PiC insists he’s fully on board, being with me, but I have got to be trying his patience. Heaven knows I’ve worn through my own patience with this state of affairs.
This past week was one of the rougher, tougher ones in which I was barely good for anything in private and not much more than that in public.
I made it to work each day, drugged up to my eyeballs, or in so much pain that I was well beyond wishing for the sweet release of death. You bet your sweet bippy I took the time to make the right calls, but that left my willpower to deal with anything beyond the core necessities drained to the last dribs. By Thursday, all I could think was: I’m not cooking a darn thing tonight. By darn, someone is going to feed me!
Through the weekend, we hosted an old friend who has been nomadic for quite a few years of her high-powered career. As we missed her birthday last weekend, I felt obligated to be present for her so I tried to hide the pain behind normalcy. I didn’t do a good job of it but my next best shot was to sacrifice PiC’s support and continue to struggle behind the facade of maintaining even at home where I would normally collapse and stop pretending.
It was exhausting.
As much as I care about my friends, I was intensely grateful to stop pretending when she left on Sunday and for the day of rest on Monday to enjoy PiC’s company. With any luck, I can slowly lay off some of the pain meds so that this week isn’t a complete fog.
Living in a haze of pain isn’t just draining, it’s expensive!
The painkillers cost money, the eating out costs money, the being waited on hand and foot costs … one heck of a lot of good will! And that’s the most worrisome bit of course. How long can someone keep up the caretaker role before burning out?
But you know what? I’m tired of all that. Forget honesty – I think you could all stand a good solid blast of uplifting, happy geekery, could you not? If not, bear with me, it can’t possibly be worse than the me even I was sick of! (And as I assured my ever so flamboyant friend, even if it was only the “me” in the abstract.)
While washing dishes, or really just scrubbing at the balsamic vinegar charcoal that PiC managed to burn into my new Corningware Simply Lite, I ruminated on the differences in our buying habits. This was prompted by the new tiny bottle of dishwashing liquid he set out last week to replace the last bottle of three he’d purchased while moving into his last abode more than 4 years ago.
I remember, faintly, taking him to the store and teaching him about doubling and stacking coupons, those many years ago. We bought those three small bottles for pennies on the dollar and I proudly sent him on his way with newfound knowledge of coupon clipping. I had no clue that, as a basically single person (we were LD at the time), he would not finish the stash until I moved up years later.
In total contrast, I’ve always shopped in bulk for household goods. Toilet tissue, any kind of cleaning supplies, detergents, Q-tips: anything that could be used up had to be bought in bulk because 4 people would go through the stash like nobody’s business. I reflexively calculate how many coupons I can gather before a grocery or household run, and figure out how to store it later.
The mentality was that if I was out of something, I had to buy enough for the whole household – never just that I had to replace my own. Besides, anyone with siblings knows that once the irresponsible sibling runs out of stuff, your stuff is toast. It was some form of self-preservation. (So was my well developed habit of hoarding and hiding the stashes so that said sibling couldn’t use it up when I wasn’t looking. MY root beer, dammit!)
It’s a bit disconcerting now when I shop with PiC. In a full-size household, I thought, you buy whenever the prices are excellent because you will need and use it. In a this-size household, I’m having to hold back a bit** and realize that we actually might not use three tubs of detergent before Christmas and that it’s not actually necessary to stock up quite as much as I used to.
**Except when it comes to canned tomatos and cereal. The man consumes as much cereal in a week as I do regular food. If he keeps eating at a 1 (my) bowl to 1 (his) box ratio, I’m going to have to start hiding a stash!
Just another oddity of this stage of my life! Watch, when I finally adjust, we’ll add more mouths to feed. Furry, slobbery, doggery mouths.
It’s been long enough since any graduations of my own that graduation ceremonies are now utterly unmotivating. Or so I say now. May is a bit early for my taste, but maybe around June I’ll feel the energy from Pomp and Circumstance!
In the meantime, there’s something about a) coming back to my old room and b) traveling on a Saturday that makes me just want to hole up like a hermit and so that’s what I’ve done today.
I’ve emerged to spend $30 in pursuit of grooming and feeding. Both were good.
The latter was a catch-me-up session with a dear friend whose family news left me stunned and wandering the mall with unseeing eyes for half an hour until my brain cleared. While there were no deaths, there was a close call, and several other life events as defined by say, your health care provider for qualification to change your plan have or will occur. None of the good ones, though. The best I could do with give great big hugs and wish things would improve, rapidly. Y’know the weird thing? I felt guilty. It all happened after I moved, and I thought, “well crap, my world didn’t completely fall apart aside from that one really tough week, but your family took the hit.”
It felt like the odd void of disaster in my family was moved to someone else I love. Crazy, I know.
In any case, I’ll be writing the usual cousin check for a graduation and another four years completed. As always, I’m inmensely proud and scrambling for an appropriate card to tuck it into because darned if I didn’t take the box of cards up north with me when I moved!
And can I say? I’ve missed this crazy SoCal sun!! I’ll have to remember how not to get sunburned tomorrow.
I miss having (the illusion of) a functional family.
My sibling brought home a puppy because he thought he could emotionally manipulate me into letting him keep it when I got back. You know, the sibling with the other dog we have to feed half the time because he can’t afford to. After a few days of romping, the dog gets sick and surprise, she has parvo! I think we know what thatmeans by now.
After two days of sick puppy, he tries to get my dad to call me to help him. And then he calls me himself because my dad won’t do it.
His own dog isn’t vaccinated against parvo! And my dog is old enough that though she’s always been vaccinated, she could be susceptible if it’s truly virulent. There’s no way of knowing. I wanted to reach through the phone and strangle him. He’s an idiot. Now that poor sick puppy has been all over my house shedding parvovirus and he wants me to tell him what to do. And she’s in *really* bad shape.
To recap: he brings home a puppy he is incapable to caring for, like a child, and runs to me to fix it after he’s screwed up.
I just wanted to scream.
I did rip his head off. He and his little friends decided to bring her home, so it’s their responsibility. It broke my heart to say it, but I made it clear that if they can’t (he can’t) afford to take proper care of her knowing that there’s no guarantee she’ll recover, then the only humane thing to do is to put her down because she’s just going to keep getting worse. I think one of them is willing to take financial responsibility whether or not she’s really able to afford it so I hope for the best for the pup.
This won’t be the last time this happens. Obviously the threat of my coming home isn’t enough and I can’t keep dealing with this idiocy cropping up because I’m not there, so I’ve got to start making plans to bring my dog up here with me, and finding a good small place for my parents to live. It’s not going to be easy, it will be expensive, but it has to be done.
The sun’s not shining, but I woke up naturally without a struggle at seven this morning, and had an hour to accustom myself to the odd sensation of painless early rising. That’s pretty fantastic. I was really worried about adjusting to long workdays again because of my weird spates of fatigue. I make it through longer days but am pretty beat at night
Today’s my “sixth workday” – it’s time to do everything I didn’t manage to work on during the week.
1. Log at least 3 hours on the freelance gig.
2. Write ~ 4000 words. (of which, at least some should be to help out Funny About Money)
3. Transcribe notes from work and organize them so I’ll be ready to start a new week on Monday.
4. Take my new employee training courses, plus the one assigned to my staffer.
Accomplished this week!
Counting today’s planned meals, I’ve very proud to say that I’ve only eaten out once this week. It was a little rice curry and sashimi meal (just a few pieces) to celebrate surviving my first full week intact.
I’m working on the dinner menu for next week, starting with some salmon tonight and roasted chicken tomorrow (which becomes at least two meals, chicken stock and delicious chicken soup). I’m avoiding red meats for now because they’re both expensive and less healthy, but am casting about for some good crockpot and ground turkey recipes. Not necessarily in conjunction, but I’m ok with that.
Reading this week
My gleanings aren’t as robust as usual, but I’ve been lucky to squeeze in a post or two, reading on my commute.
The NY Times continues coverage on the Pope’s earlier dealings with abusive priests. This whole thing just infuriates me. How can you look at such an egregious transgression and just say “let’s wait [years!] to conclude this decision”!? If I were Catholic, the sense of betrayal would be overwhelming.
Mrs. Micah ‘fessed up to a pretty big mistake that’s totally understandable and I’m proud of how she rallied after realizing what’d happened.
She also shared this most hilarious site specifically for designers but totally applicable to anyone who has ever dealt with clients: Clients From Hell
I have a lovely set of postcards to give away courtesy of Uprinting which has expanded to postcard printing. You can design and order your print cards online. Y’all have three days to snag this prize!
The specs:
100 4 x 6 Postcards for One (1) Winner
Paper Stock: 14pt Cardstock Gloss
Specifications: Full Color Both Sides; 3 Business Days Turnaround
Shipping: FREE UPS Ground Shipping
How to Enter:
(One entry)Leave a comment with your name and a valid email address. Tell me anything you like about yourself.
(Five entries)Follow me and tweet this up to five times “Win postcards from @RevancheGS: http://bit.ly/biwtBJ RT to win!”
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Rules and Restrictions
1. I will select a winner at random using a number generator. 2. My decisions are final. 3. Open to US residents only. Sorry, my non-US resident friends! 4. Giveaway closes 11:59 pm PST, March 27th.
The codependent sibling has struck again. This time, he’s proposing that he move the family to cheaper housing [don’t ask me how he thinks it’s going to be a) attainable, b) affordable, or c) tolerable as I have done my research on this front already], while he stays at the house with the dogs who wouldn’t be allowed in apartment housing, and renovate so that he can sublet to his prospective coworkers.
Leaving aside the costs of moving and maintaining a whole new household, the insanity of depending on him to renovate the house, and the utter lunacy of trusting him with my dog’s life and health, it’s like he’s a newborn babe innocent to all the ways of the world. [A thirty year old newborn.]
He really thinks it’s as simple as that summed up statement there. If I were crazy, foolish, or suicidally inclined, I might be tempted to say, why not? Let HIM take some responsibility for once. Except I’m not any of those and the second everything fell apart, I’d be asked to take over. Aw heck no!
This is the guy who hasn’t managed to pay $200 in rent once a month on time for more than 6 months. This is the guy who couldn’t keep up with his car payments more than halfway through the term, before abandoning the payments to me. This is the guy who evidently thinks I’m a moron and will cede to his Big Plan. Based on what? The essence of fairy dust?
Instead of smacking him upside the head Gibbs-style (ask Mrs. Micah or DebtHater what I mean 😉 by that), I listed just a few responsibilities “taking over the house” entailed, off the top of my head:
1. Are you prepared to feed and care for the dogs? Can you feed them on time every day, no excuses? Can you clean their ears, clip their toenails? Can you bathe them twice a month? Can you get your dog fixed? Can you pick up after them every single day? 2. What are you going to do when one of them gets sick? 3. Can you keep every public room in the house clean, vacuuming everything once a week, cleaning the windows once a quarter, washing the floors once a week? 4. Can you wash the dishes after every meal and wash down the kitchen once a week? 5. Can you turn off every unnecessary light in every room? 6. Can you make sure that no faucet, sink or tub in the house or the garage leaks? 7. Can you make sure that the windows are airtight? 8. Can you live without running the heat or the a/c? 9. Can you pay rent in full, every month, on time? 10. Can you pay the water/trash payments in full, every month, on time? 11. Can you pay the gas payments in full, every month, on time? 12. Can you pay the electric payments in full, every month, on time? 13. Can you pay the insurance payments in full, every month, on time? 14. Can you pay for groceries and gas after paying all those expenses without resorting to credit cards, borrowing money, or otherwise using money you haven’t already earned and received? 15. Can you live on what’s left after paying all those expenses without resorting to credit cards, borrowing money, or otherwise using money you haven’t already earned and received? 16. Can you make sure that the subletters pay their rent money to you on time to cover all of the above bills that you cannot handle on your own? 17. Can you make up the difference between $2500-3000 a month if your renters don’t pay you without resorting to credit cards or borrowing money? 18. How long can you subsidize your friends when someone doesn’t pay? You do know that just your living here doesn’t force them to pay? 19. Unless you have a legal written and signed document, you have very little power as a landlord. But the converse is that evicting someone for non-payment is extremely difficult in the state of California. You have to be unpaid for between three to six months before you’re allowed to evict them. 20. Who will be responsible if there’s an emergency? 21. Who is going to be responsible for a lawsuit if one of them or one of their friends gets injured on the property? You will. As the “landlord” you are legally responsible for injuries that occur on the property whether or not you were there to witness it. 22. How are you going to make time to renovate the house while going to school, working and managing finances for renters when you’ve never done the first two while managing your own finances responsibly consistently?
Now I think I’m going to go smack him upside the head. Honestly!! I have so many more things on my plate to deal with, I don’t have time to raise a 30-year-idiot.
*sigh*
Alright, fine. I’m a liar. I’m still in parenting mode. Because instead of just dismissing him and walking away, I’m giving him rules to abide by if he really wants to prove he’s serious about making things right. I am not sticking around to make him toe the line. Either he does it or he doesn’t, I’m not ceding any rights
School: 1. You lay out what your classes are from now until you graduate on a calendar. 2. You calendar when you will be looking for work that’s related to your degree or what comes next after graduation and how you’re going to make it happen. 3. You list out on a spreadsheet what the cost of school is, how much is covered by the government and what you will pay out of pocket for tuition, fees and books. 4. AND you show on a calendar your registration dates and the tuition due dates. Rent: 1. You continue to work and earn at least $1000 a month. 2. You set out a budget that I approve in which you lay out how much money you’re earning against how much and what you’re spending. That will include a line item for rent, amount and due date set for the same time every month. It is your responsibility to make sure that I receive payment in full, on time. 3. You note your cash and every single item you spend on in the spreadsheet. 4. At the beginning of each month, your first payment is rent, at the end of every month, you post your spreadsheet with receipts. House: 1. Whatever you think needs work needs to be scheduled to let everyone know what and when you’re doing a project and how long it will take. Renovations inconvenience everyone and you need to reduce that inconvenience as much as possible.
Does anyone want to start laying bets what kind of response my counter-proposal will get?
