September 10, 2008
Just as I was thinking that the iPhone was slowly redeeming itself …. ok, I can’t blame this on the phone, it’s totally my fault.
I had my bag in my lap, and was reading Astonishing X-Men #4 this morning when, one station from my final destination, I heard *slither — thunk!* Immediate reaction: oh no! Sure enough, the phone had slipped out of my bag and fallen between my seat and the wall of the train. Um. Since my hands are pretty small, and I always have to fish papers and such from between my desk and the wall at work, I thought I could use a pen to lever the phone high enough so that I could pull it out.
No dice. Not only did the pen not reach, I hit the phone at just the right angle to push it down further on its side. The next tool I tried, the comic book (I was getting desperate), knocked it flat on its face. Crap!
I tried coming at it from the other side of the seat bank, no luck. I tried going under the seat, but there was only two cms of space between the ledge the phone was on, and the stupid face extending from the bottom of the seat. My hand totally didn’t fit. Eventually, I went to get the conductor, and he only succeeding in pushing the phone completely under the seat so we couldn’t even see it any longer. Rats rats and rats.
At this point, we’d missed our shuttle to work, and I was red with frustration and embarrassment. Stretched out underneath the seat, trying to see harder (no, that didn’t work), and make my hands smaller, I thought, “This is completely ridiculous!!” And friend chimes in, “Yeah! But it’s better than being at work!!” *sigh* I guess it is … which speaks volumes. The conductor gave us five minutes to work on it before he had to take the train to the Yard, at which point they’d have to remove the seats to reach the phone. We thought we were *really* going for a grand adventure at that point, but he kicked us off the train and told us he’d call when they retrieved the phone. We ended up running alongside the train yelling names and phone numbers for him to reach us, as the trains pulled away from the station.
That’ll teach me to complain about my phone. I feel like I just got taught a lesson about being grateful for what you have. 🙁
July 23, 2008
Higher Education, yea or nay?
As an Asian, I was raised to believe that higher education was the key to advancement, and practically the key to life. Even knowing it can mean nothing, having met my share of M.D./Ph.D. idiots, I still have a thing for the validation of a higher degree. I can’t deny that I’ve also got a fascination with the idea of being called Dr. Revanche someday. [Smartass friends suggest that I change my name to Doctor. Funny!] But I digress.
I’m not trying to make a six figure mistake without first evaluating the costs and benefits. The last time I did this, much like The Baglady’s analysis, the benefits didn’t bear out the costs. At the time, though, I was able to secure a major raise based on my work and experience. Now, assessing the prevailing head winds, I may have reached the point of salary saturation.
A: If I stay in my field, there are some benefits to attaining higher education than the standard bachelor’s degree, but it’s not a pass go, collect $200 step to success. Experience is equally, sometimes more, prized. I’ve got experience in spades for the amount of time I’ve spent in this industry, so I’m set for moving up into the management level. If I want to continue on this path, though, I still need to seek out greener, happier pastures in keeping with my intention to move out. I had set a tentative goal for the end of this year, I’d still like to make that happen.
B: If I leave my field and try my hand in business, accounting, banking or financial advising, I’m almost certain to need some higher education. Perhaps not entirely a whole new degree, but definitely some classes in more quantitative subjects. School, though rather intimidating with all the talk of calculus and such, is really appealing. I’m loving the idea of an M.B.A. or an E.M.B.A, or an M.S. in Management. Not, however, loving the price tags involved just in applying. I’ve spent a whole lot of time this weekend researching business schools to get a feel for what they teach, and talking to friends who have gotten in to familiarize myself with the admissions process. An M.B.A. seems to run anywhere from 100k to 150k for a full time program without assistance. Ideally, I’d like to get a job that offers a healthy tuition reimbursement, preferably at the university itself. The entry costs are pretty hideous: $250, GMAT; ~ $250, application fee per school; $XXX, interview costs if necessary; $XXX, new suit if interviewing. (Friend who was recently accepted to b-school reminded me of that cost, I’m not sure if I’d spring for it yet but I may.)
If this is the path I choose, and I haven’t yet completed my research to make the call that the degree gives me the kind of leg up that I want, I need to:
~ have $2000-3000 in application money
~ start studying for the GMAT right now
~ find job options near all the schools I want to apply to that offer tuition reimbursement and figure out the balance of work vs school
So here’s the conundrum: I love my current field, and I love finance. To be honest, I love working, too, so doing what I love as a job is probably more appealing than I give it credit for. I’ll let you in on a secret: I always had a sneaking conviction that doing something for fun is fun, but doing something for fun because you have to for your job makes it less fun. It turns out that doesn’t mean it’s entirely not-fun anymore. Good to know.
I’m still pondering, exploring the options, and collecting information on the various parts of the country where I could attend school and work. Ultimately, the choice I need to make is whether or not the M.B.A. or a graduate degree gives me the kind of knowledge and ability that I need and cannot get simply by working in the field. Is it going to serve as a door opener where my experience alone may not suffice?
I’m not positive how to answer that question yet, but before I make the decision, I’ve got to decide where I’m trying to go (industry) and what I want to do when I get there (actual work).
Decisions, decisions, heavy decisions to be made right before Con!
July 22, 2008
I’ve been doing a lot of thinking lately. By my measure, I’ve reached the height of my career with this company. There are a lot of reasons to stay: more experience, projects and management courses, not to mention the fantastic tuition reimbursement and retirement plans, but the overriding reason to leave can’t be argued with. This environment will get a whole lot worse before it gets better. My sanity has already been through the wringer and back, and the law of numbers says I’m going to lose it permanently if I stick around too much longer. No one wants to be the best-performing lifer in the asylum, right?
This brings me to a very important question: what’s next?
I ask myself that question daily to keep myself moving, working harder, smarter, faster and as best I can manage, more than 100%. And it was all to build my skill sets and knowledge, to get the promotions and raises to set myself up for the next step in my career. I thought I kept my eye on the bigger picture this entire time, but it turns out, the next step isn’t always that obvious. I need to break out of the comfort zone that is my job with the uberstress but is a known quantity, my responsibilities, my cushy healthcare with a doctor that takes me seriously and takes good care of me. The benefits, the things that are basically peripheral to the job itself are great, but the main dish isn’t so hot anymore.
So, this early on in my career, I’m not sure what the best next move is: to pursue higher education, deepen my experience by climbing the ladder to the next logical step (management), or broaden my horizons by expanding on my current experience in a related job (lateral move)?
What’s more important? Which road is the best for both the journey and where I want to end up? More than job security which doesn’t truly exist, more than oodles of money in the bank that can go away, I want to know that come rain or shine, richer or poorer, I have developed the ability to survive and thrive. I want to be the person who can pick herself up in any set of circumstances, determine what needs to be done to succeed, and make it there. The key to this is marketability and flexibility.
Decision making process to follow ….
April 6, 2008
In a few months, I’ll be 26, and have never left home. Traveled a bit, yes, spent a little time away from home, yes. Moved out for college? No. Moved away for a new job? No.
There are, of course, reasons. First and foremost, I’ve always taken my responsibility to my family to heart. It seemed the obvious choice: family in trouble? I can help? A + B = C!
Second, it was practical. So long as I was within commuting distance of work, what sense did it make to maintain a separate household? After all, I was supporting the family, and it’s only logical to conserve limited resources.
Third, it was a form of safety in numbers. BroDucky has a history of abusing the family’s resources, and I’m the only barrier he respects. For myself, I could work extraordinarily long hours to bring in extra money, and not have to worry about cooking for myself, grocery shopping, cleaning, home maintenance, or change for the laundromat, or living in a crappy apartment or bad neighbors, or any of the thousand and one minor details involved in living alone.
Fourth, it was my duty, wasn’t it? The essence of filial piety is to be there when needed. After all, they raised and supported, suffered and sacrificed for me for twenty odd years. More importantly, someone had to offset my bum of a brother. Since my parents had settled for two kids, I was left holding the bag.
In essence, all the reasons to stay seemed logical, practical and sensible. I could come and go as I pleased if I had time, and there was usually food in the house, and for the most part, I just paid the bills and did my thing. Sure, I thought it’d be awful nice to experience independent life, and have my own living space, and all, but it wasn’t a terrible situation, living at home, and that was a want, not a need.
But.
The past several months have really shaken my emotional balance to the core, and I’m realizing that as things just continue to deteriorate in my home, I just can’t stand it any longer.
I have to stop enabling my parents, namely my father, by subsidizing their lives while he searches for the right thing to do. Now, don’t get me wrong, he has been trying to some degree. He wasn’t sitting at home doing nothing the last several years, but he could really have done better. But, frankly, it’s only been in the last few months that he’s really set aside his pride and taken more drastic steps to produce some income. His previous approach to employment and the choices he made to be picky about some job offers were less than satisfactory to me and MaDucky, but neither of us could sway him to the sensible choice at that time. (It’s amazing how similar this situation is to my brother. Or not so amazing, really.) Now that he’s in motion, I’m trying to encourage the momentum.
Adding to the conflict is MaDucky’s health has declined, and she’s become extremely irrational, combative and accusatory. She’s forgetful and easily confused, and very shaky on her feet. She’s fallen countless times in the past few months, as PaDucky has reported back to me, and matters are further complicated by her insistence on finding a job. I’ve spoken to her at length, explaining that the only thing that’s important is her health, and that PaDucky and I would take care of the finances, but she’s so paranoid that she doesn’t trust him or his judgment, and spends most of her time accusing him of not caring about her, and blaming him for all his mistakes up to this point. Combined with her insistence that she’s “fine,” her mentality makes for very frustrating discussions because she can only focus on all his failings, and how they’ve hurt her. I understand that she’s depressed, anxious about money and more than a little mentally distraught, but her absolute deathgrip on negativity is nigh on impossible to break. She’s so tightly bound in her feedback loop of blame and anger that all she can do is drag me into the downward spiral with her, and that seriously stresses me out. Getting her to comply with the least little thing is like pulling teeth.
Between the three of them, I’ve come to the end of my rope. I simply can’t maintain my sanity when all I hear is bad news and tattling about the other family members’ behavior.
I’ve certainly been encouraged by my friends to get out, but it seemed so selfish to say that I no longer want to be here at Ground Zero because …. because I just didn’t want to. Close friends have insisted that it’s not selfish, but when my reason is simply that I just don’t want to be here anymore, it sure seems that way. There are other reasons, of course, like not wanting to sacrifice my life for my parents’ lives, not wanting to live their lives instead of mine by making decisions that are solely based on helping family and thereby eroding my own personal stability. But that sounds selfish. Friend A’s response was the only one that assuaged my guilt: No animal is meant to live with their parents forever. And besides, it’s not like I won’t still be around to help. I would just have a safe haven to retreat to at the end of the day.
So, for the first time, I’m seriously thinking about an exit strategy. It’s arguably the worst time to make this decision, yet, I can’t NOT. I don’t know where I should go, no idea when I’m planning to be out, heck, no idea if I can even stand this job much longer if Little Boss continues his madness! And despite my conviction that I always wanted to be going to something and not running away when I leave home, I feel the desperate need to do this for myself, never mind the overwhelming guilt that I’m abandoning my family, nor the feeling that I’m lacking in filial piety or humanity. And I’ve never said that before.
April 4, 2008
Good News: Friend looked at my car yesterday, as did his dad, and both agreed that the damage has not compromised the structure of the undercarriage. Lots of scrapes, more in some places than others, and half the bumper’s gone, but it’s just the cosmetic bits. She’s safe to drive without repairs for now. At some point I’ll replace the bumper but I’ll do that myself (er, by that I mean, Friend will teach me now), as well as repairing or replacing the scraped up frame rail.
Bad News: Drama, drama, drama-rama at work. Little Boss has been very sensitive, and feels like the staff doesn’t defer to him enough.
Unfortunately, this is a sticky situation because he started off trying to be everyone’s friend when they were hired and didn’t establish a rapport of authority like I did (I’m boss first, friend second), he has a double standard when it comes to the females (get away with everything) and males (don’t get credit for anything), and hasn’t been doing his job as a manager because he’s stuck catering to Big Boss.
The list goes on, but he also shares many of the traits that it appears SingleMa’s former boss possesses. He’s instigated a “quarterly discussion and review” in which he spent most of one person’s review commenting on other employees. Surprise!
And it’s my turn today! Can’t wait to hear what he’s interpreted as my failure to support him, when in fact, I’m doing the managing that he doesn’t have time for.
Good News: I’ve been getting random free stuff 🙂
Bad News: Bosses offered us a free, floater vacation day because we had to work a holiday two months ago without extra compensation, and then tried to take it away from C1, the only one who’s had opportunity to take it, yesterday. “Forgot”? HMPH! Don’t even go there!
Good News: I’m meeting a lot of new visitors here lately, and it’s great to have my loyal readers contributing to the conversation regularly.
Bad News: My personal life is still a major jumble. I’m definitely taking some time to let things settle out, but it’s taking way too long for my taste. It’s probably not good that I keep thinking I want to quit my job and home, and take off at the end of the year to who-knows-what-‘n’-where, though.
Good News: I have great couple friends who are easy and fun to third-wheel with. That’s usually a weird position to be in, but they’re great, and are perfectly willing to rescue me from my house randomly.
Bad News: My parents still need a LOT of training. They keep doing things I specifically ask them not to do.
Good News: It’s Friday!!
April 2, 2008
More and more, I’m seeing the misuse or misspelling of reign versus rein. It’s even appearing at work! I realize it’s nitpicky of me, but it’s the kind of thing that gets to me after a while. So, I present a quick explanation of the correct usage of each word.
reign
1. the period during which a sovereign occupies the throne.
2. royal rule or authority; sovereignty.
3. dominating power or influence: the reign of law.
Appropriate blog usage: Over this blog, and my budget, I reign supreme.
rein
1. Often, reins. a leather strap, fastened to each end of the bit of a bridle, by which the rider or driver controls a horse or other animal by pulling so as to exert pressure on the bit.
2. any of certain other straps or thongs forming part of a harness, as a checkrein.
3. any means of curbing, controlling, or directing; check; restraint.
4. reins, the controlling or directing power: the reins of government.
—Idioms
10. give rein to, to give complete freedom to; indulge freely: to give rein to one’s imagination. Also, give free rein to, give full rein to.
Appropriate blog usage: You’ve been given $10,000, and free rein to spend it. What do you do?
September 26, 2007
So frequently I’m advised to buy high-quality classic clothing because “it’s an investment, and you’ll be able to wear it for years.” Well sure, if you’re not ME.
It’s 12:30 and already I’ve gotten egg gook on my shirt, dirty from moving boxes, and two minutes ago, I suffered a tomato catastrophe. While trying to fork a cherry tomato, it exploded from its back end and spattered me from arm to midsection with gooey tomato guts.
Now you can just imagine how horrified anyone should be to sell me anything nice, much less how eager I’m not to spend real money on clothes that I’m going to wear. *shaking head* Honestly.