Massive climate change report: probably no surprise at all that this was released a month early, on Black Friday, when it would garner the least attention
As a parent who manages kid-free unattached staff and covers for them days nights, weekends and holidays as they need to care for their family or personal needs, as a person with chronic pain who never calls out unless it’s dire crippling pain and even then I don’t want to ask them to cover, I find these parent-coworkers enraging. What terrible selfish people!
Nnedi wanted to give Fwadausi Bello of this terrible story an alternative ending of triumph.
Thank goodness for this federal judge: A federal judge on Tuesday blocked a Mississippi state law that sought to forbid most abortions after 15 weeks of pregnancy, writing a sharply worded opinion with implications for states weighing similar measures. Furthermore, he called the Legislature’s professed interest in women’s health “pure gaslighting,” pointing to evidence of the state’s high infant and maternal mortality rates. “Its leaders are proud to challenge Roe but choose not to lift a finger to address the tragedies lurking on the other side of the delivery room, such as high infant and maternal mortality rates,” he wrote in a footnote.
I didn’t know any of this about Billie Holiday’s life and death.
A. I don’t like giving feedback, it feels confrontational.
B. I shouldn’t have to give you feedback or tell you what I’m thinking. You’re my right hand, you should already know.
C. Why are you doing [what you thought was your job], you’re not responsible for that! You need to be doing [some other thing you were never informed of]!
These are just a few of the gems delivered by Past Terrible Managers in my Past Work Life.
Bad managers drive me more than a little bit ’round the bend. Not all managers became managers because they were actually good at managing people, they were usually promoted for doing their own job well. When that happens, either they learn how to do it well, or you get a dingleberry of a supervisor and that’s just bad times.
As a manager, past and present, giving feedback to staff, or really anybody, without either feeling or being confrontational is such a necessary skill. If you need someone to change, they need to KNOW that you need them to change! Relying on strategy C above is such nonsense.
I understand that delivering criticism feels fraught, it’s not always comfortable, and empathetic people who have had bad experiences on the receiving end of feedback don’t want to perpetuate that cycle. That does not relieve you of a key aspect of your duty as a manager.
When a manager tells me they just don’t want to give feedback, I often ask if they enjoy being irritated, resented and subpar. Because that’s the situation they’re setting up: their employee will continue to do things wrong, this will reflect badly on the employee and reflect badly on you. Also, it’s likely that the tolerance of poor performance by that employee will have a sinking effect on morale for the rest of the team.
And conversely, what would it be like to be the hapless employee who doesn’t know they’re doing things wrong or inefficiently, and catching flak for something they don’t even realize is a problem? Don’t be that jerk boss who sows confusion, induces anxiety, and breeds resentment!
As I said, this is a learned skill. I didn’t come by it naturally, especially since I’m both introverted and at least a little anti-social.
So, how do I give constructive feedback?
1. I treat feedback sessions as conversations.
This isn’t intended as a confrontation but girding yourself for a battle almost certainly turns it into one. Be prepared, just don’t assume it has to be that difficult.
First time offenses? I ask them to explain to me how and why they’re doing X so that I understand where they’re coming from. It’s possible that they’ll identify a weakness in the existing protocol, or the training documentation. In other words, this could be a learning opportunity for me too.
After I solicit some perspective from them, if it doesn’t change my mind, then I explain what we need them to do and why.
Repeat offenses, if the thing is non-negotiable? I remind them of previous conversations, and ask what, if anything, is preventing them from performing their duties as asked. This is not permission to stand their ground, this is checking whether I need to be doing another aspect of my job: removing barriers to their performance. Reiterate that I need them to do it this way, and follow up as needed.
2. Understand that your goal is improvement, not chastisement.
Even if they’re on a PIP, the end goal is improvement of the work situation, whether that’s ultimately a firing or a mediocre employee understanding what’s really needed from them and turning a corner.
When frustrated by an undesirable outcome, I’ve seen managers rage and rant at their staff. What’s the point? That intimidates some, irritates others, but rarely ever produces results. Besides, it’s rude and disrespectful. Respect goes both ways and is more easily lost than earned.
3. Take the emotion out of it.
This is about the job, remain professional. It’s not your feelings or their feelings or likes or dislikes or any of that other stuff. It’s not personal. That doesn’t mean be a robot! It just means don’t derail the conversation. Focus on the thing you want improved and find a way to fix it. If someone is causing a problem, then figure out a way to fix that but don’t make it personal.
No one benefits from going several rounds in the blame game.
There’s no magic bullet, and I’m not the perfect manager, but I try to address my weaknesses. The least we can do is help people do the same. After all, it’s your job.
:: What ridiculous things have you heard from management? :: What did you love in a good manager?
A few weeks back I finally tried out Bloglines and as a reader, I love it for the convenience of knowing when someone has updated. As a blogger, though, I wonder if the convenience of Bloglines or any other blog aggregator has any negative effect on the responses from the readers? I’ve a small handful of subscribers (yay!) but I don’t know how long you’ve been subscribers and if that encourages you to drop by more often or speak up less? Do you find that you comment more or less when you use a feed aggregator? Have you experienced a drop or increase in dialogue on your blogs?
Year 5, Day 351: This day started with the surprise visit of a neighbor dog as happy to see me as I was him. That was really nice. Lots of kisses and skritches. Every morning should start with a dog visit until we can bring home a dog friend.
I spent 2.25 hours trying to order pet food from not-terrible places to ship to the reservations. That is way too much time for what result I got out of it: having to order one part of the shipment from PetsSmart and 2/3 of it from Amazon. I also tried to get electricity hooked up for a family but we’re going 3 rounds of email and calls trying to locate their account and we’re not there yet.
Courtney Milan did a great explainer on the tariffs. I’ve been sharing this with people who aren’t plugged into the better sources of news (not mainstream media which fails on many fronts). I’ve also been recommending that they follow Celeste Pewter on Bluesky to get good political commentary and actions to encourage them to educate themselves a bit more and to hopefully take some action.
Year 5, Day 352: What a day. I woke up with blood pressure-brain problems so I was woozy all day long. Had a 2 hour call. Had to follow up on the Lakota orders, it wasn’t certain which would ship and which wouldn’t. Had to check in with staff to assign them more work and answer questions. SO many questions. OMG.
I catch myself staring at my to do list like there’s some magical line item that I can add that will fight fascism and make this country the place it should have been but has never been, and adding precisely nothing. There are a thousand things we can do, it’s just today, in this moment, my brain is stuck. It’ll shake loose, it’s just *waves hands*.
We’re also very close to ticking over into Year 6 since COVID and I wonder if it’s time to change the titles of these posts. COVID is obviously here to stay. We’re not likely to hear much about it with this completely reckless, thieving, homicidal administration. I don’t know what to switch to, though.
Almost back on track with my workouts after the big derailing in January. My stamina still feels hollowed out, though, not sure if that feeling will go away anytime soon. Occasionally I do feel stronger, though, and I’m grateful for those few feedback moments.
Year 5, Day 353: Lucky timing, border collie friend caught me early so we had a quick game of catch. I can never pet her anymore because my only job is to PLAY and dispense TREATS. Oh well.
I’ve been in a holding pattern for so many things, for months, that it feels weird now that most of them are resolved. Is this how it feels when stress levels are reset from Excessively High to Medium? This is good! I’m just a little wobbly.
We’ve filed our tax return, paid the state and received the federal refund (surprised and relieved).
The raise negotiations that were held up for months concluded abruptly (got an increase. not what I deserve but in this economy I’ll take it for now). Now the waiting for the paperwork begins.
We’ve met the minimum spend on the first churning credit card, bonus points deposited. The second churning credit card has arrived in time for us to pay for the big insurance premiums. (Our home and earthquake polices went up again, of course. Mrgh.)
The restructure at work is almost done, we know all the essential changes and people can live with them.
We took a day off and had an overnight trip with the kids that was pretty good. I’d been dreading the trip, worrying that SmolAc would be in Bad Traveler Grumpy mode. They were excited, though, so that helped.
I took advantage of the sun and the school minimum day to pull weeds for a quick half hour and worked up a sweat. Pretending that I can work my way up to my trainer’s level of buff. Hah!
Year 5, Day 354: My phone camera has started doing this strange thing. It strobes black vertical bars across the screen that causes the pictures to be partly blacked out. It seems to only do this indoors, but it’s cropping up at places where I’ve taken hundreds of photos and videos. I can work around it by taking a video and snapping pictures as I record but that doesn’t work for portraits. I don’t intend to buy a new phone so soon, this one’s only 3 years old! I’ll have to figure out a fix somehow.
In other phone news, PiC’s phone croaked so we ordered him a new one. Just like that, we hit the minimum spend on the card that just arrived today.
Year 5, Day 355: The slow motion ant infestation is making me lose it a little. I find them in the kitchen, put down bait. Two days later, I find them in the office, put down bait. Two days later, kitchen again. Bait, again. Two days later, bedroom. Bait. Four days later, bathroom. ARGHHHH!! It’s like they have us surrounded and every time I bait one area, they send their scouts in another room.
Year 5, Day 344: I’m having an irrational thing. I set a high retirement contribution rate last year to max it out in the time I had to contribute. Having already tightened the belt to adjust to our much lower cashflow, it made sense to keep that contribution rate this year in case I had to quit in a huff if everything fell apart. (I’m still on the fence about that. Things are supposed to get better but “better” is relative!) I’m suddenly very impatient and want it done. Even though it would cut my take home pay to very little cash, I want to increase my contributions to max it out right now. Why? I don’t know! I am pure impatience.
Ten hours later: Ohhh this is my version of cutting my hair to pretend I have control when I have no control! I am waiting on several important financial things and I can’t do anything about the punkasses who are dragging their feet. That’s why the overwhelming urge to do anything.
Year 5, Day 345: JB has to start a medicated eye drop regimen that runs $100 for a 3 week supply. *faint*
We just had our eye exams and their rate that their myopia is developing is concerning. They’re not willing to do the overnight contact lens therapy, I’m not willing to fight with them over this yet, so we’re starting out with the eyedrops first. If they can get accustomed to that without having a total meltdown every night, maybe we’ll work our way up to the contacts. Maybe. I feel bad for them. They got my aversion to letting anything ever come near the eyeballs but they did not get my good vision. Their eyesight is worse than mine is right now. This is worrisome.
My eyesight is a touch worse than last year so I need to replace both my computer glasses and the distance glasses I completely forgot to start using when they were prescribed … uh 18 months ago? I’d prefer to use my own frames which means bringing them to the eye doc and hoping they don’t screw it up. I’ll get a cheap pair from Zenni first to hold me over during that lens replacement time. My computer glasses allowance is only $90 for frames. That is silly low and I don’t want to pay another $250 out of pocket for new frames that won’t fit well with my office headset if at all possible.
Year 5, Day 346: I’m negotiating for a raise right now and the ghost of anxiety is fluttering in the background. Surprisingly, it’s just a friendly little ghost. Even though the negotiations are with an entirely new person I don’t know or have trust built with, which brings all the baggage of their social expectations of women to just take what they’re given if anything, my past 20 years of negotiating raises for myself and for my team and teaching my friends to just go for it has blunted those nerves. Here’s hoping I get an answer (and that it’s yes) this week so I can map out the rest of our budget year.
My tax person has been uncharacteristically slow this year. I KIND of assumed that the WTFness of the world played into that but she didn’t say. Still, she managed to submit our return this week and to my relief given the wanton destruction in DC, the returns appear to be somewhat automated in some way because the money hit our bank today. This covers our CA state tax bill.
Year 5, Day 348: We went on a little adventure. My biggest goal was for us adults to not have to think about what to feed people for at least a whole day.
I have learned some more things about myself on this trip and all of them are: Digital disconnect makes me itch. I prefer to remain in civilization with all the trappings thereof. I hate not having the option of GPS, I hate not being able to download another book from the library when the painsomnia is up. I hate the blanket of cold that comes from having only canvas between me and the rest of the world instead of walls.
My friends and PiC have all gently pushed the idea of camping for years. One of them accidentally made it sound kind of fun but my very gentle brush with the wilderness this week, though I love nature, reminded me that even if my curiosity is piqued, I’m no longer built for such things. This very thin veneer of camping was enough to remind me how I like my creature comforts.
We did have fun! It was dusty and dirty and muddy with one of those single “stall” showers with the showerhead that makes me think of MASH (probably only because I have never been to a real campsite) and I didn’t mind all that, it’s roughly like the barn life I grew up with. But I’m in pain and discomfort daily, who needs to add “roughing it” to the list of challenges? Even with the softest beds, my body was all NOPE til 4 am this morning.
Year 5, Day 348: I forgot to update my spreadsheets for the monthly Net Worth update so I had to do it today. WOW. The last time I checked VTSAX, it was trending down a bit but nothing alarming. Today? That was a significant drop from Monday to Friday. It’s not personally alarming because we’re currently very fortunate on multiple axes (and are hyperaware that could change at any time): we’re still accumulating assets – this drop means we’re investing in the same assets at lower prices. We also have W2 income and don’t depend on that money to pay the bills.
Of course you know that I think the bigger picture remains extremely alarming. The executive branch of the government is disappearing people, admitting it, and saying we don’t have to offer due process to SOME people. I would hope that people would realize that if some of us don’t have due process, none of us have due process. The government just has to disappear you and make vague claims that you were suspected of terrorism or some such noise, and refuse to tell anyone where you are. If they can do this to legal residents, and they are doing it and admitting it in open court, then they can do this to citizens just as easily.
I keep wondering if our country and democracy are going to survive this period. It feels absolutely surreal to see people in the PF community taking this administration in stride as if we aren’t in constitutional crisis and as if this new regime isn’t going to do lasting damage. It’s as surreal as still having to go about our everyday lives, raising the kids, making dinner, and dealing with work (both the important stuff and the minutiae). What’s the phrase, fiddling while Rome burns?
Our long term goal is to replace our day job income with passive income before my health prevents me from working. I know from my Mom’s experience that qualifying for or relying on disability is incredibly tough or near impossible here in CA. Aside from that, I aim to do my best to make the most of what we can do while we can.
***
Dividend income. We received $472 in dividends from the stocks portfolio.
Year 5, Day 337: I chopped off another 3-4 inches of hair. It’s been down to my waist for over a year and now it’s only halfway down my back. It’s very nearly at a length that I don’t find inconvenient for washing and drying! Naturally, after the second chop, I dreamed about waking to hair going down to my knees. Clearly this too long hair thing has been haunting my psyche. Or the hair has become representative of the unmanageable nature of life now. That’s also true.
Dinner prep! I usually hate executing other people’s ideas but today PiC suggested soba noodles with tofu and tempura shrimp (Costco, frozen) and I had no brain left to come up with my own idea so I threw that together. That was easy. I also boiled the dry udon noodles from the local Korean market to try. They’re not as thick as I’d like but they were a decent noodle. I’d really like the thick Vietnamese rice noodles but I can’t find them anywhere. Granted, I hadn’t looked that hard yet.
It was a really nice day, warm and sunny, and I tried to bask in it as much as I could in the short school run. Trying to soak it all in to store up the energy for the rest of the week.
Year 5, Day 338: So many meetings, so much energy depleted 😭 2 of them were worthwhile, the third definitely was not.
Of the worthwhile chats, I got some traction in my to do list. Not everything I wanted for my team but a start and a commitment to more later in the year. Don’t love it but I can work with that.
I’m behind the 8-ball on my workouts, this is a heavier workout week but I’m a sloth. A slug. The crumpled tissue shoved in a back pocket. I’m so tired! I’m still forcing myself to do exercises every day but they don’t feel anything like good right now.
Year 5, Day 339: We were promised two nice days this week and that’s exactly what we got: no more, no less. I’m grateful. Usually we hear predictions of good weather, or hot weather, I get excited about it, and we are cheated with some low 70s temps. That’s not basking weather at all. But we had a couple nice hot days and our towels and dishes dried really quickly and then it’s back to the gloom and fog before we could get tired of living in the tropics.
We’re living in a kleptocracy now, aren’t we? Thank goodness increasing my depression meds helped because this is such a terrible timeline. I thought the weight of the world was heavy a few years back, this is so much worse. But thanks to the meds, I’m not carrying all the misery in my bones anymore.
Year 5, Day 340: It’s a sad thing when I run out of brain power before I run out of laptop battery power. I’ve been taking advantage of the relatively light meetings schedule this part of the week to cut down my work backlogs and while I made serious inroads in the many many emails piled up, my brain felt like it was withering under all the processing.
I had to cut short one of my powering through work sessions and just watch the kids for a while.
Dinner was unexpectedly fun. We broke out the four year old musubi and onigiri molds, we’ve never actually used them, and made quick spam musubi (no sauce because that would take way too long) and spam onigiri. Spam with a slice of Japanese ginger is excellent. They also made a curry onigiri. We should try it with the sushi rice next time to see if it works better but these were fine with our usual leftover jasmine rice.
Year 5, Day 341: I encountered a crow friend on my walk today, and left it some treats. It hopped over to pick them up pretty quickly after I walked away.
The first poppy bloomed today! The plants have been mostly greenery so this was a happy surprise.
It finally occurred to me to chop off a couple of the 18 inch tall onion-like growths off the garlic plants. We used them to top our tofu.
Also last week me was a genius: I asked PiC to pick up hot dogs from Costco and we had chili dogs for dinner tonight.
It hasn’t been an easy week, nor was it quiet, but I finally finally managed to end the week with a comfortable amount of work done so that Monday won’t be automatically horrible starting with today’s leftover work. We’re going to take a couple days off next week to force some R&R, I’m not going to cook or worry about how to feed people for those days.
Catching up after next week’s fun will be rough, so I really needed to end this week on a decent note before going off.
