2020: If you’d like to join me in helping Lakota families this year, please read this post. Current total: $63.24
I haven’t figured out makes up my metric of “enough”. Since my baseline is so different from other people, some days, enough is the absolute bare minimum: ate a food, drank some water, basic hygiene (maybe). On better days, it might be: prepared food, did some work, read something for fun, walked the dogs, paid attention to our money in some way. What’s your enough?
We’ve had our share of problems with Marriott points but nothing on this level. They kept telling PiC that his points were about to expire in March, but when logged online his points were “already expired”. Calling customer service came up with “they’re still live but could expire at any moment without notice.” I miss SPG so much. Marriott’s service is nonsensical but I have a lot of points with them so we need to use that up.
I was thinking of Sarah’s thoughts on how FIRE intersects with feminism, particularly as a well paid woman in STEM. She makes a great point in her reply comment: I worry that so much of our feminism is focused on getting women promoted and paid – getting that representation at higher levels, with salaries to match.
We do need feminism to get us up there with the promotions and payscales, but is that the only way to do feminism as a STEM woman? I would like to think that advocacy for and building cultures where URM including women feel welcome is as much feminism as climbing the ladder and staying in the workforce but maybe that’s simply not possible if you aren’t a higher-up woman who is being paid well. Thoughts?
Speaking of feminism, I’m still mad about Tokyo Medical School and their sexism.
I was thinking about how I’ve not ever just lived on my own, or lived off my own income by myself, I’ve always had someone to care for or support. I’ve also never been in a position where I didn’t need to save for the future, so the idea of figuring out a retirement spending budget where I’m only spending and not saving any longer feels weird. Over at Abby’s, I was wildly guessing that we might be good in retirement with $110,000 in annual income but it’s such a guesstimate. I don’t know if we’ll still have a mortgage (assume yes?), what we’ll do for healthcare, or what other regular expenses we’ll still have (little to no childcare I hope, pet expenses vary widely). Tanja made the very real point that we can’t blindly rely on a 4% withdrawal rate for these calculations. It’s a tough needle to thread. I neither want to spend the rest of my life working (no matter how long or short that life is) nor does my health suggest I have a long good life ahead so I don’t want to spend what’s left of them working all the time. But we don’t have enough saved to change that picture any time soon. How much do you think you’d need if you were no longer needing to save?
On the subject of early retirement, I like following Tanja’s journey into this unknown to me realm. I’ve got a few early retired friends who have been retired for many years so I know it can be done but it’s nice to follow Tanja’s journey from the saving period to the doing it period.
Baby goats and forage
Baby Christmas is feeling great today, running all over the house and nibbling sagebrush blossoms. pic.twitter.com/qlDRqFJTiR
Even though I’m personally opposed to buying Tesla because I can’t stand Elon Musk and I think he’s terrible on labor, I really appreciated the lessons here on driving long distances in a Tesla and for electric cars generally.
A New York times feature on Lupita Nyong’o. I’d like to see her on-screen a whole lot more.
Emma Pattee’s flash fiction. I was musing on whether I’ve developed the writing chops to write our family’s story yet and every time I read a beautiful piece like this, I think, no. Not yet.
The SECURE act is being called the biggest retirement bill since 2006 but I’m mostly annoyed that the last point, that’s most important to me, is mostly just removing a couple barriers and not actively making 401ks possible for small businesses, or even just letting those of us who don’t have 401ks have some other means of tax deductible savings. I’m saving no matter what but it’s frustrating that I’m missing out on a huge opportunity for tax savings just because my employer doesn’t offer this benefit. Shouldn’t health insurance and retirement options be employer-agnostic? It makes no sense to tie them together, to me.
This is my last link love for 2019, I’m giving myself a wee break and starting again January 9th next year!
I really enjoyed this: how Ruth learned to think about problem solving. This kind of memory makes me happy. It also made me ponder: what little things am I modeling for JB that will go on to have real and positive impacts? I strive in a very different way now than I did ten years ago, I’m softer now and less gritty than I was and I worry that ze isn’t going to have the chance to observe that we can overcome tough circumstances. Of course I don’t want zir scarred by early traumas of knowing too much too soon, but how do I demonstrate that quality and encourage zir to keep at things persistently?
I love Eve Ewing’s Ironheart series and her thread on breads. It’s a special kind of torture but also I love it.
Honoring lost loved ones around the holidays. I lost Mom too close to Thanksgiving to ever want to celebrate it again and out of respecting that feeling sprang a new tradition that I hold dear.
I once thought that saying “I’m proud of you” to adults was being focused on me and what I felt when I should focus on how my friends felt. Then I learned I was wrong.
Deed theft is on the rise. Why on earth are BASIC identity checks not being conducted when someone is trying to transfer a deed? We had to get our stuff notarized, how is that not a basic thing to do?
I love not having to wear formal business attire anymore but if I did have to, I’d love to look as sleek and chic as Anh does. And I admire Jean’s outfit combinations – I don’t have an eye for these things myself and appreciate the artful arrangements of practical things.
I’m trying to wrap my head around the cost of college and while I certainly wasn’t private school material, and PiC chose a public school, I wonder if we need to prepare for the possibility that JB might opt for a private school. I needed to lean on Nicole and Maggie for a bit more information on that world of costs.
Being in a constant state of rage can wreck you slowly (or quickly). I should know, after the past 20 years which included my financially abusive family and two terribly toxic workplaces spanning 7 years of my career, and today’s world. I like these action items for doing things to combat the rage and alleviate the stress. It’s a simple list but I still need the reminders when my dander gets up. I’ve also done a lot of work to remove toxic people from our lives, to simplify, to induce calm and it’s made a huge difference.
I was just thinking about my comment over at Abby’s about how emergencies piled up when I was low income – it was always one thing after another. Then I realized that’s still true today. We just had a family situation that cost nearly $3000 to take care of. No sooner had I calculated those costs, we had another incident that cost $1300 to start fixing and is going to cost another $400+, at least. We can bear those costs because I aggressively save but by golly, having less than $10,000 in savings in the face of this level of costs would make me physically ill.
On principle I would like Nicole Cliffe because she’s a rich person who advocates for paying people a fair wage and none of that nonsense about stiffing them because “we’re like family” but she’s also an entertaining writer so I read her gift guide mainly for her writing. Except it turns out, it’s also got really neat stuff. Why did I doubt her? I don’t usually buy kids toys but I will make exceptions for good ones.
A SpEd teacher shared this with me. They work really hard to teach and advocate for their students but it’s rough. (more…)
Done by Forty lost a friend and accurately describes the feelings I have often about mortality. We keep having to bury friends and family too soon: our parents, a friend at 13, another friend at 22, another friend who was only 25… it makes everything feels so petty, sometimes. Other times I remember that these daily moments, and the little things, are what make up life. It’s not petty, it just feels that way in the face of nothingness.
I also find myself feeling odd about aging even while planning to take care of aging DINK friends. I can’t believe some of my dear friends are pushing 80. What?? But it’s true and we can’t pretend it’s not happening as much as I want to bury my head in the sand. So we’re having hard conversations about how they want me / us to care for them when the time comes for them to need care.
I had this feeling in my heart when I started our Lakota giving early this year. I have to find some time to write a new update soon. In case you’re not into clicking links, and want to know what Kelly’s suggested, here you go:
Kelly 2/9: If you would like to contribute to the @IWRising abortion fund, which provides assistance to Indigenous people seeking abortion care in the US and Canada you can do so here:
Kelly 3/9: .@Chi_Nations
is a diverse group of Native youth w a mission to raise awareness of Native cultural identity. I did some education work alongside them this yr at a children’s event about colonization and climate change & was mad impressed. Support them.
Kelly 4/9: To support the fight to save the Indian Child Welfare Act (and so much more), donate to @lakotalaw. These folks fight for the rights of Native children and to keep Native children in Native homes. They also work to defend Native land.
Kelly 5/9: Another great option is the Native American Food Sovereignty Alliance. NAFSA is dedicated to restoring, supporting and developing Indigenous food systems and ensuring food security for future generations.
Kelly 6/9: With Native voting rights under threat, this is a good time to support @4directionsvote. Their organizers are committed to the full enfranchisement of Native people. To fight Native voter suppression, you can donate here.
Kelly 7/9: My own people, the Menominee, are organizing against a proposed mine that would destroy our sacred sites and poison our water. You can help here.
Kelly 9/9: If you want to support one of the Native youth who helped launch the Standing Rock protests, who is now working to put himself through college, you can do that here.
I’m in no way prepared to spend $1200 on a robot vacuum, but can I just say: this one empties itself?? Half the point of getting a robot vacuum is preserving my energy and my concern is having to fight with the vacuum to empty the bin constantly. With two dogs and kid, I’m pretty sure we’ll fill the bins a lot. I am almost tempted to wait a couple more years for my bot vacuum so we can get this one. But maybe not…
Avocado slices!
I didn’t know that I wanted to know how to slice avocados perfectly before but this is great.
![I [32W*] bit off this guy’s leg because he wouldn’t leave me alone. He’s been following me ever since, I think I’m a kind of metaphor to him. Here’s where I might be the asshole: I’ve sort of been leading him into dangerous situations for my own amusement. AITA? *whale](http://agaishanlife.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/01/Screenshot_20200104-194800.png)
![I [111H] found an abandoned piece of jewellery a few years ago while being dragged along on a road trip more or less against my will. I brought it home with me and now my world is in peril. WIBTA if I left my nephew to deal with this while I retire to a cushy elf community?](http://agaishanlife.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/01/Screenshot_20200104-200812.png)
