August 6, 2009
1. A set of ninja hooks for my super-classy future foyer. When I have a place of my own …. Y’all know my decorating theme will be whatever Makes Me Laugh, right? [And this is why in more lucid moments, I ask anyone with an ounce of sense and taste to take care of my interior design.]
2. A full size mouse. Not the squeak-squeak with whiskers kind, though I don’t mind them, I want .. I NEED a full size mouse for my computer. Rheumy fingers don’t like this micro-POS that I got from an ex-boyfriend in college for my first computer to hold me over until I found a real one. It’s been nine years. I deserve a grown up mouse. And with 4 USB ports, I don’t have to splurge on wireless if I don’t have the money.
3. A trust fund.
What??? Don’t give me that dirty look. I’ll buy you all ice cream if you stop looking at me like that. You can’t imagine the good I can do in the world with a trust fund. Think of the animals! Oh, you didn’t know? My childhood dream was to get rich enough so that I could own a ranch and collect all the old unwanted animals where they had enough food and room to roam. I’m pretty sure someone else was going to get paid to pick up the mess, though. I only do grooming.
3a. For those of you still judging me, I’ll take a final decision on an interview bag as a close, but poor, second third option. I think we’re closer, but it’s still going to cost $30, probably. It looks a lot better than the first option. I did return the first and second bags I took for a trial spin.
4. To give the best birthday and Christmas presents ever, always. It’s really hard, and I’m already worried about Christmas.
5. A cozy little home of my own, with all the stuff I need in it. Financed by a lovely JOB of my own.
**Other Wish Listers (this all started from Stacking Pennies)
Fabulously Broke
Little Miss Moneybags
Stacking Pennies
I’m only sort of tongue in cheek about most of this list. I really do want that mouse though. My fingers are cramped already, I don’t need help. My biggest real wish is to be done and DONE with this stupid disease business because it is getting in my way. I hate losing whole days to pain and fatigue, it’s such a WASTE.
June 30, 2009
Contributions for health, dental, other insurances, and supplemental retirement accounts are not taken from your final check; your contribution to the Retirement Savings Program is taken, and the university’s matching contribution is made. Other deductions such as parking citations, charges on your ID card, wage assignments, applicable taxable tuition assistance benefits, etc. will be deducted automatically from your final check.
Here we are!
After weeks and months of build-up, mood swings, job hunting, and all the other associated mumbo jumbo, we have survived until the final day without experiencing bodily harm (this was actually a little bit of a concern), completely losing my mind, or going stark raving mad. The latter two seem the same, but they’re not. The last option seems more permanent.
Happily, we’ve arrived. But there’s still work to do! Namely: deposit checks!! [oooh yes, *rubbing hands* I’ve been waiting for this moment.] By 3 pm of this day, I ought to receive my (a) final paycheck as detailed in the above quote, (b) a severance and vacation payout, and (c) quarterly supplemental income. I also sort of expect a (d) supplemental check to match the severance and vacation payout, but am not sure when and if that will appear. The HQ hasn’t exactly got their you-know-what in order, most of the time.
Secondly, investment accounts! My 403(b) and 401(a) are both with Vanguard, and I’ve accumulated enough to just leave them be. No rolling over, no cashing out, no losing about 40% of it.
There’s one more investment account coming due. In my first two years of employment, non-exempt employees had access to the We Think You’re Stupid Plan. I’ve spoken to the folks responsible for dealing with the now-obsolete WTYS Plan, and have found that they will roll the account balance over into my existing Vanguard account. Since they froze the plan, everyone was immediately vested! She wouldn’t tell me what the balance was at the time, but it’ll just be a nice surprise, whatever it is.
Thirdly, benefits! I’ve stocked up on my prescriptions for now, and should have enough to last me until September. Unless I have to do it sooner, I’m going to wait until about 40 days before signing into COBRA. If there’s no immediate need, and I manage to land another job, why waste the premiums? Reduced or not, that’s cash. There’s no problem with waiting since you can activate it retroactively so long as you pay the premiums for both months.
Also under this heading: life insurance. The life insurance policy I settled on is a measly $200k policy that I can port from my employer. It was the easiest option available to me, and while I’m no fan of PF guru-isms and simplifications, sometimes I just have to take the easier path so that the job gets done.
There you have it, folks. As prepped as a person can be, I’m walking out of this home away from home of the past 4.75 years and grateful that I can.
“What’s next?”
–Jed Bartlett, West Wing
June 9, 2009
It’s June 9th.
I still haven’t gotten feedback or follow-up from the place I really really want to hear from, and I have a couple anemic freelance options to consider.
One is a lock but it’s just a favor for a family friend, a one-off deal that I could probably complete in a solid week.
The other is something I really don’t want because it’s going to a huge mess to navigate (workload + politics — TONS of politics) but it may come down to that or unemployment. I’d rather put off the latter for a while longer if there’s a solid financial advantage to making this commitment. We’re in talks this week. A very “we’ll see” situation.
I’ve done my best to keep maintain Zen-mode since the end of last month but it’s slipping from my grasp like a wiggly water toy you play with at the Discovery Channel Store.
The delicate fabric of that calm is revealed when those closest to me ask the most innocent questions about my plans or job situation. It feels something like a vise of atmospheric pressure closing in, reminding me that I still haven’t got my life ordered properly and by the way, young lady, what do you intend to do with your life when you grow up? I’m not sure which movie character menacingly delivers that line, but I’m properly chastised/chagrined every time.
No answer, I’m afraid. But I’ll repair the bastions of calm and move along my day. Trying not to fret too much about the terrifying maw of a completely unscheduled life after a date three weeks into the future.
Strange. Writing about it is rather calming.
September 10, 2008
Just as I was thinking that the iPhone was slowly redeeming itself …. ok, I can’t blame this on the phone, it’s totally my fault.
I had my bag in my lap, and was reading Astonishing X-Men #4 this morning when, one station from my final destination, I heard *slither — thunk!* Immediate reaction: oh no! Sure enough, the phone had slipped out of my bag and fallen between my seat and the wall of the train. Um. Since my hands are pretty small, and I always have to fish papers and such from between my desk and the wall at work, I thought I could use a pen to lever the phone high enough so that I could pull it out.
No dice. Not only did the pen not reach, I hit the phone at just the right angle to push it down further on its side. The next tool I tried, the comic book (I was getting desperate), knocked it flat on its face. Crap!
I tried coming at it from the other side of the seat bank, no luck. I tried going under the seat, but there was only two cms of space between the ledge the phone was on, and the stupid face extending from the bottom of the seat. My hand totally didn’t fit. Eventually, I went to get the conductor, and he only succeeding in pushing the phone completely under the seat so we couldn’t even see it any longer. Rats rats and rats.
At this point, we’d missed our shuttle to work, and I was red with frustration and embarrassment. Stretched out underneath the seat, trying to see harder (no, that didn’t work), and make my hands smaller, I thought, “This is completely ridiculous!!” And friend chimes in, “Yeah! But it’s better than being at work!!” *sigh* I guess it is … which speaks volumes. The conductor gave us five minutes to work on it before he had to take the train to the Yard, at which point they’d have to remove the seats to reach the phone. We thought we were *really* going for a grand adventure at that point, but he kicked us off the train and told us he’d call when they retrieved the phone. We ended up running alongside the train yelling names and phone numbers for him to reach us, as the trains pulled away from the station.
That’ll teach me to complain about my phone. I feel like I just got taught a lesson about being grateful for what you have. 🙁
July 23, 2008
Higher Education, yea or nay?
As an Asian, I was raised to believe that higher education was the key to advancement, and practically the key to life. Even knowing it can mean nothing, having met my share of M.D./Ph.D. idiots, I still have a thing for the validation of a higher degree. I can’t deny that I’ve also got a fascination with the idea of being called Dr. Revanche someday. [Smartass friends suggest that I change my name to Doctor. Funny!] But I digress.
I’m not trying to make a six figure mistake without first evaluating the costs and benefits. The last time I did this, much like The Baglady’s analysis, the benefits didn’t bear out the costs. At the time, though, I was able to secure a major raise based on my work and experience. Now, assessing the prevailing head winds, I may have reached the point of salary saturation.
A: If I stay in my field, there are some benefits to attaining higher education than the standard bachelor’s degree, but it’s not a pass go, collect $200 step to success. Experience is equally, sometimes more, prized. I’ve got experience in spades for the amount of time I’ve spent in this industry, so I’m set for moving up into the management level. If I want to continue on this path, though, I still need to seek out greener, happier pastures in keeping with my intention to move out. I had set a tentative goal for the end of this year, I’d still like to make that happen.
B: If I leave my field and try my hand in business, accounting, banking or financial advising, I’m almost certain to need some higher education. Perhaps not entirely a whole new degree, but definitely some classes in more quantitative subjects. School, though rather intimidating with all the talk of calculus and such, is really appealing. I’m loving the idea of an M.B.A. or an E.M.B.A, or an M.S. in Management. Not, however, loving the price tags involved just in applying. I’ve spent a whole lot of time this weekend researching business schools to get a feel for what they teach, and talking to friends who have gotten in to familiarize myself with the admissions process. An M.B.A. seems to run anywhere from 100k to 150k for a full time program without assistance. Ideally, I’d like to get a job that offers a healthy tuition reimbursement, preferably at the university itself. The entry costs are pretty hideous: $250, GMAT; ~ $250, application fee per school; $XXX, interview costs if necessary; $XXX, new suit if interviewing. (Friend who was recently accepted to b-school reminded me of that cost, I’m not sure if I’d spring for it yet but I may.)
If this is the path I choose, and I haven’t yet completed my research to make the call that the degree gives me the kind of leg up that I want, I need to:
~ have $2000-3000 in application money
~ start studying for the GMAT right now
~ find job options near all the schools I want to apply to that offer tuition reimbursement and figure out the balance of work vs school
So here’s the conundrum: I love my current field, and I love finance. To be honest, I love working, too, so doing what I love as a job is probably more appealing than I give it credit for. I’ll let you in on a secret: I always had a sneaking conviction that doing something for fun is fun, but doing something for fun because you have to for your job makes it less fun. It turns out that doesn’t mean it’s entirely not-fun anymore. Good to know.
I’m still pondering, exploring the options, and collecting information on the various parts of the country where I could attend school and work. Ultimately, the choice I need to make is whether or not the M.B.A. or a graduate degree gives me the kind of knowledge and ability that I need and cannot get simply by working in the field. Is it going to serve as a door opener where my experience alone may not suffice?
I’m not positive how to answer that question yet, but before I make the decision, I’ve got to decide where I’m trying to go (industry) and what I want to do when I get there (actual work).
Decisions, decisions, heavy decisions to be made right before Con!
July 22, 2008
I’ve been doing a lot of thinking lately. By my measure, I’ve reached the height of my career with this company. There are a lot of reasons to stay: more experience, projects and management courses, not to mention the fantastic tuition reimbursement and retirement plans, but the overriding reason to leave can’t be argued with. This environment will get a whole lot worse before it gets better. My sanity has already been through the wringer and back, and the law of numbers says I’m going to lose it permanently if I stick around too much longer. No one wants to be the best-performing lifer in the asylum, right?
This brings me to a very important question: what’s next?
I ask myself that question daily to keep myself moving, working harder, smarter, faster and as best I can manage, more than 100%. And it was all to build my skill sets and knowledge, to get the promotions and raises to set myself up for the next step in my career. I thought I kept my eye on the bigger picture this entire time, but it turns out, the next step isn’t always that obvious. I need to break out of the comfort zone that is my job with the uberstress but is a known quantity, my responsibilities, my cushy healthcare with a doctor that takes me seriously and takes good care of me. The benefits, the things that are basically peripheral to the job itself are great, but the main dish isn’t so hot anymore.
So, this early on in my career, I’m not sure what the best next move is: to pursue higher education, deepen my experience by climbing the ladder to the next logical step (management), or broaden my horizons by expanding on my current experience in a related job (lateral move)?
What’s more important? Which road is the best for both the journey and where I want to end up? More than job security which doesn’t truly exist, more than oodles of money in the bank that can go away, I want to know that come rain or shine, richer or poorer, I have developed the ability to survive and thrive. I want to be the person who can pick herself up in any set of circumstances, determine what needs to be done to succeed, and make it there. The key to this is marketability and flexibility.
Decision making process to follow ….
April 6, 2008
In a few months, I’ll be 26, and have never left home. Traveled a bit, yes, spent a little time away from home, yes. Moved out for college? No. Moved away for a new job? No.
There are, of course, reasons. First and foremost, I’ve always taken my responsibility to my family to heart. It seemed the obvious choice: family in trouble? I can help? A + B = C!
Second, it was practical. So long as I was within commuting distance of work, what sense did it make to maintain a separate household? After all, I was supporting the family, and it’s only logical to conserve limited resources.
Third, it was a form of safety in numbers. BroDucky has a history of abusing the family’s resources, and I’m the only barrier he respects. For myself, I could work extraordinarily long hours to bring in extra money, and not have to worry about cooking for myself, grocery shopping, cleaning, home maintenance, or change for the laundromat, or living in a crappy apartment or bad neighbors, or any of the thousand and one minor details involved in living alone.
Fourth, it was my duty, wasn’t it? The essence of filial piety is to be there when needed. After all, they raised and supported, suffered and sacrificed for me for twenty odd years. More importantly, someone had to offset my bum of a brother. Since my parents had settled for two kids, I was left holding the bag.
In essence, all the reasons to stay seemed logical, practical and sensible. I could come and go as I pleased if I had time, and there was usually food in the house, and for the most part, I just paid the bills and did my thing. Sure, I thought it’d be awful nice to experience independent life, and have my own living space, and all, but it wasn’t a terrible situation, living at home, and that was a want, not a need.
But.
The past several months have really shaken my emotional balance to the core, and I’m realizing that as things just continue to deteriorate in my home, I just can’t stand it any longer.
I have to stop enabling my parents, namely my father, by subsidizing their lives while he searches for the right thing to do. Now, don’t get me wrong, he has been trying to some degree. He wasn’t sitting at home doing nothing the last several years, but he could really have done better. But, frankly, it’s only been in the last few months that he’s really set aside his pride and taken more drastic steps to produce some income. His previous approach to employment and the choices he made to be picky about some job offers were less than satisfactory to me and MaDucky, but neither of us could sway him to the sensible choice at that time. (It’s amazing how similar this situation is to my brother. Or not so amazing, really.) Now that he’s in motion, I’m trying to encourage the momentum.
Adding to the conflict is MaDucky’s health has declined, and she’s become extremely irrational, combative and accusatory. She’s forgetful and easily confused, and very shaky on her feet. She’s fallen countless times in the past few months, as PaDucky has reported back to me, and matters are further complicated by her insistence on finding a job. I’ve spoken to her at length, explaining that the only thing that’s important is her health, and that PaDucky and I would take care of the finances, but she’s so paranoid that she doesn’t trust him or his judgment, and spends most of her time accusing him of not caring about her, and blaming him for all his mistakes up to this point. Combined with her insistence that she’s “fine,” her mentality makes for very frustrating discussions because she can only focus on all his failings, and how they’ve hurt her. I understand that she’s depressed, anxious about money and more than a little mentally distraught, but her absolute deathgrip on negativity is nigh on impossible to break. She’s so tightly bound in her feedback loop of blame and anger that all she can do is drag me into the downward spiral with her, and that seriously stresses me out. Getting her to comply with the least little thing is like pulling teeth.
Between the three of them, I’ve come to the end of my rope. I simply can’t maintain my sanity when all I hear is bad news and tattling about the other family members’ behavior.
I’ve certainly been encouraged by my friends to get out, but it seemed so selfish to say that I no longer want to be here at Ground Zero because …. because I just didn’t want to. Close friends have insisted that it’s not selfish, but when my reason is simply that I just don’t want to be here anymore, it sure seems that way. There are other reasons, of course, like not wanting to sacrifice my life for my parents’ lives, not wanting to live their lives instead of mine by making decisions that are solely based on helping family and thereby eroding my own personal stability. But that sounds selfish. Friend A’s response was the only one that assuaged my guilt: No animal is meant to live with their parents forever. And besides, it’s not like I won’t still be around to help. I would just have a safe haven to retreat to at the end of the day.
So, for the first time, I’m seriously thinking about an exit strategy. It’s arguably the worst time to make this decision, yet, I can’t NOT. I don’t know where I should go, no idea when I’m planning to be out, heck, no idea if I can even stand this job much longer if Little Boss continues his madness! And despite my conviction that I always wanted to be going to something and not running away when I leave home, I feel the desperate need to do this for myself, never mind the overwhelming guilt that I’m abandoning my family, nor the feeling that I’m lacking in filial piety or humanity. And I’ve never said that before.
