About sixteen years ago, I met him for the first time. My trainwreck sibling brought home this adorable puppy he had no business adopting because he had not one thing in his life that wasn’t a mess. I was furious at my sibling – he didn’t even take care of himself, how could he drag
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February 13, 2013
An Ebates email touting “an extra 30% off Jcrew.com” caught my eye earlier and I casually meandered over to check it out. Much of the time, this poking about never turns up anything so it seemed harmless.
But now that an allowance for each of us has been established during the formation of the budget, my hoarding (money) habits came to the fore and insisted that I calculate exactly how much was left for the month before making any moves.
Of course that meant entering all transactions for January and February into the spreadsheet because if I’m already in there, why not?
After subtracting the cost of the second dress (not pictured), my allowance stands at $160 right now. These pants I liked so much are available in pinstripe and at $75 (before tax and shipping), a fair bit less than the original $98 paid. Even knowing that next month will bring another month of allowance money, and even after having said I’d get a second pair when they were on sale again, my gut says: no! Wait until you have more to spend so you’ll always have over $100 in allowance!
Of course. Because a spender cannot be made out of a saver, no matter how laissez-faire you get.
There’s been a lot of banter back and forth so far about what we’d be willing (he, really) to take out of our respective allowances so this imposed limit on spending has been both hilarious and instructive in forming more conscious spending decisions.
It always niggled at the back of my mind that deal sites were going to be the death of our savings goals; PiC orders from them 8-10 times more frequently than I do. But this is good, we’re figuring out that territory.
As for the pants: these are supposedly their most popular pants, it can’t be stupid to think they will absolutely go on sale, for this much, again later in the year, right? (I’m counting on it. Plus, like SewPetiteGal, I hate paying for shipping.)
February 6, 2013
It’s only taken a year and some, but PiC and I finally sat down and hammered out a working spending and savings plan for the year.
While I admire, and in some ways covet, the non-combined strategies that other folks have (@mochimac, @nofearingthemon), it doesn’t feel as feasible for the two of us. A) Hi, I’m a control freak. B) See A. You’d think after surviving a year letting go, Ms. C Freak could give it up but I’ve done all the laissez-faire that I can stand and it’s time to get back on the horse.
We are temperamentally so different in our money attitudes that even if we agree on our goals and are on the same page about our priorities, we simply need to be on the same page on the details for a while because otherwise, the full picture between the two of us feels obscured.
Super Bowl Sunday, we sat down and hammered away at collected spending records from last year and talked through the money allocation for this coming year, section by section.
For the kind of money we make, despite the Net breaking down to considerably less than the Gross, I’ll be damned if we can’t commit to saving at least 25% net plus 10% gross (retirement). The interesting bit here is that my new company doesn’t offer a retirement plan so he’s increased his contributions for the year to aim at maxing out at least his plan. That’ll be close to what the two of us would have done separately, with benefits on both the savings end and the tax-deduction end of things.
My paychecks will be the cash cows: taking care of most bills and another chunk of savings.
I must say: the process was hugely uncomfortable during the first half. It felt like we were teetering on the cusp of a disgruntled outburst or tiptoeing over an abyss of resentment. Maybe it’s just me projecting. Something visceral deep inside hates being questioned about how I manage, organize and allocate money if he’s going to follow up that question with not agreeing with me. Again, hi, Control Freak. And it’s also the result of never ever talking about money details in real life with anyone. This was the first real delving expedition and for the first three hours, I was hating life.
As the hours wore on, we worked through the placeholder amounts that had been filled in while I was futzing around with the spreadsheet and setting up categories and approximate amounts; like deep breathing, negotiating the numbers and talking through expectations, definitions and other thoughts released the extra tension released.
On Entertainment:
R: What are we planning to spend on? This probably doesn’t need to be $1500.
PiC: Well, we are a cultured people…
R: No. We are not.
On Fees:
PiC: Does “fees” mean credit card annual fees?
R: And stupid tax.
PiC: ?
R: Parking tickets, late fees, stupid stuff you wouldn’t plan on paying but get hit with anyway.
PiC: Oh. Let’s just not do that.
R: Yeah, let’s just don’t be stupid.
On Categories and Budgeting for Spending:
R: We spent a ridiculous amount on this category last year.
PiC: *mulling* Let’s put savings down here (in the list of spending categories)
R: NOPE. Savings are first and non negotiable. Cut somewhere else.
PiC: This is GDocs, everything’s negotiable!
On Entertainment and Eating Out:
PiC: We’re going to need to really keep an eye on that.
R: …yeah….
PiC: I’m going to defrost a chicken.
Discoveries:
Our disposable income still doesn’t account for some of the trips we wanted to take this year but we’ll figure that out as it comes. PiC was surprised to see how much we’re already committed to spend even before satisfying the Trip List.
Our total combined income, after taking about 30% off the top, does not stretch as far as I expect it to. This triggers the money-hoarding instinct until I remember that I still pay for much of my dad’s costs. Even though this is the lowest the Extra Household costs have ever been, it’s still significant.
The total amount of money planned for spending still strikes me as obnoxious, even if I know intellectually that 50% or more of the budget is dedicated to fixed/non-discretionary spending like rent, mortgage, food, utilities and gas. My donut-loving cash-poor self didn’t go away, she’s just trapped in the body of an otherwise generally reasonable person.
I keep remembering daydreaming six years ago: If I earned 100K/year, do you know how much I could save??
A wistful part of me still wants to be able to save like that. Staring down the barrel of Dad’s increasing years and contemplating children, I still feel wholly frighteningly unprepared. (Strong finances and a huge emergency fund are the fuzzy blankie that lets me sleep at night.)
Objectively, we’ve got a fairly solid budget that sets up our savings and spending plan cohesively and generally fits what we think is both reasonable and important.
February 4, 2013
Vanessa and I started an interesting conversation on Twitter when I failed to fully grok her meaning behind these tweets:
This surprised me because: I enjoy a good hot drink from Starbucks once in a while and I certainly would love a European vacation. The fact that I haven’t taken one yet is to do with lack of time, money and general coordination. No discrimination either: I’d like a Canadian vacation, a New Zealand vacation, an Australian vacation among numerous other destinations I don’t have time to reel off.
I’ve always considered myself a PF blogger, first and foremost. Certainly for the first 90% of this blog’s existence, I was Tightwad Extraordinaire. But things have changed, as they should, as I earned more and became more financially stable.
The idea that everything but tightwaddery is roundly and generally condemned by PF bloggers comes as a bit of a surprise especially when PF bloggers themselves feel it’s the official theme song. I mean: it’s personal finance.
It’s not Finance for the Good of the People.
It’s not Finance by Fiat.
It’s not Finance: As Long As We All Approve.
The Asian Pear joined the conversation with some elaborations on what is evidently known in the General Standards for PF bloggers.
PF bloggers, we hate life and choice?
Once again, I’m a PF blogger. (Perhaps I’ve been booted out of the “the club” and didn’t know it?) Either way, I do not identify with these general terms and I don’t feel like the people I read or converse with do either. It seems a bit of a shame, in my opinion, if the trend is so clear. Though not to me, apparently I’m oblivious.
My Take
While, no, I don’t think financing living room sets or pricey televisions is a good idea, particularly because I have experience with how shitty that turns out for the responsible person in the household (*cough* family *cough* thanks!), I don’t have any issue with people making life choices that suit the individual. You want to enjoy life? You have the money to pay for it? Excellent. Go for it.
You want stuff and you don’t have the money for it? Well, probably not the best idea. Do what you will, please don’t natter at me if it doesn’t work out. I’ll also choose not to read if it’s a blogger who uses their blog to expound on the many failures and failings of life. We all have a choice here.
I will cop to enabling friend bloggers to buy stuff they’d like but only after I’ve established that it fits in with their principles. (Do they abhor debt beyond anything else? Then would this incur debt? Do they prioritize food over things and feel guilty for spending on more things? Would they be annoyed later that they had more stuff than they can appreciate?) If I’m asked, I will render an opinion. But those are my friends. I only want the best for them and I can suggest one thing or another based on knowing their values.
Otherwise, I only have observational comments for you because it’s Not. My. Life. If flamethrowing commences, which sounds a little bit like what my fellow Tweeters were saying, that’s a bit much.
Unless you plan on subjecting me to your whining over the results of your “bad” decisions (doubt it, I’m too mean for that) or it’s going to materially affect me in some way (again, doubtful), then I really can’t say that I feel like anyone’s life decisions requires much of my concern. Doesn’t mean I might not suggest that a course of action might be more or less advantageous than another if I happen to have had experience with the situation but I completely understand that not everyone is soliciting advice. And as Oil and Garlic mused, even when they do, that doesn’t mean they intend to follow it. So, as a friend says, “nothing to do with me.”
So what’s up with the “Judgy McJudgerson”-type rules of a PF blogger?
Did we (not we, “they”) form a club from which the Commandments are issued over what is good or right and what is bad or wrong when it comes to money and you’re signing on the dotted line to be subject to mockery and derision if you take a different path? Therefore, you have to hide your “unpopular” decisions lest you be judged and summarily executed?
That would a) suck and b) be rather stupid.
Again, I cite “personal finance is personal.” Sure, there are general rules of thumb that make a lot of sense but they’re just general and blindly insisting on rules of thumb aren’t how to run a household or live a lifestyle for each and every one.
I’m not your PF keeper, and you aren’t mine.
Now, I see the general assery that people get up to on the “anonymous” Internets. As a lover of comics who enjoys the occasional sporting event and has various other interests, there’s a particular theme, a common phenomenon perhaps. I see cyclical preoccupation with validating whether or not you’re good enough to carry the card of the in-crowd, whether you BELONG: this is where crap like “fake geek girl”, “geek cred”, the “bandwagon fan”, “fair weather fans” sprouts and thrives.
It’s been referred to as a fandom problem, a genre problem or something specific to the subject. But across the span of occurrences, it really just looks like it’s a people problem.
Our version is apparently at least in part perpetuating a hate-disdain cycle that Miss JJ calls out.
As such, I would like to propose: it’s your money and your life. Do what works for you. Also (Wheaton’s Law) don’t be a dick.
Your thoughts?
Is this as simple as failing the Civility test or is there something more going on? Being controversial for the page views, perhaps? Some people do believe that drama or increase chatter = success.
Note: Turns out MochiMac and I were channeling each other.
February 1, 2013
We’re inundated with these flash sale sites these days, and even though there is occasionally a good deal, it seemed like a better idea to unsubscribe to all of them because I felt like it was distracting and there were so few petite-friendly options that go on sale (that I know of) that it seemed pointless.
I should have blogged about doing it, that probably would have kept me honest. But I didn’t. And I didn’t. For once, I let that fear of missing out on the one time a petite brand would go on sale because (creaky voice) two years ago Gilt carried a brand I could actually wear for 40% less than I could find it anywhere else and I ought to have bought then!
Almost inevitably, something caught my eye a few months ago on ideeli.com* and I put myself on the waitlist. To “think about it” (sucker, heh). It came back around as available in my size and here we are, I have myself a shiny dress. Literally.
Even though it’s not 100% perfect, it very nearly is. It just has to lose an inch in the shoulders and it should pretty much be perfect. I cringe at the idea of tailoring such a heavily beaded dress though. My imagination runs amok with how easily it could be ruined. This is why I’ve never trusted myself with such nice things before.
The risk of ordering from this particular site is their return policy, in my opinion. They will only issue the full amount in credit or part of the return less the shipping free if you want your cash back. They also charge $10 in shipping for every 30 days so you pay once and then have 30 days to keep buying for “free” shipping. Really, it just divvies up the cost of that shipping fee among your other purchases but I’m not a fan of the lure it’s meant to be: Buy more, it’s “free” now!
I hate paying for shipping and hate losing money on a return so I had to be pretty committed to the purchase and pretty sure that the sizing is right. I will admit even after checking the sizing carefully on this and another dress it still felt like a gamble.
The other one actually fit like a glove, also literally. But it still needs a minor creative alteration for modesty’s sake – the back of the dress dips just a shade too low.
There’s a bit of me that feels like there are far too many dresses in the closet already so they should go back and damn the shipping cost but they’re .. so .. shiny.
*Referral link if you want to enable me further
January 28, 2013
I almost have to laugh.
Immediately after my health and fitness update, feeling like stopping all my pain meds including the anti-depressant intended to reduce and manage the pain was actually working out pretty well, everything hit the skids.
Two days of flu symptoms: fatigue, sore throat, cough and dizzy head, enough so that I, le Workaholique, called off work early both days, followed up by the most incredible fibro flare I’ve had in months. Tiny trains of pain running over my limbs, taking one out at a time so that by 10 am I was a sniveling wreck. And lest wandering right off the balcony was on my mind, the better to end my misery, my brain would quite literally tighten up and spin every time I stood for more than 90 seconds. Timed.
The most I could handle was a few episodes of West Wing, bless PiC for figuring out that’s what I’d want because heaven knows I was barely forming real words, and then trying to sleep it off.
I’d like to redeem a coupon for one lost Saturday, please.
Sunday was blessedly slightly better, standing upright was not proscribed so the massage previously scheduled for noon stayed on. This is the first time I’ve had one so close to a flare and it was a bit worrisome how it’d work out.
As usual, she hurt me. But it was for a good cause. My usual mental litany of “what the crap is going on with my muscles?” and “how do you get knots like that?” lasted for about half the massage, and half was just good and relaxing. Which meant I had time to start thinking about things like money.
I pay an astronomical $95/hour. I buy gift certificates at 10% off, but tip well so it may as well be $105. The base cost of the service is reimbursable from our FSA because this is for a documented health condition, so the money is pre-tax after reimbursement. Oh, how I love FSA! (And how I hate that it’s been capped.)
I was paying half that for a lot of places in the area but none of them were any good, I always came out of the appointments feeling vaguely dissatisfied and rumpled. Here, I have the services of one amazing masseuse who tailors every single treatment to my needs, pays attention to what I say, asks how the pressure is every single time, and exerts an amazing amount of pressure. She’s working hard for her money! And, I think I mentioned the luxury of the spa itself before. It’s non-essential, obviously, but the lotion, hot towels, lounge with snacks, water and tea, and a shower with fresh towels are all perfectly lovely. And cost money. As does the hire of the person to attend to the laundry, cleaning the shower after each person and stocking the snacks in the lounge. After a good maundering think, I supposed that it’s quite possible the masseuses are really taking home about $40-60/hour at most, because the business has more overhead than a more spartan establishment and has to make a profit as well.
The things that make me feel better, honestly.
As upset as I was on Saturday, the breaking of the good streak, the feeling that no good streak will ever last, the fear that I’ll have to keep living in fear or worry no matter how hard I work at eating healthy and keeping fit … I do really have to be grateful that I’ve only been feeling ill and in pain on and off for about four days so far this stretch and the fibro part relented after a couple days. It really could easily have gone for ten times that long. Knock wood that it doesn’t but I will be grateful for every improvement, no matter how temporary. Not cheerful, but grateful.
January 24, 2013
Fitness
Two thirds of the way into January, this “working out” thing is … working out?
I wanted to go to the gym (free, or already paid for in the HOA fees) about two times a week. That sounded nice and doable.
Thus far: I’ve clocked gym-time about two times a week and walked/jogged about 15-25 minutes once a day. Later in the month, once in a while, I fit in two walks. (Walks: courtesy of Doggle) On occasion, he’s feeling frisky and takes me for a bit of a gallop!
The first day out, in December, I jumped on the elliptical for 20 minutes and predictably crashed and burned. This is a common problem whenever I attempt a fitnessy thing: go fast, go hard, go plant yerself in the corner for the next week or three. Seriously – that stunk. I felt thoroughly mocked – neener neener wussypants! You can’t even do 20 minutes on the elliptical!
Sigh, whatever.
Cranked it back down to 10 minutes at the lowest level for the next few visits. That sounds pathetic when I say it out loud: I worked out for ten minutes! whoo! But yes, ten minutes. I was that easily tired out and trying not to break myself again. Then cautiously came up to a very easy 15 minutes. 15 was a frustrating plateau. After every workout, I was still flat tired. Heavy-limbed and struggling heavy breaths. Where was that second wind I always flew on after pushing through a wall? Right. I left that behind in my youth. *grumble*
In the last visit (Week 3, January) I forgot to stop early and went the whole 20 minutes without triggering a great deal of pain or exhaustion. Interesting ….
To start the 4th week, I tried 20 minutes at Level Two. Finally broke a sweat and HR140, pain holding steady at a mere 4 or 5 points on a 10 point scale. Ten minutes of stretches afterward. Balance stretches, strengthening stretches, yoga stretches. Stretches and reps of things I haven’t done in 10 years. I could feel my spine crunching a bit, not a fan! But my quads held up under the abuse.
Second visit of the week, arrogance got the better of me and I hit the StairMaster for a few 300 step reps. That was followed by a day of regret. Though I can’t be sure if it’s the exercise or the change in weather.
I found myself thinking of the Good Ole Days. When splits were easy, when I could out-limber nearly anyone – more stretches held for longer, all making my muscles lean and long and smooth. Looking around the gym stoked a strange feeling. Nostalgia mixed with questions. Will there be a day when I can do circuits again? Maybe. Sure as shootin, the idea that I might find myself in shape enough to do something neat like running in a race remains a hazy hope.
Today, I’m doing what I can and it’s twice as much as I could two months ago. Color me grateful.
Next month will be more of the same. Slow and steady, working up to slightly longer intervals that won’t put me flat on my back. Let’s see whether 30 minutes is on the horizon.
Health
I quit my medicine regimen 3-4 weeks ago. A long term, long acting pain management anti-depressant, heavy hitting narcotics, a cocktail of over the counter pain relief: all now only as needed. It might not be how I’m supposed to handle the anti-depressant but my doctor went out on leave without leaving contact or alternate information so I can’t really ask.
This seems to be the right approach right now. My head is slowly clearing up. Fewer days, whether I’m registering at a 4 or an 8 on the pain scale, are spent convinced that this life, any life, is not worth living. More days are filled with some kind of activity: physically, mentally, intellectually. My internal motivation combustion engine feels internalized again. Mostly. A bad day, an unmotivated day still crops up every so often, as it will.
So far as diet goes, it’s been generally healthy with the exception of a few pizza nights. Not surprisingly, we’ve got decent alternatives to the travesty of a Domino’s run: Zachary’s in Berkeley and Di Napoli in the Peninsula. Both were unanticipated treats from other people but served to redeem my faith in the existence of good pizza.
Fruit and veggies made a more prominent appearance this month after a couple stops at the produce shop down the road. It was an amazing haul for remarkably little money, each time. Produce shopping makes for happy though I’m not sure it’s going to be the key to staving off the flu or whatever is trying to break through.
No great predictions or plans here: For now, it’s one step at a time lest cripplingly bad pain days snowball into a whole other thing.
January 21, 2013
Funny About Money’s ruminations on the one-day, one-housekeeping task approach reinforces the idea that simple /= always easy. For a little over a year now, I’ve been doing a similar thing with our housework despite my preference to do big-clean-days which are both time and energy monsters.
More sensible, it seemed, to take it in turn: do the routine things that will drive me batty if not done regularly, and insert one other chore. It’s like a special housekeeping menu.
Routine: dishes every day, trash and recycling when it’s more than half full, picking up the kitchen after cooking.
Insert one: Brush the dog, human laundry (full wash, dry, fold and store), dog laundry, vacuuming. Full counter wipedown (instead of the clean as you go). Clear out the fridge or freezer. Clear the dining table of the inevitable pile of things. Pick up the bedroom and living room.
It doesn’t seem like much but there are plenty of days where I’ve worked 13 hours, cooked dinner and cleared up afterward only to curl up in the corner, refusing to do any more. And any time I tackle more than one optional chore, I find myself sucked into a snowball of more related chores. Well heck, that happens anyway.
- Clearing the table leads to needing to file and/or shred paperwork. Which leads to filling up the recycling that needs to be taken out. Which also means I’d need to pick up all other recycling because why not take out everything?
- On the other hand, properly starting a chore like laundry means all the clothing, or towels or toys shed randomly in various places gets picked up so it goes both ways.
- Vacuuming, oh vacuuming. As we get more things, we have more things the dog can shed on. So the decision: do a half-arsed job or go whole hog? Whole hog means pulling out everything he might have shed on, vacuuming and wiping them down, vacuuming behind, under, and over everything. Three guesses how often whole-hog turns into half-arsed? 🙂 There are times I’ve considered vacuuming him. Like when my pants are so furry from crawling about and hugging Doggle that I take a few passes at them.
The interesting thing is, while I’m in favor of exchanging money for time, and just as importantly, money for energy, within reason, it seems more obvious to the outside observer than to me that hiring a cleaner would be as a good an investment in protecting my health and sparing PiC’s energy as any other thing we’d try. Priorities, right? After all, do I need to be the one vacuuming or could a good cleaning service do it just as well?
Obviously, a good cleaner could do just as well.
My three objections:
A) It’s work but not that much work. Especially when I lower my cleaning standards. 😉 So is it really worth it? (maaaayybe)
B) I don’t want to hire a cleaner and then spend time cleaning before they get here. That’s annoying. I have better things to do with my paid for time. But I know PiC would be inclined to do this. This is a houseful of neurotics.
C) Cost: I’m not prepared to give up something to afford a cleaner just yet.
The assumption is that we have plenty of Disposable Income between the two of us. We do have enough to live comfortably now, with a few luxuries like eating well and traveling occasionally (on a budget of course), but that’s about it if we’re going to keep saving because I still pay a good chunk of Dad’s living expenses. I spend about $20K/year right off the top for his regular expenses, excluding medical or emergencies, and that’s less than ever before. He’s been working himself to the bone to make enough to pay for the utilities, gas, groceries, and any necessary incidentals. I can’t and don’t begrudge what I do still pay but that’s also money not available to pay for cleaning.
Still, I wonder whether it’d be worth stretching or wiggling the budget to make it happen.
Does anyone have help at home? What does it entail and how much does it cost?