June 3, 2016
Theme: Adult time, me time
We’ve got a lovely neighbor who is genuinely happy to take JuggerBaby for 10-20 minutes if we need, probably longer if we asked, in the evenings. We’ve exchanged kids a few times now, her family is great with JuggerBaby and ze is totally into hanging out with them. Ze isn’t in the least bit shy of running up and demanding a snack. (The well trained kid in me groans at this imposition. But we are happy to feed their little guy when he asks for a snack so fair’s fair?) Their little guy is much older but he loves the company of anyone at any age, so he’s hung out with us a few times too, sans parents, and he’s hugely entertaining when he’s not running around in circles.
It’d be the perfect arrangement but alas, they’re only here for a little while. It’s hard to find people we consider a good fit: trustworthy, patient and firm, very reasonable, willing to tell a child “no”, and just easy to get along with. We’ll stay in touch, I’m sure, but they won’t be just on the same block anymore and sometimes, we just need a hand from someone who can be there without a long commute or scheduling two weeks in advance.
I mentioned earlier that we found babysitters – yaaayy! But they are only available the occasional Saturday and run at least $25/hour – OUCH.
We’d originally imagined babysitting to be the solution of buying ourselves some free time, some guilt free time, where we happily paid someone to help out with JuggerBaby for an hour or two to do something for ourselves or just get some work done. It’s tough when we’re both timing almost everything on the weekend for hir naps. It’s even tougher staring down the barrel of hir phasing out the second nap. (Say it ain’t so!)
We work at making sure PiC gets his gym time, that’s as important to his mental health as my quiet no-people time is to mine. Thus far, I’ve gotten by with thinking of daycare days as double duty days: It’s when I get my quiet me-time, and I get all my work done.
Once in a while I think wistfully of a time when I wasn’t on the dog or the baby’s schedule. Mostly, I think I’m as rested as I can be given health issues, and as fulfilled on a personal level as I need to be, right now, but eventually I’d like a little bit more. Nothing scheduled, I hate the commitment of taking weekly classes. Just the odd hour once or twice a month where I am solely committed to just doing whatever I want.
I don’t want to say that it’s entirely down to JuggerBaby that we don’t get our time, in that blamey kind of way, because I don’t resent it. The reality is we chose to have a human puppy. That’s fine, it brings a whole load of work and compensates with fun and laughter and snot and drool. It’s relatively even. But ze just happens to be the reason this period carries extra scheduling challenges.
I know this is a problem everyone has to some extent with their families, friends, work, and all their other obligations.
:: Do you get enough time to yourself? How do you carve out time for yourself? Do you prioritize alone time and social time?
May 30, 2016
Hawaii is awesome.
But Hawaii is also very expensive. It’s a high COLA and it’s only somewhat cheaper to have fun there if you’re resident because you can take advantage of the kama’aina rates. Otherwise, it’s expensive to buy groceries, eat out, and get around.
Part of this was possible because – well, I was going to say “we lucked into basically free accommodations” but that’s not accurate – our accommodations didn’t cost anything out of pocket but it wasn’t precisely free. We offer home-cooked meals, the guest bedroom, and rides to and from the airport to a variety of friends and family. This costs money, time and effort on our part but we don’t begrudge the hospitality because we have learned to set boundaries and offer only what we can truly give.
On occasion, and without any hints or nudges from us because we don’t expect it, some friends will offer us the same, either in their home or wherever they’re traveling.
In this case, friends happened to be traveling to Hawaii, had a free room in their rental home, and offered it to us. We were responsible for all our other costs, but we were welcome to stay for free and that was most excellent.
When free isn’t exactly free
Now you know me – when someone says “I have a free room for you in Hawaii”, I’m gonna say, hold on, lemme see if I can afford that “free” room. It costs something to get there, to get around, and to survive there, ya know! But it’s Hawaii and it’s been years since our last real vacation where I wasn’t pretty much working the whole time so of course I was going to find a way to make it work.
And indeed I did.
Our travel cost breakdown
Lodgings, $0 (est cost for 1 week, non-fancy: $2100)
Airfare for 3*, $35 (cost if we paid cash: $1500)
Groceries and eating out, $230
Gas, $20
Rental car for 1 week, $130
Taxi, $50
Boarding, $450
Gifts and things, $150
total: $1065
How did that happen?
After a few hours of research, I settled on flying United, hoping to snag a pair of fancy First Class / Coach class combination flights. The extra stop and short leg in Coach class meant that it was a Mixed Class booking and therefore would cost fewer miles.
If that worked out, I theorized that we could manage not buying a seat for JuggerLB who, even several months ago, was already unbearably wiggly. I succeeded in piling up enough miles with a couple of credit card bonuses, but failed to finalize the booking because we weren’t allowed to combine all our miles into one account to book the two seats at the same time. Drat.
Never mind, thought, we still had enough miles then to book three coach class seats which gave us the wiggle room that was sorely needed with JuggerLB.
The car rental nearly torpedoed my hopes when I saw the rates trending around $300-400 for the week. Put together with the fee to board Seamus, I just couldn’t see spending $1000 before we even left the airport.
ENTER: credit card membership benefits! It turns out if you hold a specific kind of CitiCard, you get complimentary Hertz Gold membership status and also extra discounts. I hadn’t seriously considered Hertz because they tend to be the most expensive but after combining that with our AAA membership, I saved us 60% on our week-long rental. And we were back in business!
Actually, those were the four biggest expenses, in order: accommodations, airfare, dog boarding, and car rental.
We simultaneously economized and didn’t.
On food. We treated our friends to a few meals out, at varying levels of expensive, and they bought enough groceries to provide us breakfasts and light lunches. We supplemented with deli lunches and other small desired delicacies.
We loaded up on mainland treats for our friends’s kids and some of our own foods for the week so that we wouldn’t have to pay $9 for a box of cereal or $7 for a jar of peanut butter.
On boarding. We could have gone with a cheaper sitter but we know and trust this one, and I’m still traumatized from losing Doggle in the hands of an irresponsible sitter. Seamus was in good and caring hands with this person and that’s the only way you’re going to get me to leave him behind.
On tourist stuff and having fun. Having a kid that still has to nap twice a day seriously limits your options when most attractions take half a day or more because of traffic or distance. We used to skip one of the two naps on occasion for special occasions but JuggerLB has hit a phase where skipping a nap means being too tired means ze will bite, usually me, and it HURTS.
I would have loved to swim with dolphins but, in the end, couldn’t bring myself to pay nearly $300 for less than an hour of fun.
Making a virtue of my cheapness and JuggerLB’s required rest periods, we enjoyed the sun and the water that was practically at our doorstep, free movies, and the free ice cream social. Also the free parking. I hate paying for parking so much that I celebrate a little extra when we travel and don’t have to pay an astronomical amount to leave my car in a safe space for a while. Oh, and each other. We had a lot of fun just hanging out together, chasing JuggerLB, and relaxing. I haven’t gone 24 hours without thinking about working, working, or thinking about work problems in I don’t even know how long.
I’d also forgotten how much the aloha spirit and relaxed island attitude toward time melts away my stress. There’s something magical about island time: it seems to pass three times more slowly. It was totally worth all the work and trouble to make it happen. Though technically I guess you’d say we paid $1000 for three of us to go and one of us NOT to go to Hawaii.
:: Have you visited Hawaii? Is it your kind of vacation? If not, what is?
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May 25, 2016
I caught this question on Twitter and loved it. Without saying those three words, how do you tell your loved ones that they’re loved?
Bonus points if it’s free! Well, ok, most of mine are free in the sense they don’t cost money but they cost time and often expertise.
How I tell PiC I love him
- I finished our tax return.
- The baby’s down for a nap, hit the gym if you want to.
- [midday text] Dinner will be on the table in 30 minutes.
- Save room for dessert!
- You have fresh bath towels and clean underwear in the drawer.
- Booked our tickets for Hawaii/vacation for $35 out of pocket!
- Seamus and I already went on long walks.
- We’ll go out AFTER you take a nap.
- Merry Christmas, we own more stock.
- I bought us an investment property.
How PiC tells me he loves me
- I’ll walk the dog, just relax. Also, here’s your tea and a couple of biscuits.
- I’m going to the gym, back in 1.5 hours.
- Thanks for raising the kid today.
- I’ve got the baby, go back to sleep.
- LB and I went to Costco.
- Did you want to do some writing? We can go for a walk.
- There’s a cookie for you in that box.
- Want to go to NY and see Hamilton?
- Menu planning is not just your job. I can plan too.
- All the dumplings / sashimi is for you.
How I tell friends I love them
- Check your mailbox.
- Check your inbox, I edited that thing for you.
- Tell me when you’re in town, I’ll take time off.
- I’ll be over in fifteen minutes to change your bandages.
- No gluten? No sugar, dairy, meat? No problem.
- You can have the last brownie.
- Angry Cat’s ears are clean now. So are Grouchy Dog’s.
- I still have to work but I’ll come over and work so we can talk.
- I’m lending you this awesome comic book.
- Go do your thing, I’ll watch the kids / walk the dog.
:: What are your ways to tell people you love them? Are you a splash-out indulgent sort or is that only for special occasions?
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May 23, 2016
Sarah Jeong’s experience with someone getting hold of her account and routing numbers confirms that I’m not paranoid about bank accounts. I’m exactly worried enough.
We have to give out our routing and account numbers to receive payments but, as her experience shows us, money can be withdrawn that way, too, without any authentication or verification required.
Fifteen years ago, before there was actual proof or anecdotes that giving out my account information for deposits was a problem, Dad asked me for them both so he could deposit some cash for me. That in and of itself wasn’t an issue, but it did raise a question mark in my mind.
The bank assured me that my account and routing numbers could only be used by non-accountholders for deposits but they didn’t back up any of those assurances with facts. It was a very “trust me” moment. (Needless to say, I don’t.)
How I protect my money
That left me with an uneasiness that never went away. When I started simplifying all my bank accounts, after the wonderful days of 5% interest yore were a distant memory, I still opened 2 extra accounts.
We have a joint checking account where all our money gets funneled. I keep one month of expenses there. The cash that I need easy access to goes into a nearby savings account, the cash that doesn’t need to stay liquid, is immediately transferred to be invested or into the Super Secret Locked Up Bank Account.
We have a second checking account for the real estate investment property: income is auto deposited by the property manager and the expenses are automatically paid every month. There’s not much left at the end of each month, but there’s some. That overage is swept into a savings account too.
This way, if anyone gets the account and routing numbers of either checking account and manages to finagle a withdrawal, I’d be out a month of cash and Really Annoyed but at least the damage should end there.
:: Do you worry about bank security? How’s your banking set up?
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ON MONEY
Mood: Inspired