About sixteen years ago, I met him for the first time. My trainwreck sibling brought home this adorable puppy he had no business adopting because he had not one thing in his life that wasn’t a mess. I was furious at my sibling – he didn’t even take care of himself, how could he drag
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September 27, 2009
Has anyone reached the $100 payout level and actually received a payment? Ever?
VH discussed her troubles with this over at Funny About Money, and Krystal at Give Me My Five Bucks is approaching the $100 marker (via Twitter). I know they’re not the only ones, either, but what I don’t know is whether or not anyone out there has actually made and been paid money from the Adsense program.
I never really expected to make money from this blog, but I installed the widgets anyway way back in the day. Contrary to my dire predictions of January 2008, it’s only taken me another 21 months to earn all of $90 in total, so perhaps 13 years was a pessimistic projection. Then again, maybe not! As I inch towards the goal line, though, I wonder if it matters. Even if I reach $100, will Google actually pay up?
September 26, 2009
Posting here has fallen off for a number of reasons and it’s frustrating because I feel like nothing’s getting done. Now that’s a weird way to look at it. You’d think blogging would get in the way of accomplishing stuff, not facilitate it. Anyhow, like MoneyMateKate, things on the financial front are relatively stagnant. Medical matters have kept me away from home, supporting one sick friend + family after another these two weeks. It must have been three weeks ago that I twittered about my friend’s husband hospitalization in a diabetic coma. She’s been leaning on me pretty heavily since then for company as well as emotional support.
There are tons of things that need doing, I just don’t wanna. Heck, I don’t even want to write this post because that means I’ll feel guilty and have to get going and take care of them. 🙂
Pack your bags, we’re going on a guilt trip!
School started three or four days ago. 1. I still don’t have my books. I should have ordered them three weeks ago to save on shipping. I even made up a spreadsheet comparing costs of Amazon.com vs. Chegg.com vs. library (availability) vs. paperbackswap.com (availability). Too bad the actual ordering didn’t happen, now Chegg will take 4-7 business days to deliver the books. What is this, college all over again??
2. I’m still perusing the syllabi and wondering if perhaps I was too ambitious taking two classes to start. That right there sounds like a pansy talkin’.
3. Quizzes. Ugh. There’s a practice test posted right now. Ugh.
On the bright side, I’m really glad that I paid the extra money and signed up for online courses this quarter. This whole situation would have been impossible if I’d moved to the LA area and taken classes on campus.
Work. I volunteered to intern with this fella who can teach me Photoshop and InDesign a couple days a week, but that’s been utterly derailed because of the family stuff. Not much I can do there because I have to actually be there in the office to learn and work. He knows what’s going on, though.
I was also offered a possible internship opportunity with a financial services firm if I like my finance classes. Again, demands on my time need to be prioritized.
Travel. Dragging my feet on scheduling any travel because even though I really want to be away from home, travel itself is getting old. You know the restless out-of-place sort of feeling when you’re ready to be back in your comfy spot? I’ve got that.
Plus, I’d like to use American Airlines miles but booking through their site’s just a pain.
Anyhow, the takeaway message today is that you can’t get anywhere until you get started. And I’m going to get started now. Have a great rest of Saturday!
September 25, 2009
For the first time in years, I got birthday money! Yay! My cousin claims it’s from my aunt, but I suspect they colluded because cousin is younger than I and there’s an unspoken rule that money only flows down the age stream. Also my unemployment status probably has something to do with it.
This happy circumstance was marred by the discovery that my dad has been hiding over $500 in traffic fines from me.
Injured pride is one thing. Making foolish short term decisions that have negative long term consequences to protect that pride is another entirely and I can’t tolerate it anymore. I’m not one to talk back to my parents, I believe in maintaining a respectful, adult relationship, but darned if I let him get away with this lightly. I resent the fact that I have to lecture him for lying to me. If he’d just been honest with me in the first place, we’d be a team, not this unnatural reversal of parent-child roles.
It’s less that I’m now out another unbudgeted $500, and more that I was raised never to lie and yet here I am, 27 years old and unable to trust my own father. I have to weigh the likelihood that he’s just covering up another wrong. Is this what having bad kids is like??? What would you do if you could no longer trust your parent(s)? Or your entire family? Never in my life have I wanted to run away more.
*aggravated*
But you know. Birthday money. It’d cover the careless forgetting to pack funeral clothes thing, if I’d remembered to bring the gift card with me. As it is, I’m going to have to make an emergency trip to H&M for some suitable pants or a skirt because I was in a hurry to return with the family to the hospital. Also, I had no idea we’d be having the service within two days of his passing. So if I spend about $20, it’ll be cheaper than driving 4 hours round trip to pick up what I have at home. To make up for it, I’ll use the GC to pay the electric bill.
Forgot my pants, forgot my gift card, next thing you know, I’ll be forgetting my own head!
September 24, 2009
I’m back from the hospital for a day and just checking in.
My iPhone has let me keep up with those of you who have full feeds in Google Reader, but I hope everyone is doing well. Y’all are amusing on Twitter, so that helps me get through the days, too. Just wish I could click on all the links of the enabling shoppers out there to see what goodies you’re perusing. 🙂
My weekend visit doubled from the intended 2-3 days to a full 6 days at the request of the younger sib. Though a full 8 years younger than I, apparently my company was still of value and I could sense that the older sib and mother were both quietly hoping that I would stay and serve as sounding board for the youngster.
Holding a hospital vigil is terribly difficult on the spouse, but she’s a rock. An insanely strong, even-keeled, upbeat rock. It shouldn’t surprise me at all but it’s almost inhuman how strong this couple is: Mr. Dad is fighting so very hard, and Mrs. Mom, from beginning to end, is always able to bear the burden and her kids are free to make the choices that work best in their lives. She makes zero demands, just a few reasonable requests for changes of clothing and has maintained her sense of calm far better than any of us kids. Oddly enough, that frees us all to be as strong or weak as we need to be, and tears have flowed freely. No repression here, folks. Not really, anyway.
She’s only left the hospital three times since the hospitalization ten days ago, and that only to see to some crucial financial matters. It’s our responsibility to keep her company, make sure someone is always with Mr. Dad if she stepped away however briefly, cook dinner, do laundry, clean the home, and just support one another. It’s as guilt-free as you can get. They’re amazing. Can I grow up to be just like both of them, please?
As the “adopted” daughter, I took over the domestic chores. We’d be at the hospital all day and late into the night, and when we got home I’d cook dinner for the next day. That’s my ziti you see up there. I still have a nice little shiny spot on my thumb from accidentally pressing it against the 400 degree oven. Y’all don’t like war wounds so I won’t share a picture of that. 🙂 That’ll last my friend through the week, and I’ll come up with something else for the weekend.
My friend’s the oldest and so is, at times, a complete wreck when he feels the weight of his father’s passing the responsibility for the family to him and his sibs. He’s up to the task though, and knows that he has all kinds of support on the practical matters from me since the running joke is my love of all things financial makes me the father’s favorite son. It’s just heartbreaking because we still had so much to learn from his dad.
In the meantime, I’ve got to run a ton of errands and do something about my online classes. And then make the decision whether I should go back down to the hospital tomorrow, or if I should proceed with my travel plans that were made weeks ago. My heart and mind are going to be here, shouldn’t I be as well?
September 17, 2009
In a way, it’s good that I’ve done this before. The vigil, the family meetings, the doctors meetings, the family-doctor meetings. It means that I viscerally understand that there’s a good time and not so good time to have visitors.
Friend asked me to be on call for my visit, so I’ve obliged. The original plan was to be there first thing this morning and take care of household stuff like laundry and cooking and cleaning. Stuff that their mom would feel compelled to do. But it turns out that it’d be easier for them if I were to be coming late this evening or early tomorrow morning.
In the meantime, I’ve done my deed for the day and emergency babysat for a girlfriend whose back has been bothering her. The timing was perfect: my day was opened up just a few minutes before she needed me. Now she’s been to the doctor and back, tended to, and is resting.
Now I’ve got to rest up, and then pack. And also locate new, cheaper auto insurance. And perhaps renters’ insurance as well. It’s what he would expect.
September 16, 2009
Six hours after hearing the news, I’m still unable to breathe normally or stop the tears. There’s no emotional distance to be had, not tonight, nor any of the composure I’ll need when I make the call in the morning. Or in a few hours. It’s already morning.
A very good friend’s father lies in the hospital tonight. Today. He won’t be coming home. Two of his children are already by his side, the third makes haste to arrange matters by tomorrow. A great heartache is in the offing, a great man is dying of end stage liver cancer.
Mr. S was one of the few adults left in my life who remained the pinnacle of a respected elder. He humbly set an example without ever breaking stride, without disappointing me by descending into pettiness like so many adults I’ve grown up among have done. He made smart, solid decisions, provided for his family and I really kind of wanted to be just like him when I grew up. He was, in many ways, like my beloved grandma.
I keep hearing myself say “but we still have so much to learn from him!” and “it’s just not fair!”
And it’s not.
I write in broken hope that it might ease the realization into my heart so that I can be there for the family in some small way this week. It has to, my throat keeps closing with grief when I remember why I’m going call them and see them.
September 15, 2009
It feels like I’ve been talking about doing this forever. I’ve certainly been thinking about it for the past 2.5 years. So why haven’t I gotten my butt in gear?? Figure out who gets what, who gets how much, and get it notarized.
The truth is even when you don’t have much, settling a will is a little more complicated. And in my household, nothing’s quite that simple. Leaving aside the personal dynamics, my parents are my financial dependents. Mom can’t be left alone anymore, it’s a long story I don’t have the heart to get into right now, but she simply cannot be left to her own devices. If she doesn’t get hurt, someone else will. That means Dad is tied down as her caretaker since we can’t afford to pay a fulltime caretaker – never mind the question of finding a good reliable one – unless he somehow finds a job that pays much more than I was making.
What all that means is that if anything were to happen to me or my dad, we’d be in a lot of trouble. The only thing I can do is insure myself and do the best I can by both of them.
For me, that meant life insurance. Like an idiot, I waited too long to start the life insurance application process, and then tried to do it while dealing with an awful work situation (pending layoff). That wasn’t so smart. Burnt out, I resorted to expanding the employer-sponsored plan and just ported it to a personal policy at an exhorbitant rate. I’m paying $600/year for a piddlin’ $200k policy. Mere peanuts for the price. But that and my other assets would get them both through about ten years of bare bones living.
For my dad, that meant long-term care insurance. Unfortunately (is this becoming a theme?), my dad refuses to quit smoking which was one huge factor in obtaining that policy.
Note: the best time to take care of such things as life and disability is WELL BEFORE YOU NEED IT. Nature of the beast.
Next, because I can’t trust anyone in my family to properly manage money, (else why would I be doing it all?) I have to find two executors I can trust to manage my affairs as indicated, and would not be overly emotional about the whole thing. ie: They need to love me enough to do this for me, and be highly capable and competent. I don’t employ an attorney or anyone in a professional capacity that I’d trust to handle my money.
I wish I could say that if something were to happen to me, my brother would step up, take care of the arrangements and make sure that my parents were well cared for. That’s not gonna happen.
This step took way too long. Frankly, none of my good friends/peers are such good money managers that I’d trust them to administer to my family. That leaves me with the older generation, parents of friends. I have two sets of adults in mind, but now I have to make my wishes clear and as easy to execute as possible.
The last few months have been full of simplifying my finances and creating a document that summarizes everything I own in the way of accounts. Both Mrs. Micah and Funny About Money have blogged about that very thing recently:
Funny about Money: Preparing for the worst
Mrs. Micah: How to Save and Store Critical Financial Information for your Family
I still haven’t decided if it’s best to go with a trust instead of a will just yet, I’m not sure of the tax/benefit implications for my parents. My mom receives a very small disability stipend which doesn’t cover more than a quarter of her living expenses, if that much, if my estate would derail that disability I’d need to know and budget for it. Also, I have to consider whether or not having an income from my estate would cost her health coverage, minimal though it is. She simply cannot be without health care.
In the meantime, Project Declutter continues apace. In theory, my material belongings should be pared down enough that most would be distributed as per my stated wishes in the will/trust, and the rest, like clothes, can be donated.
As for the advanced directive, it’s probably the most straightforward thing of this whole process. I’ve got one friend who knows exactly what my wishes are AND will comply with them. He’s going to have Power of Attorney for Health Care. That document just needs to be initialed, signed by two witnesses and notarized.
Has anyone fully completed their will/advanced directives yet? Was it simple or difficult for you to organize?
