July 8, 2022
1. I had one semi good parenting moment this week (month/year). JB sat and talked to me about an incident they didn’t feel good about and didn’t want to tell anyone else about.
I haven’t felt like a present or good enough parent in a really long time and I have deeply worried that that would affect their trust in me. Hell, it eroded my trust in me! But I suppose I was working from a lot less self trust to begin with.
2. We ran into a handful of old daycare friends this week and it was quite nice catching up with them.
3. Smol Acrobat’s willingness to wave goodbye to friends we know and love but they haven’t quite yet embraced was purchased with three snacks.
(more…)
July 5, 2022
On Money
Income
Our primary income comes from our full time jobs. We have minimal income from investing in index funds and dividend stocks (all reinvested). We earn money on the side to supplement our main incomes. We get a bit of income from Swagbucks, cash back sites (Rakuten, Mr.Rebates) and affiliate links to Bookshop and Amazon sometimes pay a micro-commission to keep the blog running. There are ways to support the blog and our charitable giving in the sidebar.
Our long term goal is to replace our day job income with passive income before my health prevents me from working. I know from my Mom’s experience that qualifying for or relying on disability is incredibly tough or near impossible here in CA. Aside from that, I aim to do my best to make the most of what we can do while we can.
***
Dividend income. We received $270 in dividends from the stocks portfolio.
We recycled 5 ink cartridges to earn $10 in Staples rewards. That brings our rewards total to $30.70. That $0.70 is just going to keep on rolling over for a while since we don’t buy a lot from Staples regularly. I wonder if they will expire after 6 months… Ah ha: “Unissued Rewards will expire at the end of the following calendar quarter, unless a qualifying purchase is made.” I suppose I can just keep them alive with a periodic purchase if I actually need something. Otherwise those rewards under $5 will just expire. JB is obsessed with Staples now, btw. PiC took them to run errands for me and they’re obsessed with ALL THE OFFICE SUPPLIES š¤©šš¤© Just like me. We are absolute suckers.
(more…)
July 4, 2022
Year 3 of COVID in the Bay Area.
Year 3, Day 101: 530 am wake up. Our sleep experiment has been a shambles since we’ve all (except PiC) caught JB’s virus (not COVID). We couldn’t, in good conscience, cut short Smol’s daytime naps when they are trying to recover from this bug. And really, I’m just barely holding on myself. I need those longer breaks.
*****
I’m surprised I hadn’t mentioned some of these things but in hindsight I shouldn’t be. Last week was full of managing sick children, PiC’s work overload (lots of people are going off on vacation in his department so he’s covering double digit projects), the soul punch that was SCOTUS overturning Roe v Wade. I got sick too, so I could barely think. This week’s post will catch up on the big important things.
I spent every day since June 15th stalking the sites for Smol’s vax. The earliest I could get a slot was for last Friday which we had to reschedule to this week because they were feverish on the day. The first replacement appointment we could get was a week out. Deepest of sighs. I had to get my booster when I was sick and it was absolutely terrible so we don’t want to put Smol through the same wringer.
***** (more…)
June 27, 2022
Year 3 of COVID in the Bay Area.
Year 3, Day 94: 12 am, 2 am, 430 am, 445 am 515 am wake ups. I’m at my wit’s end today. Yes, it was a terrible night of sleep (half was my body being what it is and half was Smol) but it’s now what, three months of trying to ride this out?
This weekend I couldn’t take it anymore and spent some time researching a dozen articles on how to deal with borked sleep and there are so many many reasons it could be and half of them contradict the other hald. Bedtime too early, bedtime too late, too much napping, too little napping, low sleep need, more sleep need.
Today specifically, I’m frazzled between needing to work and needing to fix Smol’s sleep schedule because we cannot keep going like this. Diagnosing what’s causing them their early waking has me pulling my hair out though. They might average 3-4 hours of naps at day and only sleep 10 hours at night. They’re consistently getting up way too early every morning, bright and early and happy about it, but clearly they are still tired to be napping as much as they do. My working theory is to push them to take shorter day naps and hope that means longer night sleep. We’re testing this theory today but that also means I have very very very limited time to work. At best, two hours of nap time to work.
Naturally that means my computer was a steaming pile of rotten turnips. After an hour of troubleshooting and restarting (SEVEN TIMES), the file explorer finally started working only for another thing to break. I was on the verge of screaming. Thankfully, I managed not to blow my top and moved on to other things for a short while.
*****
JB complained of a sore throat at 9 pm, and since I’ve had one myself for the past four days which I chalked up to CFS, we went and took a precautionary test. Negative, thankfully, so sent them to bed with a dose of ibuprofen for the pain.
Year 3, Day 95: 515 am. Experiment has not yet borne fruit. I know, it was unlikely to change overnight but I hoped. Silly, I know. If it seems like I snapped overnight, it feels like I did! It was over the weekend. Suddenly I just couldn’t take this seemingly endless early morning waking anymore. I had thought surely it’d go back to a more reasonable time by now! (more…)
June 21, 2022
Thank goodness for four layer masks including an N95 filter layer. JB only missed a few days of school this year when they felt a little sick, just as a precaution, but they were tested regularly all year both at home and at school. They’ve been top notch about masking everywhere and so, even though we’ve had a veritable flood of COVID notifications from the school post Spring Break, they have stayed healthy and not gotten the rest of us sick. Their immune system is very robust but we are absolutely unwilling to risk any one of our family getting it from lack of precautions. I know it’s going to be hard to dodge this forever but the longer we can put it off, the fewer instances we have, the better for all of us. PiC and I are a great team but we are frayed beyond all imagining. So I’m ever so grateful that JB has been a star at staying masked indoors and out.
*****
JB makes friends with other kids, even just for a single hour to play, like breathing air. I’ve been bemused by this forever. This school year they decided they were besties with one kid, whose parents were social and willing to set up playdates, so we’ve struck up a little friendship with them which has been really helpful for us to fill in the blanks on stuff going on at school when the school failed to communicate well.
*****
JB is so resistant to learning how to learn. They’ll come to me with a concept that they were taught in school already, unable to remember it partially or completely, and then ask me what it is. Instead of telling them the answer, I direct them to the resources that they can use to refresh their memory. I’ve explained that this is because giving them an answer isn’t helping. I need to help them learn to learn. Inevitably this leads to a total meltdown. Flopping on the ground, “I can’t do it!”, whining, and grouching like it’s the end of the world because they “can’t”. I try to harness my patience but generally fail miserably because it’s “won’t”, not “can’t”. This reminds me of my older brother who refused, absolutely refused, every single academic challenge like he was allergic. He would work five times harder to avoid the work than the work itself required. I don’t know how to gently steer JB away from that.
Related to this, they are ALWAYS whining about their chores. They don’t have nearly the number of chores that they once did early in the pandemic and it’s still like pulling teeth some days to get them to go do them much less without the whining. We’ve had countless conversations about having an attitude about things they know they have to do and it’s so frustrating to keep having those conversations. They just aren’t working.
Their first solution to reduce the whining: fewer chores. Well, that is not an option. So.
Sigh.
I’m working on positive reinforcement but this plus their habit of talking back reflexively anytime we point out things that need attention is making me banana pants.
They immediately contradict us when the evidence is right there in front of them. There is no faith required here! All we ask is that they listen and process the information we gave them. Then if they see a need to contradict us, go ahead. We’ll always allow them to be right if we’re wrong but for the love of peas and carrots, establish that that is true first! They do this for every little thing!
Your shirt’s inside out.
No it’s not!
Look down.
Oh.
You tracked dirt in the house.
No I didn’t!
Look down.
Oh. I didn’t know!!
Well yeah that’s why I told you.
It goes on and on. We aren’t fans of this habit at all.
Life with Smol Acrobat
Smol is (inconsistently) dramatically empathetic to other people’s pain. It always catches us by surprise.
Smol has mastered the Weeping Angel defense. Unlike JB who would always turn their back to the (play) predator to run, Smol absolutely will not turn away from an approaching attack no matter how close they get.
They are mastering climbing on everything: chairs, stools, boxes, stairs….
Smol thinks it’s super duper hilarious to:
- stick a finger in my ear,
- sneakily undo one diaper tab after I’ve just sealed them up,
- yank one leg out of their pants when I’ve just got one leg into them,
- stick their finger in my mouth
- sneak up behind us and bear hug us so we can’t turn around and see them.
Their current daily obsessions:
- Vacuuming.
- Rummaging through JB’s many pencil boxes. They’ve been getting a cheap one from their school programs for the past three years so they have too many with latches that are dead easy for a toddler to break open like a plastic Easter egg. So they do.
Pupdate
Sera’s patience and bond with Smol Acrobat is a constant source of amusement (for me).
They obtained a new toothbrush so the first person they wanted to share it with? Sera.
They “brushed” their teeth, offered to brush her teeth, “brushed” their teeth again, offered to brush her fur with it. Noooo thank you. I’m accustomed to kids doing gross things but there are limits!
In turn, she sticks around for 85% of Smol’s attempts at bonding. There are limits for her too of course and when she hits them, she just gets up and walks away. We monitor them closely to make sure she never feels trapped and always has an exit.
Precious Moments
Me: no, puppy, I can’t do that right now. I need to rest my muscles, they’re very tired and ouchy.
JB: Smol, mommy’s muscles hurt because she’s had some hard times.
Smol: ???
Me: š *it’s true but I feel mildly offended anyway*
*****
Me: Ok, pick one book. It’s late and time to go to sleep.
Smol: *picks a book, flops on my lap and relaxes. Halfway through, they reach up, close the book and pick another book.*
Me: Technically, we only got halfway through so I guess that’s still …
Smol: *hands me a new book, hands PiC a new book, and sits down with another book in their own lap and opens it up*
Me: That’s three books. One each… Which ok. I guess…
Smol: *signs “read please”*
*****
A: I’m going to pick up pizza but leave you there to wash dishes to pay for it, ok?
JB: No way!! You stay there!
A: but I need to take the pizza home.
JB: then I will drive it home!
A: but you can’t drive.
JB: but mom and dad’s rule is that I cannot be left alone with strangers ever so there! Right, mom??
Me: hm, that’s true. How would you solve this problem?
JB: do you have your wallet?
Me: why do I need my wallet?
JB: hmm do you have paper?
Me: I don’t know ….
JB: I need light green paper.
Me: why??
JB: so we can draw pictures on it and make fake money. Then we can give that to them and go home!
Me: ok I guess that might solve one problem, but it creates a WHOLE OTHER problem of going to jail for passing counterfeit money.
JB: ok then we use someone else’s name.
Me: Identity theft. Oh boy. That’s…. Also a thing you get in trouble for.
JB: then we go hide! They’ll never find us!!
Me: um. Is all that worth it for a pizza though? Is there no other way you can think of to solve this problem?
JB: It is if you don’t have your credit card!
Serious question: Is anyone else concerned how quickly we turned to a life of crime? Over a pizza???
*****
JB: Mom. It’s EGGSHELLENT that Auntie came.
Me: yes, it is EGGSHELLENT.
JB: get it? Egg for Easter egg, shell for crab?
Me: well I DID get it before but now I don’t.
*****
JB: Look at it turning yellow!
Me: I see it.
JB: How can you see it from there??
Me: My eyes work fine! I can see it quite clearly.
JB: Well, your body doesn’t work right, what if you can’t see clearly!?
Me: The rest of my body doesn’t work right. My eyes are excellent!
JB: *radiates skepticism*
*****
JB spelled presents “prestents”: “I thought the T was silent!”
*****
Questions that make you hold your breath for a few seconds: “You know how you told me never to put my hand in the toilet?”
*****
I was trying to figure out why Smol started lunging at me when they’d been buckled into their pocket seat for meals. Finally figured it out when they started patting my knees. They were trying to sign “ready” but couldn’t reach their OWN knees once the tray was set up!
*****
I hugged JB and thanked them for that morning’s independent getting ready, and also for all their helpfulness during a particularly good week. They responded: It’s because of you!
I asked what they meant by that and they said: You’ve taught me MY WHOLE LIFE!