About sixteen years ago, I met him for the first time. My trainwreck sibling brought home this adorable puppy he had no business adopting because he had not one thing in his life that wasn’t a mess. I was furious at my sibling – he didn’t even take care of himself, how could he drag
Read MoreDecember 7, 2007
I shall sally forth to contend with the all day private family memorial services, hoping that I don’t infect anyone else with my cold . I get the impression from BoyDucky’s harassed sounding phone calls that this moment of peace I have with you, blogger family, is the last bit of quiet I’ll be having for the rest of the day.
Wish me luck!
December 6, 2007
Seriously. The value of regular, good rest is just underrated.
In advance of the holiday season, I’d like to take this chance to remind everyone to be careful amidst all the holidaying that I’m sure is beginning (or has already begun). Please be safe!
I’d like to blog about end-of-life preparedness soon, but I’m going to need to get some rest, all these funerals attended, and some more rest before I can get to that.
December 4, 2007
As we search for photos of A, I realize that I have so few photos. Not just of him, but of the past several years. At some point I stopped valuing the memories as much because I didn’t want to spend the money on a camera. I always thought it wasn’t a big deal; someone would take pictures, probably, and I could look at theirs.
Over the weekend, A’s college friends came by with a beautiful photo album they’d made containing photos from the last few years, from his trips to other countries and most recently to Hawaii, and it made me so wistful.
How I wish I’d sprung for a camera years ago and continued my photographing frenzy from high school and our first year of college. During college, it was a big joke among my crowd that everyone always had a camera, and with eight to ten photographers, I assumed we’d have duplicates of every picture.
Eventually, the picture taking dwindled in the face of greater distances, fewer gatherings, and seemingly less intense comradery. It took this tragedy to remind me that there are times I’d regret not spending money.
I didn’t need a digital SLR, but a simple point and shoot would have preserved so many of our experiences and I wouldn’t have to rely just on fond reminiscences.
| Retirement Savings |
Rollover 401(k): $1,571 |
| Emergency Savings |
$11,754 |
| Goal Oriented Savings |
Car Maintenance: $641 |
| Investment Loans |
Prosper-ish: $12,630 |
| Total Assets |
Non-Liquid: $18,422 |
| Debt and Liabilities |
Truck: $7,372 |
I’ve some small gains in my retirement accounts, but that’s because the market ticked up just in time for my monthly round-up. It’s been up and down all month, and mostly down for three of the past four. It would be tough on more than just morale if I depended on it for income in the short-term.
The liquid savings was knocked back a little because the truck payment is draining my expense account every month. So far I haven’t been forced to pull money from savings to pay it yet, but I am taking savings out to pay for the costs of the NY trip as I mentioned before. I’d really like to sell it soon, but it turns out I still need the convenience of a third car at home during this difficult time.
Pa was recently downsized so if he doesn’t get a new one soon, we won’t need three cards for three people and I’ll sell the truck in January.
Overall, the assets increased by 1.5%.
Debts are decreasing steadily as well, and by equally small amounts. Due to the recent events, and all the nights I’ve spent with BoyDucky at the hospital, I haven’t killed off the BT debt to start a new one yet. I have, however, taken credit limit increases across the board for all my Citi cards in anticipation of the new BT. That increased my total credit line available for a future BT from 18k to 24k. I took advantage of Citi’s credit limit increase feature on the website to avoid any hard pulls on my credit.
December 3, 2007
Thank you, everyone, for your support and kind words. Thank you, Sense to Dollars, for the mention.
Has anyone ever had any experience in setting up Memorial Funds? I’m in charge of A’s and BoyDucky’s dad’s Memorial Funds. I was going to set up an account for each of them through Obopay so that those who are far away can donate online, but does anyone have any better suggestions?
November 30, 2007
Not just one.
I left work on Wednesday at noon to go support BoyDucky and his family. Their father was failing, and he was at the hospital alone.
They made the decision to let him go that night. His condition was drastically worse, and he was in pain.
We stayed by his side all night, on pain medications, until he passed just before midnight. I stayed with the family for the next eight hours in a Buddhist prayer chant to send him on his way. Mom, siblings, aunts, uncles, cousins and friends held vigil for him until 8 am.
This is all very bare bones because I’m still in shock right now. I’m in shock because after 24 hours of overwhelming grief, having to see the family’s faces contorted with pain, we hadn’t experienced the worst.
Less than twelve hours after BoyDucky’s father passed, his cousin, our friend, A, left the hospital to let their dog out and run errands for BoyDucky’s mother.
We found out at 2pm that he was involved in a fatal car accident. He’d fallen asleep at the wheel and drifted into a parked semi on the side of the road.
BoyDucky and I had to find, wake up, and break the news to his mother and that was the single most horrific thing I’ve ever done in my life.
A would be characterized by many people as a good friend, a good son, a good brother, and a good person. He could have been defined as responsible, caring, compassionate, selfless, patient beyond belief and genuine. He would be defined that way, by other people. But for me, he defined those values. He was the example against which I held up others who aspired to be responsible, caring, compassionate, strong, and genuinely good to others. On a good day, I could have been an “A”. I wouldn’t count on it, ’cause he was so damn good at being good, but if I could be like him, that was compliment enough.
A was a rock. A solid, young man, the eldest son, and the best son his mother could ask for. He was the best cousin BoyDucky could have, and a wonderful friend. I’m grateful for the time I had with him, and I miss him.
There are two gaping holes in my heart right now, and I may not be blogging for a while.
November 27, 2007
This is why I can’t have nice things, Part II.
Last week, possessed by who-knows-what, I took off my sterling silver Elsa Peretti starfish necklace because I was wearing gold earrings, and stowed it NOT in my purse or a safe, zipped, safeguarded pocket of any sort. Since the past 4-5 days have been such a harried blur, I just cannot remember where I put it. Days later, walking around with the phantom feeling of the necklace resting in the hollow of my throat, I finally realized that I’d never put it back on. It felt like it was with me this whole time, but it hasn’t been! In fact, I’d stripped off all my other jewelry days ago, returning to my normal, jewelry-free state, and I have NO IDEA what happened!
I am, to be blunt, freaking out. The necklace was a birthday gift from BoyDucky years ago. How could I be so careless? It was a cherished gift that he picked for me, thinking of how I would never ever be so extravagant as to ask for or pick out anything from Tiffany & Co., and knowing that if I were to want something, it would be something other than the ubiquitous, generic heart design that every boy picks for his girl. This despite my never wearing any jewelry for him to base his selection on. He’s good, that one. Starfish was special. And now, after days of never touching hand to heart, I can’t stop placing my hand over where Starfish would form a comforting imprint in my palm, wishing and hoping that it’d materialize.
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