December 29, 2010
Dodging and weaving did me no good. After days of being cooped up with at least two sickies over the holidays, my immune system has succumbed, and so has PiC’s. He’s scheduled to be off anyway but I’ve been working from home to avoid taking sick time or falling too much behind.
It’s not just a major pain in the caboose being fluish, which is it. It’s that the energy drain somehow touches off this chain reaction of pain and joint flare-ups so that even though honestly, I don’t feel *that* sick and would normally go in, I have to baby myself because my body’s teetering on a precipice of a severe flare-up. As is, I’m one-hand Manny as my whole right side’s on strike. PiC keeps asking if he should feed me. [*sigh* Not yet, thank you.]
A severe flare-up goes a little something like this: imagine someone’s stuck a tube in you and drained all the fluid out of you. Then smacked a fire hot length of tubing on all major joints several times. Twisted and cracked all the minor joints, and has got all your muscles randomly and persistently hooked up to electrodes that send entirely the wrong signal to twitch and shriek helpless protestations to a brain that desperately says: “breathe! relax! breathe! OWWW!”
It tends to move in for about two or more weeks at a time. No short pop ins here.
So yeah, no thanks. If I have to be a big fat wussy who stays home because “a-heh-a-heh, I hef a leetle cough” lest that comes to town? I’m staying home and grateful I can work from home, grateful I can rest in between times and darned tooting I’m grateful for a most excellent partner who understands the pain and powers through his symptoms to tend to my nearly invisible ones.
I hate being sick but it could totally be worse.
December 28, 2010
Not long after my return from the UK, PiC surprised me with a visit to a not quite so local spa. Normally, I schedule my therapeutic massage appointments according to a fairly strict set of PF-guided rules:
1. Very local (to combat the psychological barrier of laziness – I won’t drag myself out to go),
2. Must be some deal that works out to paying about $50 or less for an hour,
3. Doesn’t have to be exceedingly highly rated because if they’re new, it should still be pretty good, but it can’t have already gotten bad reviews.
Flying in the face of all of these, he’d just looked for the most highly rated spa in what he considers a reasonable radius, booked an appointment for me, and told me we were going some place I’d never heard of, in a city that was too far away in my opinion but it didn’t matter because I wasn’t driving, and told me to be ready to leave by a certain time.
He’d already even paid for the massage so I couldn’t cancel it, insisting that it priced comparably with any other 60-minute massage. Me, feebly, “but, that’s regular price!” Realized I didn’t even know what appointment was booked after we got there, but as I was ushered from the usual, semi-generic front room to the women’s dressing room (!!) it stopped mattering.
Women’s dressing room? Wha? My Groupon massages have you undress in the massage room that’s good enough for me… warmed robes? Slippers in a variety of sizes? A vanity complete with hairdressing supplies for after? Lockers for your belongings? Befuddlement changed to bemusement.
And of course you shuffle to the next room, berobed and beslippered, into a lounge complete with cushy seats, to sip cucumber water, teas, and nibble on biscotti and muffiny things.
By the time I got to the actual massage, which was the first massage I’ve had since moving that came close to relieving much of my chronic pain in a single session owing much to the skill and technique of my practitioner, not just the warm table, hot towels and prewarmed lotions, I was a muddle of “I should have put more into my FSA.”
To conclude the visit, they even had a small shower room with shower products that flung me back to the early days of dating PiC, ironically enough. Not leave a massage with lion hair? Yes please!
As much as I’m about stretching every nickel and dime, I’m absolutely tempted to come back to that massage experience even at almost twice my accepted price point. Yes, I know, lifestyle inflation, but …!
Then again, as I try to gently detach my attachment to the new place, honesty compels me to admit I’ve been cheap on the massage front. I’ve only been lukewarm about all of the massages I’ve had since moving; they haven’t been very effective because the practitioners I’ve tried so far haven’t been more than ok. This one was the best one not just in comparison but actually practically compares to my friend, the therapist who once routinely pulled all my knots out by dint of knowing me, my medical history and my pain problems. Add to that my reluctance to schedule appointments and I haven’t actually been spending the budget on worthwhile massages.
This may be a case of being too cheap for my own good.
At best, I might manage one appointment per month or two. In a year, that’d cost between $600-1200. That’s quite high. But in combination with an exercise regimen that expands in scope with each improvement I make, that’s better health and less medication to take. And taking the long view, if I’m going to get massages, I might as well get the ones that work, no?
Whether or not I ever go back, I’m just happy that it was entirely entertaining to be pampered and that I don’t take one ounce of it for granted.
November 6, 2010
Kaiser offers a free flu vaccine, mobile flu clinics abound as the official cold and flu season [possibly as declared by the drug industry] draws close and PiC has been insisting with ever-increasing urgency that we can not get sick this year.
Despite being surrounded by modern day solutions *cough * needles *cough*, I’m steadfastly refusing for no other reason than … I hate shots.
And I don’t want to take yet more time out to go do something that’s going to cause even momentary discomfort for what I consider insignificant benefits. I’ve not seen any difference in my flu-getting rates between years when I did get the flu vaccine and years when I didn’t.
What I have seen is a huge difference between good years and bad years for me is primarily related to stress levels. My promise to PiC, then, is that I will be routinely be maintaining my physical health and sanity as a whole and not relying on the unsteady assistance of a flu vaccine and some shots of Emergen-C that he likes.
I won’t use them as crutches, in other words, since the belief that those alone will ward off the illness often takes the place of whole being wellness. Again, for me.
On November 1st, I took up Single Ma’s pushup challenge, modified to suit my capabilities. Over the next three weeks, I’m looking to increase from three sets of ten to five sets of ten with short breaks in between. They’re not the perfect, plank-version form I used to do, but they are good form for the kind I can do without causing injuries.
Between the pushups, which have to spaced out appropriately to avoid injury (big theme around here), we’ve taken up a series of stretches that are stretchy and strengthening. They’ve been incredible for pain reduction and management which makes more exercise possible.
In the kitchen, we’ve been doing a lot of home cooking with lots of ginger and garlic. The NIH may not make drastic claims about the healthful properties of both, but I’ve always enjoyed cooking with both and the side effect of cooking at home is far healthier, still-delicious recipes in moderate proportions. And honestly, I’ve always felt much improved after a cup of hot ginger-lemon tea, ginger-laden broth makes me feel just as warm and cozy inside.
What else shall I cook up in my game of Needle-Keep-Away? Are you pro flu-vaccine or will you be avoiding it as well? If so, what are you doing to protect yourself and your loved ones from the possible effects of your possibly bad decision? 😉
September 7, 2010
PiC insists he’s fully on board, being with me, but I have got to be trying his patience. Heaven knows I’ve worn through my own patience with this state of affairs.
This past week was one of the rougher, tougher ones in which I was barely good for anything in private and not much more than that in public.
I made it to work each day, drugged up to my eyeballs, or in so much pain that I was well beyond wishing for the sweet release of death. You bet your sweet bippy I took the time to make the right calls, but that left my willpower to deal with anything beyond the core necessities drained to the last dribs. By Thursday, all I could think was: I’m not cooking a darn thing tonight. By darn, someone is going to feed me!
Through the weekend, we hosted an old friend who has been nomadic for quite a few years of her high-powered career. As we missed her birthday last weekend, I felt obligated to be present for her so I tried to hide the pain behind normalcy. I didn’t do a good job of it but my next best shot was to sacrifice PiC’s support and continue to struggle behind the facade of maintaining even at home where I would normally collapse and stop pretending.
It was exhausting.
As much as I care about my friends, I was intensely grateful to stop pretending when she left on Sunday and for the day of rest on Monday to enjoy PiC’s company. With any luck, I can slowly lay off some of the pain meds so that this week isn’t a complete fog.
Living in a haze of pain isn’t just draining, it’s expensive!
The painkillers cost money, the eating out costs money, the being waited on hand and foot costs … one heck of a lot of good will! And that’s the most worrisome bit of course. How long can someone keep up the caretaker role before burning out?
But you know what? I’m tired of all that. Forget honesty – I think you could all stand a good solid blast of uplifting, happy geekery, could you not? If not, bear with me, it can’t possibly be worse than the me even I was sick of! (And as I assured my ever so flamboyant friend, even if it was only the “me” in the abstract.)
I declare this: Week of the Geek!
August 27, 2010
So “all that cash” I’ve been sitting on? It’s time for what I imagine as a huge origami ship of money to set sail.
Between both my parents and a denture-happy dentist, I’m warming up the credit card for a massive spend in the next few weeks. It’s sooner than I expected, but the fact is, holding off on treatment just to save up isn’t a good enough reason. I can afford to pay off any charges accrued now, and they will benefit by having earlier care.
I’ve asked my dad to schedule my mom’s evaluations and get her treatment started. He nervously asked, “What’s your limit?” As though it might melt the card.
“Trust me, it’ll be fine.” That’s all I’ll say.
It’s weird that I didn’t really want to say “nearly $20 grand” as if that was the equivalent of saying I have that much money. He won’t abuse it. He hates that he has to use my money for basic necessities like food and gas, but oddly enough, even though I know all the money I’ve saved is for their care, for emergencies, and for the family, I’m still loathe to share any details whatsoever.
Call it force of habit.
Anyhow, I got the call that a few of Dad’s bridges are in now and rang up at a total cost of $1200. He’s got more coming, but he actually tried to decline treatment on the basis of cost! You know I shut that down immediately. Feels vaguely awkward, but I instructed him, no questions asked, to make his next appointment before he left that office. One would think I’d be used to playing parent by now, but it never really fits properly.
As for Mom, the news is … bad. She’s been hiding her problems so long that it’s now going to cost her 6-8 months of painful treatment, possibly more, to start repairing the worst of the damage. Talking to the dentist about the recommendations was hearing like a dental student’s boot camp final exam:
Multiple extractions with a 2 month healing period after each one,
Bridges to replace each extracted tooth,
Root canals for severe dental decay,
Fillings for all other teeth with moderate or mild dental decay.
At this point, leaving aside our ridiculously good fortune that this dentist is giving us most everything at cost because it turns out that his mom is a very old family friend, I’m just really worried about how rough this will be for her. For them both, really.
Friends, please take good care of your teeth. The pain and discomfort of this whole ordeal, never mind all the time she kept hiding it from us, is almost entirely preventable. In her case, maybe less so because much of it was a side effect of the many medications she’s been on for years, but for the rest of us it’s critical to brush and floss twice a day to ward off this kind of problem.
On the money side, I did look into whether my FSA would accommodate these costs but the Dependent Care Assistance portion of the FSA is only limited to day care and educational costs. Back to out of pocket for me.
August 1, 2010
Katamari Accounting: I think it’s time to roll as many accounts into one as possible.
- 1. The Retirement Funds are now spawning a 4th account due to the rollover I initiated a couple days ago. Let’s make that one Roth and one “massive” IRA.
- 2. The e-fund is spread across CDs, and savings accounts in two different banks. I’d like to have two big honkin’ CDs: One is already a $15K 5-year term CD, the other might well encompass the rest of the cash as well as the soon-to-mature Prosperish Loan.
- 3. Pin Money, Moving and School just can’t make up their minds what they really want to be so they should just become Parental Medical Funds.
Financial Planning: Once I reorganize my finances, I need to help a friend structure some investments from an inheritance. We’re talking multiples of what I have personally, but not so much more I couldn’t create a cohesive plan.
Progress: It’s been a niggling thing in the back of my head that I haven’t been paying my fair share OR saving. This month’s increase, even after I paid a great deal of credit card bills off, is both surprising and puzzling. I’ve now redirected a small chunk of the direct deposit, previously all toward the expense account, to actual savings starting this month. Which brings me to ….
Urges and Splurges: In the spirit of absolute honesty, seeing my number go up when I don’t have a specific account that looks like it’s going begging makes me want want want. But ……..
Spending: As usual, binging and purging. By which I mean, I don’t get nice new clothes, underthings, hair ties, new phone, new anything that’s not strictly necessary so that I can spend several thousand dollars on my parents. They have both woefully neglected their dental care and I had no idea how bad it was until recently. I knew my dad needed dentures soon but just found out that many of his teeth are bad and so are Mom’s. I estimate that the costs will start around $10,000 for basic care.
Freelancing: If I want any extras in my life, I’m gonna have to work for it! Time to go hunting for more work.
Reality Check: Beyond that, in less than five years, I’m sure that Mom will need more assistance than Dad can provide. Heck, in two years, she could require a full scale assisted living situation and I don’t have anything near enough saved for that. Looking above, a whole $107K looks like a really tidy start until you realize that I may soon have to spend $60K/year on assisted living for my parent(s). Then I’m nowhere near ready for the future.
June 28, 2010
It’s time. It’s more than time. Given all my health spasms, the delay makes absolutely no sense but it should. Going to a new doctor to explain all my issues (pronounce: “iss-seeuuwws”) from the last 15 years transports me into the state of denial and aggro.
It’s dumb. Absolutely dumb. I know it but there’s something that’s balked at having to start that Find a New Doctor and Start Over nonsense. That would be the memory of 10 years of being bounced from doctor to doctor who all told me it was in my head, that my pain was imaginary, that no one my age could be experiencing what I was, in fact, experiencing. Jerks.
Anyway, no more delaying tactics – I’m going to start going to the doctor so I can find a good doctor. As much as I hate the rigamarole, I have to start somewhere and at least I’m not a confused, shy, teenager in too much pain to stand up for herself.
I’m compiling a single page document to summarize the past 15 years of tests, meds and exams and bringing it with me – that’ll save time.
And the bigger pain is the literal one in my neck and shoulders that tighten up to iron-rod strength every time I get stressed or something else hurts. It’s just foolish to not try and fix *that.*
Wish me luck!
{————Carnivals————}
My thanks …..
to Suburban Dollar for hosting this week’s Carnival of Personal Finance.
