July 15, 2019
Walking the dogs, I see a lot of open garage doors. Sometimes, there’s a whole living room set up in there. People hang out enjoying the breeze (or the fog). The rest of time, the garages are storage units. Once in a long while, I spot a car parked, and it might be covered with stuff too, but mostly they’re packed to the gills with boxes and piles and more piles.
It’s positively nerve-wracking to see people threading their way through the 6 inch path left between stacks piled right up to the ceiling. It looks like the whole thing is going to come tumbling down and crush them. It very nearly did, last week. The stacks of stuff atop the boat that clearly hasn’t been out on the water for quite some time because it couldn’t possibly be extracted from the garage were teetering precariously as the lady reached for something just beyond her fingertips. I didn’t want to be a creepy stranger though, since we don’t know each other, so I walked on, holding my breath for her.
It made me reflect.
That’s so much time and money sitting there. Time digging through your piles. Money re-buying things you can’t find and probably already have. Energy and psychic energy. I feel like that stuff preys on your mind. It does on mine, at least. Every time I look at something not being used, the money we paid flashes before my eyes: $100 for that bike we don’t use, $200 for that camera lens, $300 for my bike I’ve never ridden. It’s not a huge list but each thing and the associated opportunity cost makes me batty. One Frugal Girl did this to herself on purpose to train herself out of buying things, it really works!
And yet, we all have a tendency to hoard here. I’m as guilty as anyone else, with my obsession with reusing containers (and really nice note cards and really nice pens and a really good zipper pouch). Some of it stems from not having stuff when I was younger, I keep wanting to fill all the needs. Luckily, I also don’t want to feel crushed under the weight of my belongings, wasting time and money on storing things that just sit there moldering away. I want to feel free and enjoy our space. Emphasis on having space. So I embrace that feeling as much as I can.
Generally, we hold the clutter to a static volume so it’s not growing by much but that’s not good enough. Seeing what can happen if we don’t keep working at this decluttering, relentlessly, is a heck of a kick in the pants to get back on it.
I’ve been staring down (errrrr…. ignoring) my own piles in the garage and the office because a) I keep running out of time and energy and b) it’s really hard to get rid of things with a preschooler running around trying to reclaim everything. I need to tackle at least a box a week if I want to get on top of this but I’ve got to squeeze it into daycare hours.
Stress cleaning works well for me and I put it to good use last week: framed photos that I’m not ready to put up were all piled into one place, two boxes were emptied, piles of magazines were recycled, and a handful of books were set aside for donation. There are seven more boxes in the office and seven more boxes in the garage but two boxes and random floor clutter eliminated is progress!
We’re not trying to be totally minimalist. I remember someone tweeting that their house could burn down and they wouldn’t replace most of what they owned. That’s not us or how we think of comfort. We’re striving for a happy medium of having most of the things we need plus a few things we want.
Speaking of wants, S’s career break post brought up my list of wants. I don’t think it’s a secret that despite all the work I do to reduce clutter, I still crave things like a magpie. Not a thieving one. But definitely an avaricious one. It’s nice to get it out of my system because most of these wants boil down to money and having a nearly endless supply of it, set against my desire not to be found buried under my things like the worst episode of hoarders.
- This adorable Captain Marvel tutu dress. I barely ever wear dresses and I have never in my life owned a tutu but here I am, wanting one because this is so awesome. (This only comes in kid’s sizes)
- Refills for my Uni-Ball Signo 207 Retractable Gel Pen, 0.38mm Ultra-Micro Point. They don’t seem to sell refills anywhere. I hate the waste of just tossing pens when they run out of ink.
- A new ultralight laptop.
- A new backpack.
- Two beautiful brightly colored tablecloths for both the regular and expanded-with-a-leaf sizes.
- A water pitcher for serving guests so I don’t have to walk back and forth to the kitchen filling two glasses at a time over and over. I will have already put miles in cooking and serving before we sit down.
- A better organizational set of baskets for my office. I bought several baskets on sale from Michael’s dirt cheap two Christmases ago but they’re not quite enough for my needs once I gave some to JB and the dogs for their toys.
- A digital piano (which isn’t allowed until I have cleared my entire office of all unnecessary things. So maybe never.)
- All of the books: Seanan McGuire’s, Sabaa Tahir’s, Daniel Jose Older’s, Terry Pratchett’s, Cassandra Khaw’s, N.K. Jemisin’s, Nnedi Okarafor’s, Zen Cho’s. All of them. A glorious library full of books that won’t hurt my hands, a hammock, and a fabulous cushy chair in which to read.
- A group vacation with my closest friends where I’m actually on vacation.
- A three week vacation in Japan with people we enjoy and that are good with JB.
I’m working on channeling my wanting for things into only very useful things we’ll use for many years but it needs some work.
:: Are you comfortable with how much you own?
June 17, 2019
A twitter friend asked some questions about knowing when your parents had money and that got me thinking. How young were you when you started becoming aware of money as a child? Did you know anything about your family’s financial situation? Did you know when your parents got paid by changes in their behavior?
My answers: I was pretty young when I started writing the checks for our bills, around 8 or 9? And even then it stood out to me that I had to post-date our checks for after the due date because we wouldn’t have money until then. That seemed wrong and precarious to me, the rule-abiding child, to not have the money to pay bills when they were due. At the same time, I didn’t have the imagination or the context to figure out what that meant overall for the scope of our family finances.
I didn’t know when money would become available outside of those bill paying periods because my parents were self employed and didn’t have regular paydays. Their spending behaviors also didn’t seem to be calibrated to any particular time of the month.
From the parenting perspective: We’re the adults now!
JB doesn’t know anything about our bills because though I discuss them in the abstract while teaching philosophy about money, ze doesn’t see physical bills or see us paying them. Our spending also doesn’t really revolve around paydays because we put everything on credit cards and I sync up our income to our bills online a few times a month. Or more than a few times, depending on how neurotic I’m feeling.
I don’t want to pass on my neuroticism but I do want to pass on a healthy self awareness around and critical thinking about money, and I’m trying to find the right balance of transparency and sharing for that kind of education.
:: What did you grow up knowing about money? Were your parents forthcoming about your family situation?
June 10, 2019
As much as losing our power irks me, I remind myself that test runs are a good thing. They help you expose the flaws in your otherwise theoretical emergency planning with minimal pain.
With storm season, the winds were glad to oblige us with a couple power outages to highlight our areas of weakness.
The first: a powerful storm blew out our power for almost 2 hours. Gas and water lines were fine but we had no heat because our furnace / thermostat runs on power and didn’t have a back-up battery. I did not know this before, good to know.
We had the basics: food, water, candles and tea lights, and a long-lasting Bic lighter. I make it a habit of using and recharging my power pack regularly so we had two full charges for our phones. JB had a tiny but incredibly bright little flashlight.
I had finished cooking dinner just a few minutes before the storm knocked us offline so we had a hot meal while we dried off after walking the dogs. Had that timing not been in our favor, I know we would have struggled along a bit to get ourselves in order on the food front. I still haven’t put together a safe non-flame heating option for our food but I’m strongly considering a set of flameless heaters. If I can find a really good set that’s not an arm and a leg, that is.
We still had gas so could have cooked in the dark if we had to, but not knowing how long power would be out made me hesitate to open the fridge any more than absolutely necessary. (more…)
May 27, 2019
I told Done by Forty that I had nothing valuable to contribute to his bond swoop plan but as I was talking to Penny about her mortgage repayment, the two posts started pulling things together for me. Thanks for sharing, y’all!
I despise our mortgage. I hate that enormous looming debt that chips away at my brain every month because it’s twice the mortgage we had three years ago and I was so close to paying that one off. I hate the opportunity cost every month of the mortgage. This is nothing new.
And yes, we would have some kind of housing bill to live somewhere no matter what we had chosen and this was the most stable way to go in this area. Renting is too iffy with rent increases and comparable homes rent for the same as our mortgage + tax bill at this time. We are, of course, on the hook for maintenance in addition to that bill. We weren’t just being flippant when we bought, it was the right choice at the time.
Our priorities:
- Replace our current W-2 income with passive income through dividends. I once planned to build a real estate empire but I don’t enjoy our long distance rental ownership. Dealing with the property management and HOA is aggravating so I’m focusing future investments on index funds. That isn’t to imply I would enjoy hands on rental ownership more because I wouldn’t. I like being ethical and having a clean, safe place for people to live who then pay that mortgage but I don’t want to have to be hands on and fix things, or see people and talk to them, or screen tenants. I’m not a people person, they are exhausting.
- Retire in a reasonable time span (ideally in 7 years but I don’t have an FI date, our costs are too high at the moment).
- Have no mortgage in retirement – this is one of our biggest expenses at the moment along with childcare but I know it can easily be replaced with healthcare so I want to eliminate it.
(more…)
May 20, 2019
I’ve always pushed myself professionally to be the superstar, to deliver beyond expectations, to perform at my highest possible point to justify the raises and promotions I’d then advocate for.
It was important and right for the growing my career stage of life but I deliberately slowed that pace down a bit in the last few years as I focus on my family. That tendency to operate at a fever pitch has stuck with me, though, and the decision to pursue our path to financial independence turned it back on to an unhealthy degree.
There’s a strong correlation between my job hitting the level of Unbearable Stress, my impatience with work, and desire for FIRE growing into an unmanageable monster. After half a year of every possible thing going wrong at my job, and all sorts of nonsense at PiC’s work for the past year, my brain latched onto FIRE as The Way Out. I had always been on this path subconsciously because of my health, why not crunch the numbers and make it a reality?
I planned and planned and fretted. That fretting even helped me understand an anxiety that’s been bubbling under the surface, and that was good.
What was not good? Crunching the numbers revealed how much time we still have left before we can take off into the sunset (a lot considering my nerves around the idea of age 50-55) and that was its own problem. I didn’t like discovering that we need to plan for at least 15 or more years of income-producing work, not a bit. I didn’t like the idea of having to figure out how to either hold on to my current job for a “really long time” or finding a better way to produce the same or more income. I didn’t like that this was the best case scenario because I plan for worst case scenarios, I never formulate plans that bank on everything breaking our way. That is not how life works.
All of these pointed to two big problems.
First, I was trying to resolve a short term (I hope!) problem with a long term solution. It’s no wonder that produced more worrying than it solved. While it was a distraction, and in some ways a good one because I focused deeply on streamlining our financial efficiencies, it became counterproductive. (more…)
April 29, 2019
An acquaintance told me that she had a rule for her kids and their birthdays: up til age 3, they had a party. After that, the kids had the choice of a party or taking a trip together. The end result is they’ve been on a LOT of trips, and dodged the hosting a party bullet many times. I envy them a little, as my bones ache in the aftermath of this party.
We have celebrated with JB very quietly the past three years. We had a casual lunch with all our friends the first year, a home cooked dinner with family the second, and the third last was a park date with zir best friend followed up with a happy hour lunch. Each one was low key and most importantly, easy.
Since then, ze has been invited to over a dozen birthday parties which firmly planted the seed that zir birthday could mean, no, MUST mean, A PARTY. As a result, everything for the past 12 months has been about what ze wants for zir party. We don’t typically cater to our child’s whims but several stars aligned in zir favor: PiC wanted to do one, ze has been with these classmates for a really long time, and my favorite relative wanted to lend a hand. We decided it could be a one time thing and we worked on economizing! There was nothing saying we couldn’t do this on the cheap. Was there? (Foreshadowing voice: FOOLS.)
We did off the cuff research as we discussed whether or not this was really happening – at birthday parties for other kids, we evaluated the service, the cleanliness and fun level of each place, the prices. JB was evaluating too. Every party we left, ze piped up: I want to have my party here, please! Discernment, ze has none.
Venues range from $165-$600. ($600!?!?)
We prefer doing park birthdays which seem way more relaxed BUT they’re actually a ton of work. You have to bring everything: food, drinks, place settings, chafing dishes if you have warm food, coolers and ice if you need cold stuff, tableclothes, decorations. This time of the year, you run a real risk of getting rained out. One forward thinking set of parents brought tents and canopies for their kid’s party in case the rainstorm of the week stuck around for their day. Luckily the skies were clear for their event but helping them pack their two cars was a 5.5 person job. Also, why do people not listen when you say gifts are not necessary? They clearly stated “no gifts” and had to pack 20 gifts into their brimming over cars. We gave them the gift of no physical gift and helped them set up and clean up. (I vote that our gift was the most valuable!)
We wanted to have less work and less crap to haul so we picked the cheapest possible indoor venue. The cost should have been as low as we could get it except we expected 20% of the invitees to decline and only 8% did. Even the kid who never goes to any of the birthdays ever said yes. What the heck?? Um, “luckily” a few kids cancelled at the last minute so we had exactly our limit of attendees. Honestly if they hadn’t cancelled, I don’t think we would have had room for them. The party room was MUCH smaller than I expected.
The hour-long activity was really well organized. The two instructors kept things moving right along and the kids were all engaged and relaxed. PiC got to watch and photograph more of it than I did, I was somehow dubbed the “get people to sign their waivers” person so I had to watch the door for stragglers and get them set up.
Total: $235+ $40 tip
Food is typically pizza plus cake.
I was sick and tired of pizza at kid parties. I was going to be different – we were going to have good food! Then I saw how much it would cost to feed 21 kids and 25 adults. Quotes were coming in around $300. Holy crap, nope, immediate backpedaling!
Since I can’t cook in large enough quantities to feed that many people cheaply and well, we ended up with pizza and a platter of catered sandwiches after all. Oops.
We did make our own dessert using a delicious easy recipe. Totally unhealthy but delicious – tiny lemon cupcakes. They’re glazed and in tiny portions so two or three of our cupcakes is still less sugar than your standard store bought cupcake with four inches of frosting. (That’s disappointing to the frosting eaters among the children, namely, JB.) PiC insisted on having a small cake for zir candles and decorated it beautifully.
Naturally the kids all rejected the delectable dainties because it wasn’t the “real” cake. I overheard one parent valiantly trying to convince her kid that these “really are cakes, and they’re DELICIOUS.” We should have seen that coming!
We had sandwiches left over to feed all of us for 4 days, too so that was a nice bonus. They were really good.
Cupcakes for 42 people, plus cake: $24
Pizza: $30
Sandwiches for adults: $50
Juice boxes for the kids: $7
Water bottles, left over from friend’s party: free
Sodas for adults: $10
Dessert platters, which we’ll use again when we host dinners: $25
Cake server because we’re adults now: $4
Foil pans with lids just in case we needed them: $5 (returned these, we didn’t need them)
Paper plates, plastic forks, napkins, leftover from previous events: free
Total: $150
Decorations can ran the gamut, depending on how fancy you get.
Most people have themed balloons, banners, and goodie bags. I used to think that was extravagant. Then we went to a party that was so over the top, we cringed all the way home over the waste. There was SO MUCH paper and plastic, and extravangantly expensive fondant cake that didn’t even taste good, that was thrown away. They had themed everything: goodie cups filled with toys, snack boxes to take home, stickers, custom made frosted cookies scattered all over the tables for the grabbing, and a costume for the birthday kid just for the party. Enough latex balloons for everyone but everyone scattered to the winds with their armloads of swag, leaving only the birthday family to take them home. So much was just left behind, and trashed, it made my heart hurt. Of course the kids were over the moon about it at the time, but they also promptly forgot about it.
We ran in the other direction. We planned to have, at most, a small bundle of balloons, a gold banner that we can use for many birthdays to come, and the venue’s standard tablecloths. We pulled out a set of disposable tablecloths we thriftily saved from PiC’s birthday a few years back just in case. (Disposable, hah!) We couldn’t get the balloons and didn’t need the banner since the venue had one left up already, so that was $21 saved. No one noticed our lack of decorations – the food and drinks and the birthday kid were all they needed.
Total: $0
Goodie bags, oh boy
I was thinking we’d do a stack of books but one of JB’s aunties wanted to contribute this to the party. I THOUGHT she was going to be restrained but… no. I think the kids loved it, it wasn’t a bunch of cheap plastic to throw out, but it was a lot more than we would have done on our own! JB wanted to hand them out personally, ze was so happy to have that thing to do.
Cost to us: $0.
Final out of pocket total: $425.
We’ve very clearly told JB that we’re not doing this again and of course it bounces off like ze is Teflon. Every other week, ze is doing research for zir next birthday and writing up new guest lists! Kids.
:: What is your favorite birthday tradition, for kids or adults?
April 22, 2019
I covered our paycheck deduction increases in January’s snapshot:
Medical: increased $480/year.
Dental: increased $35/year.
PiC’s Life insurance: decreased $438/year.
LTD: increased $18/year.
Supp life insurance: increased $480/year.
Now, our other semi-regular bills are rolling in and it’s not pretty either.
Water: increased $24/year
Earthquake insurance premium: increased $36/year
Homeowners insurance premium: increased $45/year.
Heating: increased $600/year.
* We bought a new furnace and ductwork and for my pains, we got higher bills. We’re using the furnace now that it works, and it actually warms the house. FANCY THAT. It’s expensive but for the same price as when we first moved in and didn’t get any heat in half the house at all, we have a warm house for an hour or two in the morning and when guests come to stay.
** Museum membership: once JB is over the age of free (3), and because we’ve been enjoying the Cal Academy as a family regularly this year, we will need to upgrade from our Individual Plus membership ($149) to the next grade up: Family for $249. Increase: $100/year. We are going to check for any employer discounts though.
Total increase: $1380.
With the exception of the furnace, we’ll be paying $1380 more this year for exactly the same services that we were getting last year. Awesome.
Though we did get cost of living increases in salary this year, after taxes, it’s not much so I still feel pressure to earn more and cut costs elsewhere to ensure we keep pace with our savings and giving goals.
A minor regret: I should have taken up that Sprint free year offer that was kicking around for a long time. I was being cautious and didn’t because I wasn’t sure about Sprint service quality so I missed the boat on that. Darn. I have a Mint Mobile offer on my desk but I’m hesitant to go to a relatively unknown experience. I know friends with GoogleFi, Republic Wireless and Ting but none of their plans would save us a real chunk of money given my data needs.
:: What do your cost of living expense increases look like this year? Where are you saving a good amount?