November 9, 2020
Week 33 of COVID in the Bay Area.
Week 33, Day 227: I was having a bad parent day. I was in the doldrums and tired and cranky. Then I was impatient with JB for being tired and cranky and out of sorts. That’s hardly fair. It was incredibly hard to get myself on balance to avoid snapping at them for having the same feelings as I was having (but didn’t realize in the moment).
I did take them out for a short midday exercise session (with all the groaning and whining you’d expect from a tired and cranky under-6 whose parent is being stern and crabby). They did get their exercise in. So that was something.
I was trying to focus on the small good things: a small Christmas treat surprise I found for the family since we won’t travel this year. The order of gift books I placed from an independent bookstore. The spices I will soon enjoy cooking and baking with. The huge batch of ribs that are going into the freezer and will save our butts one of these days when we have nothing for dinner (which feels like most nights).
(more…)
October 27, 2020
If you’d like to join me in helping Lakota families and/or rural libraries this year, please read this post. Over 6 weeks in 2019, we raised $2669.94 for the Lakota families, touching 27 lives. What can we do in 2020?
Current total: Lakota, $1,905.47; Rural libraries, $346.69.
Week 32 of COVID in the Bay Area.
Week 32, Day 220: Mondays keep on Mondaying. I had to walk away from my desk to make dinner leaving 70 emails and three hours worth of other time sensitive work and I was in a real mood about it.
I was in a mood most of the day though, from having to reel through a dozen management decisions to finding out that our Joybird order wasn’t just delayed in transit. They hadn’t even started making production until this week. It was slated for delivery starting tomorrow through the end of the week. I was livid, in fact, because they were a month behind and wouldn’t you think that warranted some kind of proactive notice? Not only did they not bother to give us a single update until I started contacting them, they took a week to answer my email and ignored all subsequent contacts. Couldn’t get them to reply to an email, texts, or even answer their phone. I can handle delays if I know about them. But delays like this and a refusal to make sure we’re updated honestly says to me that this is a shady company that isn’t going to come through and can’t be relied on to honor their refund policy if the product is shoddy. Especially when I see the absolute bonanza of complaints from other people trying to get them to answer emails and phone calls for months.
I’m preparing myself to have to dispute the charges if and when they fail to deliver what they promised.
I did catch myself on the verge of blaming myself for not doing deeper investigation into the company, an unhealthy go-to reaction when I’m mad at someone’s shortcomings but feel helpless to change it. I turn the anger back on myself for not seeing it coming.
But I did due diligence, I did do research, and I did check with people who’d used them before. It’s not like I just jumped in feet first eyes closed, and it’s not my fault they stink. I’m getting mad all over again typing this up because we moved our old sofa out already to make space, timing was an issue, and I need a sofa. I need to find a back up sofa option because I have my doubts that Joybird will ever come through. Highly do not recommend.
Worked super late this evening. Did not love that either but I find that even if it’s exhausting, the reduced stress when I do the extra hours and see an actual reduction in my workload for the next day, it matters. Plus during the day sometimes I have to deal with administrative nonsense and at night I can focus solely on my work.
Week 32, Day 221: Seamus’s puff pastry looking ear is worse but the vet isn’t very concerned yet. He’s thinking it needs another few weeks to start to reduce in size. I hope so. He doesn’t seem to be bothered by it but I don’t want it to progress to the point where it does bother him. We’re crossing our fingers that he’s beat his multiple infections, we should find out later this week.
That’s the good news. The bad news is that Joybird is a terrible company and after being given a chance to rectify their error they chose to obfuscate and basically use 1209 words to say the product was going to be a month late, too bad so sad. PiC and I were disturbed by the sheer volume of negative experience being reported this month so after a proper fume and grumble, I did some research and talked extensively with the AmEx rep to confirm the best course of action. I decided to take one last shot at getting them to cancel the order on their own.
Tuesday was no less a terrible day than Monday but with second late night at my desk, I might have done enough for tomorrow to be less terrible.
(more…)
October 20, 2020
If you’d like to join me in helping Lakota families and/or rural libraries this year, please read this post. Over 6 weeks in 2019, we raised $2669.94 for the Lakota families, touching 27 lives. What can we do in 2020?
Current total: Lakota, $1,816.35; Rural libraries, $346.69.
Week 31 of COVID in the Bay Area.
Week 31, Day 213: We had a talk with JB’s tutor about the two priorities we’re balancing: academics vs structure. Structure is the part that they have always had with daycare scheduling to prepare them for the way a traditional classroom is run, vs the learning itself (academics).
Kindergarten completely lacks consistency and structure. We never know what they’re going to be doing at any given time of the class session, or even what time the class will end. Daycare was incredibly structured down to the five minute mark and we always knew what they were expected to be doing at any point in the day. Our tutor expressed concern that if JB were to continue on a trajectory where they are academically a grade level or two above their current grade but continue to lack that ability to handle the structure, skipping a grade would be a real problem. We appreciated that insight but we realize that JB’s social development isn’t progressing at a pace that I would think skipping grades could work well for them in the next year or two. That could change, but at the moment, with the few opportunities they have to socialize, I have my doubts it’ll shift much over the next year.
We decided that within the tutoring session, focusing on the academics will be our higher priority. PiC and I will continue to work on balancing flexibility and structure across the whole day so that they aren’t completely feral by the time first grade starts.
Today I introduced a short post-kindergarten class exercise session. We took the dogs outside for a very short walk to a safe part of the street where I could send JB to do wind sprints. I posed this as their “real dog owner training”. They need to build up strength and stamina if they’re going to have a hope of keeping up with running Sera one of these days. Then they get to do a quiet activity of their choice for up to 40 minutes, followed up by an assigned chore. We’ll go into lunch and rest time before their afternoon educational session from there. (more…)
October 13, 2020
If you’d like to join me in helping Lakota families and/or rural libraries this year, please read this post. Over 6 weeks in 2019, we raised $2669.94 for the Lakota families, touching 27 lives. What can we do in 2020?
Current total: Lakota, $1,816.35; Rural libraries, $321.62.
Week 30 of COVID in the Bay Area.
Week 30, Day 206: Mondays continue to live down to their reputation. It was a Very Monday Monday. Partly this was an effect of Friday being so bad, things piled up heavily even though I put in some time over the weekend.
PiC commented that it’s feeling like fall now but I hadn’t noticed that until he pointed it out. It still doesn’t feel like fall, except I just realized that it’s getting dark earlier and THAT feels like fall/winter.
JB has requested a rain coat AND an umbrella and I’m not sure I believe we’re going to have need of either. But if we do, I’ll happily take suggestions for good places to look for decent quality kid umbrellas out there.
Week 30, Day 207: This morning really stunk, not coincidentally because I was overseeing kindergarten, but the afternoon was much better.
I took a real break from work at lunch, both to actually eat lunch and make a pan of enchiladas for dinner. Cooking is so soothing when I’m using it to dodge regular work.
JB was more reasonable, overall, and much less whiny. They went and did their chores with a minimum of grumbling and then took the initiative to prepare a snack for us both. They were so proud of themselves. I like this phase a lot better than the other phases. (more…)
October 6, 2020
If you’d like to join me in helping Lakota families and/or rural libraries this year, please read this post. Over 6 weeks in 2019, we raised $2669.94 for the Lakota families, touching 27 lives. What can we do in 2020?
Current total: Lakota, $1,816.35; Rural libraries, $346.69.
Week 29 of COVID in the Bay Area.
Week 29, Day 199: Between JB and Seamus, and now TBD nickname Smol Human, I am not getting anything like enough sleep.
I was teetering on the very edge of the cliff of No Patience, and nearly bit off PiC’s head for asking me any questions.
I had to take several deep breaths and a giant step back, and stop working for a little while. I did a spot of organizing. Stress cleaning usually evens out my mood and stress organizing was close. It took the edge off at least but it was enough for me to realize just how tired I was. I never snap at PiC.
After I realized that I’d been woken up or disturbed no less than a dozen times over the night, I gave up trying to fight and went to lay down for a short 30 minute rest. I really needed a couple hours but I did not have that luxury on a Monday. We made it through but not without a lot more bumps and bruises along the way.
After hours, I discovered Seamus, fresh off one round of medications yesterday, has developed yet another problem! That poor pup cannot get a break. I gave him some medication and monitored it but he neither improved nor seemed in distress so we left it til morning to talk to the vet. (more…)
September 28, 2020
If you’d like to join me in helping Lakota families and/or rural libraries this year, please read this post. Over 6 weeks in 2019, we raised $2669.94 for the Lakota families, touching 27 lives. What can we do in 2020?
Current total: Lakota, $1,886.35; Rural libraries, $346.69.
Week 28 of COVID in the Bay Area.
Week 28, Day 192: I skipped therapy last week and I have to wonder if that lack of release valve adds to my Monday frustration level. I didn’t sleep well or deeply, so that could be the problem too, but end result: I was on edge all day.
It was a two oatmeal bar kind of day and I felt like I was overindulging but it was my sugar free gluten free treat and darn it, I needed a bit of something good today.
Or I could have just been feeling sick because I was fatigued, who knows!
Belatedly I remembered that I’m supposed to work on not blaming myself for every time I feel sick or tired or overwhelmed or in extra pain because that’s both not knowable and counterproductive. Blaming myself isn’t taking responsibility or a means to diagnosing the issue as I’d believed, it was just another way to be mean to myself which causes extra stress and pain.
Sounds a bit woo woo but changing my self talk has honestly helped reduce both intensity and duration of pain flares, which I may have mentioned before, so an attitude adjustment was in order.
For a while now I’ve been playing the worst game of figuring out why I feel like X or Y or Z: pregnancy or pandemic?? And in the end the only answer that made sense was: yes.
Seamus’s eyes, from that long worrisome period where he had a terrible eye ulcer, are finally in good shape again!
Week 28, Day 193: My roller coaster day. Started in a weird mood, and I was touchy about every little thing. Then overseeing kindergarten and having to hear the teacher praise the kids sixteen times in an hour for “being so smart” aggravated me further – hasn’t she ever heard of the fixed and growth mindsets?? Please. Stop. That.
With Penny’s kind assistance on some wording, because I was too irritable to be polite yet, I drafted a diplomatic email to the teacher asking her to focus not on “smarts” (what is that even in five year olds) but on effort and time. We’ll see if she actually replies or responds positively. There are a lot of things about her class that I find to be subpar but I can let them go. Fostering a fixed mentality though, I can’t.
I also don’t love that she keeps mistaking my kid for another Asian kid in the class and scolding them for the other kid’s actions or inactions. We keep an eye on JB from a distance so we know when they are following directions and when they aren’t. We wouldn’t intervene anyway because we know we should let the teacher manage their class, but there have been multiple instances of JB being scolded when they were actually following directions. I’m not quite sure how we’ll approach that but both of us will observe for a while longer and then deal with it.
(more…)
September 22, 2020
If you’d like to join me in helping Lakota families and/or rural libraries this year, please read this post. Over 6 weeks in 2019, we raised $2669.94 for the Lakota families, touching 27 lives. What can we do in 2020?
Current total: Lakota, $1,797.23; Rural libraries, $321.62.
Week 27 of COVID in the Bay Area.
Week 27, Day 185: After the weekend we’d had, I didn’t have any hopes left that Monday would be better. And it was quickly confirmed 2:30 hours in with Seamus having another accident in the hallway. Poor Seamus had to pee 5 times before 8 am. We cleaned up the first mess together, then PiC took the brunt of it, getting up with him the last three times so I could get a little more sleep. It was much appreciated, though I woke up every time I heard Seamus going click click click.
I put in a call to the vet by 8:30 to let them know it had gotten exponentially worse, and luckily the lab was back already. They were able to confirm he has a wicked UTI. That could account for all of his symptoms, fingers crossed that it does, and was going to cost $300 of antibiotics but our awesome vet was able to point us to a much more economical option: $50 for the compounded version of the medication. AND they were able to get it done by midday. I simply couldn’t take another day of scrubbing beds and rugs so I implemented an outside-every-hour policy for Seamus to ensure as best I humanly could that he wouldn’t have another accident inside. Between his constant (and I mean, CONSTANT) insistence on drinking more water every 10-20 minutes, his hourly walks, and his back legs giving out on him every other half hour, on top of having a million of the usual life responsibilities, the question is: are we going to survive this day? Who. Even. Knows.
Topped that off with accidentally spraying hand sanitizer right into my eye. YEEEEP. It’s Monday.
I do have to hand it to JB though, they did an outstanding job (calibrated for a five year old of course) of adjusting to the change of plans when I noticed PiC was flagging. Instead of art time with Dad, I explained very carefully that he was just so tired from being up with Seamus most of the night and that he really needed some time to rest. I asked them to pick a book and do some quiet reading time and leave him be. Instead of stomping off and having a fit, they were willing to pick some books and have quiet time so I could get some work done, he could nap, and I could keep an eye on Seamus and his needs.
Week 27, Day 186: We planned ahead for another tough night and it helped a bit. I’m physically incapable of taking anything like a reasonable nap and functioning after, PiC took the night shift since he can nap during the day if we can find the time. I planned to cover the day shift but he insisted on doing at least half the walks.
We caught a good air quality day and that made an enormous difference for everyone’s state of mind, if not for our level of fatigue.
*looks around* It’s mid-September.
MID-SEPTEMBER.
That’s three months and two weeks left in 2020. I don’t know how to process this information. We’ve essentially spent 6 month indoors.
JB is a very different kid from when we started this mid March: they can ride a 2 wheel bike, they are a much more confident artist and writer, they operate much more autonomously for random chunks of time. They can do a regular rotation of chores, though they still have to be prompted.
As adults, we still don’t have enough information to make more than the most cautious decisions about COVID. We can’t trust any information out of the CDC or from the federal government. We can only make our best judgments based on what seems sensible. We’re being super cautious about exposure to other people, and who we can trust to be honest, because whoever they are around recently translates into people we’re exposed to as well.
This isn’t where I thought we’d be at this point in the year, if I think back to March, but I suspected we’d be in this for a very long haul.
Week 27, Day 187: Day four? of round the clock care for Seamus. Thankfully he started going longer between outings starting at around 1 am. He could hold out for 3-5 hours at a time before needing to go out, which is vastly better than the 1-2.5 hours range we previously had. He wasn’t perky but he was actively communicating more clearly, asking for water or to go out as needed, rather than getting up 3 times an hour and wandering aimlessly.
JB and I spent the afternoon together companionably while I worked. I’d bribed them with the offer of reading some of my cherished and off limits comics. They’ve never been allowed to touch my comics before so their silence was easily purchased. They delved deep, going from Mouse Guard to Secret Coders to Gail Simone’s Wonder Woman and The All New Atom. Some bits they read, most bits they just admired the artwork. We took a break and went for a long slow dog walk, happy we could breathe the air again, with the promise they could come back for more reading time.
They immediately disappeared into the office again once we got back, happily flipping through. I’ll be using this treat very sparingly since most of my comics aren’t kid friendly but I suspect they’ll be after me for expanded comics privileges soon.
Week 27, Day 188: Everyone (but me) had a good night of sleep!!
Sad for me but glad for everyone else. Lots of derailment today, sadly. Pain levels were high, JB’s kindergarten class was disrupted due to technical problems, Sera stole Seamus’s pain medications because they were wrapped in delicious pill pockets.
My brain fog was high too, which is really great for getting work done!
I gave myself a couple short breaks to clear out some parts of my office which was also mentally and emotionally cleansing. I packed up a big bag for donations, having decided that it was no longer worth my time trying to take good photos of clothes to sell on Poshmark. I just have standard basic reasonably decent stuff but I haven’t worn these professional clothes in eight years. Seems like it’s ok to let them go now.
Week 27, Day 189: It’s always a relief to get to Friday, even if we’re all battered, intact.
Another disrupted day between managing JB’s kindergarten lessons which were again interrupted by technical difficulty and then having furniture delivered. It went relatively well and we were excited to finally have enough space in the bed except… The sheets I’d bought were too small. Bummer. The product description said we had an extra two inches of depth but they weren’t long enough to stretch over the mattress. We had to let the lovely large bed sit for another night while we picked up new sheets.
Ah well. I took solace in the fact that my outlined schedule for shifting furniture around the house in preparation for the large bed to be set up worked very smoothly and we had plenty of time for each step without stressing or rushing or a single late night. Go me! This was quite the splurge upgrade but I think we’re going to appreciate it for years to come just like we did for over twelve years after we changed from the old double bed to the queen. Lifestyle inflation? Maybe. But my body needs the better mattress, the space to stretch out, and bonus, when I stub my toe on this bed it doesn’t hurt half as much.
Also our now extra bed will go on to a second life at a friend’s house so that makes me happy.
Given all the disruption, I was grateful to be able to buckle down to work in the afternoon and get enough done to mostly not look back over the weekend on my own account. I knew I’d have to work some because a staff person needed coverage but that’s a favor I’ll do for them.
:: Are you happy with your bed size? How did you pick it?