Matt on the cases people make against charity. I definitely have a scarcity mindset and things like the unpredictability of the health insurance landscape (an example: the squeeze of high deductible high plans) or the high cost health care in general feed mine. But I still give, one way or another, to people who need help, to small creators, to causes we care about.
Nicole Cliffe’s told the funny version of her grandmother (CW: suicide, substance abuse, and sexual abuse) online but this is the serious version.
Men who behave like this at first look like any other men, thus I look at all of them askance until I KNOW I’m safe around them. I also think he should have been moved to the worst seat and arrested coming off the plane.
Don’t be a Natasha Tynes. I don’t get why people feel the need to police (particularly black women) people for doing necessary things like eating.
The politest (puppy) eviction
I saw this on reddit and I’ve watched it a minimum of 27 times and every single time it has only gotten better and exceeded my expectations pic.twitter.com/Y6xPMCtJ99
An acquaintance told me that she had a rule for her kids and their birthdays: up til age 3, they had a party. After that, the kids had the choice of a party or taking a trip together. The end result is they’ve been on a LOT of trips, and dodged the hosting a party bullet many times. I envy them a little, as my bones ache in the aftermath of this party.
We have celebrated with JB very quietly the past three years. We had a casual lunch with all our friends the first year, a home cooked dinner with family the second, and the third last was a park date with zir best friend followed up with a happy hour lunch. Each one was low key and most importantly, easy.
Since then, ze has been invited to over a dozen birthday parties which firmly planted the seed that zir birthday could mean, no, MUST mean, A PARTY. As a result, everything for the past 12 months has been about what ze wants for zir party. We don’t typically cater to our child’s whims but several stars aligned in zir favor: PiC wanted to do one, ze has been with these classmates for a really long time, and my favorite relative wanted to lend a hand. We decided it could be a one time thing and we worked on economizing! There was nothing saying we couldn’t do this on the cheap. Was there? (Foreshadowing voice: FOOLS.)
We did off the cuff research as we discussed whether or not this was really happening – at birthday parties for other kids, we evaluated the service, the cleanliness and fun level of each place, the prices. JB was evaluating too. Every party we left, ze piped up: I want to have my party here, please! Discernment, ze has none.
Venues range from $165-$600. ($600!?!?)
We prefer doing park birthdays which seem way more relaxed BUT they’re actually a ton of work. You have to bring everything: food, drinks, place settings, chafing dishes if you have warm food, coolers and ice if you need cold stuff, tableclothes, decorations. This time of the year, you run a real risk of getting rained out. One forward thinking set of parents brought tents and canopies for their kid’s party in case the rainstorm of the week stuck around for their day. Luckily the skies were clear for their event but helping them pack their two cars was a 5.5 person job. Also, why do people not listen when you say gifts are not necessary? They clearly stated “no gifts” and had to pack 20 gifts into their brimming over cars. We gave them the gift of no physical gift and helped them set up and clean up. (I vote that our gift was the most valuable!)
We wanted to have less work and less crap to haul so we picked the cheapest possible indoor venue. The cost should have been as low as we could get it except we expected 20% of the invitees to decline and only 8% did. Even the kid who never goes to any of the birthdays ever said yes. What the heck?? Um, “luckily” a few kids cancelled at the last minute so we had exactly our limit of attendees. Honestly if they hadn’t cancelled, I don’t think we would have had room for them. The party room was MUCH smaller than I expected.
The hour-long activity was really well organized. The two instructors kept things moving right along and the kids were all engaged and relaxed. PiC got to watch and photograph more of it than I did, I was somehow dubbed the “get people to sign their waivers” person so I had to watch the door for stragglers and get them set up.
Total: $235+ $40 tip
Food is typically pizza plus cake.
I was sick and tired of pizza at kid parties. I was going to be different – we were going to have good food! Then I saw how much it would cost to feed 21 kids and 25 adults. Quotes were coming in around $300. Holy crap, nope, immediate backpedaling!
Since I can’t cook in large enough quantities to feed that many people cheaply and well, we ended up with pizza and a platter of catered sandwiches after all. Oops.
We did make our own dessert using a delicious easy recipe. Totally unhealthy but delicious – tiny lemon cupcakes. They’re glazed and in tiny portions so two or three of our cupcakes is still less sugar than your standard store bought cupcake with four inches of frosting. (That’s disappointing to the frosting eaters among the children, namely, JB.) PiC insisted on having a small cake for zir candles and decorated it beautifully.
Naturally the kids all rejected the delectable dainties because it wasn’t the “real” cake. I overheard one parent valiantly trying to convince her kid that these “really are cakes, and they’re DELICIOUS.” We should have seen that coming!
We had sandwiches left over to feed all of us for 4 days, too so that was a nice bonus. They were really good.
Cupcakes for 42 people, plus cake: $24
Pizza: $30
Sandwiches for adults: $50
Juice boxes for the kids: $7
Water bottles, left over from friend’s party: free
Sodas for adults: $10
Dessert platters, which we’ll use again when we host dinners: $25
Cake server because we’re adults now: $4
Foil pans with lids just in case we needed them: $5 (returned these, we didn’t need them)
Paper plates, plastic forks, napkins, leftover from previous events: free Total: $150
Decorations can ran the gamut, depending on how fancy you get.
Most people have themed balloons, banners, and goodie bags. I used to think that was extravagant. Then we went to a party that was so over the top, we cringed all the way home over the waste. There was SO MUCH paper and plastic, and extravangantly expensive fondant cake that didn’t even taste good, that was thrown away. They had themed everything: goodie cups filled with toys, snack boxes to take home, stickers, custom made frosted cookies scattered all over the tables for the grabbing, and a costume for the birthday kid just for the party. Enough latex balloons for everyone but everyone scattered to the winds with their armloads of swag, leaving only the birthday family to take them home. So much was just left behind, and trashed, it made my heart hurt. Of course the kids were over the moon about it at the time, but they also promptly forgot about it.
We ran in the other direction. We planned to have, at most, a small bundle of balloons, a gold banner that we can use for many birthdays to come, and the venue’s standard tablecloths. We pulled out a set of disposable tablecloths we thriftily saved from PiC’s birthday a few years back just in case. (Disposable, hah!) We couldn’t get the balloons and didn’t need the banner since the venue had one left up already, so that was $21 saved. No one noticed our lack of decorations – the food and drinks and the birthday kid were all they needed.
Total: $0
Goodie bags, oh boy
I was thinking we’d do a stack of books but one of JB’s aunties wanted to contribute this to the party. I THOUGHT she was going to be restrained but… no. I think the kids loved it, it wasn’t a bunch of cheap plastic to throw out, but it was a lot more than we would have done on our own! JB wanted to hand them out personally, ze was so happy to have that thing to do.
Cost to us: $0.
Final out of pocket total: $425.
We’ve very clearly told JB that we’re not doing this again and of course it bounces off like ze is Teflon. Every other week, ze is doing research for zir next birthday and writing up new guest lists! Kids.
:: What is your favorite birthday tradition, for kids or adults?
An interview with Kassandra Dassant, talking finances after 40: Building her Business and Finding Her Purpose. This is a timely read / series for me as I examine how I want to end my 30s and how I want to enter into my 40s.
1. Friday: I finally grew a brain. Instead of getting up super early (for me), then being frustrated that I couldn’t wake JB up for 20-30 minutes because ze still needs more sleep, I just went straight to work and got a bunch of critical stuff off my plate. Then I went to tackle the sleeping dragon.
3. Saturday: We didn’t plan on it but we had the afternoon free to support PiC at a memorial event that went twice as long as we expected. JB was in good spirits and we had just enough supplies to keep zir fed and occupied, luckily. Physically, I was thrashed afterward for days, but it was an important thing for us to have done together.
4. Sunday: Working on the weekend is not a fun thing but I was glad to get through a few hours of work this morning so I could spend the afternoon doing fun things without stressing over the bad Monday to come.
6. Monday: Sunday’s work made SUCH a difference to my work day. I don’t want to always require weekend work but I will build on this momentum. Also I’m proud that I’ve consistently checked on Friend 1 (a dear friend going through some really tough life stuff right now) consistently every week this year.
7. Tuesday: The past 10 weeks have been ultra-stressful for work reasons but also for personal reasons. A friend’s wife has been an absolute snake to us, actively stirring the pot and having tantrums worthy of 45. Because we’re unable to cut her out of our lives for a specific period of time, due to prior commitments that are bigger than us, we’ve been dealing with her shenanigans for the short term. I realized this week that it was really getting to me, priming my brain for drama every day, so I actively decided today that it doesn’t matter what she thinks or wants or has a hissy over, she simply does not exist today. Or tomorrow. Or the rest of this week. Even after another bout with insomnia last night, I can feel that decision actively reducing my stress.
9. Wednesday: I slept well enough to wake up early all on my own this morning! If I can keep this up through next winter, we can skip forking over a great deal of money for the daylight alarm clock I was considering. Come to think, this might actually be related to some spring/summer weather? If so, I may just be putting off the inevitable for another year but that’s fine.
10. Thursday: I got SO MANY things done today but most importantly, I actually had an appetite for the first time in three weeks.
This winter (December through March) was a lot less reading and lot more doing things but that wasn’t correlated – I don’t have time to read during the day!
It was just a coincidence that I ran short on reading material, needed more sleep, and had resolved to try to do one social thing per month all around the same time.
What I read
Tanja Hester, Work Optional – a fantastic book on the ideas and math behind early retirement, not just how fun it is.
J.K. Rowling, John Tiffany, Jack Thorne, Harry Potter and the Cursed Child – Parts One and Two
I’m unwilling to spend any more money on Rowling’s franchise, she’s become deeply problematic over the years and probably always has been, but a friend lent me their copy of the book and I was curious. NOW I understand why another friend likes Scorpius.
Patricia Briggs. I’m well into this series mostly because of momentum and availability. Our library has a lot of the ebooks and hasn’t gotten a lot of the books I do want. But the social structure in her world is squicky.
I knew Ashley Ford’s name first on Twitter as @ismashfizzle because she does good work for the world there but here’s another facet to love: her interview with Michelle Yeoh.
“America First” – not my America. This piece was hugely resonant for me as a child of immigrants, knowing how much the generation of parent-immigrants gave up in order to give us a better life. I still feel that sense of gratitude even if my own remaining parent has turned out to be a terrible person. It’s weird but I do.
Golden Globes
I don’t watch awards shows but I will watch Sandra Oh in pretty much anything. And Samberg is hilarious. This monologue made me laugh out loud. And they cut to her mom.
I’ve almost closed out the 2018 budget but there’s one last check to be cashed from December 1st (when is it ok to tell someone to take their damn money already??)
I was fortunate enough to have a choice between maxing out our IRAs this year right away or investing more in our brokerage so I did the former to get it out of our hair.
I’ve calculated our expected cash flow for the first three months of 2019 and scheduled automatic savings to reflect that.
I’ve calculated our expected large expenses for the year and scheduled automatic savings to cover them over the course of the year.
What’s left?
Mostly the everyday things.
Working my job every day with attendant frustrations so I can keep earning that paycheck that feeds our savings and investing.
Feeding my family – meal planning, grocery shopping, thinking about diet stuff.
Walking the dogs – training Sera, making sure Seamus has every possible health need covered.
Making sure to the best of our abilities that JB grows up to be a good and decent human. We also need to get zir into some sports and activities to be a bit more well-rounded and make a few more friends.
Reading all the good books I can reach (more more more!)
We’ve got one big trip for later this year to be planned out. After that? Probably staying close to home for a while. Now that Seamus is showing his age (his hearing is suspect, his eyesight seems to be less sharp, he’s definitely much crankier) we’re going to curtail international travel so we can spend this time with him.
These are good things. I’m enjoying them. I’d like to enjoy more of them. I’d like to be out in the garden ripping out the rest of those weeds now that the rains have softened the previously rock hard ground.
I should be pretty content.
Instead, the past few weeks, I’ve been obsessively sitting here staring at our accounts, glaring at them to sprout 100x their income as if Power Stare is a method of investment growth (it’s not). I’ve been cranky and impatient. (more…)
I’m having a bit of a patience problem.