October 22, 2021
1. We got all the flu shots! We took a combination of all the ideas for JB: had them go first to “show Smol it’ll be ok”, they brought a comfort toy, and I intended to put on a song on my phone for a distraction. The song didn’t work as planned, but it worked out in the end. They started panicking a bit at the moment the needle came out but I showed them the phone screen with the video loading and the shot was done before it loaded fully. They then served as distraction for Smol and they were super proud of themselves that neither of them screamed. Just a few small tears but it was all in all not traumatic or eardrum bursting like in every other session. Yay!
2. I am very very slowly learning my way around my sewing machine so that I can teach the kids basic sewing someday. I managed to wind two bobbins today and cut out a pattern for a project I’d like to do by the end of the year. There’s something really satisfying about doing a little bit of a craft, making a bit of something instead of solely consuming. Crafting is still consuming but that’s just a part of it.
3. A reader let me know that something I wrote helped them, and that was incredibly heartwarming. I can hope that what I share helps people but I never know unless they tell me. I’m grateful it was helpful to them and I’m grateful they shared with me.
4. I tackled the many boxes of kids’ clothes that have been in a state of disarray as I searched out bigger clothes for Smol from their hand me down boxes and organized JB’s outgrown clothes into more boxes for sharing with friends and family depending on the size and kid. I put away five organized boxes, have 2 organized boxes for donation, have two more boxes to go through or just set aside, and refreshed JB’s clothing with the next size up. It feels really good to have that squared away.
5. I planted (used one gloved hand to dig around random parts of soil in our container, and dropped them in) a few sprouting potatoes and sweet potatoes. Will they grow? I don’t know! Let’s find out!
6. I showed off my cricket capture and release skills. Nice to know I can still impress PiC after 15 or so years. I assume he was impressed, anyway.
7. Medium batch cooking! I made a big pot of coconut lime chicken curry and put away 2 medium containers to freeze for later. We had the remainder for dinner. If I can make 3 meals like this on weekends, it would help resolve our dinner dilemmas at least. But one was a nice start.
Challenges this week: Brain therapy was rough. Quite a few revelations about the feelings I’ve repressed along with overwhelming feelings of grief for all our losses this year.
Every joint in my body is upset this week. I assume it’s because of the storm front that’s moved in or moving in. It hurts hurts hurts.
I’m working through a tough period at work. I hate this aspect of my job. It’s necessary and it’s necessary to do the best job I can and that turns on a lot of pressure valves that I don’t like. I’m doing my best to remind myself that no matter how I feel about it, this is just work and it’ll be fine or it won’t be and we’ll work through that too. It’s not the end of the world. It’s just my anxiety that makes me feel that it is.
I tweeted this grumpily the other day but in some ways it should be comforting:
I did the best I could / and it wasn’t good enough. / But it has to be good enough /because it was the best I could do.
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October 15, 2021
1. PiC stopped by a Japanese market and picked up some astonishing California rolls that used REAL crab. The hamachi was perfect too.
2. A mutual friend has been fundraising for Kristen, a dear friend, who suffered a devastating blow financially this year after working so hard to get out of the hole. The goal needed to safely get her into a safe and stable housing situation away from her abuser was met! She’s put my financial advice into action for years and was making so much progress towards gaining her financial freedom on a limited income until this happened. Even I had to sit down when I heard the latest news and I’ve seen some financial abuse shit. She’s been a tremendous support and comfort to me these past years, sharing much of her (big and small t) trauma to help me work through therapy and (my small t) trauma. I’m so grateful that she will have a measure of peace and safety for a while.
3. Tanja’s book Wallet Activism will be out soon and I’m very excited for her (and us)! Anyone interested in an ebook giveaway?
Direct aid need:
1. Tami who blogs at Disabled Girl on FIRE is working at replacing her income while still protecting her health as benefits have dried up. We can contribute to her ABLE account to help out.
2. Devon needs a Type O kidney. I learned a little about transplant chains this week.
3. Crickette was finally able to move out of a terrible living situation and now needs a hand with moving / living expenses.
4. @popelizbet is an attorney for DV and SA survivors and is currently fundraising to help immigrant DV survivors pay litigation costs. Help them help others? In all the time I’ve seen them online, they are good people. They do a ton of community organizing to help vulnerable people.
Challenges this week: I miss my friend. And I worry about them.
The daily slog continues to slog along without a break. We just have to hold on.
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October 8, 2021
1. We just barely survived last week and Friday night seemed like our last gasp. I was on heavy pain meds and they blunted the illness and fatigue driven pain but the trade off was I couldn’t fall asleep. Ironic since the pain was keeping me awake in the first place. None of this is the good part. The good part was that Smol’s first waking at 9 pm was surprisingly not as bad as usual. I cuddled them, dosed them with meds, and cuddled them some more for about 15 minutes. Long enough for them to fall asleep on me and start deep breathing. Usually I put them back in the crib before that because I don’t want to create bad habits but it’d been a long week of misery for both of us. Comforting the wee babe in their sadness seemed right. The transition back to the crib was peaceful for the first time all week, and their second 3 am waking was also relatively smooth. I didn’t get much sleep but PiC did which meant he was rested enough to cover the whole morning so I could try and rest up.
2. It was so warm and pleasant on Saturday, we did a little picnic.
3. Our state refund check went missing, and I was annoyed because every time a check has gone missing in the last few years, it never turns up. Four checks, all gone. I had to go to some lengths to get the checks reissued. Miracle of miracles, this one did show up after I reported it missing (as I always do) to USPS!!
4. Sometimes you can just tell JB to take the baby and they take the baby and play their little hearts out. I cherish these (very loud) moments.
Challenges this week: The rough seas with Smol continued into this week. We’re both worn down to nubs.
We are both struggling with a major influx of work, and not enough staff to handle it, and not enough hours in the day. This shall pass, right?
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October 1, 2021
1. I made a huge batch of lemongrass chicken for dinner and for freezing. It seemed like the ratio of lemongrass to chicken was too low but it turned out ok. Still doubling the lemongrass and garlic for the next time I make this, though.
2. The bad news is that I got really sick. The good news is that PiC was not taken down and was able to get us delicious tofu soup take out which really hit the spot. The bad news outweighs the good overall but I still give him credit.
3. My favorite AAM comment this week: “Dead employees tend to be unresponsive and don’t return paperwork, but rarely commit outright sabotage. They could be described as uncooperative, but only in a purely passive sense.”
Followed closely by this one:
ACT I, SCENE iii: Sally’s bedroom
(Sally, kneeling bedside, deep in prayer.)
SALLY: God, please if you’re listening, don’t take Bob from me. Bob is a saint! He loans me money. Take Ted if you must.
GOD: WTF
GOD: who gave u this number
4. After 9.5 months in a box, I finally have our sewing machine on my shelf where it belongs. May it be far less than 9.5 more months before I figure out how to sew a straight seam.
People who need direct aid:
- Ill mother and daughter need roof repairs: Go Fund Me
Challenges this week: my dominant wrist was swollen and couldn’t bear weight for days. Not awesome.
I then got sick and plunged deep in a sickness-induced pain flareup all week. This. Really. Sucks. Every joint is angry and Has Words for me.
Smol’s had a hell of a week. Teething, sores on their tongue, sick and feverish.
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September 24, 2021
1. I didn’t feel good Saturday morning, having been up until about 3 reading with painsomnia, but I was in a surprisingly ok mood anyway. I reminded PiC that I would take the kids so he could go for a run, and then he came back in time for me to have a brain therapy session. While he was gone, JB and I did some Lakota Family giving work together so we could talk about ideas like understanding how fortunate we are compared to others and how that means we have a responsibility to do our share to support our community. Also the idea that we can only do the best we can with what we have, and we can’t help every single person all at once right now as much as we want to.
2. I was thinking last week it’d be great if my stuff on Poshmark would sell so I’d have more cash to put towards giving, so many people need some help right now. Then on Monday, I got a half decent offer! Woo!
3. A copy of my Milestones book sold. Eep! I hope they love it.
Challenges this week: My pain was sky-high this week and there’s a lot of direct aid needs right now.
- My dear friend has had an incredibly tough year and a mutual friend set up this GoFundMe for her. Her situation has spiraled terribly since her major heart attack, despite her best efforts. She was so close to getting out of her abusive situation, then was sandbagged by a devastating financial secret her abuser had been keeping for years. I very much remember that feeling of being financially devastated by the lies of an abusive parent. If you’re able to help or share, it would be so much appreciated.
- Chad Methner and his partner Nancy are having a tough year.
- This Native family is trying to get together funds to buy the house they’ve rented for generations on ancestral lands.
- Anne is organizing this year’s support of the kids in Nunavut.
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September 17, 2021
1. Feeling super grateful for our food exchange friends. They dropped off a bounty of fruit and a super special treat of ribs fresh from a beef share they had picked up. We’ve never had such fresh beef! I had a meal from a recent big batch of cooking saved specially for sharing with them but it pales in comparison to their trades. I’m looking forward to making a giant batch of lemongrass chicken to share with them. I just need the chicken. And energy.
2. My body was so thrashed after a hard week that all Saturday was spent in some stage of rest and recovery. The good part was that PiC and JB had gone out so, with only Smol Acrobat to look after, I managed to execute a long-awaited big tidying up in the office. So satisfying!!
3. Oh thank goodness the recall failed. I’ve been faintly nauseous during this entire campaign imagining the worst.
Challenges this week: we are struggling a lot with our interactions with JB right now. I hate this.
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September 10, 2021
1. I’m pleased that on a Saturday I: cleaned a counter, did a load of laundry, paid two bills, finally finished off doc review that I’d been avoiding all week, had therapy, planned some cooking and made some headway on searching for hard to find ingredients, donated to a friend’s GoFundMe, and donated to the CRR. This was all very satisfying.
2. I also managed not to completely blow my stack at JB several times for behaving like your average 6 year old with their foibles. It was hard and I’m trying to remind myself that I did my best and parenting has rough waters. Not feeling great about it all the time is part of the gig.
3. It’s really nice to WANT to cook again. The desire in and of itself doesn’t create the time or energy for it but it’s the first step I always need to making it happen. I’ve been hatching a plan to make a huge batch of my special chicken and rice, some for the week, some for the freezer, and some to share with our food-tradesies friends. Sunday morning, I cancelled our other plans because I simply didn’t have the energy for socializing and spent it putting the cooking plan in motion. There’s something so soothing about cooking, when it’s something I want to do.
4. My PIKAOLE package arrived and I’m thrilled to bits at the small pack of cuteness. I refused to even tell JB what came in the envelope because I’m not sharing my quite expensive special stickers and postcards.
Challenges this week: Everything in the outside world is overwhelming. Most things in our personal life is, too. We’ll get through eventually but it’s going to take some doing.
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