January 30, 2023
Year 3 of COVID in the Bay Area.
Year 3, Day 307: Woof. Stayed out way too late last night. Happy Year of the Bunny or Cat depending on which zodiac you use!
I’m going with Bunny-Cat. Which makes me think of Bunnicula.
I’m on Week 1 of the new medications. Telling myself to be patient during these first three weeks isn’t actually making me be patient.
It’s annoying that while I was the frog slowly boiling in depression, I was entirely focused on surviving day to day. Now that I KNOW that it’s likely been what’s driving at least some of my inability to focus or be patient, now that I am actually on meds, I’m hyperaware of each symptom that’s been blocking my focus. Irritability! Anxiety! Snapping at JB for being late! Anger at myself for being late! Anger about my fatigue! Every! Unreasonable! Thing!
Please let my lowest effective dose be really low so that I can get to it sooner than later. I don’t know that my frayed temper can take four or five weeks of this.
Year 3, Day 308: I actually slept deeply last night but still struggled to get up. I can’t say I felt rested, generally I never do, but I felt less unrested if that makes sense. I’ll take it and hope for more.
The tendons in my fingers aren’t working right today. That’s awkward! I rather need my fingers to flex as needed. That’s sort of crucial to all the typing and dog walking, eating, and driving that has to happen today.
Letter writing was a lot harder too, with fingers that didn’t want to grip or glide a pen across paper.
Year 3, Day 309: My mentor reminded me that we have enough money that we can use some of it to buy our peace of mind. I’ve had to sit with that reminder a bit to see what form of help we can buy that would be a net benefit.
Some things, like hiring cleaners, are more stressful than they are helpful because PiC is extremely particular about taking care of our things and the last set of cleaners didn’t use ladders or stepstools, they climbed right on our furniture and floating vanities to clean above them. That worried me, I didn’t want them slipping and falling off or the floating vanity to crack off the wall. At installation we were told the beams attaching it to the could hold a certain amount of weight but the vanity weight plus a person might be too much.
I’ll start with ordering food delivery. It’s not the best bang for our buck but on Friday, we won’t have to figure out what to do for dinner and that’s a small cache of brain we can reclaim. PiC and I both think about dinner, that’s probably not efficient, but we’re sharing the pain and that’s something.
Bigger picture, we may have to take that full time daycare hit sooner than planned. Last year, I thought maybe we’d start around the summer. Now, I’m thinking… maybe much sooner. These part time weeks are wearing on me this year.
Year 3, Day 310: Every time I hear a pharma ad run through the side effects and say something about not taking this while breastfeeding, I feel this whooosh of relief that I’m not going to ever breastfeed again.
The prices at our new local Mediterranean restaurant have gone up 20%. Yeeps! I ordered anyway. We’ll have some for dinner tonight and I’ll freeze some for next week.
Tuesdays and Thursdays are hectic. I’m cramming a whole day of work into a few hours before self defense. We try to arrive half an hour early so we can get parking and to give JB another 15-25 minutes of cardio. The kids play serious games of tag and gymnastics before class starts. Makes me feel like we’re getting extra bang for our buck. We already save 30% by prepaying for the year but when would I ever turn down a little extra bonus?
I hit the Gap and Old Navy clearance sales for our Lakota families. If everything ships, I’ll have acquired 44 tops, 10 pairs of pants, 10 pairs of sneakers and toddler boots, and 64 pairs of socks split between the Allen Youth Center and the Red Shirt School for $370.
Year 3, Day 311: Maybe the meds are helping even at sub-therapeutic levels. Maybe it’s a placebo effect. Whatever it is, even with my cold getting much worse today, and terrible sleep interrupted with nightmares, heartburn, and other indefensible reasons last night, my level of end of week despair was not nearly as high as any other Friday of the past few months. PiC did cover a lot of the work day with Smol and that helped too but I took my turns both morning and afternoon despite feeling like garbage with this cough and chills.
Today’s dinner: small pies and fancy salads!
Pies: Chicken Tikka Masala, Cajun Chicken, Beef and Stout, Apple Saffron
Salads that I wouldn’t have time to make: Seared Lemon Pepper Tuna , Tabouli Quinoa Salad with Mediterranean Chicken, Duck Breast.
Very expensive for the quantities we’re getting but I couldn’t make this without doubling the cost in time and ingredients. Triple that of frustration. Also it’s sampler style so we can taste four different pies in one go. One pie can barely happen around here, forget more than that!
December 13, 2022
This was previously on my Giving page but I’m making it a post and updating that page for ongoing efforts. The updates from the start to the end of this fall’s project are below in chronological order.
We will continue to help the Lakota people even after the conclusion of this big fundraiser. We send gently used and new things as they become available or are requested year round. You are always welcome to contribute.
This post is to say a very big thank you to everyone who helped and contributed.
The Lakota people face serious challenges in Pine Ridge: poverty, food insecurity, lack of adequate heating and housing.
This all hits close to home for me. My mom grew up in poverty and I remember her stories of fishing for protein for their meals. Of making porridge that was more water than rice to stretch their single monthly 50-lb bag of rice per month to feed six, then seven, then eight children. Of earning money and making her own clothes at ten years of age. That wasn’t the life she wanted for me and I was lucky enough to make my way out of poverty because she came to America. In her memory, I feel a deep responsibility to pay forward the help needed for people to survive and thrive, and in particular to the Indigenous people who were here first.
The high in Allen, SD this week (last week of October) is 34 degrees, and the low is 3 degrees, and it’s only fall! Folks of all ages and sizes need warm clothes, socks, gloves, hats, coats, blankets. Food is a big need too, but I’ve got to grab hold somewhere to start helping, and keeping people warm is a good place to start with the sales that are on now.
With a South Dakota winter coming, all of these become much more urgent. One Spirit is a great organization that supports the Oglala Lakota but they have limited resource, they need us to help fill the gaps.
Our community has come together the past five years to assist families with urgent needs on the Okini and this fall I expanded our efforts to provide direct aid in bulk: hunt down the best deals and send great big loads to share with our neighbors in South Dakota. I’d love to supply the whole reservation this way but we’ll start with one area first and work our way out.
On October 26, 2022, we launched a fundraiser for a big Native Heritage Month + Thanksgiving giving drive. With your help, we’re sending much needed supplies to roughly 100 families, or 600+ people, on the Pine Ridge reservation in the Allen area. Mutual aid FTW! I’ve shared updates on the blog here and here, and on Twitter. I’m also documenting our work here for transparency and posterity.
How you can help
Every penny matters: $15 buys a pair of gloves or a pack of socks, $37 buys a case of diapers.
Venmo: @RK-Tillman
PayPal: ruthtillman@gmail.com
Cashapp: $ruthkt
November 8, 2022
Fourteen days into the public fundraising! Added to the earlier private donations in the first part of October, we’ve raised enough to send the following goods on sale:
Health
COVID is a big problem on the reservation, and it’s a terrible cold/flu/RSV season to boot.
6 Ibuprofen (NSAID) Pain Reliever & Fever Reducer Sofgels- 300ct
2 Acetaminophen Extra Strength Pain Reliever & Fever Reducer Caplets – 500ct
12 Children’s Pain and Fever Oral Suspension, Acetaminophen Cherry, 4 oz
10 Children’s Dye-Free Ibuprofen 100 Oral Suspension Berry, 2 pack, 4 oz
12 Walgreens Infants’ Pain & Fever, Acetaminophen 160 mg per 5 mL, Dye-Free Grape, 2.0 oz
For kids
15 black Targus backpacks
10 girls size 7 snow boots
16 packs of Girls Underwear, Assorted 20 Packs in sizes (4 each) 6, 8, 10, and 14
6 packs of Boys’ Boxer Briefs, Assorted 5 Pack, Size XL
5 Kids’ 2-pack Blanket Sleeper, Dark Pink, 12 months
5 Kids’ 2-pack Blanket Sleeper, Pink, 2T
5 Kids’ 2-pack Blanket Sleeper, Blue, 3T
5 Kids’ 2-pack Blanket Sleeper, Blue, 2T
20 total: Eddie Bauer Kids’ 3-in-1 Jacket, Blue or Red, 5 in each size: XS, S, M, L
For adults
4 Fleece Crew Sweatshirt, 2XL, Blue
4 Fleece Pullover Hoodie Sweatshirt, 2XL, Black
4 Fleece Pullover Hoodie Sweatshirt, XL, Grey Heather
4 Fleece Elastic Bottom Sweatpants, 2XL, Black Heather
4 Fleece Elastic Bottom Sweatpants, XL, Black
5 32 Degrees Ladies’ Power Tech Jacket, Blue, Medium
5 32 Degrees Ladies’ Power Tech Jacket, Copper, Medium
Household
28 Bath Towels
November 9, 2022
Kids
10 toddler coats: 2T, 4T, 5
November 12, 2022
$460 of cash and gift card contributions came in this week! YAY! Some thoughtful folks confirm which stores made the most sense and sent over gift cards for the efforts and this is so appreciated. I hope we’ll have enough time to gather enough funds to hit the intense holiday sales hard, but the Twitter sharing is getting more difficult.
I asked our coordinator what their top priorities from the list below are and she said: There is a volunteer cook who comes in 6 days a week to ācreate ā a meal with ingredients that they have on hand so they’re always in need of food and snacks for kids. They also need diapers and baby (gently used is great) clothes.
I ship them all the gently used hand me downs we get from our community and have a plan to ship more when I gather all the giveaway clothes from the lost and found at the end of the school year. I’m kicking myself for not trusting we’d raise enough funds to afford buying the diapers while they were on sale in October but I think they’ll be on sale again in December/January. Should I wait and buy then? Or should I send what we can afford now? DEBATING.
Today, I’m pivoting to buying a load of food and snacks. I will keep hunting for deals on diapers and baby clothes in hopes that our dollars will go further on those items in a week or so.
Update 2! This was a cart split between healthy ingredients and reasonably healthy snacks for kids, as requested, coming in just shy of $400. Tomorrow, per a friend’s recommendation, I’ll get diapers from Target.
(3) Kirkland Signature Chicken Breast, 12.5 oz, 6-count
(2) Kirkland Signature Organic Diced Tomatoes, 14.5 oz, 8-count
(2) Del Monte Cut Green Beans, 14.5 oz, 12-count
(2) Kirkland Signature Organic Chicken Stock, 32 fl oz, 6-count
(2) Krusteaz Complete Buttermilk Pancake Mix, 10 lbs
(2) Premium Saltine Crackers, Original, 4 oz, 12-count
(1) Ardent Mills Harvest Hotel & Restaurant All-Purpose Flour, 25 lbs
(1) Crisco All-Vegetable Shortening, 6 lbs
(1) Kirkland Signature Organic Sugar, 10 lbs
(3) Kraft Macaroni & Cheese Dinner, 7.25 oz, 18-count
(1) Skippy Peanut Butter, Creamy, 48 oz, 2-count
(2) Quaker Rice Crisps, Variety Pack, 36-count
(2) Del Monte Diced Peaches, 4 oz cup, 20-count
(2) Dole Mandarin Oranges Cup, 4 oz, 16-count
(1) Nutri-Grain Bars, 1.3 oz, 64-count
November 14, 2022
For $146.75, I’ve shipped three boxes of clothes, toys, treats, art supplies, $100 worth of kids’ masks, $900 worth of COVID tests.
November 20, 2022
We had a few more contributions come in this week, this might be the last we can expect what with Twitter going down and all.
Tami and I are working on a series of diaper orders, one has shipped and two more are being placed soon.We’re budgeting about $300 for diapers now, we’ll get more later if funding comes in. This week I fielded specific requests from the coordinator and director of One Spirit (they run the Okini list). I ordered adult sized coats (they asked me to focus on L, XL, and XXL sizes) for the older kids and adults near Allen. The sales finally dropped prices enough so that I could buy 18 adult sized coats for $473.21.
The Youth Center also has a big group of kids with very little seating, just one used sofa, so they asked for bean bag chairs for the kids. I found one very large one on sale, and am now on the lookout for more individual sized bags.
First of three diaper orders to maximize discounts:
Fragrance Free Baby Wipes Unscented 216ct – up & upā¢
(1) Diapers Giant Pack Size 2 – 184ct – up & up
(2) Diapers Economy Plus Pack – Size 3 – 228ct – up & up
(5) Unisex Big Hooded Zip Jacket, 2XL, Color: Camel
(2) Men’s DockersĀ® Arctic Cloth Heavyweight Performance Hooded Parka, XL, Green
(1) Men’s DockersĀ® Arctic Cloth Heavyweight Performance Hooded Parka, XL, Grey
(2) Men’s DockersĀ® Arctic Cloth Heavyweight Performance Hooded Parka, L, Grey
(2) Women’s ZeroXposur Brooke Packable Puffer Jacket, Infinity Blue, L
(2) Women’s ZeroXposur Brooke Packable Puffer Jacket, Rose Clay, L
(1) Juniors’ Plus Size SOĀ® Sherpa Full Zip Jacket, 1X, Blue Cream Dye
(2) Juniors’ Plus Size SOĀ® Sherpa Full Zip Jacket, 2X, Larue Lavender
(1) Juniors’ Plus Size SOĀ® Sherpa Full Zip Jacket, 2X, Maroon Black Buffalo
November 26, 2022
We’ve sent the second and third of three diaper orders:
(2) Diapers Economy Plus Pack – Size 4 – 204ct – up & up
(1) Diapers Giant Pack Size 2 – 184ct – up & up
(1) Fragrance Free Baby Wipes Unscented 216ct – up & up
(2) Diapers Economy Plus Pack – Size 5 – 186ct – up & up
I’ve also ordered individual sized bean bag chairs, women’s gloves, blankets and comforter sets, kids/men’s/women’s beanies, kid and adult socks, and adult underwear packs.
(2) Big Joe Classic Beanbag Chair, Sapphire
(2) Big Joe Milano Kid’s Beanbag Chair Pink Passion Smartmax
(5) Women’s Ultra Lightweight EZ Touch Screen Quilted Gloves – MEDIUM
(5) Women’s Ultra Lightweight EZ Touch Screen Quilted Gloves – LARGE
(4) Classic Velvety Plush Full/Queen Blanket, Hippie Tie Dye Wizard (pinks)
(6) Eddie Bauer Mountain Village Ultra Soft Plush Fleece Reversible Full/Queen Blanket, Chambray Blue
(2) Sunham Holiday Gingham 3-Pc Comforter Sets
(3) Kids’ Colorblock Beanie – Cat & Jackā¢ Pink
(3) Kids’ Solid Cuffed Beanie – Cat & Jackā¢ Gray
(8) Men’s Circular Knit Beanie – Goodfellow & Coā¢ Indigo
(4) Women’s Knit Beanie – Universal Threadā¢ Dark Gray
(4) Women’s Knit Beanie – Universal Threadā¢ Red
(3) Kids’ Solid Cuffed Beanie – Cat & Jackā¢ Yellow
(4) Men’s Circular Knit Beanie – Goodfellow & Coā¢ Cream
(4) Baby Boys’ 6pk Crew Socks – Cat & Jackā¢ 12-24M
(4) Toddler 10pk Solid Low-Cut Socks – Cat & Jackā¢ White 2T-3T
(4) Toddler 10pk Solid Low-Cut Socks – Cat & Jackā¢ White 4T-5T
(2) Hanes Boys’ 12pk Cushioned Ankle Athletic Socks – White L
(4) Hanes Girls’ 20pk Super No Show Athletic Socks – M and L
(5) PUMA Men’s No Show Sock, 10-pair, size 10-13
(5) PUMA Men’s No Show Sock, 10-pair, size
(5) PUMA Ladies’ No Show Sock, 10-pair, Black
(4) PUMA Ladies’ No Show Sock, 10-pair, White
(1) Plus Size JockeyĀ® Elance 3-pk. Briefs Panty Set, Size 8, Blue
(1) Plus Size JockeyĀ® Elance 3-pk. Briefs Panty Set, Size 8, Black
(1) Plus Size JockeyĀ® Elance 3-pk. Briefs Panty Set, Size 10, Black
(1) Plus Size JockeyĀ® Elance 3-pk. Briefs Panty Set, Size 10, Pink
(2) Men’s Hanes UltimateĀ® 5-pack Exposed Waistband Boxer Brief, XL, Blue/Orange
(1) Men’s Hanes UltimateĀ® 5-pack Exposed Waistband Boxer Brief, XXL, Blue/Orange
(1) Men’s Hanes UltimateĀ® 6-pack ComfortSoft Tees, XL, Black/Grey
(1) Men’s Hanes UltimateĀ® 6-pack ComfortSoft Tees, XXL, Black/Grey
November 30, 2022
I’m watching and waiting as the orders start to ship and updating the coordinators. I’ll update the numbers here as soon as I can get some time! The Holiday Okini is out but I’ve got to take a break.
December 9, 2022
There are still things on the wish list that I didn’t get to or can use more of: diapers, men’s gloves, blankets, snow boots (for all sizes and ages), tampons, pads, shampoo, conditioner, soap.
But since we’ve used all our funds pre-Thanksgiving, and everything has FINALLY shipped, it was time to pull this update together.
Final summary
Together we raised $4396! Y’all are AMAZING! Thanks to Music for encouraging this wacky idea to hatch, Ruth for signing up to assist with the money, Maggie, Tami, Kristen, ZJ and Penny for helping and advising me behind the scenes.
Thanks to Shep and Chris and also you Chris, Hiro, Plutus folks, J Money, Steph, Anne, Sarah, Janna, Jaydot, Jim, Quiara, Jelena, and so many more for signal boosting so we could get one more coat, one more case of diapers, one more blanket, one more package of socks.
BIG thanks to everyone single one of you who helped in every way. This quite literally could not have happened without you.
My heart is full this season with your caring for people who have a need that we can help with, and I hope yours is as well.
