Massive climate change report: probably no surprise at all that this was released a month early, on Black Friday, when it would garner the least attention
As a parent who manages kid-free unattached staff and covers for them days nights, weekends and holidays as they need to care for their family or personal needs, as a person with chronic pain who never calls out unless it’s dire crippling pain and even then I don’t want to ask them to cover, I find these parent-coworkers enraging. What terrible selfish people!
Nnedi wanted to give Fwadausi Bello of this terrible story an alternative ending of triumph.
Thank goodness for this federal judge: A federal judge on Tuesday blocked a Mississippi state law that sought to forbid most abortions after 15 weeks of pregnancy, writing a sharply worded opinion with implications for states weighing similar measures. Furthermore, he called the Legislature’s professed interest in women’s health “pure gaslighting,” pointing to evidence of the state’s high infant and maternal mortality rates. “Its leaders are proud to challenge Roe but choose not to lift a finger to address the tragedies lurking on the other side of the delivery room, such as high infant and maternal mortality rates,” he wrote in a footnote.
I didn’t know any of this about Billie Holiday’s life and death.
A. I don’t like giving feedback, it feels confrontational.
B. I shouldn’t have to give you feedback or tell you what I’m thinking. You’re my right hand, you should already know.
C. Why are you doing [what you thought was your job], you’re not responsible for that! You need to be doing [some other thing you were never informed of]!
These are just a few of the gems delivered by Past Terrible Managers in my Past Work Life.
Bad managers drive me more than a little bit ’round the bend. Not all managers became managers because they were actually good at managing people, they were usually promoted for doing their own job well. When that happens, either they learn how to do it well, or you get a dingleberry of a supervisor and that’s just bad times.
As a manager, past and present, giving feedback to staff, or really anybody, without either feeling or being confrontational is such a necessary skill. If you need someone to change, they need to KNOW that you need them to change! Relying on strategy C above is such nonsense.
I understand that delivering criticism feels fraught, it’s not always comfortable, and empathetic people who have had bad experiences on the receiving end of feedback don’t want to perpetuate that cycle. That does not relieve you of a key aspect of your duty as a manager.
When a manager tells me they just don’t want to give feedback, I often ask if they enjoy being irritated, resented and subpar. Because that’s the situation they’re setting up: their employee will continue to do things wrong, this will reflect badly on the employee and reflect badly on you. Also, it’s likely that the tolerance of poor performance by that employee will have a sinking effect on morale for the rest of the team.
And conversely, what would it be like to be the hapless employee who doesn’t know they’re doing things wrong or inefficiently, and catching flak for something they don’t even realize is a problem? Don’t be that jerk boss who sows confusion, induces anxiety, and breeds resentment!
As I said, this is a learned skill. I didn’t come by it naturally, especially since I’m both introverted and at least a little anti-social.
So, how do I give constructive feedback?
1. I treat feedback sessions as conversations.
This isn’t intended as a confrontation but girding yourself for a battle almost certainly turns it into one. Be prepared, just don’t assume it has to be that difficult.
First time offenses? I ask them to explain to me how and why they’re doing X so that I understand where they’re coming from. It’s possible that they’ll identify a weakness in the existing protocol, or the training documentation. In other words, this could be a learning opportunity for me too.
After I solicit some perspective from them, if it doesn’t change my mind, then I explain what we need them to do and why.
Repeat offenses, if the thing is non-negotiable? I remind them of previous conversations, and ask what, if anything, is preventing them from performing their duties as asked. This is not permission to stand their ground, this is checking whether I need to be doing another aspect of my job: removing barriers to their performance. Reiterate that I need them to do it this way, and follow up as needed.
2. Understand that your goal is improvement, not chastisement.
Even if they’re on a PIP, the end goal is improvement of the work situation, whether that’s ultimately a firing or a mediocre employee understanding what’s really needed from them and turning a corner.
When frustrated by an undesirable outcome, I’ve seen managers rage and rant at their staff. What’s the point? That intimidates some, irritates others, but rarely ever produces results. Besides, it’s rude and disrespectful. Respect goes both ways and is more easily lost than earned.
3. Take the emotion out of it.
This is about the job, remain professional. It’s not your feelings or their feelings or likes or dislikes or any of that other stuff. It’s not personal. That doesn’t mean be a robot! It just means don’t derail the conversation. Focus on the thing you want improved and find a way to fix it. If someone is causing a problem, then figure out a way to fix that but don’t make it personal.
No one benefits from going several rounds in the blame game.
There’s no magic bullet, and I’m not the perfect manager, but I try to address my weaknesses. The least we can do is help people do the same. After all, it’s your job.
:: What ridiculous things have you heard from management? :: What did you love in a good manager?
A few weeks back I finally tried out Bloglines and as a reader, I love it for the convenience of knowing when someone has updated. As a blogger, though, I wonder if the convenience of Bloglines or any other blog aggregator has any negative effect on the responses from the readers? I’ve a small handful of subscribers (yay!) but I don’t know how long you’ve been subscribers and if that encourages you to drop by more often or speak up less? Do you find that you comment more or less when you use a feed aggregator? Have you experienced a drop or increase in dialogue on your blogs?
Middle school is coming up like a freight train and it’s all we can do to keep just ahead of the cowcatcher. I’ve got the bell schedule written down and I’m working out what that means for my presumptions about my schedule. I’ll be doing an early pickup for kindergarten, and then a couple hours later doing a second pickup after middle school lets out. PiC has been organizing the walking routes for the kids and setting up walking buddies for JB. I’m not ready for any of it, nor are they, but we’ll have to ride it out no matter how we feel.
Life with Smol Acrobat
SmolAc has started eating more foods and whining less about it in recent months. They used to hate all forms of potatoes that aren’t french fries; they couldn’t handle any hint of spice; even pizza wasn’t a sure thing with them some days.
This month they willingly enjoyed a meal that they would have scorned 3 months ago: Costco tritip (the very occasional treat), a baked potatoes and roasted potatoes, steamed broccoli. 3 months ago, they would only have eaten the broccoli and whined about the rest, this month they are all of it and said it was good! They’re willing to test the seasoned and crusted tilapia, where they wouldn’t have even touched it before. It’s still too spicy for them but they keep coming back to try it now and again.
This does mean that it’s getting more expensive to feed the family. We used to get by on fish night with 3 tilapia and 2 salmon fillets. Now I think we need 6-7 total fillets for everyone to be full. It’s getting to be more than the toaster oven can handle in one go so I’ll have to plan a little more in advance. Fish nights are the easiest because prep is so fast. Someday I should learn to roast whole fish properly, they feed more people.
Pupdate
My internal debate: I don’t know if it would be responsible or irresponsible to adopt a dog while I’m out of work (financially) but when else am I going to have this much time to transition and train a newbie?
I’ve been gently perusing the available dogs at local rescues and telling myself “not before November” as a rough guideline for when we’d hopefully have settled into a new school routine for both kids and would then have the attention to pay to a newcomer. SmolAc has been asking for a dog, and it breaks my heart all over again because most recently they asked PiC: but aren’t Seamus and Sera coming back?
Have they just been quietly waiting for their dogs to come back all this time?
It might be unhelpful that I’ve kept their bed at the foot of ours all this time, I couldn’t bear to put it away, nor did I put away their bowl tray.
Precious Moments
Uncle: This costs $55. Did you save your money for this?
SmolAc: No.
Uncle: Are you going to start?
SmolAc, very solemnly: No, I only have one dollar. I cannot spend my one dollar.
*****
SmolAc Explains the Rules: you can only do tumble if you can tumble very goodly and if you can tumble very goodly then you can do backward tumble.
*****
SmolAc: Mommy, this doesn’t say Start!
Me: It does, it says “Empieza aqui!” That means Start Here in Spanish.
SmolAc: It does!? What does this say?
Me: Completado! It means Completed!
SmolAc: Oh, so it says start AND finish. Wow, you DO know a lot.
1. FINALLY. I installed WP Armour as a spam blocker after the last three bombed and this one actually works. HUZZAH!
I can finally stop wading through floods of spam comments.
2. I finally found my missing water bottle that had been tucked into a never used pocket of a duffel bag!
3. My stubborn little cucumber seed has FINALLY germinated after 4 weeks of sitting in a heap of soil in the compostable cup. Now I have 2 snap pea sprouts, 2 very very little green bean sprouts and 1 tiny cucumber sprout.
1. Annorlunda Books is back to publish another book by @asakiyume.bsky.social!
2. I’ve been appreciating all the cute animals that Instagram has been serving me even if I’m still baffled why it won’t just show me the people I actually follow.
4. I treated JB and myself to a local conveyor belt sushi dinner which was both cheaper than if we’d tried to feed the whole family and much more fun than if we’d had SmolAc along as they are famously a giant pain in the patootie when it comes to every possible fun dining experience.
