November 23, 2008
I’ve been MIA for a bit; life has been a blend of all kinds of hectic, stress, and demotivation.
My doctor hunted me down, or his nurse assistant did, and made me come in for an appointment on Friday. This is how you know we’re grown up now: I may avoid the doc, but I’ll still take a day off, and go in knowing that I’m going to get poked with a needle. Back in the day, you couldn’t even get me in the car if I thought a doctor’s visit was in the offing! So yes, I’m all mature now. And I’ve got a quarter sized bruise where the phlebotomist more interested in gossiping with her fellow labbies jabbed me for several tubes of blood, and my left arm is still sore from the flu shot. They’re covered by my insurance, but I didn’t know that until this year because I avoid unnecessary shots like the plague. I still have to see the optometrist and the dentist.
On the way home, I dropped in on a girlfriend who has a brand new baby: only 6 weeks old! She was tiny. And very cute. I meant to spend an hour with her and go get some work done but she invited me to her girls-only lunch, so we sushied until one pm. [$18.50] My share should have been less as the other girls got $2 drinks each and I drank water, but s’ok. I haven’t seen them in many moons, and the opportunity to play with an itsy-bitsy baby was worth the detour.
Since I’m never in town on a weekday, I stopped into my salon to have my unkempt eyebrows groomed, my lady says that business is down about 50%! For folks who rent their station in these salons, that has got to hurt. [$12]
Last stop was for 4 hours of Scan-a-thon. Whoever “they” are, they’re right, by the way: no one works harder than a lazy person to avoid work. As this may be the last major batch of scanning, and the files have all been transferred to my laptop, and organized to boot, that was the most diligent effort I’ve ever made to justify not doing my actual work. But, I can now shred another huge sack of paper.
I was determined to make the most of Saturday: take the truck in for appraisals, get a haircut, get my work started/done, and finish a load of laundry all before a semi-formal dinner event that night. Then I changed my mind: just get all the work done at home (work and laundry) and work on the truck on Sunday. The change of plans did me in. We had an unannounced power outage “for maintenance” starting at 8:30 and scheduled to end in the evening. This meant no laundry, no computer to work on (my laptop can’t sustain life on battery for more than a minute) sooo ….. change of plans again. Running errands earned me $4 for dropping off a big bag of stuff at my friend’s garage sale, I got a very little work done, dropped off a ton of books for a friend. That was about all I could manage before getting ready to go to the dinner.
Dinner was good fun, lots of good food, friends, and a five month old baby needing babysitting. Let me tell ya, I needed that tequila on the rocks after toting him around for nearly an hour. Terribly cute, but he got awfully heavy.
Today? Wasted most of it resting, and am so very overwhelmed by all the things remaining to be done, much like FB was feeling. Just can’t seem to muster the motivation to get started on the thousand things that need to get done. Even though I purged another 30-40 books, there’s still have a long way to emptying the bookshelf, tons of containers under my bed and desk to clear out, the closet is still not pared down enough, I have work to do for the upcoming Monday that’s still not getting done, my tax records need updating and organizing, there’s a friend and movie I’ve rescheduled once already this weekend and would feel flaky doing it again, but there are still job related problems to address and resolve. Escape Brooklyn and the NYTimes are freaking me out with talk of a Depression, news of the continuing economic hardships, woes of public transportion.
It’s not just me, one good friend is going through similar work and family related stresses so I need to support him, another friend is pregnant and requires attention there, another friend is recovering from medical problems and is stressed about her schooling future and career.
And it’s Thankgiving weekend next week. I planned to be done with so much more by now! Or imagined that I’d be much further along. *sigh*
Sorry for the laundry list and venting, I know it’s not helping me get anything done when it seems like I have just over a month to go and more tasks than hours to do them in. And the grocery shopping needs to be done. Gah. Better get cracking. At least I slept off most of the pain in my arms, wrists and hands from stressing them beyond their usual limits while babysitting. Not crippled for a day or two: major plus!
Also a plus: despite all the crazed feeling, at the very least, my financial life is currently holding steady. Might not last too much longer depending on the economy, but for now, it’s ok.
August 6, 2008
I’ve just discovered our $20 yard sale treadmill, and boy howdy, suddenly I’m all about using it. After my feet were hurting yesterday after I walked home, I was still grumpy and needed to work it off, so I finally decided to give the treadmill a try. Never before have I given treadmills a chance; why should I when there’s all that lovely pavement outside and a dog to walk with? But it’s totally different than I expected, and I felt all workouty.
In fact, it was the first thing on my mind on the way home, so I threw a load of wash in and started up a run. Of course, it rapidly devolved into a run-walk-run-walk session, but whatever. I love me some endorphins.
I’m even thinking of getting up early and getting in a 20 minute run before getting ready for work. Clearly, I am thoroughly wound up because I only implacably need to snack, clean or work out when I just can’t keep it bottled up inside anymore. It’s time to get in better touch with my feelings, and stress levels, otherwise I’ll find myself cleaning other people’s houses and wondering why I just can’t stop cleaning!
March 10, 2008
As I said yesterday, I gave myself permission to have fun this weekend, and to start developing different habits.
Over the past several years, I’ve been overly responsible and highly critical of myself because I still haven’t resolved any long-term problems. Recognizing and admitting that I have limits was very difficult to do, but having done so, I’ve been working on some ways to incorporate actual living into my life and stop using my obligations as an excuse to hide in the BatCave that is my room. I intend to make these changes healthy habits, a few steps at a time!
A look at my typical week generally reveals that I: work, eat, read and sleep. Stress, work, eat, sleep. Rinse and repeat. When Friday rolls around, I go home, heaving a sigh of relief for Saturday mornings, and hide in my room from human interaction. Saturday mornings mean sleeping in and running errands or household chores most of the day. Again, hide from human interaction in the evening. Sundays might require more errands, perhaps more hiding. There’s not a whole lot of scope for say, fun or pleasure.
To change that, I have to change both why and when I get in my own way of having fun.
First, understand that having fun isn’t a zero-sum game. You can have fun, be frugal, and responsible.
Cost: I’m not sure yet, maybe approximately $20/week?
Second, the weekend is a pretty darn good time to do that, instead of working.
Cost: No OT income, but we’re very limited there right now anyway.
Third, I have a terrible habit of taking on extra responsibilities. Every time someone has a problem, runs short of money, can’t do their job, or is having a bad day, I always run to bail them out. No more. I’m going to wait to see if they really need my help, or if they just needed a shoulder, some advice, or nothing at all and are able to handle it themselves.
I’m not bailing out my brother anymore, and stand firm in my conviction that he needs to work out his problems that he’s created in his life.
My parents need to support themselves more, both for their sanity and dignity, and so I’m going to stop jumping to pay for every single thing, and allow them to carry as much of their own weight as they feel able. While my past actions were justified, ie: putting their credit card debt in my name because they didn’t qualify for 0% BT cards, I rarely looked for a better solution than just doing it myself. There wasn’t always one, but there might have been. I just didn’t look before, so I’m looking now.
I’ve taken the familial responsibilities and limited their effects on my life, and have to accept that they’ll remain very present in my daily life, but I don’t have to feel guilty that I’m not doing more. I’ll just do what I can, while still taking time out for me.
On Saturday, because I don’t want MaDucky driving, I used the morning to run my errands, and added her grocery list to my to-do list. Also, since PaDucky has started working some very long hours, I dropped off his lunch so that she wouldn’t have to. After that, the day was mine.
It’s been about 8 weeks since my last haircut, so it was more than time to get groomed. I made plans to spend two hours at the hair school (responsible), a bit of time with a friend in the area (fun), a couple hours at a free art gallery opening reception also in the area (fun), and plans to go out dancing with my friends and coworkers (more fun!).
Cost: $20, gas
$14, haircut
$0, art gallery
$5, parking in Chinatown
Coworker’s friend unexpectedly jumped to order and pay for our drinks as soon as we got to the bar, and we also chose a place with no cover charge, so I didn’t even spend the $20 that I budgeted.
Fourth, a couple hours of dancing was great exercise, and a pointed reminder that I’m woefully out of shape. We’ve made plans to go out next weekend because another coworker wanted to join us, and we’ll observe the same criteria: no cover, carpool if possible to avoid excessive parking fees, just one or two drinks.
Fifth, my friend, a massage therapist, has begun to come down once a week on Sundays to work on MaDucky and me. I opted to allocate a LOT of money for my FSA this year, and I wanted to make sure that I was getting use from that fund throughout the year, rather than waiting until the last second and buying 300 bottles of Tylenol. We’ll do weekly sessions for about two months, and taper off to twice a month, probably. Because she operates independently and she’s a good friend, she only charges us $80 for two 1-hour sessions. MaDucky is already starting to feel the benefits after one and a half sessions, and it’s great help in my quest to stop carrying all my stress in my neck and shoulders. That also means that my sleep will become much more restful. Win win win!
Cost: Paid for by FSA.
Sixth, my memory is starting to rejoin the cast of Mind, Body and Spirit here, and that means I’m slowly remembering my kung fu forms. I’m making it a point to work through them at least a few times a week.
Cost: Free!
March 9, 2008
Thank you all for your encouragement and support these past couple of days. I know I’ve been on an uncharacteristically lengthy binge of unhappy and depressing news. While one weekend of attempted rejuvenation won’t undo all the emotional and physical distress, I’m going to view this as a sign that I need to make some changes to better cope with the sandstorms of life. This is the beginning of a journey towards a healthier, more-together me.
I took care of a lot of business on Friday and then gave myself permission to relax the rest of the weekend. Then actually went out and did it. Check it out ….
First, the bank charges? Will have to eat them. I called, and Wamu’s new policy is that they’ll only waive one set of fees per year. Thanks to the fiasco I might not have blogged about in January, wherein my mom cashed checks against my account, her employer screwed up and stop paymented those checks when they meant to stop payment other checks they’d mistakenly duplicated, which meant Returned Item fees, I’m out of luck. Sadly, had I consulted the crystal ball, I would have paid that $20 charge and gotten the refund on this much more substantial $60 set. *sigh* No more bank errors allowed!
Second, I made the first of a few e-fund to expense fund transfers last week, but on second and third look, my math does not actually work. The plan was to transfer the total amount of money I’d need that week, and continue on a weekly basis. Except, the bill total and transferred total do not match. I have no idea what I was thinking, but I need to recalculate the amounts in my checking account and the past week’s transaction history to unravel my mistake. Hmmm….. otherwise I’m just going to transfer exact amounts from here on out, and not worry if I’ve accidentally left a cushion in the checking account. Losing interest on a couple hundred dollars is nothing compared to overdraft charges that I didn’t see coming.
Third, we buried my dog. He passed away at home, so I didn’t have to take him to the vet after all. My last dog seems to realize she’s an only child now, and is a little more willing to be in the house with people than she ever was before.
Fourth, I fixed the flat and got an oil change for under $75 dollars. In fact, once I submit the $10 rebate for the oil change, taking the $30 charge to $20, the total will be a whopping $52 for both services, and they qualify as valid charges for Driver’s Edge Options Redemptions. I can finally redeem some of those credits! I only have $80 worth, but it’s still great to have something paid for by rebates.
Fifth, I’ve been making rookie mistakes in choosing the right credit card to pay with lately, and that’s unusual. To help my discombobulated brain, I’m sticking a green star on the card I should be using for all regular purchases. Looks silly, but if it works, I don’t care.
Sixth, the sedan’s out of the shop. Now I just need to get my car’s repairs taken care of, and the truck is no longer necessary to substitute for the regular cars.
Seventh, the bills for the week are paid. Nothing but the rent to worry about this week.
Things Left to Do:
Grocery shopping (tomorrow)
Call Verizon and change the credit card they automatically bill
Call the insurance and make arrangements for my car to be fixed
Decide if I want to go see BoyDucky this or next weekend (I’d use an award ticket)
Continue to wonder why I still haven’t seen a bill for my Early Termination Fee from T-Mobile, but do nothing about it (that includes getting stressed about it)
Call the city and find out why they’re billing me for more than one trash bin when we only use one
November 7, 2007
They say, (and I don’t know who, but I’m going to quote, roughly, from David Weber), “If you have one problem, a solution may be difficult to find. If you have many problems, often, they will solve each other.“
My real life application isn’t tied up with a ribbon or anything, but it sort of worked out that way.
Little Boss and I had a chat outside today. It was more a ranty-rant at him about the workload and difficulties in accomplishing certain tasks uninterrupted. I hadn’t even mentioned the problems with trying to schedule my doctor’s appointments.
He offered to allow the office to take two work-away-from-office days so that they could fulfill their parts of my project! The benefits:
1. Getting a good amount of work done in one concentrated swoop. That puts the pressure back on me to pull together their parts of the project the following day, but the work would be done!
2. I can spend my day catching up on the whole chunk of project that’s been piling up on my desk without interruptions.
3. Finally, I could schedule my doctor’s appt on one of those two days and not “miss” any work because I’m saving 3 hours of commute time a day just by working from home!
Now, how is THAT for good news?
And in the mail this evening? A letter to MaDucky scheduling her follow-up MRI scan. *big sigh*
Item C [work] has an action plan, check. Item D [Ma’s medical] has a next step scheduled, check. Item F [my medical] is on the calendar. And I just spoke with my brother who promises to have the car back here tomorrow afternoon, so I will have transportation on Thursday to accomplish the above tasks, check, check. Hallelujah, praise Heaven. Well, not just yet, but I will if he shows up. Item G [wedding stuff]… I will print out at work, having received permission from Little Boss to do so.
Bills were paid last night, I’m scheduled to get the ‘brows groomed tomorrow and booked my ticket, using my two Southwest credits from previously cancelled trips, to see BoyDucky for some good ole couple time at the end of this month. It’s a shame I won’t be able to fly up a third time this year to claim that freebie award ticket from their Buy Three (in CA), Get 1 Free! promotion, though. That would have been really nice.
July 23, 2007
Am I on the verge of making a really stupid decision? Have I learned my lesson from previous incidents enough to make the right decision now?
The situation: I have finally overcome the savings watermark below which I would have been in deep debt once my 0% balance transfer money (that I’d loaned to my brother) came due. Unfortunately, that was very recently, so I’m just a few hundred(?) over that point. Aside from the deep sense of failure that brings, I’ve been feeling ohhh-so-insecure because if anything happens now I haven’t got any real cushion!
Recently, my parents have discussed starting another business which consists of supplying service businesses in a very specific industry. Dad’s friend encouraged him to try this line of work because it can be lucrative enough to produce a living wage, and even if they’re unable to develop the market in our area, his wife owns two of those businesses and would be willing to take the supplies off his hands. He feels that it’s win-win: If it succeeds, good. If it’s too slow? Sell off the merchandise and get out. The capital required to purchase the supplies? Approximately $5-7k.
My brother has nothing to do with this venture, nor will I allow them to involve him in any way, so that’s not a factor. But I don’t have that kind of cash. Or at least, I don’t right now. And I couldn’t even think of putting it on a card yet because I don’t have the money to cover it.
If I don’t come up with the cash, I’m not sure what other funding options they have. None good, I know that much. Dad will take some financially reprehensible cash advance at some ridiculous APR, and I’ll eventually have to help bail them out at a much later (and more expensive) date.
The only option I have to avoid incurring debt is to recall a $5k personal loan I’d made last year. I hesitate because the interest from that loan is reducing the principal of another personal loan Dad owes. It’s my “floater” cushion that I’d really rather not use.
So:
Con: I run the risk of losing that $5k cushion. It took me a LONG time to save that much, can I bear to lose it?
Pro: Alternatively, if the business works out, I would recoup that “investment” and possibly see my parents become more self-sufficient.
I’m finally asking the question that seemed unthinkable before. Not “Can I?” or “How do I?” but “Should I?
(oh Mapgirl, that’s your cue!)
June 12, 2007
How many times do I have to make the same mistake before I actually learn from it? I do not trust my brother’s financial sense in the least. After all, he acts like he’s got none. I’ve been really good about not trusting him and he knows it, therefore he has to toe the line with me that he completely ignores in his dealings with our parents. At my parents’ behest, 23 months ago, I bought a truck for the family’s use with the understanding that he would pay the monthly bill and the insurance. It was his last chance to repair our financial relationship, after his years of financial transgressions that I’d bailed him out of.
So what did I do? After 20 months of agonizing over how long he’s going to stay on good behavior and pay his monthly bill to me for the car and insurance, after worrying that I’m going to be stiffed with the car bill because I just don’t know that he’s going to maintain a stable job, I went and made the same idiotic mistake of trusting him, with money.
I knew that he and my parents could not do business together, I knew that I would be forced into the position of peacemaker and dealbroker which I don’t have time for, and I knew that I’d be taking a huge risk of losing that money. Given those odds, didn’t that sound like my answer should have been “No no NO! Bloody no!”? Shouldn’t it have? Every instinct in my mind screamed no! But I didn’t listen. Because ….
1. He came to my parents proposing that they work together. He had been working on his own business for about a year with moderate success, and he thought this would be a good way for them to make some money without doing much work.
2. PaDucky came to me asking that I put up the stake because they couldn’t get it elsewhere and this was a chance at financial independence for everyone.
I desperately wanted my family to start functioning normally again, and I thought that my brother had been doing this on his own for about a year with moderate success already, so wasn’t this a history of having learnt his lesson and all? After some long thought, and with deep misgivings, I said yes. Conditionally, of course, that no single party would make any decisions on their own – all business decisions had to be made in group meetings. And he had a friend/partner who was supposed to keep tabs on the cash flow part of the business, and be his check & balance.
What an idiot I was. What an utter absolute idiot. As predicted, within weeks of their working together, everything fell apart and I’m left as go-between, as peacemaker, and one completely frustrated-to-smithereens loan originator, and kicking myself every single day for making such an idiotic decision. I can’t even express how deeply angry I am at everyone involved, either, because I have to focus on being the peacemaker go-between to make sure that I get as much of that money back as possible as my brother is still working on it, on his own. He’s made one of 7 scheduled payments, missed one, and I’m still trying to get a straight answer about the next one.
I’d used my BT money to make the loan, which gave me a year-long loan of interest free money. I had initially intended to put that money into a high interest savings account and earn my $50 interest a month. I should have done and found another way to support my family. Instead, I have to consider what to do at the end of 12 months when and if he doesn’t pay me back in full. Right now, I have enough in my savings to pay it off completely when the time comes, but that will utterly wipe me out. All that I’ve saved, everything I’ve worked so hard for, scrimped and saved for over the last 2.5 years, gone.
I’ve been trying to make my peace with that. After all, I was the idiot who ultimately decided to go out on this limb in the first place without really truly considering the dire circumstances. I couldn’t even say that even if I have no emergency money, I would at least be debt-free. Because I’d still have that car note. I have one investment that will pay out in a couple more years, but other than that, I’d be back to zero.
This lesson is particularly painful because, well, I was an idiot. I didn’t even really seriously think: Can I pay this off entirely, by myself, if he doesn’t pay up? Every single day, I ponder how much this, losing my life savings because I made a really stupid decision, is going to suck.
And I can’t even guarantee this’ll never happen again. Not even after I collect whatever I can collect. Just because I’ve learned from this lesson doesn’t mean that they won’t need me to help them again and I need to gauge what help I can give vs. what help I should give. I have to understand that my family is collectively financially unsavvy and peculiarly waterproofed against my attempts at helping them make better long-term decisions. So I have to be even more careful not to follow their well-intentioned paths to ruin, again. I can’t keep starting over because of them.
There. My blogging head has been in the sand for a while now because of this. I actually still don’t feel much better for having “said” it aloud. I hoped that I would, but I don’t. It’s like admitting out loud that you kick puppies, or something like that. I did a stupid thing and I’m paying for it.
I definitely need alternate streams of income.
And boy, do I ever hate that it’s so much quicker and easier to get into trouble than it is to get out of it!