About sixteen years ago, I met him for the first time. My trainwreck sibling brought home this adorable puppy he had no business adopting because he had not one thing in his life that wasn’t a mess. I was furious at my sibling – he didn’t even take care of himself, how could he drag
All I read was the headline: “Would You Sell Everything to Travel the World?” I laughed. No. Never. Not if I had a choice about it, anyway. Zero knocks on people for whom that isn’t a laughable notion of course, I used to think a nomadic life sounded great too. I loved the idea of being a city girl, I loved the notion of being location independent. But at this point in my life, I know who I am and what makes me happiest. Even just traveling for up to 2 weeks reminds me who I am. After ten days away, I am awash with fatigue and a burning desire to be left alone. I am a homebody. I am the happiest in my hobbit hole and only venturing out when I feel like it and running back home to nest and read books and eat and read some more. I have no desire to constantly be on the move or even just without a home base. Who are you?
We talk a lot about what constitutes the middle class in the PF world. I consider us upper middle class but reading this WSJ article, it strikes me again (without judgement) that we have such different ideas of what the buying power of an UMC/MC income is. For example:
The two-child couple earned just over $100,000 until 2017. They had a roughly $106,000 mortgage, about $97,000 in student-loan debt and $24,000 in car loans.
Then Ms. Young, 33, moved from a full-time to a part-time faculty position at a university because of its budget cuts. With income reduced to around $70,000, they still felt confident enough in their earning power to borrow $48,000 to finance two cars in 2017.
We have a mortgage that’s twice our combined annual incomes and don’t have any other debt so we have a similar debt ratio to the couple in the article. But for us, at this ratio, I don’t consider ourselves in a position to be taking on additional debt. We will need to replace my car and I have to think quite carefully about what we can “afford” and how we’ll pay for it. We both blanch at the $30k price tags of any newer cars despite our very solid savings program because those savings are specifically for future retirement. I need to start setting aside savings that are meant for spending on a car but we simply can’t get behind the idea of taking on an auto loan again if it doesn’t make very clear financial sense.
That gap between what we think an UMC income, or even an MC income, should buy remains fairly large. Even I wonder why we “can’t afford” (cannot easily pay for, without financial consequences) to just buy a new car when we make and save as much as we do. The reality is still that becausewe have to save as much as we do, we can’t spend freely. It’s one or the other.
Nicole and Maggie’s post stirred up so many feelings for me about family and money requests. My parents were able to keep a roof over our heads until about 1999, then Mom got horribly sick: diabetes, high blood pressure, TIA, early onset dementia, heart problems, severe dental problems, you name it, we had it. (A related APW post that also stirred up my blood and made me yelling NOOO)
I was already working to pay for college. That morphed into paying rent and everything else. It wasn’t easy on minimum wage, but much like that metaphorical frog, I didn’t notice because it was gradual. It started with covering part of rent one month, a utility bill another month, then a car payment, then more and more.
The money requests weren’t just from my parents. As soon as it seemed like I was flush – signaled by my paying all the household bills in full, on time which wasn’t really normal for our family circles – the requests started coming from all kinds of extended family. Word must have gotten around that I was a community bank without red tape. Wow, my naivete! For all my savvy about making and saving money, I sure didn’t have any about protecting my money from family.
Requests I’ve fielded over the past 20+ years(more…)
This is my weekly list of things that were good this week, even if they weren’t all unadulteratedly good things. Please do share your good things in the comments!
1. Friday: I’m so grateful for a pretty quiet day where I could just concentrate on my own things to do and whittle that seemingly neverending list down to something less horrifying. And then two rest days to come, though I may have to work at least one of them to make sure I can make my massage appointment next week without extra stress.
2. Saturday: Our library is so fantastic. They have a free books truck every month at our farmers market and JB got to pick free books. Also their stone fruit game is unmatchable – grocery store nectarines cannot hold a candle to farmers market nectarines and peaches. I’ll pay the premium for five excellent fruits a week rather than save $1/lb on subpar fruits. It’s $4.50 vs $3. Not gonna break the bank.
3. Sunday: Is it a fibro flare? Is it because I cheated and had a gluteny, carby, surgery treat? Is it because I overextended myself? Is it because the weather got colder? Who knows but I could not stay awake and upright this afternoon, like yesterday afternoon. It’s obnoxious. But PiC had borrowed a movie from the library so we had that to distract JB with and ze was like a hot water bottle on my side so I could rest. Yay?
4. Monday: The depression is a bit intense today. I forgot that it usually takes the form of rage and self-resentment but here it is. So, focusing on the good stuff again!
I was about to go through all the rigamarole of canceling our internet with Comcast and starting a new package with AT&T or a new service with them with PiC but I had to check first to see what date our promotional period ends. I had zero intention of negotiating because they’ve historically never accommodated my request for a promotion for existing customers. They offered me an overpriced bundle to stay, which was expected, but then they offered me the same service for the same promotional price for another 24 months. I’m shocked! Also I’m thrilled I don’t have to deal with this again for another two years.
This blueberry lemonade flavored sparkling water tastes weird so I’m going to try the blood orange flavor next!
:: It’s been such a packed week I couldn’t fill the rest of this up but good things did happen. Do share yours?
Tami has hit a particularly rough patch and it’s going income for some time. This is one of my personal nightmares – hitting such serious health issues I can’t work to pay our bills but I’ve been incredibly lucky so far. If you can help, I’m sure she’d appreciate it.
Over the years I’ve wondered why we didn’t move more towards a year round school, this article discusses the complications thereof: “It is easy to misconceive summer vacation as a simple product of agrarian needs rather than this more complicated story of demands for standardization, teacher professionalization, budget problems, lax attendance and fears of overburdening students. And this historical inaccuracy matters. The misperception leaves today’s reformers fighting the wrong battle, while conceding that the school calendar is something that deserves deference as if it was carefully constructed with best practices in mind.”
This is my weekly list of things that were good this week, even if they weren’t all unadulteratedly good things. Please do share your good things in the comments!
1. Friday: There’s nothing like a Friday afternoon – two whole days of freedom (or social obligations and chores but whatever, it’s not work) ahead. I’m glad I already did the week’s laundry. Thanks, Wednesday me!
2. Saturday: Everyone slept in, today, a little bit and I was glad for every minute. My body is doing weird stuff (assume constant pain and fatigue as the big picture) and I’m deeply exhausted so PiC and JB ditched me at home after swim lesson to go off and meet his friends for a playdate. I cleaned a couple small items, walked the dogs and gratefully went to bed. Thank goodness for a partner who sets up playdates and goes on them without me so I can rest when needed, and then texts me to remind me to rest lest I be overcome by my need to do things anyway.
3. Sunday: A Good Day. We got some sleep, got a little child free time to talk, went on a bit of a walk, played, rested, ate, pulled some weeds, then I rested some more while JB and PiC went to run errands. I missed the library but I desperately needed that nap to feel partially human again.
With a promise of a movie from the library, JB zipped through dinner and zir bath with hardly a single complaint, whine, or balk. Ze was sent off to the bathroom to start the bath routine and ze got it all started without being told, through gritted teeth, every single thing to do three times over. A small miracle, the miracle of bribery. Never doubt that ze would have lost the movie privilege if ze hadn’t.
4. Monday: Rough re-entry into the work week and a big reminder I’m not really feeling all the warm fuzzies for my job despite all the benefits from it. But I remind myself I have an extraordinary amount of freedom here that I would be hard-pressed to find elsewhere. And if occasionally I feel useless, I don’t have to put up a mask to hide that from judging corporate eyes the way I once had to.
5. Tuesday: Someone thanked me for taking care of a personal thing for them while I was off. It’s a small thing but it was impinging on my rare private time so it’s nice to have those things be appreciated.
6. Wednesday: I thank Sunday me for making tonight’s dinner.
7. Thursday: I’ve needed to go to the DMV for months to correct a typo on my paperwork. I go to AAA instead so it’s less agonizing but even that’s been a chore that I couldn’t find time for. It took a grueling 45 minutes on my feet, and triggered a pain cascade but I got it done today!
I love hearing how separate finances work for people. We started out separate and I assumed I’d want to keep it that way (pride, independence, etc) but our money set-up evolved as we matured as a couple because part of that process was me admitting unabashedly that I’m a control freak and so separate finances made me unhappy. PiC wasn’t bothered either way but he does appreciate the fact that I’ll go great lengths to grow our money and it just requires communication on his part to keep things working well. I relish my role as the CFO and controller of all monies and think it’s funny I ever deluded myself into thinking I wouldn’t want to be. It makes a huge difference that we earn almost similar salaries, though. It’s tough when there are great disparities in incomes and also disparities in what each part of the couple wants to spend.
We also agree that if we ever get divorced, we split the money down the middle, period. Doesn’t matter what we brought into the marriage or who did what with how much during the marriage. We will split equally and prioritize our child’s needs if ze is still a minor. Discussing things like this when we still love and respect each other will, I hope, help us behave as a mature adults should we ever have to split.
Ginsburg’s iconic status with women, in particular, and her leadership of the liberal wing of the Supreme Court mean any health news involving the tiny, 86-year-old justice can cause something of a panic in certain quarters.
Ginsburg is not oblivious to health concerns, but she waves away worries about her future.
“There was a senator, I think it was after my pancreatic cancer, who announced with great glee that I was going to be dead within six months,” she recalled. “That senator, whose name I have forgotten, is now himself dead, and I,” she added with a smile, “am very much alive.”
Casting of Shang Chi
I really like Simu in Kim’s Convenience and look forward to him as Shang Chi. I’m much less enthused about Awkwafina.
Glaciers Are Melting Underwater. It’s Worse Than Previously Thought
On Money