About sixteen years ago, I met him for the first time. My trainwreck sibling brought home this adorable puppy he had no business adopting because he had not one thing in his life that wasn’t a mess. I was furious at my sibling – he didn’t even take care of himself, how could he drag
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October 7, 2015
We’ve been reading a lot of Dr. Seuss lately. More accurately, I’ve been reading, LB just cruises by and checks out the illustrations sometimes. Believe it or not, this is the first time I’ve read Oh, the places you’ll go in its entirety. It’s actually pretty good!
I like that the optimism and enthusiasm is tempered with nods to reality: that sometimes you’ll be alone, sometimes you’ll hit a rough spot. And other times, you’ll steer into….
The Waiting Place…
…for people just waiting.
Waiting for a train to go
or a bus to come, or a plane to go
or the mail to come, or the rain to go
or the phone to ring, or the snow to snow
or the waiting around for a Yes or No
or waiting for their hair to grow.
Everyone is just waiting.
Waiting for the fish to bite
or waiting for the wind to fly a kite
or waiting around for Friday night
or waiting, perhaps, for their Uncle Jake
or a pot to boil, or a Better Break
or a string of pearls, or a pair of pants
or a wig with curls, or Another Chance.
Everyone is just waiting.
Oh, the places you’ll go!
Clearly, waiting isn’t high on Dr. Seuss’s list, not the way he puts it, but every so often, patience is a virtue.
I’m waiting on … little things
- UPS to deliver replacement electronics. All my devices are trying to die on me.
- UPS to deliver Seamus’s medication.
- United miles to post to our account.
Bigger things
- Perhaps a bit nervously, my interview for Jessica’s podcast goes up in October.
- For the next round of inspiration on my writing project. You can’t always force the writing. When I do, I end up with a thousand words of drivel. It’s not a pretty sight.
- 2016 travel plans are taking shape. Quite a few things are already lined up next year and we’ve got several itineraries started in TripIt.
- For my work across multiple projects to bear fruit. For free moments to squeeze in work on those projects.
- A lot of people I care about are having a hard time right now, in all aspects of life, and I’m doing my darnedest to support them, online or off. I am hoping that their efforts bear fruit.
What are y’all waiting for these days? Are you having trouble living in the moment as you wait or do you feel balanced?
October 5, 2015
So how did I do with my Q3 plans?
Professional:
Edit the writing project.
Nope. I still need to commit many many more words to paper before we get to an editing stage, so this project is about six months behind thanks to my other project. (Just kidding … mostly)
Ask a mentor or two to critique it.
Yes, I thought that actually asking someone to have a look at it would force me to write. It doesn’t always work that way.
Blog at least 3x/week.
Yep!
Personal:
Vacation in San Diego.
Sort of! We did do a trip, anyway.
Host a good friend for a week.
Yes! We actually had more than one friend spend time with us and it was glorious.
Keep walking 5 of 7 days per week.
Yes! It wasn’t always a long walk but I’ve gotten myself out and about frequently enough to feel like I’m getting a little wind in my sails.
How are you doing?
October 2, 2015
Change from Jan 2015: 15.2% increase
0.5% decrease from last month
ON MONEY
I use Swagbucks. Here’s a handy tutorial if you’d like to join and earn.
Spending
Last we checked, I was dreading phone replacement. Dragged my feet, in fact, even though the phones were being outrageously non functional: turning off randomly, refusing to turn back on, “the camera is not connected” messages. Neither of us wanted phablets, which is where all the newer smartphones today are headed, and we definitely didn’t want the $1000+ bill that comes with two new phones. But it seemed like the best we could do was a certified used phone for about 20% less and any used electronics from an unknown seller always makes me nervous.
During our intense research period, PiC was gifted a new to him used phone, and that was a huge relief. I bought him a new case and charging cords, he did SIM card surgery, and he’s set! I deleted a bunch of apps and data from my phone and that’s helped a little bit so that I don’t have to rush out and replace it with something expensive. We were looking at the Samsung Galaxy 6 but it’s huge and so’s the price tag.
*keeps phone on life support*
*** (more…)
September 28, 2015
I made pantry dinner twice last week. A couple other nights saw us reheating leftovers, and then we had take out.
Our lives, post-baby, still revolve around dinner and what to have, and who’ll make it happen.
Things that have to happen before we can settle down and adult for the night: walk the dog(s), feed the dog(s), feed the Inchworm, play with the Inchworm, bathe the Inchworm, feed the Inchworm again, put the Inchworm to bed.
This is after a 12-14 hour day of working and Inchworm-related activities, so, at some point, it doesn’t really matter how we make dinner happen, just that it does happen. Sometimes I’m inspired and have enough short breaks to whip it up delightful oven miracles. Sometimes PiC gets home to an explosion of toys, an Angry Inchworm, épuisé wife, and that means he should magic something out of the pantry or the crisper.
We both work, and we both have to eat, and our schedules are topsy turvy most days. I’m pretty Type A and live by my calendar but these days I’m relaxed enough to count myself happy if we both get our work done in a reasonable time and we both get nourished.
Right in this instant, I’ve only ever been more tired a couple times in my life but I’ve never been this sure that this is the best life right now. I have my baby family, we’re both working and building our careers, and we both have to compromise to make it work.
I think it’s our healthy relationship barometer. When things aren’t going well, dinner is later and sketchier and more often eaten separately and standing up. When we’ve got our bits and pieces in the right bins, we have a bit of a warm potato pass off. I might have started a side or an entree cooking, leaving the finishing touches to PiC while I wrangle the kidlet, or I might have a one pot meal finishing up when he walks in the door so he gets to walk the kids. Other nights I have exactly two brain cells still keeping each other warm in the frosty cavern of a mind and he’ll arrive with a basket of Korean fried chicken to go with the cold rice I’d made lots of the day before.
Every day there’s a compromise. He takes the early morning shift (and weekends) so I can sleep. I sleep an extra hour or two so that I can take the all day shift. We split the evening duties because we’ve both worked long days and some things are easier with four hands and a knee.
In other words: symbiosis.
Frankly the only one who’s losing out on this equation at the moment is Seamus who is nursing hurt feelings over my pushing back my dining chair and accidentally running him over a little. I’m sorry!
Actually he’s having a bit of a rough time overall: he doesn’t get our undivided attention, LB likes him too much and therefore he comes in for a share of slobbery kiss attempts he’s not much into, and he’d like to play more. But all of these things would be, minus the slobber, wishful thinking even without LB because we have to be really careful of his skin.
It’s not doggy heaven but he gets fed enough and regularly, he has three beds and more warm places to rest his grizzled muzzle than he can use, he’s well loved, gets walks three times a day and sometimes we run into his fellow doggy the Titan and they have a mighty clash-romp.
Other compromises: I still do all our tax planning and financial stuff. I love it, and I’m a control freak. He does our auto maintenance: repairs, routine checks and gassing up. I do most of the laundry, he’s got the dishes and most of the sweeping and vacuuming. Travel planning: me. Grocery shopping: him. Electronics, purchasing and fixing: me. Clothing, picking out sporting goods, fun gear: him.
Nothing’s perfect, we have our little tiffs when one or the other is flat out of patience and exhausted but they’re rare. We’re getting better at saying: I’m so tired, can you do X for me please.
Like when he ran his first road race since LB came along. He does 99% of the morning duties. This time, he mentioned that he really needed a good sleep before he went out running, so at 5 am when ze was burbling away, I dragged myself up to take care of hir for a couple hours. He was immensely grateful and made sure I had some time to rest to make up for it later. We don’t keep score, per se, we’ve just been practicing listening a lot more.
Compromise! It’s our secret sauce.
September 25, 2015
Mrs. Crackin’ the Whip and I are in agreement. Shopping for certain things – bras, underwear, swimsuits and jeans – are a special kind of hell. In my case, shopping for anything I have to wear is hell.
My preferred shopping MO is pretty direct: Need a thing? Buy that thing, on sale, with a coupon. Leave.
And that’s when I was young and foolish, brimming full of can-do enthusiasm. These days, I’m not willing to waste even a single drop of energy, much less the full tank needed to go to the store. Oh how I wish I were like a gas tank that could be refilled with a swipe of the credit card. Fill up on Number Me, please, and a spare jug to go!
A normal day is full of getting up, working, taking care of Inchworm, working, more Inchworm, eating, cleaning, and oh yes, working. Who has juice left for the full expedition that is shopping? Not I, said the perpetually-exhausted-even-before-a-kid-working-mom.
Going out means getting dressed, packing up (with the kiddo) in that narrow time we have between naps, driving to a store, navigating the parking, getting ourselves into the store, picking out non-hideous things and then trying it on. Getting dressed wipes me out, then you want my precious brain cells to think about whether something fits? NOPE. Ain’t happening.
As much as being an entirely minimalist live off the land type sounds appealing in theory (kinda) (except I still want running water and indoor plumbing and The West Wing and a washer/dryer), that’s not even remotely likely so the Internet and the online shopping it makes possible is the best answer this millennium has coughed up in the fight against chronic pain and fatigue.
As a chronic slippery slope personality, I make it work for my budget, not against it:
- I am ruthless about returning anything that’s not perfect. “Just ok” is not good enough. There’s no room and no budget for mediocrity!
- Free shipping/returns do not influence my “this is reasonable price point”
- Never click Purchase immediately after filling my cart. Since it’s online, I don’t feel the pressure of Buy it or Get Out Of The Darn Store NOW. There is artificial pressure: “sale ends soon!” or “limited to items in stock!” but there’s always another sale and I never need anything so badly that it has to be THAT ONE RIGHT NOW. Uh, except for the one time.
- CASHBACK (Mr. Rebates), CASHBACK (ebates), CASHBACK (credit card rewards).
Secondhand (hi, Craigslist!) is amazing for almost everything but not for clothes since my size has only recently been more normal and even that’s rarely ever in-store so the only reason to leave the house to shop is the free food samples at Costco or Trader Joe’s. Just as well. I have a theory that the more I’m exposed to the crappier side of human nature between work and shopping malls, the more likely it is I’ll explode, messily, and without warning.
Honestly, my online shopping habit is saving lives here. You’re welcome.
What’s your poison? Can you shop at thrift stores and is it as amazing as I imagine it to be? (Vintage! Designer! Well constructed! All for $5.99!)
September 23, 2015
Optimistically I hatched an almost plan to celebrate the whole month, like some of my friends who love life do. Just an “almost plan”, because that thought was as far as I got. In part to make up for my lack of enthusiasm in previous years, and in part to add to my new habit of doing small good money things each day.
It’s been half a decade since I felt comfortable with my birthday and it was nothing to do with age. For a few years, in my 20s, it was actually even fun. I shared the week with a dearly departed uncle. Then one year, he fell ill. It seemed like a small thing, until it wasn’t. I hoped, and hoped, and hoped that we’d have a miracle. But we didn’t. Then our birthweek became the week of losing him. And it’s just never felt right since.
Even when I’m not fully cognizant of the reason, a malaise sets in around 2-3 weeks before the actual day and I spend that whole time trying to convince PiC to cancel everything, when “everything” is hardly any more taxing than having dinner because I can’t think of my birthday with joy without being reminded of our joke that I was “4 days older than Uncle”, and it feels like my breath is sucked away as I remember he’s gone and it’s not fair.
We weren’t close close, not talk on the phone every other day and finish each other’s sentence close. But we were kindred spirits. I admired and respected the hell out of him and he recognized me as one of his sort, seeking my back-up in faux-arguments and treating me with an easy warm fondness unique to him. Above all, he was a good man who’d made good for his family and I wanted nothing more than to match his example.
That’s my whole trouble with anniversaries and special dates. The big ones tend to remind me of those I’ve lost, more than anything, and I haven’t been great at turning that around.
But each year I try again. We’re only given so much time and I’m trying not to waste what we have by forgetting to live while mourning, grieving rather than remembering.
There’s a lot more I want to do and each birthday is a reminder to get off my duff and do it.
I don’t usually ask for anything for my birthday but this year I will: would you share a fond memory or a fun thing you’re doing?
September 21, 2015
and featuring a Bonus Thought: Sometimes you don’t!
A friend of mine shared a listsicle signature line which made me chuckle. It’s supposed to be sarcastic reasons you don’t need life insurance because haha of course you do. It just makes a strong case for calling it When You Die Insurance because calling it LIFE insurance seems to confuse everyone, including the people who sell it.
Instead of being that know it all who tells someone their signature line sucks, I decided to be an adult and just blog about it. ;D
Six reasons you don’t need life (When You Die) insurance:
(According to the agent)
1. You are never going to die.
Ha ha ha … see that’s funny because it’s insurance for when you die. So you don’t need it if you’re not going to die! Get it?
The implication is probably that you’re going to keep working for the rest of eternity. But if you do die, I mean when you die, you don’t get to take this money with you. It stays here. Just sayin’.
2. You are going to inherit a fortune.
Inheriting a fortune is awesome and if you don’t blow it all, yes, that could replace your When You Die insurance. Let’s keep in mind this is not a good life financing plan because someone still has to die first and that’s just suspect as all get out.
3. You are going to win the lottery.
That’d also be awesome. If you win and don’t blow it all in a year, it’s possible this could be your When You Die insurance.
4. Your children are going to support you.
In death? Is this for zombies? Is this undead insurance for zombies? Hint: Life insurance isn’t for your daily expenses.
5. You are never going to retire.
Does an insurance for When You Die help with retirement? Again, if you have to be dead to collect, it’s not much good to you when you’re alive, you’re working or not. Life tip: Life insurance isn’t your retirement savings!
6. The government will take care of you.
Again, in death? What care do you need after you’re dead and buried / cremated / scattered at sea?
REAL reasons you need life insurance:
- You have minor or elderly dependents who would struggle with one-time or ongoing expenses upon your death, or pets who would need a home and/or require care.
- You have debt that would fall to your survivors to pay without your income: a cosigned mortgage, cosigned student loans, etc.
- You intended to support someone’s major life change like buying a home or though college, whether it’s your own child, that of your spouse’s, or even another relative.
- And your savings won’t cover any or all of the above options that apply to you.
Final answer: When You Die insurance is to cover your debt obligations and to help the living that you left behind, if they need it and you don’t have enough assets saved to cover it.
Therefore, another truth: You may not need life insurance!
If you’re single, have zero dependents whether of the 2 or 4-legged variety, no debt, and don’t intend to pick up any of these things ever? Or you’re married, no dependents, no debt, and the surviving spouse has a good career? Or you have any of those obligations but you have a LOT of savings? Then you don’t need life insurance! Imagine that. Leigh and Linda can attest to that.
At a certain point, if we grow our assets appropriately, we won’t need our life insurance to cover our debt and support LB and Seamus in the event that we both disappear from their lives and deprive them of our incomes. That’s all it is: a guaranteed income replacement for a limited period of time.
But your local life insurance agent would rather you didn’t think that.