March 10, 2025

Living in the time of pandemic: COVID-19 (249)

Year 4 of COVID in the Bay Area.

Year 5, Day 316: I don’t know what’s for dinner but I DO know what’s for dessert: a delightful little apple crisp we found at the farm store. This is going to be great! We visited a small town over the weekend and played tourist which meant I looked for yummy new foods to bring home like a fresh artichoke lemon pesto.

We also made a quick grocery run, so added to the pantry: beef and fireroasted tomatoes for my future chili-making (maybe I could throw this together tomorrow?), a mirepoix for a future chicken pot pie (might be able to manage this midweek if I can defrost the chicken and cut it up, sure hope I still have pie crust in the freezer). I’ve been thinking about cooking these things for weeks and have been slowly acquiring ingredients one at a time and freezing them. There are three poblano and Anaheim peppers already diced and frozen ahead of use. I just need to some green onions and the chili can start to come together pretty quickly.

We might eat well this week! (Fingers crossed)

Sad update: JB asked for tomato soup and grilled cheese for dinner. They picked a new to us tomato soup, Rill Foods’ Umatilla Tomato Soup Mix, and it was the worst tomato soup we’ve ever had. It was bitter and kind of gritty. Yuck. We couldn’t even finish our first bowls, every bite was awful. I tried to doctor it with sour cream but it was unsalvageable.

I speculated that my wicked heartburn before dinner was trying to warn me off it entirely but I was too foolish to listen.

Year 5, Day 317: I jinxed us. We did not eat well. Also, my heartburn turned into an internal wildfire. It woke me multiple times and by morning I wasn’t sure that I wasn’t experiencing some kind of heart problem. The advice line nurse and an ER doc thought there were enough concerning symptoms I should come in to get checked out. Sigh. Two hours of tests, IV drip and copious meds before the enflamed vise-like band around my chest and upper back eased up enough I could breathe again. The x-ray, bloodwork, and EKG all came back normal so as always, we have no idea what my body is doing and why. My (physician) relative speculated on a few other possible diagnoses, I’ll follow up on those ideas with my primary care, while I try to figure out how to cope with this horrible burning pain. And I’m completely exhausted.

A Bsky mutual gave me a useful list of rules they follow for their heartburn, and I backed away from the calcium carbonate Mylanta this evening in case that really is just making things worse. It was administered with lidocaine this morning and the heartburn came back with a vengeance this evening. Sigh. I had such high hopes. Call me … I don’t know what to call it but I pulled out chicken to defrost anyway in case I might be able to cook it later this week.

Year 5, Day 318: I don’t know how optimistic people function in life. I know a few people whose attitude and approach to life is “I always decide to have a good day.” And things turn out reasonably well for them! Meanwhile I say “2025 is going to be a little less shitty! I made a plan!” and then the fates cackle and kick my teeth in. What am I doing wrong? I’m referring to work life and life in the US in general, but also in specific, my health this year.

Yesterday’s ordeal kicked off muscle aches at a level I haven’t experienced in years, unbearable aches that drove me out of bed because I couldn’t stand laying there and hurting anymore. I had some hazy desperate thought of walking it off, maybe. That did not work. PiC attempted to comfort me and that helped a little bit and I was able to get a little sleep but honestly, my status is roughly “death warmed over”.

There’s a bitter irony in my having written that and then getting a text from my friends from four jobs back. Our former coworker T, who I didn’t know was battling cancer, died. We weren’t close but we cared about each other when we worked together and I’m kind of numb.

Year 5, Day 319: Today was a hell of a slog at work. But. While it wasn’t good, it was better. I’m still in a lot of pain but:

I managed to locate the possible ant entry point in JB’s room and put down bait.

I pulled out the defrosted chicken thighs, pondering on the premium we pay for boneless meat because if we didn’t, I could never cook at all, and cut them into chunks (5 minutes). My recipes are stretched across 2-6 days as it is and sometimes I still can’t cook before my ingredients go off.

I came back after a long break and separated the onions out of the mirepoix. Boiled the celery and carrots briefly, then boiled the chicken cubes briefly. Set them aside to cool. I pulled the frozen pie crusts out to defrost. Tomorrow I’ll make the roux. There’s no time and no energy for that today, not if I’m going to make it through dinner, bath and bedtime. JB’s been wanting me to make a chicken pot pie for over a year and it’s taken me this long to attempt it again.

I’d defrosted too much chicken the rest of the thighs go in an adobo chicken marinade. Thankfully it takes more effort to find the ingredients than it does to put together the marinade. They’ll cook tomorrow.

Then it hit me tonight: T died. And so did my mentor who passed suddenly last January. So did my last dog, Sera. A long-time friendship died about this time last year. A huge seismic shift for the worse happened at work this time last year. This country elected the worst shitbag last November and let that into the White House this January and it’s been nothing but chaos since.

This has been such a painful fourteen months. I thank therapy and meds and PiC’s support for keeping me going but the bigger surprise is that my body didn’t cave earlier.

Year 5, Day 320: Money things I’m stiiiiillllll waiting on: our tax filing. Confirmation of any raise for me this year. Confirmation of my bonus amount. I’m trying to be patient but everything seems to be delayed for one unknown reason or another and that’s a bit of a frustration.

PiC got his percentage, that’ll be a modest increase. With how much I’ve increased our direct aid, I’d hoped for more. Also to keep pace with the cost of living but I’m glad he got anything at all, we never take that for granted in this economy and political environment. We really don’t know how long we’ll keep our jobs in the face of this administration so I’m doing my best to balance self-preservation planning and supporting the vulnerable in our communities.

At least we had the adobo chicken ready to cook tonight, I didn’t have any brain left by the end of today. This week was really a deep dive into a deep hole of BLEH.

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March 3, 2025

Living in the time of pandemic: COVID-19 (248)

Year 4 of COVID in the Bay Area.

Year 5, Day 309: One of the many “first things” I did this morning was to schedule alarms for alllll my meetings. Has to be on my phone, can’t do it on calendars because those reminders are useless for my brain, apparently.

Speaking of useless and my brain, I ordered a load of supplies for my puppy niblings on the weekend. Today I realized AUGHHH I sent it to the wrong address!! I called Chewy, told them I mega goofed and asked if there was anything we could do? The CSR was very kind, laughed with me about it, and offered a couple solutions. Both of them cost me nothing and the right puppies would get the right delivery. In a day when everything else took so much more work to produce less result, that help was much appreciated.

I managed to throw together dinner with all kinds of fish: poke from the local market, seared our two last chunks of ahi tuna from a friend’s catch, and Sunday’s baked salmon all made it on the table with rice and cucumbers. Thank goodness that was easy. I also threw a frozen Costco lasagna in the oven which was going to take too long for dinner but juuust in case people were still hungry, figured it’d be ready for the tail end of dinner. JB scarfed 3/4 of the seared ahi tuna and then held out for dessert lasagna. This is probably getting to be a bad habit. I made dessert cornbread on the weekend.

I feel this quote deeply, all the time: “Of course I’m amazing at it but I hate it! It’s all relationships and people. So many people. In person.” Mike B, Madam Secretary.

Year 5, Day 310: Ah ha. So this virus is shaping up to be flu-like. Fantastic. I could blame my mood on that today but I’ll be honest, there are 15 million other reasons for my “why can’t I retire Right Flipping Now” scowling and growling. Most of them are at the US government, a significant number of those reasons are at work, and there’s no day I’m particularly happy at work these days. We are making progress on one set of important projects to get support in place so that’s a long term good but it’s hard to feel positive right now. This is going to take time to settle down.

I put myself to bed to work, and that helped me. I didn’t feel better by the time I had to pick up JB and do the working from an uncomfortable chair at JB’s activity thing, but at least it wasn’t a lot worse.

We had an “easy” night planned for dinner: a Costco Irish stew with a Costco loaf of bread. Not planned: JB injuring their hand. I bandaged it up to stabilize it and let them sleep in my bed because they’re a strange creature when it comes to their bed nest and they had a specific nesting ritual planned for tonight which they can’t do one handed. Here’s hoping the swelling goes down tomorrow and it’s not worse than a sprain.

Year 5, Day 311: There is simultaneously too much work and yet somehow not enough distraction from the fact that we’re waiting on multiple financial things: bonus announcements, raise announcements, our taxes and whether we owe or expect a refund. I hate waiting! It should be a good thing but it can’t be good until I actually have the pertinent information and see if it’s what we need. *GIMME*

I’m also extra anxious on the tax front. If we do owe more, I don’t want to give this administration a penny. If we are owed a refund, what’s the likelihood they’ll actually be paid? Seems low!

Around midday I wandered outside to find that the weather had changed on me. Not too hot, not too cold, just perfect. I still felt like garbage physically but the emotional uplift was temporarily so strong that I went and weeded the garden a bit. I opened all the windows and aired out the house.

That also reminded me that JB’s in between swimsuits sizes and Primary.com has a 60% off sale so I picked out clearance items in the next two sizes up for them. Smol Acrobat already has their next two sizes up so they’re good for now. I wish shopping for swimsuits for myself felt as simple as picking roughly the right sizes and then clicking BUY. Never has felt that way though.

Year 5, Day 312: My pain flares are coming more frequently and at a higher levels like it’s building up to a tsunami. I’m increasing my antidepressants dosage today for overall pain maintenance, and have an appointment to talk to the chronic pain pharmacist next week about any other pain meds I could try for the acute pain.

Whine: I have to set our eye appointments AGAIN. Didn’t we just do this?? I find that I dread eye appointments so much it feels like once a year per person is too much. Versus dental appointments which happen twice or thrice a year.

Oh hey I do not hate the La Croix Lime flavor! Our dentist had them out for some things and I gave it a try. Not bad! Now I’m hoping they have other flavors I like but I’m wary of trying a 12 pack.

I have to do my planks today, don’t I? I usually try to do them Sunday or Monday because we are not friends and the mental fortitude required to meet your mortal workout enemy for fifty six seconds a pop doesn’t exist by the end of the week. But Sunday and Monday my flu symptoms were overwhelming so here we are. Thursday planks. Three sets of 56-second planks. You know what helps? Taking off your socks before you plank so you’re not fighting to plank AND keep your toes from slipping out from under you. Protip.

While I was laid out on the floor, I also did 30 glute bridges and 40 lying leg raises. I live here now.

Year 5, Day 313: After I went into a 3 week flare up after my last massage, I worried that my body couldn’t handle massages anymore. But thinking about the timing more, it had to be coincidental because in that same week, I got very bad news and then we were also just a couple weeks out from the inauguration so my whole being was clenched tight as a drum in anticipation of the terrible that was able to roll out.

I’m now attributing the massive flare-up to the corresponding spike of stress going through the stratosphere in January. So I had my massage which helped my back that’s been a wreck since working from bed for so many nights, and have increased my antidepressants which may be sufficient to stave off the worst of my tsunami of anxiety. It does feel less intense than it’s been feeling so that’s something. We made some good decisions: to NOT volunteer tonight at the PTA thing. Only PiC was going to go but that left me managing the kids alone on the Friday night after a long as hell week. We decided the better choice was to accept a last minute invitation to see our friends on the weekend for an impromptu overnight, so we called it a night early.

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