errands during the day and get hungry, I still refuse to pick up a snack or a meal out. It can wait until I get home. Old habits die hard.)
So why do I still get Warm & Glowy when I think about maximizing income and savings? Because I do. Having escaped from hardship, knowing that it could have been so much worse and I have been incredibly lucky to have all my hard work pay off, I’m still dedicated to saving and earning in a very visceral way.
For me, there’s so much more to life than just my feeling comfortable. (Obviously, this is unique to me, most other people don’t have some or all of these considerations.)
Family.
My mom’s last ten years of life were miserable. I couldn’t afford to buy insurance for her, not without stopping paying for rent or some other equally essential thing, and it killed me to see the shoddy care provided through Medicare. It was awful, she struggled to get appointments, she struggled to get adequate medications that didn’t interact badly with each other, her dentists were so horrible I had to pay thousands of dollars later to fix the butchery they inflicted on her poor teeth (she didn’t TELL me any of this until later).
Being poor SUCKED. (echoes of Scarlett O’Hara here)
Now I’m looking at somewhat similar circumstances with Dad. He’s planning to take early retirement so that he has some income and can stop relying quite as much on me, and so that he can get some health coverage. But I remember what utter crap Medicare has been for our family. It doesn’t prey on my mind nightly anymore, and maybe I’m a terrible daughter for that, but he’s still in relatively ok health at the moment so it’s on my To Do List rather than a Why Haven’t You FIXED THIS list.
And further down the road, he’s going to need a place to live, probably with some assistance. I’d feel better if he had access to drivers and nurses like they have at senior communities. This could all cost upwards of $60K, easily. If I were talking no holds barred, cost is no consideration: I would love to be making enough that another $60-80K a year on Dad was no problem.
I know some people think I’m insane. I know some people say that their parents are responsible for themselves and don’t get involved in decisions about their health care or their livelihoods, etc. That’s fine. That’s just not the way I’m built. My peace of mind comes from knowing my loved ones are safe, healthy and taken care of. That doesn’t mean I will break myself or my own family’s budget to do so but I would be much happier if that were possible. Realistically, I’ll probably have to settle for something less than my ideal. But why not shoot for the moon?
Dogs.
I love them. I love them more than I like the people I have the misfortune of being related to. For most of my life, I’ve done rescue and rehab in my own small way but I’m hugely energized to increase my earning power to open up the possibility of doing some serious rescue and rehab work. Whether the money is spent on the animals themselves, or whether it gives me the freedom to work for money less and work for the dogs more, doesn’t matter: I just want to help dogs. And other furry animals, too.
And of course my own dog pack may not be spoiled within an inch of their lives, but any dog I adopt needs to be well provided for: food, health care. A few toys. 🙂
Travel.
This one’s purely selfish. I enjoy doing certain things on a budget but someday (and not some day, far far away) I’d love to have the option of traveling in serious comfort and enjoy all the most delicious and fancy foods I want. I won’t do it all the time, I’m sure, but the option is awfully appealing. And I don’t want this to eat up all of my income: this should be easily managed without denting my savings goals. Katherine (Feather Factor) is my muse in this area: She’s amazing! Travels in style AND saves huge.
Charity.
For a die hard fiscal conservative in some ways (I firmly believe in bootstrapping), I’m also very much about helping people. I’ll earn my own way because I can now. But I had a helping hand, or a mentor’s kind words along the way. Sometimes, some people need a hand before they can make bootstraps or learn how to use them. Kids need to eat regularly to learn, people just need to break the cycle of poverty. And I want to be able to extend that hand.
Security.
Money doesn’t solve all the problems, but it sure helps. And more than the money itself, the relationships you cultivate in the making of it are likely going to be the linchpin to continued success. Feeling secure isn’t JUST about money in the bank. It’s knowing that you have helped people, and that other people will help you, in some big or small way, should you need it. It’s knowing that you have options. It’s knowing or learning how to create those options. I’d like more security.
***
When I think about the scale on which I want to indulge myself, and I could probably think of a few more things to add to this list, I’d need to more than quadruple my income. And rather than depressing me, or obsessing me, I’m uplifted. It’s motivating to think that there’s so much more good that can be done and that the simple act of conscious choices will take me there: committing to Savings as an integral part of life, looking for ways to stretch a dollar or at least not wasting the dollars spent, learning and earning a little (or a lot) more each day.
PiC says he doesn’t need to be rich, I joke that I do. But it’s not a joke. It’s a quiet little mantra that someday, I want to be that slightly eccentric lady who can get things done somehow. I don’t want people to KNOW that I’m rich, I just want to make it happen so that I can make other things happen.
This always surprised my dad who assumed that I wouldn’t know what to do if I won a lottery. Are you kidding? I save like this so that I can spend the way I want! Of course I could spend millions quite easily. I couldn’t afford to dream when I was poor. Now, there is a sky and it is boundless.
:: What are your motivations about money?
:: What would you do if you were earning ten times your salary? Assume either the same level of happiness or more.
